Some nights in June

About this time of year, the huge purple flowers of Lagerstroemia indica, the big flower downstairs in the residential area 1, begin to climb the branches, just around the corner, usually a very inconspicuous corner. Because of this sudden appearance of large purple flowers, rich green branches and leaves, and occasionally exposed beige warm walls, it has become the most prominent scenery in the whole community. Big purple and big green, the two strongest colors, like a palette accidentally knocked over by nature, inadvertently bring out the most beautiful colors, wonderful balance and harmony.

All the year round, I actually like this time best. The weather may be a little hot, but the whole environment is surrounded by a bright green except for all kinds of buildings planted on the ground. Whether you open the curtain and look out of the window, or leave the house and building, you can see a vibrant green. Whether you are in the community, in the park, on the road or on the mountain, there is a vibrant and colorful green everywhere. This kind of green is different from the old and mature green revealed in the distant mountains in other seasons, and it is obviously still growing. In June in the south, there is plenty of sunny weather. The sky is always so blue and so high, and occasionally a few cotton-wool clouds float by, soothing and light, as white and beautiful as a dream that never wants to wake up. It is still early summer, and the pace of spring has not gone far. The growth momentum accumulated by plants in spring is just right at this time. The grass is green, and lawns and lawns are dotted among tall buildings like green blankets. Plumeria stretches a large area of green leaves, like handfuls of open green cattail leaf fans, impatiently brewing flowers. The banyan, mango, camphor, linden and other trees on the roadside have straight branches and a big green umbrella, which brings a shade to passers-by.

Green represents one of the brightest and most vigorous vitality around the whole world in June, which makes people feel bright at the moment and can't help but stretch out. All kinds of small thoughts and desires in their hearts are ready to move and try.

On some nights in June, the night covered the lively and bright green branches and leaves during the day as if juice were dripping down. The whole world was shrouded in a warm and humid night. Just after the flood season, abundant rain promoted the growth of all kinds of green plants, and everyone grew wildly. At night in the city, street lamps are everywhere. Even if there is no moonlight, everything is hazy and light and shadow are interlaced. With the impression left by the day, the outline shadows of plants become clear and vivid in this dark night. Night is like a continuation of another form of day, which enriches the posture of plants and brings them a different style and beauty.

I like walking downstairs in the community on such a night. Wearing a light and cool silk dress, the warm beige texture of the skirt is dotted with brown dots. The evening breeze blows gently, and I walk lightly on the cement road that is not so bright, feeling the lush plant world on both sides of the road, and feeling that I am also a member of the green plants. It is best to form a beautiful flower bed underframe with smooth and slender branches like plumeria, with green and full leaves on it. The wind at night passes through my body, and the moonlight shines on it. I feel that I am about to open a flower.

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However, it is rare to feel that you are about to bloom a flower at night. June for me, although I like its vitality, I always feel sad and disappointed. Eliot once said that April is the cruelest season, because dead branches sprout new buds, just like new life grows on a corpse. For me, June is the cruelest season of the year. Reading when you are young, every June represents the end of a school year or even a life stage, which makes you feel that time flies, and time is no longer there, and you have to silently take stock of your growth and gains, gains and losses. Later, I became a teacher, and June is also the graduation season and parting season every year. After the college entrance examination, the students made a hullabaloo about, threw their books into the sky crazily, and vented the pressure and pain accumulated by studying hard for more than ten years in the cold window. All struggles and struggles with fate have a reasonable reason to vent at this moment. The exam is over, the results haven't come out yet, everything is good and bad, what we should bear and what we shouldn't bear, this moment is far away, uncertain and unknown, but obviously, we are leaving now. We have been classmates for several years and have forged a deep friendship. Now, we have parted ways, and some students will not know when they meet again. At that time, as a teacher, I watched my classmates sit on the campus lawn after the college entrance examination, drinking beer, singing, laughing, making noise and then crying. I am really emotional and envious. At that time, I was also confused about my future. I always feel that being a teacher is not the most suitable career for me, but I don't know what I am suitable for and what I can do. At that time, I envied the children who took the college entrance examination. The future is like a beautiful picture before me. They have brushes in their hands, so they can draw beautiful colors and pictures. As for me, I feel that everything I can predict in the future seems completely different from what I want, but I really don't know where it is. Really confused and confused!

Later, I came to Fuzhou. It seems that everyone in life moved to the capital in June. In such a lush month, my mind has become extremely sensitive and delicate. In June, the pain and disappointment of loving but not wanting often bothered me. And I find myself so weak that I can't cope with all the impermanence and mutation in my life, even the slightest resistance.

I put away all my tears, pain and frustration, put them under my pillow and chew them carefully in the moonlight at night. I wonder if one day these sleepless nights will be like the clam shell that accidentally swallowed a big gravel and finally polished a clear pearl.

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Now that I think about it, at first, the night in June was really quiet! The sky, the earth and the trees on the roadside are all calm and still, and even the moonlight is stagnant. Such a night is easily reminiscent of the sea at five o'clock in the morning. The sea is like a piece of blue silk with a deep and heavy texture. The deep blue sea is surging, just like someone dragging this huge and boundless thick silk in the depths, and endless sadness surges over and over again. It is also like the Minjiang River in March. At the beginning of the rainy season, the water on the mountain was washed down by mud and gravel and slowly flowed into the river. The river is boundless, showing a muddy cyan with unknown texture. The boat splits the water, just like the water Niu Geng crosses the field, and the river trembles. It is a huge and heavy blue paste, and there is a description of "the riverside is as green as blue" in ancient poems.

The moonlight in June is the newly formed tofu flower, with a slight heat and a warm and white texture that people can't bear to touch.

In the silent night, I can hear the occasional sound of cars passing by on the road downstairs, and I can feel the slight touch of car tires flying over the cement road. The moonlight shines on the earth, the breeze blows the leaves, the grass sleeps and the flowers doze.

After that, this silence was broken by the monotonous cicada sound. If there are sounds all year round, it will be frogs in spring, fallen leaves in autumn, snowflakes falling in winter and cicadas singing in summer. One cicada, two cicadas, three cicadas, and countless cicadas make a sound together, which is always a long "squeak-"sound. They seem to only know this sound. It is said that the life span of cicada after molting is only a few weeks. Before they die, they will lay the next generation of eggs. In four years, larvae will be born underground. Then, they will climb out of the ground, climb trees and transform from ground cicadas to real cicadas, but only for a few short weeks. In this short time, cicadas sang with all their strength, as if they had been dormant in the endless darkness underground for too long. When they finally saw this colorful world, they were so happy that they couldn't wait to join the chorus of their peers and express their inner joy and excitement with this heartfelt "tut-". In fact, God has no time for them to learn to make more noise.

Four years of darkness brought a few short weeks, but in fact those weeks were just for mating. If it were you, would you be as happy as this cicada, without complaint, and sing a song to your heart's content?

And cicadas don't care so much? Life is so short, how dare you use it to feel sad and sigh, sing and have fun!

The moon on the horizon rose to the top of the tree, scaring away the magpies perched on the branches.

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Silent nights are suitable for reading and meditation.

In this quiet June, I read several novels of modernist schools, such as The Moon and Sixpence by Mao Mu, The Blade, The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, The Plague by Camus, The Outsider and so on. It is strange that such a good novel was known in college, and why it took ten years to be really read carefully. At that time, I was addicted to romantic and realistic works, like the sadness, the truth, the goodness and the beauty, and the indomitable will to life. Modernist works emphasize a alienation. After the industrial revolution, social productive forces developed rapidly, which had a strong impact on traditional handicrafts and agriculture in the farming era. People have become fixed screws in the production line, human feelings are constantly being squeezed, and the relationship between people is becoming more and more indifferent and alienated. Faced with the one-sided pursuit of money and interests, how many people can continue to maintain the good feelings of truth, goodness and beauty in front of money and interests, and continue to adhere to their spiritual and moral heights? So we can see in the works that strickland, who gave up London's economy, status and fame and devoted himself to the art of painting, has not been recognized by the whole society, but has reached the peak of art; The great Gatsby, a simple and kind young man, became a victim of that era in the process of pursuing his dream. Hopeless love, false sincerity and persistent pursuit make Gatsby's death seem so insignificant. When people stay away from tea, Gatsby's prosperous life and tragic life after death are really a mirror of the ethos of that era, a perfect irony.

What do people live for? Such a proposition may be too grand, but it is an unavoidable problem for everyone who is born as a human being.

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Imagine a dull world, everything is related to me, and nothing is directly connected with me. It's like a tree growing on the boundless Yuan Ye, and it's empty around, as if it's the only tree left. But just because there is no tree of the same species, we can't deny the connection between this tree and the whole world. Rooted land contains it, and sunshine and rain nourish it. The gale in "Yuan Ye" brought it distant information, at the same time, it also conveyed its information to the distance.

No one can be an island, and so is our relationship with the world.

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I saw this passage in an article:

Environment is produced by thought. The most easily out of control is the human heart. I will be in high spirits when I meet good things, and I will be depressed and sad when I meet bad things. You should know that changes will follow you, and good and bad moments will be reversed. If people follow, the ups and downs will be compared with each other, and they will suffer.

Why is this happening?

Because I value things related to myself too much.

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One ordinary night in June, I had a strange dream.

It's like going back to childhood. In the ancestral temple, which has not been completely decorated, there are bluestone floor tiles, two tall wooden columns, and the walls painted with white ash are mottled, and grass clippings and clay tablets are faintly exposed. Probably doing a festival, the elders of the clan wear ancient costumes and eat around a square table. I am surrounded by a group of people, a group of people with lower seniority status in the clan, and I am also in the crowd. I can't see the faces of these parents clearly, and I can't tell if I know them all. I don't know who made a suggestion that we should watch an old DVD. Someone immediately moved in a projector, and the film curtain was opened, right in front of the square table. A group of people (images) have gone through fifty or sixty years. The picture shows the daughter of the uncle next door going back to her hometown to visit relatives. In the dim light and shadow, my uncle's daughter, whose dream name is Jin Lan, is bowing to her parents with her new husband. I didn't know this cousin in my dream, but I often heard her name from my grandmother's generation. In the picture, Jin Lan is young and beautiful, with a shy face, and her husband is a wussy cultivator. Seeing this, everyone exclaimed together, how nice! How great the power of science and technology is! Movies retain the image of people. After all these years, we are old, but Jin Lan and her husband in the photo are still so young! As soon as the camera changes, Jin Lan and her husband go to see the bride. Jin Lan doesn't approve of the red headscarf. She is all smiles. Her husband wore a braid of the Qing Dynasty, a black hat and a holiday dress with black trim. Everyone watched with relish. My sister-in-law Bing suddenly jumped out and shouted the name of "Jin Lan". Her voice was extremely sad and painful. She wanted to capture the image of Jin Lan, but after all, she closed her eyes. Dream here, vaguely conscious, as if to say, where are the movie materials? You can keep your image, but you can't keep your real life. The feeling of sadness and pain seems to capture everyone's heart in the dream, and the scene becomes very chaotic and sad.

I woke up after dreaming about this place. After waking up, I still stay in the dream situation, and the images projected in the dream are constantly reappearing in front of my eyes. In the silent night, my heart became unusually awake and sad.

Well, it's a mirror flower after all.