Humorous jokes and classic jokes

I think everyone has heard many humorous jokes. I wonder if you like humorous jokes? The following are the classic jokes about humor that I arranged for you. I hope you can be happy.

Complete works of humorous jokes and classic jokes

1, a girl went back to school at night and was stopped by a man. The girl took the initiative to pull up the skirt and the man took off his pants. The girl returned to the dormitory and told her roommate, who was surprised to ask the result. Girl: You are so stupid! Think about it, a woman who pulls up a skirt must run much faster than a man who takes off his pants. Revelation: How important it is to be knowledgeable and thoughtful!

2. Xiao Lv asked the old donkey, "Why do we eat hay every day, while cows eat concentrated feed?" The old donkey sighed, "we can't compete with human beings ... we eat by running errands and others eat by breasts."

3. Owl: The night gives me bright eyes. I want to use it to find mice. Hedgehog: All thorns, not thorns. Snail: Wandering with the house. Zebra: It is famous all over the world for its bar code. Earthworms: There are no roads in the world. If you study for a long time, you will have a way.

The speaker asked the audience, "Who is better than &; amp； Better? Middot Landesbifield &; Middot donahue is more eloquent, Biemel &; Middot Bruce is smarter than Tom. Middot selleck is more handsome? " A poor voice came from the audience: "My wife's first husband."

Lao Zhang is not feeling well and wants to see a doctor. After the doctor diagnosed the prescription, he wrote a big one! & amprsquo and then give it to the nurse. Lao Zhang was shocked and thought, "I thought it was just a minor illness." It's so serious that doctors are going to fight &; Lsquo exclamation mark &; Is rsquo coming? " So I hurried to ask the nurse. The nurse replied indifferently, "Nothing, an intravenous drip! "

6. The doctor installs false teeth for the patient, and the patient pays for it. The doctor looked at it and grabbed the patient: Oh, no, your bill is fake. "Patient:" Do you think I am a fool? I have a clear head. You gave me false teeth. Do you want me to pay you real money? "

7. A class fan said to a friend, "My wife complains that I am crazy about baseball. Usually watch baseball, talk about baseball and think about baseball. I told him that his baseball was simply wrong! "

8. A man said, "Doctor, my wife has a phobia &; Dr. hellip& amphellip: How do you know? "One day I got off work a little early and found that she hired a strange man to squat in her closet to guard his clothes!"

9. A gust of wind blew away the nearsighted hat, and he lifted his foot and ran away. A middle-aged woman nearby shouted, "Sir, your hat is over there. Don't chase my chicken! " "May you smile and be young forever.

10, I heard a man sing: Don't wait a thousand years later, Cao Cao told me that fairy tales are all lies. I can't be your monkey brother. You are really something. The five elements of the mountain can't hold you down. A gourd baby, a gourd baby, seven melons on a vine, not afraid of wind and rain. Ah, sheriff black cat, Deng Deng Deng, Deng Deng! The strings of this song are so full!

1 1, the company recruited and finally selected three people. The boss said, "If I have a bowl of noodles with dregs, how can I prove that I ate with you without spending money?" First place: "Another bowl and divide the noodles into two parts." Second place: "Take another pair of chopsticks and eat together!" "The last one:" General Manager, don't wipe your mouth after eating noodles. "Finally, the female candidate was appointed secretary.

12. The reason why Taishang Laojun couldn't make the Monkey King: The ancient blast furnace was a coal furnace, which could only reach 1200 degrees, while the Monkey King was a stone monkey with a melting point of 1600 degrees, so it couldn't be made! How important it is to know some science!

13, there is an intelligent weighing scale in the shopping mall, only listening to the computer saying, "Your height, weight and body shape." When you stand up, the computer suddenly prompts: "Please line up, one by one!" " "

14. The poet said to the bar owner, "Tell me a lonely story." The boss took out an altar of wine: "This wine is called Daughter Red, a specialty of Shaoxing. In Shaoxing, whoever gives birth to a daughter will bury an altar of wine under the osmanthus tree and take it out to entertain guests on her wedding day. " The poet asked, "Where is the loneliness of this story?" The boss pushed the wine to him: "Taste it, a century-old wine."

15, a man accidentally bumped into a beautiful woman on the bus, and the beautiful woman scolded: You are sick! The man categorically scolded: you are sick! The whole car snickered, and an old man said, stop arguing! They are all patients, so why bother!

16, "Let me introduce liuchu, Li Chu and King Chu to you." After saying his word, a leader-looking man stood up and said, "Just call me Xiao Nie."

17, the fat man's voice is increasing day by day, and people are getting more and more fleshy. 18-year-old Gankun is full of meat, yellow sky is above, and thick soil is evidence. I am willing to exchange my whole 20 kilograms of meat for the good weather in China this year!

18, a wolf was looking for food and heard a woman lecturing her child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf!" The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside the door until dawn and sighed, "liar, women are liars!" " "

19, the star leaves the station by subway. Liu Xiang said: I can go without checking in. Say that finish, the hurdles passed. Yao Ming said: I don't have to check the tickets either. Say that finish, leg lifts across the past. Pan Changjiang said: We don't have to. Say that finish, walked past.

20. Lao Tzu said: the power of cowardice comes from inaction; Zhuangzi said: I am a father; Sun Tzu said: the cow force depends on playing dirty, and everything else is floating clouds. Therefore, cow force cannot be separated from Zhuangzi's grandson.

2 1, the husband and wife quarreled, and the puppy helped his wife bite her husband's leg. Afterwards, my wife felt wrong and wrote a note: I was wrong. Then let the dog take the note to her husband, who read it and touched the dog's head: you still understand me!

22. Xiao Qiang confessed to the girl she had known for many years: Dear, I love you very much! I will do anything for you to live a happy life. Girl: Really? Xiao Qiang: Really. Girl: Then help me find a boyfriend.

23. In the public toilet, I heard someone talking in the toilet, "Friend, do you have any toilet paper?" I searched my pockets. "Sorry,no." After a few seconds, the man asked again, "Friend, do you have a small newspaper?" I smiled helplessly. "Sorry, no, I just came to pee." A few seconds later, a piece of RMB 10 was stuffed under the toilet door. "Friend, can you break it into 1 10 pieces?" Then I gave him 10 coins.

24. Physical examination as a soldier. A friend of mine is more than 400 short-sighted. Memorize the chart in advance. When it was time for physical examination, the doctor pointed, and he said, "What line?" The doctor replied, "Get out!"

25. Xiaoming met a dragon. The dragon said, "I can grant you three wishes!" " Xiao Ming clapped his hands: "Wow! It burst! " There was a flash of light, and Xiao Ming rolled painfully over his crotch. The dragon said, "You still have two wishes!" " Xiao Ming said painfully, "Change my dick back." Another light flashed and Xiao Ming stood in the desert again. He looked at the intact crotch and cried excitedly, "Oh, the cock exploded!"! "

26. "On the way to work, there are thousands of miles of traffic and crowds in Wan Li. Looking inside and outside the street, the car shop is like a turtle, and the driver is restless and motionless, always peeing at the red light. The traffic is so heavy that countless rich people get on the bus. Cherish Audi A6, as slow as a snail. Mercedes-Benz BMW, nowhere to get mad. A generation of tianjiao, Lamborghini tears to see the electric donkey overtaking. " It's all gone, counting bicycles, pedaling bicycles and laughing. "

27. Chinese exam: When Bian Que met Cai Huangong, Bian Que said, "You have a disease in your heart. If you don't cure it, you will be afraid." The result said, "I'm not sick." . "Bian Que said,"&; Mdash& ampmdash "Fill in the blanks. Students fill in: take two steps, if you are not sick, take two steps.

Guo Meimei is a "hero". A scarf single-handedly killed the Red Cross. Leonardo da Vinci was a "hero", and a bed exposed the vanity of the rich. Tang Jun is a "hero", and a diploma challenges China education. Yao Jiaxin is a "hero", and a passionate murder exposed the mental retardation of Judge China. Aunt Ni Ping is a "hero". A spine scroll tells us that "good people" are silent.

29. Only those who don't know how to communicate with Xifeng can find Brother Sharp to learn from. Those who don't understand the original ecology can learn more from Gan Lulu. Those who want to learn swimming can go to Beijing in the near future, those who want to play can watch more beauty contests, and they want to be friends with me and be happy every day. Hehe, I wish you a good mood and good luck every day.

30. Six points of a happy life, one center: health as the center; Two basic points: everything is smart and confused; Three forgetfulness: forgetting age, fame and fortune, and forgetting grievances; Four things: honesty, old house, old family, old friends; Five essentials: sing, jump, make noise, be handsome and laugh; Six noes: don't float, don't be busy, don't be tired, don't worry, don't pretend, be shameless (face)!

3 1, the weather is too hot, take your dog for a walk, it has become a hot dog; Going swimming, the swimming pool became a hot spring bath; When you meet a stranger and say hello, you become an acquaintance; Buy lottery tickets, win fewer prizes and suffer from heatstroke; Look at the Olympics, nothing is more unpopular, all are popular; Hospital fever clinics are even more popular, and they are all enthusiasts!

32. If you are a "comet", I will chase you; If you are a "planet", I will wait for you; If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. If you are a "meteor", I will marry you at once; It's a pity that you are an orangutan. I can only see you in the zoo!

On the day of typhoon Vicente, a mother bird insisted that her daughter marry a mouse. The bird reluctantly asked why. Mother bird scolded her loudly, "What's the good of marrying that stupid bird?" It's tiring to build a house when the typhoon comes. You see, rats are stupid enough to live in bomb shelters. Even a powerful typhoon like Vicente can't destroy its house. "

34. Tang Sanzang: Bajie, run two steps to show your master. Pig Bajie: Master, why do you suddenly want to watch your apprentice run? Tang Sanzang: Hey! Shame! I have been a teacher in a temple since I was a child. I have never eaten pork or seen a pig run.

35. A colleague went to the Northeast on business and found a restaurant for lunch. He just ordered a few dishes and a bottle of beer. The waiter asked him, "sir, do you want the beer at room temperature or cold?" This colleague was very angry and said, "It's so cold, you don't have to ask, do I need room temperature?" The waiter quickly brought a bottle of frozen beer. My colleague said angrily, "Why is it all ice?" The waiter said calmly, "Room temperature is below zero 15 degrees, and refrigeration is below three degrees. Thank you!"

36. You are a country grandfather, and you can't speak Mandarin well by car. When you are too crowded in the car, you say to the lady next to you: Where are you going, I&; It is not good to use rsquo for lsquo (meaning that your point is too crowded). The lady immediately brought a bottle of water and said, you are thirsty. I have water here.

37, steamed stuffed bun married jiaozi, bridal chamber, steamed stuffed bun was very excited, but a red hijab out a meatball, steamed stuffed bun saw no jiaozi's bride shouted "who are you? Where's my wife? " The meatball blushed. "Shit, you don't know when people take off their clothes."

38. After graduating from high school, a buddy went to a shopping mall to be a lobby manager. One day, a Japanese male foreigner & speaking very fluent English, pointed to the ladies' room and said a lot. This guy seems to understand, has a strong sense of patriotism, and is embarrassed in front of foreigners. He keeps saying "Yes, yes ...". Then the foreigner went to the ladies' room & hellip& amphellip boy ran as fast as he could &; Hellip& amphellip, don't! No & amphellip& amphellip

39. The new version of Princess Huanzhu jokes: Xia: "Your Majesty, you are really unfathomable." Gan Long: "Yu He, you are unfathomable. I am really beyond my reach! " Turn if you understand!

40. I poured a sprite for a martial arts fan friend. He accidentally spilled it all over the floor when he answered it. Sprite fell to the ground and many small bubbles appeared immediately. The friend looked shocked and said, "Poisonous!"

A selection of humorous jokes and classic jokes

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I study finance, and I am stupid. I lost money on futures and stocks. I study history. I am retarded. I'm so upset on the way to find a job. It's so sad to learn Japanese that my eyes are black without anything. I study math, and I'm troubled. Counting makes people old. I study law, and I owe it to smoking. I'm worried about not eating or drinking. I study architecture. I'm unlucky. I hold concrete every day. I study programming, I feel sad, I shed tears at the code. Goodbye to the university, my love, and life is too chaotic from now on.

4, life is like mahjong: love at first sight is the lake, free love is the lake, and the media agreed that it is Pinghu. A lover is called a single hanging, but no lover is called a whiteboard. How many otaku and rotten women have been counted, and how many institutions have been counted, just to enjoy the moment of being knocked down.

5. The most unpleasant thing about being born in Jianghu is that Zheng Keshuang had bad luck and met an opponent like Wei Xiaobao. Duan thought he was a father, a teacher, a cousin, his first lover Zhou Zhiruo, his daughter A Zi and his son. Chen Jialuo, her daughter's first lover, finally married Lin Pingzhi after breaking up. The son married Kang Min and his father-in-law Yue Buqun. Later, someone fell in love with him, and that person was Dong Fangbubai. . .

6, philosophical couplets: live for money, die for money, run for money for a lifetime! Bottom line: if you lose money, you will be fooled by it, and life and death depend on it! Horizontal batch: no money! Turn around if you feel the same way!

7. Historical Records Biography of Guo Meimei: Born slightly, first named Meiling, later named Meimei, lived with her mother's clothes. I met a noble person, adopted a daughter, and brought plastic surgery into Beijing. You are lucky to be recommended by Shangguan Jia, and you are lucky to be recommended by Shangguan Yi. Because of the unique skills of color and art, officials gave it a mansion with fresh clothes and horses. Laughing and thinking for a long time, I thought: is it a plaything for a lifetime? Then Weibo basked in wealth, alluding to all officials, darkness began to unfold, and the storm suddenly broke out. Comments: Honest officials are hard to find, and righteous prostitutes are hard to find!

8. The child asked his mother: Where did I come from? His mother said: once my mother dreamed that there was a child on the pillow. She opened her eyes and you were on her pillow! The child went to ask grandpa again, and grandpa replied: Grandpa and grandma dream of having a good grandson. When the fairy knew it, she sent an eagle to deliver you as a baby. In the evening, the child wrote a composition: Our home is terrible. We haven't had sex for three generations!

9. 18 years old, he is proud: hey, fall in love with me! 20-year-old frivolous: it's been two years and you haven't considered it? At the age of 22: Don't worry, I will take the postgraduate entrance examination and support you. 24-year-old high-spirited: I respect your choice, but you also have to believe that I will fully support you. 26-year-old with soft eyes: 8 years, the Anti-Japanese War has ended. Would you like to stay with me? Mature and introverted at the age of 28: OK, I'll be your best man.

10, an old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, the old man asked the girl: Do you like to be intense or slow? The girl said shyly, what's the difference? Old man: Use a vibrator if you like intense, and use your fingers if you like soothing &; hellip& amphellip

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