Why is simple truth meaningless in an argument?

Recently, Xiao Wang, his wife and mother-in-law have had a bad time. There is a simple reason. Near the Spring Festival, Xiao Wang returned to his hometown, thinking that he had not been at home for the New Year for several years. Usually his parents occasionally visit the city, and he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to buy, so he gave his parents 2000 yuan.

Unexpectedly, when she came back to talk to her wife Xiaoli, Xiaoli suddenly frowned. After a few quarrels, the two began to quarrel, and finally even the mother-in-law who helped bring the children to live together joined in. Of course, mother and daughter are on the same side.

Xiao Wang doesn't think it's necessary to haggle over every ounce to show his parents human nature during the holidays? Xiaoli was upset because her mother-in-law didn't help with the children. Her mother-in-law thinks that only when parents are too old to move can they get money. In this way, the war was in a stalemate.

It is common and normal for couples to quarrel and bicker. But once the war begins, it must have an ending. When two people are angry, they are often very arrogant. Maybe they really want to calm down. At this time, there is only one way: be reasonable, but Xiao Wang's idea is completely normal. Why can't you work and not listen?

1, IQ is zero in anger.

It is said that when angry, IQ is zero, mainly because when angry, the focus of the spirit is inner dissatisfaction rather than the facts behind it. People at this time often seem selfish, need to save themselves, and then lack attention to other things.

At the same time, angry people are easy to fall into another trap, that is, out of dissatisfaction with others, they deliberately turn a blind eye to reason, and even fight back against others with the opposite of reason to realize psychological pride, but this pride will soon disappear with a clear mind and eventually return to normal.

2. Truth is often endowed with more premises and restrictions.

It is said that filial piety is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, but there are countless news reports every day that the elderly are unwilling to support their parents. In the interview report, it may be sad and hateful to ask him why he has the heart to ignore his parents, but it is more like "she/he didn't help me with my children before", "he was partial to other brothers and sisters" and "he only spent money on his own feelings when he was young". But they forgot the fact that who raised him and who gave him so much.

People often remember others' unkindness to him, but forget all about it. Obviously, the simplest truth has become a conditional proposition for him; Obviously doing something wrong, you have to find a bunch of high-sounding reasons to shirk your responsibility. It all makes no sense!

3. Psychological distortion in comparison.

In Xiao Wang's case, Xiaoli thinks that her mother-in-law should give money even if she doesn't bring her children. In contrast, her mother didn't take money to help with the children (Xiao Wang once mentioned giving money, but Xiaoli didn't agree). In contrast, she feels more unfair. She naturally thinks that she has suffered a loss and is disgusted with her mother-in-law, so she insists on her own point of view: it should not be given, and there is no need to give it.

Many times, there is nothing when there is no comparison, but once there is a comparison object, there will be waves in my heart, and the good thing will instantly become a bad thing, and the good mood will immediately become bad; A decision suddenly changed his mind.

Actually, it's not necessary. In contrast, it will only disturb your mood, slow down your efforts, and even bring terrible harm. What you get is the dross of your thoughts and mental pressure, which is not good for yourself and others.

4. Different values lead to incorrect understanding.

In the final analysis, the misinterpretation and disapproval of the truth is caused by the differences in values. Differences in values come from all aspects, living environment, customs, but more importantly, parents' family education. Just like Xiaoli's point of view is similar to her mother's to some extent.

Therefore, under the command of different values, the understanding of truth is naturally varied and even distorted. Admittedly, in the face of this situation, the best way is to find more people to sit down and communicate face to face, learn to deny some of their own ideas in the collision of values, and let new ideas develop. The premise is that he should have enough consciousness and courage to accept and reflect on himself. Otherwise, even if the whole world is against him, he will go black all the way.

By the way, can quarreling make sense?