Me and "Little Monster" (self-reported out of depression)

It is a personal experience, a method and a kind of self-salvation: how to get rid of darkness, how to get rid of depression, dispel the haze in your heart and embrace the bright sunshine.

I have a little monster.

? Little monster is my nickname for it (my depression) and my name for her (my little girl). Now that I have fully recovered, it has disappeared, but she has been living in the body and sometimes shows it. She and I have become one, living in peace and accepting each other; Or, I split me and it into me and her.

Going to college, except for the initial excitement, because there is no pressure to study, there is no such depression as focusing on learning. Emotions began to erupt like spring, and the complex emotions accumulated over the years eventually led to a dark whirlpool, which dragged me into the trap of depression. Freshman, sophomore, two years, from emotional collapse, into despair, to the three views of remodeling, personality remodeling, out of the dark, indeed, a lot of growth. The past is like a dream, but dreams are impossible. The past, like smoke, is gone forever.

In fact, there are traces of my emotional breakdown. Junior high school encounters campus violence (students' language violence. Unintentional mistake, after all, at that time, the child was still young and not sensible, but it was not worth forgiving. It's really my fault. A boy provoked discrimination [saying I'm an old fogey from the countryside and still wearing primary school clothes]. Maybe I'm wearing old-fashioned clothes, which hinders his eyes. People always like to laugh at others. It is disgusting and insulting to judge the appearance level of girls among boys in many novels. At that time, I just felt that the whole class was stirred by him. I just feel that the whole class is laughing at me and once wanted to drop out of school. [I didn't flinch, I met my best friend, the only straw, and accompanied me through the most difficult time in junior high school]) High school is just the pressure of study and more mountains and rivers. I like ancient customs very much, and I like beautiful and graceful poems. I can also write some poems that Qiao Hu thinks are very good. In retrospect, it is ridiculous and shameful. I don't know the lyrics and rhyme. Later, I found my arrogance and felt guilty and inferior for a long time. However, at my age, my level was probably good. After all, everyone likes it, and it's unprofessional and doesn't know the rhythm or anything. They just think that poetry is beautiful and smooth, and the biggest tolerance is that compared with liberal arts, they don't satisfy their children. No one appreciates talent, no one can answer poetry, depressed and introverted, unhappy and unhappy. Self-pity in general. The frustration in learning is also a considerable blow. There is no door in the world, and it is a curse. I went back and forth, and my mental state almost collapsed. I quickly got into two books and went to college, so I'm not going to repeat them. In fact, in my mental state at that time, I was afraid that World War II would be even worse and more confused, heartless, and my endurance was too fragile. If I fail in World War II, I will be proud of my heart. Even if I can't let it go for many years, my regret will last longer.

However, college is only the beginning of emotional breakdown.

A relaxed and free atmosphere, no longer have to bear the high-pressure learning environment, away from the new world of familiar people, the old you remembered by former people, and the new you unknown to your past. Re-create a new image, create a new self, and complete the transformation in the new world of university.

I just failed. Is persistent depression incurable, and the university has just found a breakthrough for my depression outbreak: an environment where I can indulge myself in endless darkness without worrying about studying away from my parents and friends, and no one knows that it will not bring trouble to others.

So, here she is.

Now that I have recovered, I can't feel the pain at that time. I am so entangled, so sad, so aimless, I can't feel other emotions except grief. What is this? It's like jumping into a trap and falling into the huge whirlpool of the night.

Let's get down to business. Let's not talk so much nonsense. Let me talk about how I got out of depression first.

? I believe that many people, like me, did not go to a special psychologist for diagnosis or seek formal medical assistance for various reasons. They are depressed, and the most important thing is that they are sick, their five senses are blocked, and they always feel that life is hopeless. There is a haze in my heart, and the happiest smile only reaches my face, not my heart. Emotional collapse, psychological adjustment is impossible, heaven and earth pay attention to the harmony of yin and yang, and emotions must be balanced by secular desires.

First of all, be clear about your psychology.

How to define it? How to define it? If I know what's wrong with me, do you have to ask me what's wrong? Will I be okay?

That's right. In medicine, attention should be paid to the treatment of illness and the right medicine. The reason why you can't get better is that you don't know what's wrong with you, you hesitate, you doubt, you are contradictory and painful, you deceive yourself, you are struggling ... so what if you know what's wrong with you? That's "the right medicine", should I recuperate first and then recover? It may be refuted, but it is easier said than done. Everyone knows that they have depression. Why haven't they all recovered? Don't be too irritable. Since you are ill, why not listen to other people's methods and give it a try? All methods can't be applied to anyone. But work hard. The most important thing is to believe in yourself! I believe I can out of the dark, embrace the sunshine, walk in the sunshine and recover. You are no different from others, and God is not unfair to you. If there is injustice, then why don't you ask and resist? God helps those who help themselves! When you really get better, you will be very grateful to yourself who is trying to find the light, who has never given up hope, persisted in despair and must come out.

This is what I experienced. Doubt again and again, failure again and again, despair night after night, I really want to jump sadly! Little monster, please, please get better soon! I can't hold on, please. ...

Useless, useless ... only heartbreaking pain again and again ... drowning people struggle desperately and dare not put down their straw. ...

Let's talk about rationality after sensibility. It's really not easy to fight with yourself, and there will be a feeling of getting deeper and deeper. After all, failure will make people lose confidence slowly. However, it does not mean that self-help is useless. Only quantitative change can produce qualitative change and really work. The important thing is not to give up. And, don't worry, actively look for a cure that suits you.

I know it's hard, but

Don't give up, don't give up, don't give up.

When you decide to fight actively, you are half successful. I was also immersed in sadness and indifference for a long time, and then began to try slowly.

I know there's something wrong with my brain. Nobody believes me, and nobody cares. If you tell others, you will only be impatient and will not care. Or the casual tone of "how can you be depressed?" Brother, you have aggravated your loneliness. It's better to be alone and believe in yourself. I borrowed many psychological books from the library, such as the elaboration of various psychological obstacles, dual personality, PTSD, antisocial personality, dependent personality, schizophrenia and so on. And how to adjust my mind if I get out of depression, etc. More or less, we all made an evaluation of our own psychology and felt what we were. But we need more exact answers. Since there is no one to talk to and you can't see a doctor, be a psychologist and make a diagnosis for yourself. I have to say, it's really a relief to know what's wrong with me and start some rehabilitation treatment.

You are not alone, you are not a monster.

? After reading these books, I know more about myself and understand the causes of my psychology. I also found the reason why my character is now shaped like this. It is accumulated from childhood, pessimism, childhood trauma, PTSD! It is the hiding of childhood trauma, the escape of violence in junior high school and the suppression of emotion in senior high school. Everything is traceable. Therefore, this discovery shows that not only the depression was successfully cured, but also the childhood trauma was healed together. After the fall, the three views were completely rebuilt, the personality was rebuilt, and the haze in the heart was eliminated. My heart is full of light. Someone once told me that as long as you are strong inside, you are not afraid of anything. You are not strong inside, and it is impossible to rely on others. I don't want you to rely on it

I did it, Ricardo Milu ... Great ... Only I am strong enough to live well without you ... Goodbye, KINOMOTO SAKURA. ...

I love you. I'm sorry. It's okay.

PTSD: A technical term in psychology. Refers to a psychological protection mechanism after suffering from major accidents, such as car accidents, earthquakes, death of relatives, etc. Baidu Encyclopedia defines it as:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) refers to a mental disorder in which an individual experiences, witnesses or encounters one or more actual deaths involving himself or others, or is threatened with death, or is seriously injured, or his physical integrity is threatened, resulting in his delayed appearance and persistence. There are different reports about the incidence of post-traumatic stress disorder, and women are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder than men.

It suddenly occurred to me that my head was already a little unconscious at that time, and the whole person had fallen into a state of dissociation for a whole day. That feeling is like being in another space, with streets and pedestrians in front, but the Buddha himself is not in the same world as them. His brain is stuck by something, and his consciousness is still there, but what he feels is the physical unconsciousness. Every night, I have to go out and wander alone. I dare not go too far, for fear that I won't come back. I walked up and down the street outside the school, wandering aimlessly. However, when reading psychological books, I am the most sober. The only waking time every day is to get into the book. I found a little light in the book, and then I went from looking for light to being able to shine.

The faint light from the deep heart is not bright enough, but it is so beautiful, gentle and gentle, warming another person's soul. (This is another story)

This is my own method, suitable for people who are a little superstitious and not absolutely certified. It's not superstition, for example, science thinks there are no ghosts in the world, and so do I, but I believe in souls. I believe that there is some truth in the constellation character, and there is something worthy of believing, but I don't believe it all. Because personality is influenced by multiple factors after all, everyone may have similarities, but they are different. Believe that everything is doomed sometimes. I'm not superstitious, but I don't fully respect absolute science.

Psychology is a very complicated thing, and sometimes science can't explain it normally, so it's important to believe in yourself. If you think it's good, harmless and won't affect others, then do it. I use psychological suggestion to divide me into two parts: me and the little monster.

Split personality? No, split personality means that each personality does not know each other and will not appear at the same time. One personality doesn't even know the existence of another personality. I have emotional differences. In a way of psychological suggestion, the depressed mood is separated from other normal emotions, personalized, and two kinds of personalities are formed. My personality, the personality of the little monster.

Therefore, the little monster is not only my depression, but also represents the dark side. It is a little girl in my heart, fragile, injured, sensitive, pessimistic and indifferent … and I, sunny, normal, positive and happy …

The most important thing about psychological suggestion is that you believe in her existence.

I believed her. At first, I was afraid of her and ran away from her, so she kept pestering me and made me miserable. But she is me, she is another me, with a glassy heart, dark eyes and endless black hole struggles. How can I keep rejecting her? I should ... try to hug her. Believe that you are different. There are two me in this body, one is cold and indifferent, the other is hot and gentle, but no matter who they are, they all love the world. How can you refuse yourself? Whatever she is, she is still you.

The second step after emotional separation is acceptance. Accept your other personality, talk to her, calm her mood, accompany her, encourage her, give her love, share the same roots and empathize with her. When she feels at ease, you will be calm. This also needs a process and time. Under such circumstances, it is easy to feel sorry for yourself. Because you pity her, and she is you, so you love yourself very much, there is nothing wrong, just grasp the degree.

It's also a difficult time from when I began to have unconscious physical symptoms to when I regained consciousness. Later, I thought I had come out (of course, it was too early, and I thought so myself), but I still couldn't get rid of it completely. Then at first, I felt a little cynical. My three views collapsed completely, and suddenly I found that everything I thought was not like that. This blow is devastating, and it is the hardest thing for me to deny myself. Destroying the three views is really a huge thing. The remodeling of the three views was a bit cynical from the beginning. It is unstable. ) Later, I recovered completely, because I met my soul.

That's my boyfriend now.

He saw my little monster.

He believed what I said about my little monster.

He won't deny you like others, saying that you are paranoid and that you are sick. How are you? You're ridiculous.

I said I had a little monster.

So I'm a good actor, so he plays with me.

He totally understands me. He really likes and accepts my little monster.

So ... my little monster ... she finally recovered completely. ...

My depression, so far ...