Behind the sensible girl: I feel that I am the "burden" of my parents.

? In order to be accepted and liked by others, children work hard from a very young age. If you have been in a state of inferiority when you were denied and treated arbitrarily in your childhood, you will easily become the object of arbitrary venting or even emotional extortion by others.

? We are always helpless to our families, especially to our parents.

? As children, we are always involved in tangled interpersonal relationships when we are not sure about the complexity of the real world of adults. Although we can't clearly understand the whole picture of the adult world around us, at the age of eight, we already have a complete self-psychological consciousness and formed a vision for ourselves, which laid the foundation for our future self-esteem.

? From the age of three or four, as children, we will begin to pay attention to whether we will be accepted and liked by others. If we encounter the experience that we are not liked so much, or that we are teased and indifferent, we will feel that we are not valued, which will lead to a depressed or angry reaction.

? For people with low self-esteem, they have many experiences of being treated arbitrarily in their living environment since childhood, whether they are the objects that others can vent their emotions at will or they are manipulated by emotions.

? In life, they have to rely on an important relative to make a living. If they are abandoned or neglected by this important relative, it is a terrible experience, which makes them feel uneasy and anxious.

? I think I am a burden to my parents.

? In fact, she was a "sensible" girl since she was a child. Zi Qi's father doesn't often go home, but when he does, he always gives her what she wants. Although Zi Qi likes the gifts and toys given by her father very much, she hopes her father can stay at home often.

? Because every time my father didn't go home for a long time, or quarreled with my mother after going home, my mother would tell Zi Qi that Zi Qi couldn't keep him because he didn't understand my father.

? What I don't know is that her father actually owns another family, which is his justified home. Zi Qi and his mother are a third-party family that cannot be exposed. But of course she doesn't understand the complexity of these adult worlds. All she knows is that she can only rely on her mother.

? If you really make your mother unhappy and dissatisfied, her mother will yell and scold her, "What's the good of having you so hard?" Your father didn't treat us better or take care of us more. I am the only one who takes good care of you. If you don't listen to me, you might as well go to someone else's house and not be my child. 」

? In fact, every time I hear these repeated words, my heart is a kind of pain. She doesn't know what she did wrong. What did you do? Why does mother seem to regard herself as an enemy?

? In fact, she loves her mother very much and cares about her. As long as it can make her happy every day, she is willing to do anything, but she just doesn't understand why her mother always loses her temper at will and always says no to her.

? She really wants to ask her mother: Mom, what can I do to satisfy you? What can you do to be happy? Why are you dissatisfied with me? Is it because you have my burden and troubles that you are so unfortunate?

? The denial of childhood does not mean that all this is true.

? Any child wants to get the attention of others, and has been working hard since he was very young.

? Therefore, when we take the initiative to show, try to please, or constantly show what adults want to see, hoping to get their appreciation and attention, we find that no matter how hard we try and cooperate, in the eyes of adults, we are still insignificant, or what we think and think are not cared about.

? It seems that everything we have is unimportant and can be ignored, so there is no doubt that in our childhood psychology, we have buried a deep sense of powerlessness, that is, we are useless, can't change anything, and can only be despised by others.

? Of course, this is not true. We can influence and change many parts. However, due to our childhood experiences, we are always powerless to our families, especially our parents. In this way, we have psychological barriers, not only unable to communicate with our parents' emotions, but also unable to communicate.

? For parents, we have no choice but to let them handle and treat us. In short, how can we believe that we have the ability to change the status quo, or further influence the environment and change others?

? Give yourself strength: choose the right people and things and come to your life.

? Perhaps, many past experiences have strengthened our belief that we are humble and can be bullied at will. But these negative self-settings are the real source of our constant being despised, belittled and indifferent, as if it makes sense for us to be treated like this.

? If you begin to pay attention to yourself and respect yourself, you will interact with others with respect, and you will begin to understand what is respect and what is disrespect.

? Unless you allow these things to happen again and again, no one has the right to force you to endure them all the time and be vented or manipulated by others. When you are taken away to protect yourself, you will keep the wrong people and things around you.

? Let's start learning, choose the right people and things to live, and no longer get used to being treated arbitrarily by others.