How to be a good stepfather or stepmother?

Stepfathers and stepmother are not easy to be. Sometimes remarried couples think that they love each other deeply, so everything is not a problem. However, children's emotional problems cannot be solved by deep feelings between parents. This requires two adults, whether for themselves or for their children, to truly dedicate themselves to this new family. How do remarried couples deal with their children? The following points are for your reference:

1, lower expectations. In the eyes of children, stepparents broke into their families and took away their beloved "enemies". Stepsons always focus on their biological parents and put all their shortcomings on their stepparents. At this time, we must be psychologically prepared in advance. Children have the nature of children. Don't expect the children to get along with you as soon as they come up. Adjusting your expectations first will reduce the anxiety and worry of remarried couples.

2. Love me, love my dog. If you really love each other, you will love each other's children from the bottom of your heart. The daughter put her arms around her mother's neck and cried tearfully, "Mom, I don't want a stepfather. I will listen to you and wait on you in the future. " What woman in the world can endure the tears of her children? At this time, the man should appear as the child's big friend, tell stories, do homework and play games with the child, and it is possible to get the child's approval over time. Is the man willing? This is a big problem. Therefore, if remarried families want to get along well with each other's children, they must really love each other.

3. Treat it sincerely. Don't think that the other person is a stepson, so you dare not express your true self or cause conflicts. You can't get a smooth interpersonal relationship if you submit to humiliation. Good interpersonal relationship is based on the "true self-exposure" of both parties, and telling the truth is the most powerful and "low harm". Don't think that as long as you do better than your biological parents, you can establish a good stepchild relationship. This comparison hidden in words and deeds is often more likely to hurt the stepson's heart. On the contrary, it's better to face up to the problem, admit frankly that you can never compare with your parents, but try your best to provide what you can do as a stepfather. In this way, children will also let go of "demanding" and "hostility" and give each other a chance to truly establish a relationship.

4. Accurate positioning. Stepparents should not try to replace their parents. It is not contradictory to give parents an unshakable position and space in their children's psychology. Children can give their parents love from their parents, and they can also give their stepchildren love. Because from a psychological point of view, no one can "betray" their parents. This kind of falling in love with stepparents, cutting off the relationship with parents, or avoiding talking about the relationship between parents will make children fall into a strong psychological conflict. Only when step-parents fully respect their predecessors and allow their children to keep close and stable contact with their biological parents will children be willing to establish new family relations with their step-parents.