What if children secretly take money from home to buy toys?

It is nothing new that children secretly take money from home to buy toys. Media in Beijing, Shanghai, Hebei, Sichuan, Jiangsu, Zhejiang and other provinces and cities have reported it. Some children not only buy toys with their own family money, but also solve the cost of entering Internet cafes, and even develop to "take" other people's money and "demand" the money of weak students. Parents often get angry when children secretly take money from home to buy toys. Some found toy vendors to discuss, and some were so angry that they punched their children hard. But will this solve the problem? If we don't have a correct analysis of children's motives and behaviors of stealing family money, if we can't take correct methods to guide children to change, and if our children don't get social understanding, help and fair treatment when they grow up, the problem of children stealing family money will not only be solved, but will also lead to more serious problems in juvenile education. First, different solutions have very different results. Xiao Cong (pseudonym) saw that all the toys bought by other children were fun, and he wanted to buy one for himself. He secretly looked for money from the drawer at home and bought his favorite toys. It was soon discovered by my mother, who interrogated Xiao Cong like a thief. Xiao Cong died for fear of being beaten, and refused to admit stealing money from his family. I was so angry that my mother found several "parties" (classmates) and exposed his lies in front of her. In full view, Xiao Cong proved to be a "thief". An unprecedented beating fell on Xiao Cong and hurt his heart. This planted a "thief" seed in his young mind. In fact, a child who wants to experience spending money on toys will become an opportunity for growth as long as he is guided by wise parents. However, this ignorant mother equated the child who took the family money with a thief and led the child astray, mistakenly thinking that this was strict education. It turned out to be a lifelong regret. The child who lost his self-esteem in front of his classmates and family later became more and more outrageous. In the following years, he often took immoral measures to treat his classmates. In addition to forcing his classmates to "pay tribute", he also stole money from his classmates when he went to their home to play. After the incident, the angry mother was determined to punish her son well. He grabbed Xiao Cong by the collar and asked, "Do you untie your belt and let me take one hundred, or do one hundred arithmetic problems by yourself?" Poor mother actually regarded study as a punishment. She thought the child would choose to do the problem, but in fact her son chose to be beaten. The mother beat her son around, and her heart ached. After fifty strokes, she has no strength to fight any more. She cried, "You disappointing rebel! I'm tired of hitting you. You kneel here today and don't get up! Later, the child ran away from home, and the couple searched for a month and didn't find it. They went to Lacrimosa every day. One day, my son suddenly came back. The couple thought that the child had regretted it and hugged and hugged happily. However, things did not develop according to the wishes of the couple. When the bad habits developed from childhood dominated Xiao Cong's behavior, Xiao Cong was still a "bad boy" at school or at home. When a child loses self-esteem and self-confidence and faces the society with the consciousness of "I am a thief, who am I afraid of", he will go to the road of confrontation with family and society in the expansion of "ID" consciousness. He ran away from home again, mixed with a group of "hooligans" in society and began to steal chickens and dogs. This was unexpected by his parents. Xiao Peng's (pseudonym) mother told Teacher Yang that her son secretly took money from home to buy toy racing cars and food. She questioned her son, but he just refused to admit it. She said that she wanted the teacher who saw her son shopping to prove that the child had stolen money from home. She also said that the child must be strictly disciplined and not allowed to become a thief. Teacher Yang said to her, "I don't think it's a good idea to prove that your child stole money to buy toys in front of others." "Once a child doesn't realize his mistake and loses his self-esteem, he will slide in the opposite direction. Is it better to communicate sincerely with your child alone, find out what the reason is, and then "prescribe the right medicine"? " Teacher Yang also said: "The nature of children taking money from their own homes is different from others. I advise you not to use the word "steal" easily. When children start to have this kind of behavior, it is not necessarily dominated by the consciousness of "being a thief". They are afraid of their parents' behavior because they want to experience shopping or like a toy. If we can turn the process of solving this problem into a process of changing parents' educational concepts and helping children develop good habits, bad things can become good things. " Later, Xiao Peng's mother quietly called her son aside and talked to him. She apologized to the child first, saying, "Mom always cares about your hobbies on the grounds of busy work, which is her fault. In the future, mom will be your good friend. If you have any hobbies, you can talk to your mother, and she will definitely help you display your talents together. In order to exercise your financial management ability, mother wants you to master some money by yourself. I hope you can learn to keep accounts when you buy things. Discuss expensive things before buying. What big items you buy at home in the future will also let you participate in decision-making. If you bought the wrong thing before, we will bear the responsibility for the mistake together. " The son saw his mother communicate with him so sincerely and realized his mistake. He realized that his mother really cared about him, so he told the story of "taking" money from home in detail. Seeing her son confess the problem voluntarily, the mother not only didn't complain, but also became interested in what her son bought. The first thing my son bought was an uninteresting car, and even he regretted buying it. The reason is nothing more than watching other students always have money to experience shopping, but he doesn't buy anything, which is caused by itchy hands. Mother immediately said, "Buy soy sauce and vinegar at home and leave it to you, okay?" . "My son said he was afraid of buying the wrong one. Mother said, "If you learn it, your mother won't blame you for buying it wrong. "In this way, my son later became the' little master' of the family. He not only helped the family to make soy sauce and vinegar, but also participated in other housework and became a responsible person. The second thing my son bought was a remote-controlled racing car. He said he beat his classmates in the competition and was the first to reach the finish line. The mother immediately realized that the child was taking part in a beneficial competitive activity, but he was worried that his parents would not agree to buy it, so he took the wrong measures. Mother said: "It is also a pastime to play some competitive activities after studying, but you are a minor, so it is wrong to take so much money from home without permission." "Later, in order to support children's hobbies, my mother also led him to participate in extracurricular group activities to cultivate children's hobbies. Children perform happily for their interests and dreams and improve their "learning ability". Obviously, in the face of children taking money from home to buy toys, parents adopt different methods and the results are quite different. If you only regard yourself as an educator, if children have problems, you will blame them and take inappropriate measures to punish them. Not only can it not solve children's problems, but it may also push children to the opposite side. And if we can seize the "second growth opportunity that is only possible when facing children in life", learn from children, grow up with children, and be spiritual friends with children, our children will grow up in parents' ideological changes and behavioral incentives. In this sense, children who are "sick" often need parents to "take medicine" first. Second, put yourself in the child's shoes. In fact, children in China now bear the heaviest burden. While singing: "My schoolbag is the heaviest, I do the most homework, I sleep the least, and I am the most annoying", they are rushing to finish the homework of "copying the text ten times", and day after day, year after year, they become "high-scoring students who don't like studying but want to study hard". They have little chance to play. Children should grow up in "playing with interests" and "playing with dreams". In particular, they need to go through the process of survival and life, in which they learn to recognize, learn to be human, learn to do things and learn to get along. They also need to learn how to manage money, how to deal with people and how to learn ethics through the experience of spending money. However, parents often take "obey and study hard" as the mantra to restrain their children's growth behavior, and even force children who are afraid of their parents to use "avoidance" and "defense" mechanisms to vent their "ID". At first, they took money from home to buy their favorite toys or go to Internet cafes to surf the Internet. In fact, they are not dominated by the consciousness of being thieves, but just want to seek happiness and experience the process. As long as parents can protect their attitude and process of "performing happily for their interests and dreams" and help them overcome their wrong practices, there is no need to lose their temper and go online. When children know how to get the experience opportunity of happy growth in the right way, they will love to understand their parents more. However, some of our parents punish their children in the opposite way in "depriving love". Once a child is always in a passive position to accept punishment, his desire for real growth will be erased and he will become a wrong person who is unwilling to change. We also found that a child who refuses to admit his mistake can often find a "similar" shadow from his elders. Some adults always think they are right in front of their children, excusing or even hiding their mistakes. Children are people with much better imitation ability than adults. They make mistakes that adults are embarrassed to make, "magnify" their own shortcomings and inadvertently "retaliate" their parents. In this sense, children's education is parents' "doing" education, not "speaking" education. A mother who loves her children quietly said to her children, "This is a good thing that mom secretly brought back for you after work. Don't tell anyone, just play by yourself. "Think about it, can the children in Love Lies become honest children? If you think about it from the perspective of children, how much they need to grow up in "playing with learning", "playing with experience" and "playing with mistakes"! However, our parents often turn "playing with learning" into "studying hard", "playing with experience" into "torture" and "playing with error correction" into "labeling", so that children are put in the cold palace when they make mistakes. Do they dare to take responsibility? How can a child who dare not take responsibility for "mistakes" not reveal his secrets to his parents? We should give our children a relaxed and harmonious space. We are not afraid of children making mistakes, but by being "good children" in children's hearts and learning to correct with them, we will grow up with them. Third, look for reasons from the concept of family education. We are always used to treating children with an attitude of "rejecting in narrowness, criticizing in examination and taking it from doting". We often only accept "good children" and are unwilling to accept "bad children". Children will become "sophisticated" under the psychological misleading of their parents. They only show their good side in front of their parents and cover up their bad side. We are often used to "criticizing" our children with a "critical" attitude (it seems that our attitude towards others is the same), and at the expense of "doting", we ask our children to "get high marks" and "obey". In fact, this is an abnormal family education concept and behavior. It is also under the control of this concept that our parents adopt different educational methods. This method takes "preaching" as the center, "beating and cursing" as the extension, and "laissez-faire, indulgence and giving up" as the helpless choice. My gift to my parents is called "Sanduo". I believe that with this gift, it will become easier to educate children. " "Three more" means: more "acceptance" in "tolerance"; (Don't just accept the "good boy" but fully accept the "good" and "bad" aspects of the child) More "discovery" in "appreciation"; (Don't always stare at children with a "critical" attitude and criticize their mistakes, but find the growing point of children's wisdom through appreciation) Pay more attention to care. Don't just pamper children, take time to learn from them in the "true love" children, and let them learn to bear the responsibility of "love". In this way, we can become wise people who are happy for ourselves and can also make children happy, and their happiness also brings happiness to children. Fourth, lay a "smart lifestyle" for children. Everyone who plays Weiqi knows that there is a saying in Weiqi that "one eye dies, two lives". If you want to live one piece, you have to take "two lives." In fact, life is just like this, and you must not go all the way to the dark. Even if the satellite is almost "foolproof", an "escape system" should be designed, not to mention life. There are many risks in life, and diversified development is the wise choice. Only by adapting to the needs of diversified social development can we grasp the fate of life. This requires us not only to encourage children to study hard, but also to open up a second "exit" in life according to their personality. However, today, more children see the reality of single evaluation and an "exit": only by getting high marks and following the road of academic development from primary school, middle school and university to becoming a graduate student is the road to success in life. It is in such an evaluation system shaped by adults that children should study hard even if they don't like it, in order to realize their future dreams. Once frustrated on this road, the child's very fragile mind will be greatly hurt. So there was a surprising embarrassing situation. China Family Education magazine once exposed a typical case: a teacher's parents thought that knowledge was their children's future and academic performance was everything to them. Under his discipline, their children get very good grades, study consciously every day, and form study habits. No more fun. The high level of consciousness makes people around you say yes. Parents are also very satisfied. In the eyes of this child, besides school, it is home, and besides study, it is an exam. In the end, he entered a key university in Beijing with the top score in the college entrance examination. However, when this student who has no other specialties and can't get along well with others graduated with excellent results, he found himself at a loss about his future life. He traveled all over the country looking for a job and was either cheated or rejected. Faced with constant embarrassment, he finally chose to commit suicide. He left, leaving people to think. Reflecting on the college entrance examination system in China, an education expert said that the college entrance examination seems to be the bottleneck restricting the development of human resources. "Outside the bottle-the way to select candidates for the college entrance examination guides national school education, family education and social education to train first-class candidates for one purpose; Inside the bottle-according to the old and backward evaluation system, we should expand enrollment and train more "high-quality examination machines" instead of "high-quality talents". What is a child's "wisdom to live"? I think it's not just a question of grades and academic qualifications, but "you can live happily when you leave home, innovate your job when you leave school, and live in harmony when you go to society." So, does your child have the ability to live happily after leaving home? After your child leaves school, can the combination of theory and practice creatively solve the problem? Can your children harmoniously integrate into the environment of the times? I think quite a few parents can't do it. Parents love to say "Baby, you don't care about anything, just do your study well", which is actually the best time for children to lose their sense of responsibility education in the deprivation of love. Your head blocked the child's growth path, and the child's desire ran out of that abnormal "mouth", so there was a "deformity" problem in growth. We will push the responsibility of the "deformity" problem to the children and let them accept the inexplicable "punishment". Not only will children not correct their mistakes, but they will also "magnify" their parents' mistakes and do more "excessive" things in the hurt of love. Formed a vicious circle. This is a problem that our parents have to seriously reflect on. What should we do? It is suggested that "childhood social education activities" should be carried out in the whole society. Since ten ministries and commissions such as the Central Civilization Office, the Press and Publication Administration and the Central Committee of the Communist Youth League issued the call of "developing social education activities in childhood", many experiences have emerged all over the country to help children grow up healthily. If we choose social education activities suitable for children to participate in in time, it will not only promote the all-round development of children's quality, but also create growth conditions for children from the whole social atmosphere. People who are regarded as "problem children" by parents and society will "awaken childlike innocence and re-motivate" in social care and become good children.