What you can't get is always in turmoil (the road to self-salvation for TV fans)

When I was in the sixth grade of primary school, there was a version of Heroes of Sui and Tang Dynasties starring Huang Haibing and Nie Yuan on TV, and it was a film with a bunch of old men with iron blood and tenderness as the main clue, like a light bulb that often lit up in the upper right corner of the animation. The sound of "bling" officially opened my enlightenment to men's colors, and I began to wonder what I was watching before watching TV.

For the first time, I found that besides the luxurious version of ice cream wrapped in peanuts, the exaggerated 54-color watercolor pen set brought by female students from well-off families in art class, there is something I can only dream of but can't get. Those are the depths of the chivalrous ocean that look great on TV. . . A man. Moreover, due to the limitations of the conditions at that time, my concept of the peak of men's looks in the world has not reached the height of Daniel Wu. I firmly believe that the most handsome man in the world is Vincent Chiao. Today, I don't think I was idolizing. This is really the beginning of love.

I became a "potato on the sofa" because I began to be keen on men's colors, and all my information sources at that time were only TV sets. In order to watch TV, I even took many extreme measures, such as fasting for three days, forcing my family to agree with the theory that "children should eat healthily even if they delay their studies." Anyone who stops me from watching TV is the wicked who beat Yuanyang with a stick, and all of them have boils. Sadly, I only succeeded in watching TV for half a day, because it had silently finished watching the main content when I was on a hunger strike, and I just watched a happy ending.

My mother's way to deal with me was to put the remote control in my bag and take it away. I felt that my IQ was not bad since I was a child. Our TV set is the one with only the main switch on the body. The remote control has mastered all the lifeblood. Every night before turning off the TV, I will find an excuse to take a look, switch to a channel that broadcasts idol dramas all the year round with a whoosh, and then simply turn it off so that I won't be scolded. My attempt is that when the remote control is not at home the next day, I turn on the TV or watch my preset TV, and no one can resist me. In fact, this step can also be omitted. Anyway, I watch whatever TV station I watch, which is not against the law. Many years later, my mother recalled that when I was a child, she would describe me as "smart enough to pick up any TV series at once", but at that time, my mother didn't praise me. She suffered a lot of embarrassment because she took the remote control away, such as buying food.

Later, in order to stop me from watching TV, my mother hid the remote control before going to work. I rummaged around at home for a long time and found that she hid the remote control in a big pocket under the wardrobe that I didn't wear all the year round. After three or four days, my mother found it again. She told my dad that I haven't been watching TV noisily recently, and when I come back from work every night, I find myself lying in my exercise book with a pink smile and little stars in my eyes. This is the typical satisfaction after watching TV. Later, my mother didn't deliberately hide the remote control, because our house is so big that it won't take me long to search the carpet.

They played a new trick, touching the back of the TV every day when they came home, and judging whether I didn't watch it or watched it for a while or for a long time according to the heat. When people are forced to watch it, they always have many ideas. When I first started watching TV, I didn't sit opposite the TV, but stood by and wiped my TV ass repeatedly with a wet towel. It's really dangerous to think about it now. God bless me for not being electrocuted.

If the TV has a chance to talk, it will definitely tell me: You have taken great pains for me and thanked me for my superb skills!

Later, my parents saw through my plot. According to my mother, she can smell something like burning in the air. After all this, I started junior high school. The TV used at that time was an analog signal. That year, the TV station asked every household to switch to digital signals. When I first installed the set-top box, I was going crazy. I never thought there were so many channels, as well as special animation channels, electronic game channels, Go channels and fishing channels. I dug them out of the backyard.

A month later, all these channels stopped, and I realized that these channels had to pay extra. My parents finally found a way to control me. They only paid CCTV 1 to CCTV 10. My mother likes to watch three channels, and my father likes to watch six channels. From 1 to 10 are news, economy, variety sports, movies, military TV series and science and education, which cover almost all the information they need, and these channels will not broadcast gossip and entertainment idols to me. I think those days are gray, but in addition, my father bought me two extra channels, "Middle School Students" and "Exam Online", and I began to accept these channels with tenacious adaptability. At that time, my inner belief was that I could see anything as long as I didn't have to study.

But those stupid things really have no value to see, and their spirit is extremely poor, which leads me to be paranoid. At that time, I had 72 favorite actors. I composed their names into songs, and the single was circulated all the time (or how to say that girls' feelings are always poems). I began to imagine what it would be like to live with them. I imagined what they liked to eat from the beginning. If they fall in love with me, how should I behave? I recalled all the TV dramas I watched, and pieced together different TV plots, such as the blue life-and-death love with become a butterfly and Gongsun Ce, which I made up. Just like a teenager masturbating for the first time, you don't have to worry about not watching TV anymore. Anyway, I can play in my head. Two hours before going to bed every day is the most free time to think. I'm already in bed, and no one can ask me to concentrate. I wandered in the small theater in my head and indulged in all kinds of life. I am so excited that I can't sleep, and it will be dawn when I look up again.

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Then I began to realize that everything was out of my control. Those bloody scenes are no longer my pastime of blinking my eyes with my hands on my chin. They began to ignore my brain, as if they would run by themselves, but they took a place in my brain and began to play by themselves. I can almost feel that my brain is divided into two parts. Part of it is under my control. It is in charge of my diet and daily life, and won't let me eat toothpaste or brush my teeth with rice. But this part of the brain seems to be getting smaller and smaller, while the other part is writing, directing and acting tirelessly, and the content is no longer relevant to me. Thinking about everything, I began to become a bystander of all stories.

After a while, it is conceivable that the brain is extremely tired and there is no blank rest in a daze. It kept running and I became "tired". In fact, the family exchanged glances and secretly communicated that "this child has reached puberty." At that time, I thought adolescence was an embarrassing word that made people blush and beat their hearts, but I couldn't explain that there was a scene in my mind. I still remember that the plot at that time was that a host of Hunan TV station and the judge teacher of a talent show of CCTV3 fell in love for nine years, but the world wouldn't let them be together. They went to the Alps together and poured out their love to each other at the top of the mountain. Suddenly, an avalanche happened, and both of them were killed. The family members got together and lamented why they didn't help them in the first place.

It's amazing, I didn't take geography class at first, I didn't hear about the Alps, and I didn't know when I had those hidden memories. Later, when I saw Romeo and Juliet for the first time, I thought the content was too cliche, and I could think of what would happen after every five minutes.

I think I'm getting to the point. I didn't know the term "point" at that time. I just have a general feeling that my brain is going to collapse and I am going crazy. Another person appeared in my mind, and it began to interfere with my life, making me unable to concentrate on listening to the teacher and finishing my homework.

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At that time, I would buy a magazine called "Expo for Middle School Students" every month, and the last advertisement page of a certain issue read in shocking red characters: Are you suffering from a "youth killer"! ! At the bottom of the topic, more than 30 symptoms are written in detail, and only three of them meet the requirements, that is, they suffer from what they call youth syndrome. Comparing them one by one, I feel that I meet the requirements of 15 and 16, including common symptoms such as "whether I can't concentrate when studying", but what makes me most moved is "whether I have the habit of masturbating, frequent nocturnal emission and dreaming", although I can now.

The advertisement said that they would treat patients individually and one-on-one under the condition of ensuring their privacy, and asked patients to tick the symptoms they encountered and send them to doctors, and the treatment was free, and at the same time, it was enough to send medicine and money. At the bottom, it is marked with "mild patients who meet Article 3 take medicine for a few days before fighting the disease themselves, 68 yuan", "moderate patients who meet Article 7 can basically recover into a good child wearing a bright red scarf after two courses of treatment, 268 yuan" and "severe patients who meet Article 10 need to take medicine for half a year and be treated by a doctor alone, 568 yuan". Although it seems that this scam has reached the bottom of readers' IQ, at that time,

All my actions suddenly had a reasonable explanation. I decided that I was sick, and it was a disgusting disease. Even the teacher has to skip the lesson of "changes in adolescence", and I actually got "puberty syndrome". Those days were really nights in Lacrimosa, and I felt very pitiful and terrible.

The climax of the event took place on a hot summer day. I lay in bed doing nothing. Thinking of other students, I must be sitting on a bright desk, studying neatly. My eyes are 35 cm away from the desk, my chest is a fist away from the desk, and I am writing my homework in black and blue ink. The future is as bright as a five-star red flag on my forehead, but I am still anxious to be tortured by illness. Is it active treatment or am I dying soon? I decided to stand up again with unusual sadness, so I called the contact number left by that hospital. I had planned to give me face and begged the doctor to treat me first with tears, and then give me money when I grew up.

"Your symptoms are very serious. If you don't pay close attention to treatment, the consequences will be unimaginable." This is the content of the other half of my brain. The semi-normal brain receives the message that such a big hospital phone number is actually a fucking empty number. Like an epiphany, I think it's a scam.

In my mind, it was the first time that I seriously and profoundly doubted my life and the truth of the information instilled in me by the outside world.

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Mr. Zhu Deyong once said in an interview: "I am like a child hiding in the house. It took a long time to reach out and have a look." Mr. Zhu also talked about his experiences as a teenager. His classmate wrote and asked him to ask when the post office would issue new stamps. Mr. Zhu took out all the money and told him not to ask. Before the age of 53, Mr. Zhu had been living in inferiority of interpersonal skills.

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Later, I found that if I do something with my heart, I can temporarily restrain those thoughts. I began to try to sort out those messy things in my mind, then write them in my notebook, slowly save them into several short stories, and then gradually become as ordinary as ordinary people. At the same time, I found that everyone feels special when they don't have enough life experience.

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My parents hated me the other day. I sit there reading novels every day. Can't you watch TV with us? I said I have changed, and my love for TV has caught up with my mother.

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Then I realized that what I can't get is always in turmoil.

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