What do men think when they break up after two years of love?

When a person breaks up, there is only one real idea:-My life will be better without you in the future!

Many girls like to threaten their boyfriends by breaking up, making them coax themselves and bow to themselves, but few men will choose to threaten their boyfriends by breaking up. They often choose to break up with their girlfriends for only one reason. They are completely tired of this relationship. They believe that their future will be happier without you!

I just received a letter from a fan, which actually explains the truth very well.

Basic information of restorer: Kobayashi, 2 1 year old, graduate student.

Content of the letter:

We are the same age and studied in the same school for 500 days. Yesterday, he felt that I was a very emotional person, and that I was difficult to coax, which put him under great pressure.

The reason for breaking up is that we had a conflict the other day. He bought a gift to coax me, and I was unhappy at that time, so I was a little cold to him. The next day, he went shopping with me and had a good chat. He asked me why it was so cold yesterday.

I explained to him that he was unhappy, but he had to bow to me. He felt very humble.

After that, it broke up in discord and there was no contact for a long time. I sent him a message saying that I had been wronged before, and he returned.

In the evening, he asked me to meet him and broke up with me. He put up with it.

I'm surprised. Why did he break up? I told him that I wanted another chance, and he cried and told me that he had thought about it many times and really didn't want to continue.

I was very sad after the separation. He was my first love and I was his first love. We are all the only children in the family. My mother is fierce in my house. Father will hit me, and I will quarrel with them. Their family has a wide range of management and little communication.

Then, something we did before should have been done a long time ago. He said he would deliver it to me this morning, but he left after delivery. Our contact information is still there, and even the photos of the couple have not changed. Can I keep it? (at the end of the letter)

From 0 10 to 10 10, in Kobayashi's letter, it is obvious that when two people are together, her boyfriend has deep feelings for her, but when they break up, they seem very determined. Even if you cry, you still insist on breaking up. What makes her boyfriend's feelings for her change from loving her step by step to letting go?

In fact, there are four problems that are easy to make in the first love:

Both of them have lived too much for themselves.

Xiao Lin and her boyfriend are both only children. What are the common problems of the only child? Self-centered, a little accommodation makes you feel sacrificed and paid, which is too uncomfortable.

But why do others seem to be self and I am unconscious?

From a psychological point of view, this is called' reverse rationalization' and also called self-defense effect. People will make rational explanations for their actions, because we subconsciously think that self-worth is always correct.

Take Kobayashi as an example. She didn't understand what her boyfriend said before, which made her very unhappy. Now that her boyfriend has apologized and said a good word, she still chooses not to go downstairs in the cold, because she feels that she has no psychological problem and all the problems are on her boyfriend.

Two people lack good communication skills.

What is the biggest difference between communication and speaking?

Talking means I don't care whether you listen or not, whether you understand or not.

Just like when two people quarrel, they express their grievances blindly, regardless of whether the other party can listen at the moment.

Communication is for effective communication, and its purpose lies in the transmission of information and the circulation of emotions.

In an intimate relationship, effective communication means that two people talk to each other and listen to each other, reaching the feelings of * * *, but in Kobayashi's letter, it is difficult for me to read out her grievances and unwilling sympathy for her predecessor. She can only feel her own grievances.

As the letter said at the beginning, my predecessor felt that Kobayashi was not easy to coax, but Kobayashi felt that he had made progress. If two people are telling the truth, how can they get each other's approval?

In fact, through communication, let the other party hear, understand and listen to your thoughts.

Of course, one of the reasons here is that they are still too young, only 2 1 year-old, and have been living on campus, and their lives are relatively simple.

Feelings have different proportions in life.

Although Xiaolin didn't say what her predecessor was busy with that day, I can guess that she was probably angry alone in the dormitory, classroom and library. If she had gone out with her best friend that day, she wouldn't be so angry with her boyfriend.

Another important reason why Xiaolin is angry is that she is focused on the love of two people, while her predecessor is not.

This is largely

In fact, because of the different thinking between men and women, boys often think that love is over and they can do other things, but girls only begin to really invest in this relationship after they fall in love, and this gender difference can easily lead to differences in life. Two people have different expectations about the way they get along in intimate relationships.

In fact, from Kobayashi's last words, we can see that the family atmosphere in Descendants is very different.

The intimate relationship of an adult is a projection of his family background.

Kobayashi's mother is very strict with Kobayashi, so she is also very strict with her boyfriend. Or maybe she quarreled because of one sentence, and thought that her boyfriend should be responsible for explaining the words to me, not that the speaker and the obedient person made mistakes in communication.

In order to recover, Kobayashi and his predecessor, both students, came to the step of breaking up. In the final analysis, there are two major problems, the collapse of comfort and the accumulation of negative emotions. If you want to recover, you need to rationalize negative emotions and pave the way for comfort. It is suggested to use the recovery method of "finding three strokes, four strokes and five quotations in one minute".

Break up (online communication only)

When a boy decides to break up, it just means that he doesn't love.

Even if everyone can still communicate with Meimei, it may be more because of emotional inertia, so what girls have to do is to accept the breakup and give everyone room for independent thinking.

I think girls need this space more than boys. Love is beautiful, but it is not good to regard love as the only focus of life.

Find a new node (online communication only)

They are both students in the same university. In fact, there must be a lot of contact in life. Try to find something interesting but different from before to contact each other and bring him a new and comfortable experience.

But in both stages, try to communicate online. After all, distance produces beauty because you were too close before.

Liao Han

When the comfort level of the second stage is set, we can make an appointment to meet for dinner. When you meet Doby boy, you can gently push him, hold his hand and even hug him.

You know, just physical contact, our body's oxytocin level will increase and cortisol will decrease. You know, the former makes people feel peaceful and happy, while the latter makes people feel stressed.

Core anchor

After going back and forth in the second and third stages, the comfort between two people will be more stable. At this time, girls can try to talk about the reasons that caused you to break up before, apologize a little, and then tell each other that you shouldn't be angry about it because you just want to spend the day with him.

Induced recombination

In fact, in the more than a year when two people get along, the accumulated contradictions should be far more than just the problem of breaking up. This requires two people to take out those contradictions one by one in the process of recovery, and after the contradictions are almost solved, they can consider luring each other to get back together.

Here is a practical method. Ask him to go to a dark place, such as a cinema or a coffee shop. People will feel safer in a dark space and are more willing to relax their vigilance against the people around them. When you push it to a certain extent, he will ask you something, which may be further touching. At this time, you can retreat tactically and tell him:

"Our relationship is just friends, and some things are not so good. Just ... I also want to go back to the past, but how can I go back to the past? "

When the other party hears this, they will naturally understand what you are implying. If he agrees to get back together, everyone will be happy, but if he is completely unmoved, it is very likely that your previous "234" is not thorough enough and he is still dissatisfied with you. Go back to shopping for comfort.

Although it's a bit of a trademark, it's really not difficult to make amends between classmates. As long as two people can see each other's emotional efforts, recognize each other's efforts, and let each other feel your approval, this relationship can often last well.

However, if you are determined not to compromise and change because of the face problem, and you have been waiting for the other party to bow their heads first and save them first, then this relationship is likely to end in failure, and you can't really grow up in this relationship.

Do you want to know what your ex thinks of you? One-minute test, let you know what TA wants to say to you most:

1. Do you quarrel over trifles when you are together?

Yes, I often feel very tired-skip to question 2.

Rarely quarrel over trifles-skip to question 2.

Occasionally, but we can make up soon-skip to question 3.

2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?

Yes-skip to question 3.

No-Skip to question 4.

3.will 3. TA volunteered to tell you about her troubles?

Often say-skip to question 5

Not that much-skip to question 4.

Will you tell your parents the process of your love?

I often tell my parents everything-skip to question 6.

Occasionally, when they ask, they just say-skip to question 5.

There is almost nothing to say, nothing to say-skip to question 5.

5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?

Everything is mine, and it is mine after all-skip to question 7.

Try hard and you may succeed-skip to question 6.

Try my best to get everything I want.

6. Did you break up because there was a third party?

Yes. -a

No-skip to question 7

7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?

Yes -d

No-c

What's your final answer? Is it a, b, c or d?

Test results can be obtained by private mail!

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.