Wei Zi treats macrosomia.

Personality is the external reflection of internal psychology. According to Eriksson's theory of personality development, everyone has to face his own personality crisis. The essence of education is actually the cultivation of personality. When a child's cognition is not enough to recognize the reality of this world, lacks the necessary socialization process, and gradually keeps his mind in line with the current reality, he can find the best posture to get along with this world!

With the gradual improvement of children's cerebral cortex, thinking becomes more complicated. They will encounter all kinds of problems, and they will try their best to understand all kinds of things with their brains. But before the lack of experience in this field, any information that comes into contact with life has become the material for brain thinking! But these messy information will make their thinking mode very absurd and will make their lives suffer many setbacks. In order to avoid setbacks, psychological age will stop developing, and with the gradual growth of physiological age, this is what we often call "giant baby"!

The core content of personality is self-cognition! In the current realistic environment, when children are shaped into examination machines, they don't know why they want to study in the sea of questions. They rigidly accept the teaching from their parents, teachers and people around them. If they can't keep up with these teachings and meet their parents' expectations, they can't get the necessary sense of security, value and identity in these environments, resulting in a double crisis of personality and psychology!

In other words, a mentally unsound person must have an unhealthy personality. Even if the mental illness is relieved by physiological drug treatment, as long as the personality crisis is not lifted, the possibility of mental illness erupting again will be greatly increased, which is also the reason why many children's depression and anxiety continue to recur. Consciousness therapy believes that only people with sound personality can cope with psychological crisis. A sound personality is the best life gift that parents from a family can give their children.

There are many reasons for imperfect personality. All psychological systems, including Eriksson, believe that there is a deviation in the cognition of this social reality, which is the most important factor leading to personality crisis. In other words, in the process of our gradual integration into this society, we didn't understand the truth of this world. We recognized this world through the mode of mind, and regarded the subjective needs of the mind as the requirements for this objective world, such as the train being late and not arriving on time. This is a common phenomenon in the objective world. Therefore, everything in the objective world is required to conform to my inner vision. When I was in "Origin and Fate", my parents might infinitely satisfy their children's inner requirements and beg the stars not to give them to the moon. But when they get to the society, this one is completely useless!

At this moment, there will be a strong conflict between the inner spiritual world and the external real world. The conflict could not be reconciled, and the body and mind began to split. In the end, it will be manifested in two forms, namely, mental illness and conduct disorder: one is internal self-evaluation and self-transformation, which is manifested in familiar psychological problems such as depression, anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Another situation is what we often call rebellion and rebellious psychology. For example, there are truancy, alcoholism and puppy love bullying. In psychology, this phenomenon is called conduct disorder!

A child with an imperfect personality cannot achieve the unity of body and mind. When he is taught by the belief that everything from his parents is inferior, only high school, he forms a mode of thinking to deal with the world, and then he will rigidly give up all other possibilities. When children can't meet their parents' expectations, they will reform themselves and judge themselves, and their self-awareness will be gradually suppressed, which may be reflected in the form of mental illness such as depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

A child with unsound personality, even if he can meet his parents' expectations temporarily, can't live out of me in the end because he lacks socialization. After graduating from Wei Yongkang University at the age of 65,438+07, he was admitted to the Institute of High Energy Physics, Chinese Academy of Sciences. He seemed to have a bright future, but he was dismissed by the Chinese Academy of Sciences after six months of enrollment. The only requirement of his parents is to study hard. He lost the ability to take care of himself. My tutor saw that the eggs on his chicken bed stinked. His explanation is that all the eggs I see have no shells, and I don't know what to do with them!

Children with unsound personalities always live in the expectations of their parents. Parents always expect you to live what they want to live but can't. Parents often control in the name of love. Zhang Yide, an international student from China, has caused a sensation in the whole parenting circle in China! Zhang Yide's father's parenting style can be said to be a model of successful parenting in China. He gave up his excellent job for his children, carved 250,000 English letters on vegetables and fruits, took more than 200,000 photos of his children on 17, and collected every award, every test paper and every composition of his children!

Of course, he did not live up to his father's expectations and was admitted to a prestigious school, but at the age of 20, he decided to end his life. Parents' excessive efforts have brought all kinds of pressures to children, making them full of guilt, self-blame and regret, and stumbling forward with the unbearable weight of life. Just like one of my case owners, his well-off parents took him to KFC, and her mother told her: Our family's money is only enough for you to eat, and it's okay for her to watch you eat. You should work hard in the future, and she will cry and eat! From then on, as long as I meet delicious food, I feel deeply guilty. At the same time, I hate my mother who gave me that kind of guilt. I have been trapped in this love-hate entanglement with my family and it is difficult to grow up.

Children with imperfect personality have long stopped developing at the psychological age, and their self-awareness is suppressed in the deepest part of the subconscious. With the gradual growth of their physical age, the conflict caused by repression is becoming more and more intense. As consciousness therapy says, anything that is repressed will break out sooner or later and need more energy to retaliate. The biggest psychological trait is to satisfy their own psychological demands and express their self-awareness, ignoring the ethics, laws and moral rules of this world, because they have not experienced the whole process of socialization, because no one guides them to do so.

Especially those children who stay at home, or whose families are neglected, are addicted to the internet, games and videos. They use this as material, constantly shaping their own stories, and gaining a sense of value, importance and security that is missing in real life. They lack the necessary awareness of the rules of family background. They don't know that the world runs by rules, in order to maintain their sense of security and importance. So I don't follow the rules and do whatever I want. For example, the bully on the high-speed rail doesn't think it's my fault, but thinks that the whole world has joined forces to deal with itself, which has brought the greatest frustration. This is the embodiment of personality deviation.

Personality disorder lacks the most basic emotional psychology of human beings, and obtains some psychological satisfaction through extreme behavior. In the news, 13-year-old children abused and killed 7-year-old children, which is the extreme manifestation of this psychological state. At the age of lying in my parents' arms, I haven't had time to take a closer look at the world. My ignorant eyes are full of worship compared with my brother, and my immature voice shows my weakness. The abused child died gradually after a lot of pain. He may not understand why he was so unlucky until he died. It's also hard for people to understand why a child of 13 years old would do such extreme behavior!

To sum up, children's psychological personality state is closely related to their family background, just like the relationship between seedlings and soil. When there is a problem with the seedlings, it is not necessarily a problem with the seedlings, but also a problem with the soil. The more controlling parents or caregivers in family of origin are, the more likely their children will have personality and psychological disorders. Controlling parents hope that everything needs to develop under their own control based on their inner insecurity. The desire for control shown by this is imposed on children in the name of love and strict requirements, which has a strong collision and conflict with children's self-awareness! Children will use this model to deal with the world, and they will be greeted by a series of setbacks and endless pain.

Consciousness therapy believes that the solution lies in two aspects: the first aspect is that parents heal their own psychology and parents learn to heal themselves. The purpose of self-healing is not for yourself, but for the children and the children's next generation. You will find that the desire for control caused by your insecurity began when you were very young, which was inherited from your parents, and your parents' desire for control also came from their previous generation. Only self-healing can cut off the spread of psychological problems. How to heal yourself and how to cultivate children's sound personality can refer to the following columns:

This is like the story of the north wind and the sun that I often mention. The north wind thinks it is stronger than the sun. They see who will take off the clothes of pedestrians first. In order to show their strength, the north wind roared to the pedestrians, who saw it and wrapped their clothes tighter! The sun just keeps emitting its own heat. Pedestrians start to sweat when walking, and have something to take off their clothes. Therefore, parents can only guide their children to know themselves through their own personality charm, respect their individual consciousness, revive their self-consciousness, and tell them what kind of person they should be, work hard for what kind of person they want to be, and be responsible for what they want to be, rather than exceeding their authority.

On the other hand, we should guide children to socialize, let them learn to find their own value in this real society and learn how to get along with the world. In this process, they will naturally find the ability of self-discipline and easy happiness, which are also the three elements of a sound personality. A sound personality can prevent any potential harm caused by psychological crisis and help us get familiar with the truest side of the world. Understanding the operating rules of this world will help us to live in this world as mature individuals, and help more parents to become children and become their own psychotherapists.