Wei Zi's Mommy Parenting Theory

What a child wants is not that his father earns a lot of money, but that he is willing to spend time with him ... For a long time, in the eastern world, the old concept that men are the masters of the house and women are the masters of the house often makes his father relatively easy to be absent in the process of parenting, because "parenting seems to be a woman's business." However, in today's dual-income families, the provider of family economy is no longer limited to dad, and the role of parents is bound to need to be repositioned; In addition, men and women are born with different advantages in parenting. Only by working together can children achieve a more sound and better future life! Play with me, don't just raise me! Remember watching My Unexpected Dad starring Fukuyama Masaharu a few years ago, which discussed two completely different styles of paternal roles, and what is the most important factor in establishing and maintaining parent-child relationship when getting along with children?

In this film, I strongly told the audience that it is easy for any successful man in society to fall into a misunderstanding, that is, to give them the best economic conditions and hold the idea that "my work is very busy, influential and more important, and I can compensate my children in other ways". Although I don't have time to accompany them, time is not everything, so

However, in the movie, such a yuppie father with high social and economic status thought that he had given his children the most satisfactory training, but in the end he lost to a plumber father who was sloppy in appearance and poor in economic conditions, but was willing to play crazy with his children. Children choose the latter to trust and rely on. After all, what is the reason why he was defeated by this completely indifferent opponent?

For children, time is the author of "discipline is important". The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, believes that there is only one reason, that is, children want not only those training and material conditions, but also "Dad is willing to spend time with me and grow up with me, not just earning a lot of money to support me, but only caring about me occasionally." 」

Children grow up quickly. Time is everything to them! If you don't spend more time with each other as a child, the child will grow up over time, and the memory of childhood and father will be almost blank, and the feelings will naturally be speechless.

Mom is scared! Dad, help! Yang, an assistant professor in the Department of Children and Family at Fu Jen Catholic University, said that in speeches, many mothers often found that they were quite dissatisfied with their father's attitude of not taking part in childcare or housework. However, fathers generally don't think that they have been away. "Because they often misunderstand that interacting with children is to guide children to do their homework, and participating in housework is to pay the bill. In the eyes of the older generation of fathers, there is a big gap between them and their mothers, but I absolutely believe that the younger generation is like this now. " 」

The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, also reminded me that I hope the new generation of young fathers can change their old ideas and don't think that they are trying to make money and leave their children alone. They should go back to their families and play the role of fathers. "Many dads will feel indifferent. My wife takes care of the house very well, so leave the children to her! However, you can let your wife be the master, but you can't be absent from parenting, because you have a great influence on your children, and you should know your importance. 」

Further reading: this is the companionship that children want! 0 ~ 5-year-old babies play 10 tricks.

The roles of parents are very different. The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, believes that children need a lot of companionship when they grow up. Even if the mother is a full-time housewife and can take care of the children wholeheartedly, there are still gender differences in the upbringing provided by both parents and the nutrition provided to the children is also very different.

What different key roles did mom and dad play in the process of parenting? At what levels are they good at guiding children's growth and development?

Dad's parenting advantage is 1. It helps children's personality development.

Wang Hongzhe, executive director of the Center for Sensory Integration of Talented Leaders, pointed out that a long time ago, studies confirmed that fathers have a very important influence on the personality development of both male and female babies. Children with fathers involved in the parenting process will have relatively sound personality development in the future.

This is because men and women have different parenting styles, and their wrong views on children are not necessarily the same. Sometimes the mother thinks that the child has done something wrong and needs to be punished, but the father may explain and provide different ideas from other angles, so that there is one more voice in the family. Parenting is not just a dictator's order, which will indirectly stimulate the children's creativity and multi-thinking ability and accelerate their development.

In addition, Teacher Wang Hongzhe also said that children can actually tell the difference between one educator and two educators. When there is only one educator, children will easily step on the bottom line and be willing to challenge authority. However, if there are two educators at the same time, and the two sides have the same caliber, the children will be less afraid of arrogance and stepping on the bottom line, and the parenting process will be smoother.

2. A symbol of reason

Teacher Wang Hongzhe believes that generally speaking, men are more rational, may be better at reasoning in parenting, and be better at analyzing problems and providing specific solutions for children. This kind of parenting is especially useful for children with a certain temperament. Some children attach great importance to rational thinking such as fairness and no foul when encountering disputes. For example, "He played first last time, why can't I play first this time?" 」

At this time, it may be more instructive if my father makes sense with a rational attitude (then you can let him go first this time and play longer later).

However, the characteristics of women are usually sensitive, and when thinking about problems, they will start from sensibility and extend to details. However, if they meet such a child who values the rules of order and can make sense, they will find that he doesn't eat his mother's emotional upbringing at all (for example, alas! He is younger than you, you should let him go more), and even gradually break away from the routine set by his mother and start challenging her constantly. Therefore, it is best for a family to have educators with both rationality and sensibility, and it is best for parents to participate in the process of parenting and upbringing, because every child needs to cultivate rationality and sensibility at the same time.

3. Promote the development of large body movements

For children before the age of 5, the development of big body movements is very important for them. For example, a 2-year-old should be able to play football. Teacher Wang Hongzhe found that children who have the guidance of their fathers generally perform better in the study and development of this kind of physical exercise.

The study also pointed out that it is really important for fathers to participate in caring for children. He doesn't necessarily need to take care of his baby's daily life, but he must interact with his children and play games with them, because games are something that men are good at and are a very important job for their fathers. Teacher Wang Hongzhe called rampaging, jumping, playing in a mess and laughing a lot "father-like savage play".

It has been pointed out in the book "Dad who grew up with you" that playing games with children is the best education for them, an important link to establish a close relationship between father and children, and also extremely important for children's development, because for children, learning and games cannot be completely separated, and games are the key way for them to be familiar with many important topics in life, such as understanding other people's ideas and getting along well with others.

The game between father and son can not only consolidate their relationship, but also enhance children's thinking ability, emotional management ability and problem-solving ability.

In addition, the headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, also believes that with his father's help, it is easier for children to develop regular exercise habits in the future. "A child doesn't have to be an athlete, but he will have a good physical foundation (such as physical coordination and muscle strength) and interest in sports, which are cultivated from an early age. 」

In fact, it's not that mothers can't bear to play games with their children, but that some games that require physical strength can't be done by mothers, such as letting children ride on their backs and shoulders.

If the father has never been involved in the child-rearing process, over time, the child will know that the mother is not good at playing these physical games (telling stories is ok), or that the mother is busy with housework all day and has no extra time to play with herself. In addition, there are few playmates around, and there is no room for running and jumping. Children can easily fall into the crisis of slow development of big limbs.

Further reading: Are you a workaholic or an otaku? Four kinds of parent-child sports make you and your baby feel better!

4. The habit of getting close to the outdoors

The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, pointed out that families with fathers involved in child-rearing may often engage in outdoor activities because men are relatively more willing to explore the environment, chase the sun and go to mountains and seas. "In the past, when my children were young, I often took them to the seaside. When my wife arrives at a fixed point, she will find a shady place to hold up her parasol. I took my children to play in the water, caught crabs and fished small fish in the hot sun, and jumped up and down on the rocks. Children will be brave and interested in nature when they grow up, because they have this kind of growth experience since childhood. Now our whole family likes the sea because they have many memories. 」

The true meaning of love education

As long as you go to the seaside for a holiday abroad, you can find that foreign fathers especially like to take their children to play, whether it is digging holes on the beach, building castles, chasing waves with their children, or jumping into the water with their children to teach them to swim, which was relatively lacking in the past oriental families.

The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, believes that when talking about the "education of love" in the west, most people always have a misunderstanding that the education of love is only an education that does not fight or scold, and does not understand the true meaning of love. Westerners have deep feelings for each other, because they spend a long time with their children and know them, so they can communicate a lot with what they say; If you don't get along with children at all, don't communicate with them, simply imitate western education without beating or scolding, and finally don't even know what the children have done, it will become a kind of doting.

5. Give your child a chance to risk falling.

The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, pointed out that men's carelessness is sometimes very helpful to education, because they don't protect their children too much and give them some chances to take risks.

Relatively speaking, mothers may take care of their children very safely, so safely that their children have no chance to explore, take risks or even get hurt. But never fell, it seems that it is not a sound growth, just like a sailor who has never been out of the sea, just staying in the harbor and never encountering storms. Dad is more inclined to preach that children "should try bravely"; Mom often says "don't go, it's too dangerous", and there is a big gap between the two.

Teacher Wang Hongzhe also said that if children are completely carefully protected from childhood, they will be more likely to become a group with developmental retardation in clinic, but this does not mean that the mother's upbringing leads to the child's developmental retardation, but that if the environment lacks the object of learning imitation, then the source of * * * will naturally be much less than other children.

Further reading: Don't live in regret all the time! If the mother is fine, the child will be fine.

What the child wants is not that his father earns a lot of money, but that he is willing to spend time with him ... The mother's parenting advantage is 1. The same is true for children's grievances.

Sun, a professor in the Department of Early Childhood Education at Chiayi University, believes that women have strong empathy in terms of emotional development. When children have grievances or troubles that need listening, sympathy, care and comfort, they often find it easier to talk to their mothers. For example, if you fall, the child won't go to his father, because the feedback is likely to be: "It doesn't matter, why make a fuss about a little thing!" Instead, there is a feeling of falling into the rain.

2. The establishment of a sense of security

In the establishment of attachment and children's sense of security, the role of mother is really irreplaceable. Hugs and attachments are very important for children. As soon as the child is born, he can recognize his mother's voice and taste, and he also knows whether his mother is with me. Therefore, mother plays an important role in the establishment of attachment relationship, and the quality of attachment relationship is related to the establishment of future security.

So teacher Wang Hongzhe keeps emphasizing 0? When you are 2 years old, you should hug your children more. Through skin contact, you will increase serotonin in the brain. Serotonin will make your child feel positive and happy. When you grow up, children will naturally not be "sticky".

If you think that your child is too young to recognize anyone before the age of 2, you will often suddenly separate from your child, leaving the child in a disorderly state and unstable growth environment. Even if the child seems to be crying, it is only a temporary adaptation, but it is likely to cause long-term emotional instability, poor sleep, inattention, memory loss and so on. To make matters worse, it will also affect the child's insecure personality traits in the future.

How does a professional mommy build a sense of security for her baby?

Many working mothers can't accompany their babies during the day. Will it have a bad influence on the establishment of their sense of security?

Teacher Wang Hongzhe pointed out that it is not important to give the baby to the nanny during the day, as long as time and people are stable, because the concept of "she is the mother during the day" will be established in the child's mind, and the mother will take the baby home as soon as possible at night. If she can spend some time interacting with him, feeding him and sleeping with him, she will spend more time with the nanny. In addition, it is also important to choose a nanny carefully!

Further reading: Do stay-at-home mothers need * * *? These five job options may suit you.

3. Careful life care and protection

The best place for a mother is actually the care and protection of her baby's life, and she will be more careful than her father. She will find or notice the child's fever, illness, diaper, hunger, etc. Soon everything will be connected with children. For example, if the weather turns cold, the first thing a mother must do is to check whether the child is warm. It is relatively easy for dad to just think about adding clothes for himself and forget the existence of children. Whether eating or taking care of other daily life, men tend to take care of themselves more, unlike moms who always pay attention to their children.

An embarrassing incident that happened to my friend before is enough to illustrate this situation. One night, a big earthquake happened suddenly in my sleep. My male friend took his wife and rushed out, forgetting that there was a newborn baby lying beside him. It is always his mother who is the first to realize the existence of the baby.

4. The child's psychological counselor

Teacher Yang pointed out that women are generally sensitive and good at communicating with language, so mothers usually know their children's body shape better. The headmaster's father, Huang Denghan, also said that children generally like to talk to their mothers. On the spiritual level, they rely more on their mothers, while their dependence on their fathers is biased towards games.

For example, if a child has problems with his peers at school, he doesn't like the teacher, or he doesn't like going to school. It's useless to tell his father about this kind of thing, because his father is not so sensitive to this part of his mind. His father may say, "Nothing, just ignore those annoying classmates!" "You don't like the teacher? , why? Did she hit you? Are there any other students like you? 」

Dad is not sympathetic and comforting the children, and even thinks that making a mountain out of a molehill is too much! Simply put, dad is not a good psychological counseling object, and he is not good at leading children to explore the spiritual level. These mothers are more willing to listen to their children's voices and share their similar experiences with them, because she also has this trait.

Further reading: "Imitating a baby" can get closer to him? Do this from now on.

Difficulties and breakthroughs in parenting: What difficulties do parents easily encounter in the process of parenting? How should the other half give support and help? What reminders and exhortations do parenting experts have for mom and dad's role-playing?

On the way to raising children, dad can't get in the door. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said that modern dads often don't want to help, but don't know how to help, because dads are not natural parenting experts like mothers, and babies naturally prefer to be close to their mothers.

However, at this important moment, don't be discouraged and don't give up. If the father can interact with the child more when he is very young, the child will slowly move closer to the father!

Many times, the way fathers approach their children is often wrong. For example, when children are sleepy, hungry or emotionally unstable, fathers who are not sure about the situation will go over and say to the babies who rely on their mothers, "Come on, dad, hug, let's go out to play. The child hates his father even more and feels: "It's already very uncomfortable now, and you still come to make trouble. Your role is to separate me from my mother! 」

Therefore, when dad wants to participate in parenting, mom should help dad in time, instead of giving blows and negative language, which will also be listened to by the baby! It will deepen the wrong link of "Dad is a pain in the ass".

When the baby is happy, the mother should hug him more and play with his father to help the baby build a good impression on his father. In this way, the baby has a close relationship with his father since childhood. When he grows up, his father can naturally play the role of a man, leading the children's games and playing some physical games with them. If children can't be close to their fathers since childhood, it will be difficult for fathers to play with children in the future.

A little reminder for dad 1. It's tiring to go home after a day's work, but I still have to help my wife do some housework and spend some time in Doby every day.

2. For the baby, eating is the most important thing, and food is the fastest way to get close to the baby. Try to feed the baby something!

3. Try to support the child-rearing work and give your mother a short breathing space, such as: 2? After walking for 3 hours, or going shopping with friends, my mother's fighting power will be different when I get home!

Children know your emotions, so don't blurt out negative words in front of them, such as "I'm dad, why didn't you call me?" 」

Dad also works hard to learn children's songs that mom often hums to children, so as to close the distance with children and make them feel familiar.

6. Always pushing the stroller to take the baby out to run and jump, which distracts the child's attention to his mother and increases the importance of his father's game role.

7. When the child encounters setbacks, the father can try to say to the baby, "Baby, come here, daddy will hug you!" Let the children approach you on their own initiative, instead of rushing to touch them. The mother should leave moderately, so that the child can gradually establish a relationship without fish and shrimp with his father.

8. The father's role is very important for children's future personality development and gender identity. Therefore, taking care of children is definitely not just a mother's business.

Mommy? Are you tired? Teacher Wang Hongzhe believes that it is easy for mothers to encounter difficulties that all time and attention are devoted to their babies, and entertainment, social interaction and living space are all deprived, which leads to emotional instability, especially for hard-working mothers who breastfeed their babies before the age of 65,438+0.5. Their sleep quality is definitely not very good. In terms of mental health and specific parenting assistance, they really need their father's help, and they call on their father to give their mother some breathing space to rest.

Sometimes dad can take mom out for a short vacation and leave the children with other relatives for temporary care 1 or 2 days or even half a day. However, what is even more worrying is that my mother is not at ease to have a good rest. As a mother, a strong sense of responsibility is conceivable. However, Teacher Wang Hongzhe called for the responsibility of child-rearing to be released moderately, because you can get a lot of energy during this short breathing time, and then you can have a more correct judgment when you come back to take care of the baby.

If the mother faces the baby all day and doesn't have enough rest, it is easy to have improper behavior, such as the baby is bored and ignores it, or uses negative language to the baby. If these conditions exist, it proves that the mother should rest!

A thoughtful reminder to mom 1. Please give dad appropriate encouragement when he wants to help. Don't think dad is in the way, and don't criticize him with negative language in front of the children.

2. Before giving the baby to the father, please appease the child and tell the child that the mother will personally give the baby to the father instead of letting the father take the child away from the mother.

3. Help dad make meatballs and say to the children, "It's really fun to play with dad" and "Dad fed you, and you ate really well". If children like to be close to their father, his father will feel more fulfilled.

4. It is inevitable to have emotions with children, but avoid taking it out on the other half who is willing to help.

The situation of each family is different, so we should coordinate with the other half, distribute the family work well and keep up with the joneses less.

6. Sharing children's cute and interesting behaviors with dad will make dad more like to participate in the process of parenting.

7. Let Dad try. When dad is raising children, mom should not expect too much. It's good to have a heart. After all, men and women take care of their children differently.