What if things like falling out of love can't be calm?

Being lovelorn is a tragedy of love, and it is a bitter wine for those who are lovelorn. Most lovelorn people can look at and accept this reality rationally. However, some people are psychologically abnormal because they take lovelorn love too seriously. The pain of lovelorn needs external explanation, but it is more important to improve one's psychological endurance, enhance one's psychological adaptability and learn self-psychological adjustment, so as to achieve a new psychological balance.

When I was lovelorn, it was this article that taught me how to get back on my feet. At that time, I thought that the other person was someone who had been with you for a lifetime. The sudden breakup made me depressed and I was like a walking corpse all day. I confide in my friends every day. If I am really in a bad mood and need to talk, I can look at the business card on the right and post it on my Facebook. The host can do some calculations for everyone. )

Reverse thinking

To succeed in love, there are many special psychological requirements besides socially recognized qualities and concepts, such as harmonious personality, the same interests, the same values, the matching of physiological characteristics and so on. If these aspects are contradictory, so that love can not continue, it is not too painful. Think about it the other way around. If you make do with it and lead to emotional disharmony in the future, what happiness can love have? It is not a blessing to be lovelorn, but it is not a bad thing to break up as soon as possible without the same interests and personality. "A blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise."

Reasonable exhaust

The emotional depression caused by lovelorn love is very serious. If you don't vent it in time and reasonably, there will be various maladjustment symptoms. The more effective ways to vent are as follows:

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1, pour out your inner anguish and sadness to your close friends or family.

You can cry behind closed door.

3, send feelings between mountains and rivers, vent their repressed emotions to nature. After being lovelorn, you can go on a long trip with friends and experience the wonder and greatness of nature and the gift of life. You will feel that the pain of lovelorn love is just a drop in the ocean, your mind will be broadened and your depression will be alleviated.

4. sublimation. Sublimation is the most ideal way to vent psychological energy after lovelorn. The lovelorn should use their reason, put their feelings and energy into the cause that can fully realize their own values, and love life, so as to compensate the frustration caused by lovelorn in a higher sublimation realm and obtain greater and more benefits.

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Abandon inferiority complex

There is no shame in being lovelorn. However, some lovelorn people think it is shameful to be lovelorn, and they are "teased" and "played" by the other party, so they feel ashamed and ashamed, have a strong sense of inferiority, and even live a lonely life. In fact, the development of everything faces two prospects, and so does love.

It is gratifying to have a successful love, but it is only a possibility, not a necessity. Therefore, it is reasonable and beyond reproach to be psychologically prepared for falling in love. Young people with ideas and ambitions should not be bound by secular prejudice and should not look down on themselves. If you can find your own shortcomings from lovelorn love and make progress, you will benefit a lot from lovelorn love, and you will not worry about finding a good partner in the future.

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Finally, we should also pay attention to two points:

First, if the lovelorn is caused by misunderstanding, we should actively eliminate the misunderstanding. Don't be impatient if the other person misunderstood you. After a little calm,

Tell each other all your true feelings by yourself or by turning to your trusted relatives and friends. If you misunderstand the other party, listen to the other party's explanation calmly and patiently, and apologize to the other party after the truth comes out. And be good at dealing with problems calmly in the future, so as not to cause new misunderstandings.

Second, if the lovelorn is because lovers quarrel and are extremely angry, we should break the concept of "face" afterwards, approach each other actively and dare to admit our mistakes. The other party will not only look down on you, but also see your sincerity and generosity and take corresponding actions. In this way, the contradiction is solved.

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psychic characteristic

Lovelorn, for any man or woman, is a cup of bitter wine, which will burn deep scars in his soul. Sometimes, this unspeakable psychological pain will always accompany his whole life journey. After all, people are emotional animals, and love is so fascinating. Therefore, when this pure and sacred emotion is disillusioned, the turmoil in the depths of people's souls is of course painful and intense. This lack of increase pushes people's emotions from the peak to the deep valley, forcing them to accept emotional torture and painful suffering. How to treat this non-increase, whether it is swallowed up by painful emotions or sublimated painful emotions? Everyone who is beaten by the hammer of lovelorn makes different answers according to their own personality and experience.

When faced with the increase of lovelorn, a man's self-esteem may make him accept this fact calmly on the surface and vent his painful emotions alone. In fact, lovelorn is a great blow to a man, sometimes it may destroy his belief in life and make him lose all the courage of life, thus leading him to terminate his pursuit of life in a hurry. Because the objective social reality endows men with more obligations, responsibilities, hopes and demands, men often bear more pressure from themselves and society than women in the same failure outcome. Therefore, many men are forced to lose women's love, which is psychologically unacceptable and will cause a "chain reaction" in his heart.

The former should be ",which in turn affects the whole psychological quality and attitude towards life. In actual production, some men will feel depressed and become lonely and silent after tasting a cup of bitter wine of lovelorn. Because he was wronged, in contrast, feminine feelings are gentle and delicate, as calm and clear as autumn water, and the mouth of the cave is as bright and colorful as a rainbow on the horizon. It is not like a storm on a man's emotional front, but like a spring breeze, moistening things silently. A woman who indulges in the sweetness of love is later than her lover, intoxicated by a misty drift and a misty fantasy. When the reality of lovelorn shattered a girl's sweet dream, the girl's pure and empty emotional world may be swallowed up by the cold darkness, which is sometimes devastating. Compared with men, women are more likely to regard love as the highest pursuit or center of life, and they are more persistent. So when she regards love as her greatest happiness and satisfaction, love suddenly disappears, and it is often difficult for a woman's weakness and infatuation to restore a good state of mind. There are indeed a few people who are cheerful and want ideas.

Men and women of different ages treat lovelorn in different ways. Adolescent boys and girls are always full of passion and fantasy, and always feel mysterious and ecstatic about the first love that comes in a hurry. At this time, he (she) is most likely to fall into the deep sea of feelings and lacks long-term consideration and preparation. Moreover, although the feelings of boys and girls are pure, they are immature and fragile. Therefore, when the frog is hit by lovelorn, it is likely to be heartbroken, exhausted physically and mentally, and trapped in a painful situation. There are also some bad habits, slander, turning love into him, not only losing love, but also losing friendship, which is a great success for themselves and each other.

Great God 2 Chuang. And mature men and women, before falling in love, they will carefully examine the former object, after be lovelorn, and they will face it calmly. They have relatively sound and mature rational ability and will ability, and also have relatively stable emotional expression, which enables them to remain calm in the face of great pain, bury their wounds in their hearts and continue their lives. For each other, he can also smile with tolerance and understanding. This attitude towards life is mature and rational.

People with different gas skills, personality characteristics and social characteristics also have different emotional attitudes and ways to get rid of lovelorn.

Being lovelorn may be more acceptable to a lively and bloody person. When he is suddenly hit by a brokenhearted sledgehammer, he may react very sensitively, feel sad and lose control of himself. But he will soon be able to get rid of his painful emotions. The biggest setback in love and peace is lovelorn. The troubles and anguish caused by lovelorn love can be imagined for those who have never been lovelorn. Lovelorn, can make people depressed, also can make people high. The psychology of lovelorn is complex, and analyzing this psychology is helpful for people to understand it and eliminate it.

Lovelorn, in essence, is that the psychological balance of love is broken, which is the emotional disintegration between two people in love. The reasons for this imbalance are social, family and personal. The lovelorn children also send their emotions to the society! That's why there are so many behaviors!

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Psychological disorder of lovelorn

Now most lovelorn people can gradually treat lovelorn people correctly. However, some lovelorn people will have out-of-control and abnormal psychological reactions, especially some young people. Analyzing the psychological performance of lovelorn people, there are two kinds of bad psychological problems.

One is inferiority complex. Feel ashamed, fall into inferiority and despair, and some people are even cornered. In fact, lovelorn is a normal phenomenon in love life, not a mistake. So there is no problem of losing face.

The second is revenge. Some lovelorn people are irrational and vengeful. The result could be devastating. Especially because one party is immoral and leads to lovelorn, it is more likely to have revenge. In fact, if the other person's personality is low, you should be glad to say goodbye, and never lower your personality for a moment's anger. [ 1]

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Outstanding performance of psychological abnormality of lovelorn people

1, produce grief and indignation.

The lovelorn are immersed in extreme pain all day, chewing the pain of lovelorn repeatedly and tasting the bitter wine of life. Over time, lovelorn people will become emotionally fragile, withdrawn and difficult to get close to;

2, produce despair.

The cold water of lovelorn seems to extinguish the fire of lovelorn life. From then on, they lost confidence in everything, and some even embarked on the road of despair of suicide. For example, a girl from a university in M city jumped out of the boys' dormitory that afternoon because of her love failure, which tragically ended her young life.

3, produce extreme psychology

The lovelorn denied the whole sex, occupation, birthplace and even love itself from a lovelorn, so they entered a single boat without marriage for life. According to the survey of sociologists, the reason why most male bachelors don't get married is because their first love failed;

4. Have revenge.

The lovelorn blamed all their pains on the abandonment of the other party after lovelorn, so some took despicable measures to discredit the other party; Some people take risks and hurt each other with violence to vent their hatred in their chests. A graduate student of a university in Shanghai, because of his love failure, rushed to the other unit and hacked to death with an axe, regardless of morality and law.

The above kinds of psychology are abnormal, which will bring great harm to the lovelorn and society. Therefore, lovelorn people should pay special attention to maintaining mental health, face the reality and actively seek various ways and means to alleviate the depression, anxiety and anger caused by lovelorn.

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Methods of adjusting psychological balance

The following only introduces several ways to adjust psychological balance from the emotional aspect:

1, emotional sublimation method

That is, when young men and women are lovelorn, they put

Some behaviors and desires that are directly expressed will be punished or have adverse consequences, which are in a noble direction and beneficial to society and oneself. This is the sublimation of feelings. Goethe, the great German writer, was not depressed because of his lovelorn love, but wrote the autobiographical novel Young Werther with passion, leaving a precious legacy in the history of world literature.

2. Emotional catharsis

People who are lovelorn should not bury their pain in their hearts for a long time, let alone savor it all the time. Instead, they should find some relatives and friends to talk about their troubles, vent their pain and troubles on their mood and reduce their mental load.

3. Emotional transfer method

The lovelorn can transfer their feelings as soon as possible and find new love, thus diluting the pain of lovelorn, healing the trauma of the soul and moving towards a new life. There is a saying that a blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise. Madame Curie's love story is the best example. Imagine young Maria not wanting to face it. "He will come back." If Leah really succeeded in her first love with her eldest son, could she become Madame Curie later respected by the world? There are three ways to transfer emotions: one is to find a new lover; The second is to join the embrace of nature; Third, actively participate in the collective life, pay their own feelings and love, so as to get rid of emptiness and pain.

Of course, in addition to emotional adjustment, there are many ways to treat the psychological imbalance of lovelorn people, such as psychological counseling, correct understanding, self-transformation, learning methods and obeying the law. , not discussed here.

In short, lovelorn is painful. However, as long as the lovelorn does not lose his ambition, he will rise from lovelorn. Then, we can not only avoid the psychological imbalance after lovelorn, but also make ourselves progress and grow faster and better.

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Get rid of lovelorn

After falling in love, you go shopping crazily, chat with strangers, and secretly call in tears at night ... don't worry, and don't be ashamed. These behaviors are normal and necessary.

(1) "Since then, he has no beloved clothes, so let him go down to the West Building in the bright moon". The lovelorn feel ashamed, fall into inferiority and pity, lose hope, move towards cowardice and isolation, even despair and suicide, and become victims of love.

(2) "I didn't see you last year, tears wet my sleeves." People who are lovelorn have deep feelings for people who give up on themselves. They are full of fond memories and fantasies about their love life, deceiving themselves and denying the existence of lovelorn love, thus falling into the quagmire of unrequited love. Some people will have a special emotional contradiction-love and hate, unable to extricate themselves.

(3) "It's like I hate my ileum." . The lovelorn are desperate and furious because of lovelorn, lose their senses, have revenge psychology, and have a destructive ending; Or from now on, I am cynical, suspicious of everything, unhappy with everything and complaining; Or cynical, muddle along, seek excitement and vent their dissatisfaction.

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Self-adjustment method

The bad mentality of lovelorn will seriously affect the physical and mental health of teenagers and even trigger a series of social problems. Therefore, unfortunate people who are suffering from lovelorn love must learn to adjust themselves and save themselves. Here are the following methods:

1. Talk.

People who are lovelorn will have bad emotions such as regret, regret, anger, account adjustment, disappointment and loneliness. So they should find something to talk about, get it off their chest and release their psychological load. You can pour out your troubles and anguish to your intimate friends without reservation in spoken English, and listen to their comfort and comments, so that your mood will be more calm. You can also use writing methods, such as keeping a diary or writing letters, to record your distress, or show it to yourself or send it to friends, so as to release your distress and find psychological comfort and sustenance.

Step 2 be absorbed

Timely and appropriately transfer emotions to other people, things or things other than the lovelorn object. For example, after being lovelorn, develop a closer relationship with same-sex friends, exchange ideas, pour out their depression, and seek enlightenment and comfort; Actively participate in various recreational activities to relieve depression and cultivate temperament; Into nature, into the broad mind of nature, can be comforted. Of course, this is a suitable way to keep close contact with other members of the opposite sex.

dredge

It refers to the "I" liberated by reason, and reminds, hints and overcomes feelings with the rational "I". Think about it, love is based on mutual love and should not be forced by wishful thinking. We should respect each other's right to choose a lover. You can also do the opposite, think more about each other's shortcomings, analyze your own advantages, and get up the courage to meet a new life. It can also be imagined that lovelorn is a lost opportunity, but it allows you to enter another world full of opportunities. As Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes for you, another door of happiness will open in front of you."

yearn for

The positive attitude of lovelorn people will update and sublimate their "self" and devote themselves to their work, so many lovelorn people have created brilliant achievements. Historical celebrities, such as Goethe, Beethoven, romain rolland, Nobel, Madame Curie, Newton, etc. Have experienced brokenhearted. They can be described as a model of renewing their "self" through struggle and actively transferring the pain of lovelorn. (Article source: Sanjiu Health Network)

First, I don't want to face it. "He will come back."

"I don't love you anymore. I'm leaving." He said this sentence so clearly, you are still analyzing whether this sentence has other meanings. He took everything, leaving only a toothbrush (old toothbrush) and a book (reading). Isn't this a sign? Anyway, you don't think he can never go back.

You carefully reflect on his every move and every word, always trying to prove one thing: he will come back. You wait for him sadly but hopefully, as long as the elevator in the corridor moves or the phone rings, is this him?

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Psychologists' point of view:

Self-denial is the most painful mental trauma of human beings. Losing love means denying past feelings and being at fault for the future, so it hurts us deeply. The brain filters some information, and we refuse to accept some facts because subconsciously, we are not ready to accept the blow.

Second, anger, "He is a complete jerk!"

Reality finally appeared, but you can't believe it. How dare he treat you like this? You stopped crying, but you trembled with anger. He has no right to treat you like this, it's too much! At this time, your purpose is only one: answer blows with blows. Seducing another man or insulting him can start with his nakedness. You said contemptuously to him, "In fact, you have never made me happy!" " "Smash his window when no one is around, make an anonymous call to his new girlfriend, and take revenge without hesitation at the first opportunity.

Psychologists' point of view:

We are no longer children who rule the world by crying. The feeling of losing control makes us furious, just like a child would rather smash a toy that he can't get, and since he can't get it, he will destroy it. Anger helps to relieve the pain of the first moment of lovelorn love, let us forget the pain and vent our emotions. After the cooling-off period of anger, the pain will haunt you again. "He has a light at home."

Third, he's really gone, and this time you're sure.

Moreover, he has no intention of turning back, let alone "having a good talk" with you. But you think he can't have forgotten you, and he has no right to live happily when you are in pain. So you call him 20 times an hour and he doesn't answer? You keep leaving him messages, but he still ignores them? Just wait for him downstairs; He has a girlfriend again? You followed him after work. You wander around him like a ghost, but you don't know what you want.

Psychologists' point of view:

We couldn't accept the fact that he was avoiding us, so we put all our energy into catching him. Since you can't leave anyone to yourself, the result of this entanglement is bound to be harmful to yourself. We should clearly realize that he has the right to have a life that we have no right to interfere with, and freedom is everyone's right; If we don't respect this truth, we will eventually lose our dignity.

Fourth, despise, "This guy is worthless anyway."

He doesn't want you anymore? It couldn't be better. You don't want him yet. You didn't want him long ago! He is not good at all, not rich, not considerate, and his shortcomings are a dime a dozen. You ask yourself how you can stand him for so long. This man is very funny and has no taste in clothes. He left at the right time, because you don't know how to remind him, for fear of hurting his self-esteem. Let him make a fool of himself in other people's places, and you should stop putting up with him!

Psychologists' point of view:

In order to avoid being hurt too much, we instinctively criticize each other. But we have made so many efforts in vain, making ourselves feel that he is not worthy of love, and we know what we have missed. The real blow has passed, which is a good sign. We can use our contempt for him to regain our confidence and turn our attention elsewhere.

5. Self-pity: "He never loved me, and no one will really love me in the future."

When the outside world is cold and cruel, what is safer than shrinking in your cocoon? A pajamas, a comfortable sofa, a TV that doesn't rest day and night, the outside world is not so terrible. You stay at home and don't want to go to work (why do you work and who are you busy for? You don't want to go to those old friends (what's the use if you can't help at a critical moment? If you sleep in the dark and eat without restraint, who will pity you? Nobody! You said to yourself painfully. In order to forget the pain, you drown your sorrows in wine. You know that the best way to forget a man is to fall in love with another man, so you deliberately seduce the male colleague who doesn't really seduce you ... You always cry when you get home, and the manufacturer of facial tissues must be laughing and spend a lot every day.

Psychologists' point of view:

Since the outside world is not controlled by your will, we are more inclined to deny its existence and close ourselves. In order to regain inner strength, this self-enclosed stage is essential. But not too long, we can't stay at this stage forever. The best way is to make a contract with ourselves: we will be closed at home for a fixed period of time and then try to go out and face the outside world.

Sixth, compromise, "If I lose two kilograms, he will definitely come back."

After the most melancholy period, we feel full of strength again, and everything becomes possible again. Does he fall in love with girls with thin legs because he thinks my legs are too thick? Then I'll do some exercise to make him change his mind. If the extra two kilograms of fat let him slip away, it means that if I lose these two kilograms, he will definitely be interested in me again. If I learn to cook, he will fall in love with me again ... why didn't I think of that? As long as I put it into action, he will definitely change his mind. Even if he has a new girlfriend.

Psychologists' point of view:

This stage is very helpful for psychological recovery, because the sad man is no longer the enemy in our mind, he has become a driving force. Whether he can really come back or not, the efforts made at this time are good for us.

Although we do it for him, our efforts will always pay off and we will benefit ourselves. Sometimes motivation and result are not necessarily related.

Seven, fake happiness "It's good to be single, I can do whatever I want."

Now you're all right! You feel good, even great. You are a happy single lady. You don't need love or a man. You go out to play every night and dance until the early hours of the morning, and nobody cares about you. You are free, and your schedule is more full than that of the minister. It's all fun activities, parties with new friends ... you're busy. Once you have a little leisure, you can't wait to find something to fill this time. You accept all the invitations, chat with strangers online and take part in the latest speed dating. How interesting!

Psychologists' point of view:

At this stage, we fill the void with uncontrolled fanaticism. In order not to let ourselves have time to be sad, we fill every minute. We show excessive and false interest in many things. It is best to use this exciting period to do some constructive work. Instead of learning to play the flute, it is better to make up English crazily.

Eight, sad "after all, I spent some unforgettable days with him ..."

Your enthusiasm faded, and you realized that you missed him very much. You act like a girl who misses her first lover: when you are sure that he is not at home, you call his home just to listen to the voice on his answering machine; You dialed his number and you hung up as soon as he got through; You wander around his neighborhood; Be in a daze with tears in front of the cinema on the first date; At home, you walk around in his old t-shirt; You pack up your past things and stare at his photos-this man is still very handsome. You set up some meetings and want to reconnect with him.

Psychologists' point of view:

Be careful, if you see him again, you will probably sleep with him again, and then repeat your lovelorn journey. This is first and foremost a biological phenomenon: the brain tends to miss things that are already familiar. The life we have experienced makes us feel more secure than the future life. Afraid of moving forward, we deliberately beautify the past.

Instantly, but if we want to move forward, this should be a neglected aspect.

9. Understand, "What happened in the past?"

You decide to turn the page completely, but you need to find out what happened in the past. Is this man unworthy of love, or have you done something wrong? Is your cooking really hard to swallow? Are you really not gentle enough to know how to get along with men? There may be no answers to these questions, but if you don't think about them, you may never understand what the problem is. Everyone has his own way of analysis. Some people will deeply analyze themselves, some people will ask friends and relatives around them, and even find the answer from the parties.

Psychologists' point of view:

Finding answers is a natural and healthy behavior. Without it, we can't move forward. Of course, we won't know all the secrets, but we should find an acceptable answer.

X. Freedom, "Life is wonderful!"

You're surprised that you haven't thought of him for days. You start to want to make some changes in your life, buy a new sofa or find a new job. Accidentally, you changed your hairstyle and bought some new clothes that he wouldn't like. You rediscovered the little pleasures in life. You have become cheerful again. The curly-haired man in the library has beautiful eyes. It's strange that you didn't notice it before. You feel relaxed. Of course, when I think of him, my heart will still ache faintly, but you really don't want this matter to torture you any more.

Psychologists' point of view:

That's great. There is no need for anesthesia, and the time to be released has finally come. Now you can finally focus on other things: work, friends, and the curly-haired Cosmetic Contact Lenses guy who is interested in you.

Tips: the benefits of lovelorn love (maybe you don't realize it)

Your charm in the eyes of the opposite sex has greatly improved, and men have a tendency to "save beauty".

Having an "ex-boyfriend" in your love history will make you talk more about new boyfriends.

When you think that all you care about is "salary, position and house", the pain of lovelorn makes you realize that the spiritual world is stronger in order to ensure the quality of life. From now on, pay less attention to some materials.

Being lovelorn makes you five years younger, and you find yourself naive.

Missing someone is better than being indifferent to any man.

When you are lovelorn, you will have many friends.

Being lovelorn gives you an excuse to try things you usually dare not try: getting drunk alone in a bar, flirting with strangers and so on.

Being lovelorn may make you pay attention to your career from now on.

Without lovelorn love, how can you change your lover aboveboard?

How can I become a master of love without falling in love again and again?

Lovelorn is not fun, it makes us heartache, makes us cry, and makes us lose all desires. In fact, the feeling of being lovelorn is very similar to the hopscotch game we played when we were young. Every box must be skipped to reach its destination. With the help of the above suggestions, we can quickly stride through the only way and reach the other side of freedom.

Lovelorn. "Which girl doesn't fall in love, which man doesn't fall in love", especially young people, will fall in love because of their physical and psychological maturity. True love is what young men and women aspire to. It's like a sweet glass of wine, which makes people intoxicated. However, it is a dialectical natural law to be lovelorn.