The complete works of Wei Zi's search for his father

Is it this: in the next life, you should stop being my father. June 2007 10.

Father who left with regret.

Today is Father's Day. He left me for a whole year. I can't help thinking of him. One year ago today, he was lying in a hospital bed, his thin hands clutching his mother's cuffs. He said, I just want to meet Xiaojun and listen to him call me dad.

I stood at the door of the ward, motionless. I am still hesitating, and I can't take a step. My hands are wrapped around my chest, but my eyes have never left the hospital bed.

I have never been to see him. He just left. When I left, my eyes were wide open and I couldn't close them. Finally, I finally came to him and cried with trembling, Dad. He just closed his eyes.

I didn't cry, but I missed him for a year in my heart. Today, a year later, I went to the store in cut class and bought a Hongtashan, which was my father's favorite brand before his death. I bumped all the way to his grave. In the rain, I seemed to see his wrinkled face again. He was only 50 years old when he left, but he was already like a faltering little old man.

I knelt at his tombstone for a long time. It took him six years to beg my forgiveness and six years to make up for the fatherly love he owed me. Finally I forgave him, but I didn't have time to repay him.

When I got home, my mother was sitting by the bed reading a yellow Baby Diary. On the title page is his forceful handwriting: Today, you came into this world, your name is He Xiaojun, and you are my son.

The signature is 1987 on March 2nd. I stared at that line, still can't believe he just left. I have always owed him a phone call during his lifetime, dad.

Mom said you cried loudly when you were born, but you still can't talk when you are 3 years old. Your father and I both thought you were a deaf-mute child, but when your father called you, you could hear him, so you scratched his face with your chubby little hand.

Your father took you to many hospitals, but nothing happened. You didn't learn to speak until you were 4 years old. The first thing you said was, mom. I taught you to say "dad", but you never learned it.

Mother said, at that time, something happened to your father. He lost 1.5 million public funds and was sentenced to 10 years. In fact, if you sell the house and borrow some from your relatives and friends, you can fill it out. But your dad would rather go to prison by himself than let me sell the house.

Your father stole the Baby Diary and was later confiscated and sent back.

March 2(nd), 2000

A father who was beaten by his son and didn't fight back.

This day is my 13 birthday, and I saw him for the first time in my memory. He is wearing a straight light gray suit and his hair is mousse. He grabbed a brand-new black schoolbag and a huge birthday cake in one hand. He is older than the photo. I only glanced at him and found that his meticulous hair was stained with frost.

This is the worst birthday ever. He just gave a cry, son. I jumped on him, pushed him hard and hit him. The mother can't pull aside, and the rebellious child seems crazy.

I think of my mother's painstaking efforts to raise me, that he didn't do his duty as a father, and that my classmates laughed at me for having a reformed father. After all these years, I can't hold my head up at school. ...

He didn't fight back, so he just stood there and let me fight. I grabbed him by the collar and shouted, why did you come back? I have a good life with my mother. Why do you want to come back? Get out! Get out!

As long as I can remember, I have no father, and I live alone with my mother. Children brought up in single-parent families are introverted and strong. When I was very young, I knew I was the only man in my family. I want to protect my mother from harm and support this family.

I am more precocious, sensible and capable than other boys. I have always been the pride of my mother's heart, but I have suffered too much injustice because of my father in prison. When I was very young, people pointed at me and said, fish begins to stink at the head, look at him. He looks like a thief.

Therefore, in the past 10 years, I never visited him in prison once, so when I really saw him, the hatred accumulated in my heart, like a scourge, was unstoppable.

He waited for me to finish playing until he touched the chair and left again. After he went out, I threw the cake and bag out hysterically. At this moment. I just squatted on the ground and cried loudly. This is the first time I shed tears for 13 years.

At night, I woke up crying again and saw him sitting by the bed, staring at me. Before I said anything, he began to speak. Xiaojun, don't be angry. Listen to me first. I just wanted to see you. I'm leaving.

August 2002 17

A father who is willing to do anything for his son.

This year, he is 45 years old and has no paunch. He is black and thin, like a burnt matchstick. Wearing a straw hat, he squatted in the sun, took out a pack of crumpled cigarettes from his pocket, pulled out one, lit it, and smoked it all the way to his ass. After that, he rode three rounds and went to the streets to solicit customers.

I believe that he used to be a very successful person, and even let me learn to worship as an example. It happened that he came into my life when I was down and out, and with an unchangeable blood relationship, he gave me a father who rode three rounds in the street during the day and squatted on the street to shine shoes at night.

From the moment he walked into this house, he said, starting today, I will make money to support my family. I squinted and laughed at him. Do you support your family? With what? Thank God you didn't burden my mother.

He bent down and rubbed his hands back and forth without saying a word. The next day, I saw him sitting on the side of the road, with a sign in front of him, which read: Shoe shoes, one yuan a pair.

He polished his shoes for two years, but he wouldn't let me see them. In the evening, when I was getting ready for bed after taking a shower, I saw him push the door in with a dusty face and a dirty rag in his hand. He wiped his face with his hand, and his eyes suddenly lit up. He said to me, Xiaojun, do you know how much money I made today? He took out a pile of change from his pocket and began to count it with his mouth. You're right, I should go far away. At home, everyone knows that I have been in prison. Who dares to let me shine my shoes?

I watched him smooth out the money one by one and give it all to me. He said, dad gave it to you, and you can keep it.

When I first took money from him, I gave him a bad fall. You haven't cared about my mother and me for so many years, and now you have no choice but to come to us? Who wants your stinking money

He picked up the money, rearranged it and stuffed it into my hand. He said, please, it's not that I don't want to leave you alone, I can't! Xiaojun, take the money. Not too small. Dad has the ability and will earn you more in the future.

I thought of my mother and took the money. This money is for my mother. Slowly, I became more and more accustomed to the money he handed me. I think you owe it to me, to my mother, and I'll take it if you give it to me, but I can't take advantage of you.

Later, he pulled three rounds, leaving early and returning late. I didn't get up when he went out. He's back. I'm going to bed. His communication with me is limited to that little money.

65438+February 5, 2004

A father who learned to surf the Internet for his son.

I was admitted to a foreign university, and the tuition fee was earned by shining shoes for four years and riding a tricycle for three years.

I can see that he really wants to send me to school. That day, he didn't go to work for the first time and put on an ironed white shirt. I got up early in the morning and kept carrying my luggage. Mother took me aside and whispered, let your father see you off.

I didn't agree, so my mother cried. Your father doesn't want me to tell you, but it can't be hidden. He has lung cancer for a long time and kept it from me for a long time. If I hadn't seen him cough up a pool of blood that day, I wouldn't know. ...

When he went out, he said, otherwise, I will drag you to the railway station with a tricycle. It's not far anyway I hesitated and nodded. He rode a tricycle for three years and carried countless guests, but it was the first time to pull his son. He pedaled so hard that he didn't see lung cancer at all.

I was called when the train started. Was that your father just now? Why are you still running?

I looked out of the window and saw him running with the train, waving to me as he ran. I can't hear his voice, but I can vaguely see his mouth. He's calling me, Xiaojun, Xiaojun.

He is really capable. He doesn't know where to learn to surf the Internet, write emails, use QQ and videos. I get an email from him every day, which is a confession of a father who did something wrong. He said, Xiaojun, dad really misses you, but he can't spare the time to see you.

That day, I finally connected with him by video. Face covered with snowflakes, nearly 50 years old. He was still sitting in a smoky Internet cafe with a microphone, too excited to know what to say.

I said it first. How did you learn to surf the Internet?

He wanted to talk, but he kept coughing. He covered his mouth hard, but the cough came clearly. Finally, he coughed so badly that he had to type on the keyboard: I was outside when you called home. I can only chat with you online. Xiaojun, dad misses you.

I listened to his heart-rending cough, tears in my eyes and trembling lips, but I still didn't call Dad. I'm afraid of crying when I open my mouth. I don't want him to see me cry.

June 2006 10

A father who gave his life to get "dad"

He was very ill. I almost took him to the hospital, lying in a hospital bed, still nagging. There is no cure. Don't waste money. You have to go to college.

I said, don't you want me to call you dad? I'll call you when you get well and leave the hospital.

He smiled and nodded, and the wrinkles on his face shrank into a ball. Mom cried beside her and said, Xiaojun, why are you so ignorant? He's dying. What can you do if you call him dad?

I just don't call, I said stubbornly, I'll call him when he's better. I often see such a plot in books. A seriously ill person died with a smile at the moment when his last wish came true. I want him to live longer. If my "dad" can support him all his life, I would rather never call him and let him live in expectation forever.

When I was very young, I looked at his photo. Even though I hated it, I still thought, what kind of father is that? I thought about it for many years and finally understood that it was a father who only remembered him for six years in my 20-year life. In these six years, he has done many things that his father could never do in his life. He is a father who traded his life for a "daddy", but I failed to satisfy him.

In his last email to me, he wrote: Xiaojun, I owe you so much. I am not a good father. If I can't make it up to you in this life, let me continue to be your father in the next life to make it up to you.

Although he never saw it again, I replied to the email. I wrote: If I can, I want to be your father in my next life, because my father's love is always stronger than my son's. I didn't love you well in my life. In the afterlife, I will make it up to you twice. ...