Parents of Xueba have the same educational experience: only by stimulating their children's internal drive can children grow into towering trees.

I found that many parents around me have said something similar: we seldom take care of children. They like to study, manage their time and adjust their study plans.

So whenever I meet parents who are anxious about how to control their children's learning, I will tell them, "It seems that the parents of Xueba say they don't care much about their children's learning."

At this time, many parents will say to me, "That's only because their children are born to be overbearing."

Is the child's internal drive really an angel baby's lottery?

In fact, Xueba's parents are not letting themselves go. In their parents' experiences, there are many similar core ideas and educational methods used around these ideas.

Perhaps, which came first, the chicken or the egg, no one knows. However, the experience of a successful person, especially when it shows the unanimous understanding of a group. Then, at least it is definitely worth learning and trying.

Mei Shiqing is the author of the recently published book Awakening Children's Internal Drive. She has two brothers and sisters who learn to bully others.

Sister Qian, who was admitted to Peking University and Hong Kong University on October 7th, is a "three-good student" in Beijing, an "excellent graduate of Beijing No.4 Middle School" and a double-degree student in Peking University. My younger brother, Qian Xiaoneng, is a junior high school student and a "three good students" in Haidian District, Beijing. Both children have the excellent characteristics of "other people's babies": well-informed, healthy in body and mind, ideal in life and self-discipline.

The author didn't say "I don't care about anything", but shared her educational ideas from seven aspects and more than 20 points.

Many of these methods are strikingly consistent with the ideas I usually hear from the parents of Xueba.

Pick out a few points to share today.

First of all, let's talk about what is internal drive.

"Xueba" children have a * * * nature, that is, in order to achieve excellent results, they will consciously urge themselves to study hard. When dealing with all kinds of difficulties in my study, I will rise to the challenge, and even like to accept the challenge and get braver and braver. Finally climbed to the top.

This indomitable power is constantly emitted by children themselves, which we call internal drive.

If you have ever insisted on running for fitness, learning English and realizing your dreams, then you must have experienced this inner pursuit of life. It makes you regard difficulties as the joy of life and feel that your life is full.

Internal drive can mobilize a person to use all his strength to constantly learn and explore his interests.

Many parents have actually experienced the "internal drive" themselves, but when it comes to their children, they have no confidence.

The author thinks: "The internal drive comes from love, and love comes from interest." "

However, if a child is interested in something, it is not love.

Love must be a lasting fascination with and exploration of a certain interest.

Everyone likes different things. Some children like making handicrafts, while others like writing stories.

Once you start with what you really love, you can start a prairie fire in other fields.

Because once a person finds love, he can learn to focus on his heart and find his own value. Once it has the value of existence, the internal drive will naturally grow, which will eventually bring self-discipline and self-motivation.

Now parents may be most concerned about how to make their children fall in love with learning.

That is, how to stimulate and awaken children's internal drive to learn knowledge. This is actually a long-term process. The internal driving force of generation is not instantaneous, and there is no way to achieve immediate results. Internal driving force is the internal cause, and it also needs the induction of external causes. Therefore, the superficial "inaction" of the parents of Xueba is actually supported by long-term and meticulous educational concepts and methodologies.

In fact, this point is also listed as the top priority in the lectures of famous teachers in Beijing No.4 Middle School. When children are respected, understood, cared for and satisfied, they will like themselves and fall in love with the world. This is the acquired motivation of learning.

In order to satisfy this, we need to be clear about what satisfaction is.

The key is taking care of others.

For example, children are addicted to things, such as telling interesting things about school, playing games and playing football with friends. We can do it without arbitrary and rude interruption.

A child's favorite hobby, such as origami, Rubik's cube, or reading the same book repeatedly when he was a child, we should not arbitrarily judge, despise or impose our own preferences with utilitarian heart. But sincerely encourage and support his little hobby.

Reading is the most important means of learning.

Reading provides a knowledge background for further study, which can improve children's understanding of new knowledge and the efficiency of acceptance and absorption. Extensive reading can also expand children's knowledge and enhance their thirst for knowledge. Therefore, reading can open the internal motivation of children's active learning.

Some children's reading speed and interest are innate, and some can be cultivated slowly.

Moreover, every child's reading habits are different. Mei's mother shared her different reading habits with money.

Qian was born with a keen interest in reading. Small money is slowly guided by the mother.

In cultivating children's reading habits, we should be more patient and less utilitarian, so as not to destroy his reading interest. When children are young, they can use relaxed and happy parent-child reading to enhance their reading interest. Guide children's reading interest and avoid impatience.

Know what children are learning, doing and thinking.

In fact, being seen is an innate need of every child. Therefore, children want to study hard by themselves.

In the process of understanding children's learning, we can find his interest in a certain subject. With a little guidance, children can gain praise and sense of accomplishment. This will give children the motivation to learn.

If the child has difficulties in learning, we can also provide him with the help he needs to build his self-confidence.

Observe, accompany and guide children's interests. On the basis of understanding children, guide children to learn and explore independently.

Adler, an individual psychologist, found that children began to set goals for themselves when they were two or three years old. Then, this goal will guide them to accomplish it in their own way. This goal will control and restrain children, implement and adjust their lives, and let them go all out to pursue this goal.

In fact, children have inner self-control and self-control is awakened by their own goals.

As parents, if we interfere with the spontaneous generation of this goal, we interfere with the natural awakening of self-control.

Adler said: "People are constantly pursuing development and perfection from birth. This pursuit is unconsciously formed, but it has always been there. "

Therefore, smart parents will not use their own strength to arrange all their children's time, instead of making plans for their children, but pay attention to understanding and caring about their interests and their mental growth.

As parents, we are more careful bystanders, and the most important thing is patience and tolerance.

Don't let our own anxiety and utilitarianism stifle the source of motivation for children's growth.

One thing that needs to be clarified is that the freedom that excellent parents give their children is not laissez-faire. Instead, it is reasonable expectation, bottom line constraint and continuous attention.

Guiding the situation means respecting children's choices and listening to their needs.

At the same time, seize the opportunity to guide children to think and encourage them to put forward their own views.

In order to guide children's interest in current affairs, I subscribed to a newspaper for them.

Before going to bed last night, the child said to me, mom, I don't seem to like the information in the newspaper. It is so boring.

At this time, in fact, sensitive parents will catch the child actually curious: "Why do you like reading newspapers?"

Only then can we have a chance to chat with him. Current affairs news actually reflects the world pattern, the cultural history of various countries, and many social customs and behavioral characteristics of human beings. All historical stories are actually related to this.

My child likes watching Harry Potter recently, so I can tell him why Harry Potter has become a well-received story book, because it absorbs many real materials of British culture and history, and the story has cultural connotations, so it will be rich.

In that way, we can seize the opportunity to stimulate children's interest in history and humanities in a casual evening chat.

Awakening children's internal drive requires comprehensive strength. Among them, parental influence is a key factor.

As can be seen from the above, as parents, what we really need is not to work hard, but to learn how to be smart.

This is not an innate ability. Parents should keep learning and making progress.

Parents should have their own hobbies and interests, and parents should establish their own self-motivation to become a complete person with spiritual sustenance.

If parents work hard and actively pursue Excellence, then children will also work hard to do their own things and actively pursue a sense of accomplishment.

If parents love reading, then children will also regard books as good friends.

When the child was young, I felt that the boy didn't have the patience and perseverance to learn piano, so he didn't want to learn it. But I play the piano myself. My children have expressed their desire to learn piano many times. I'm still afraid that he can't stand the pain and boredom, so I'll teach him to save something myself.

It turns out that my child has been insisting on playing the piano for more than three years now. Besides the teacher's arrangement, they also taught themselves many favorite songs.

He is such an active child, but he doesn't care about the hard work of practicing the piano, and he always maintains a strong interest, which makes me very moved.

Looking back, I still don't believe that he can persist. Parents sometimes really underestimate the power of their children's inner self-growth.

In the meantime, he won the first prize of Shanghai Piano Competition.

Therefore, parents' self-growth can exert a powerful and subtle influence on their children.

Being seen is a necessary condition for a person to feel the value of existence.

Psychologists believe that seeing children is the sunshine in the parent-child relationship, which illuminates the children's world.

Seeing a child includes immediately seeing the bright spots worthy of praise and affirmation, affirming your child's advantages in other people's communication, and giving the child the guidance he needs in the next step.

We should pay attention to children's expressions and performances, and children's emotions often hang directly on their faces. When he overcomes a great difficulty, he will want someone to agree with him. He may come up to you and tell you with expectant eyes what a great thing he has just done. At this time, we should listen to him, praise him and encourage him, so that his mind can get timely attention and love, and his interest and self-confidence can be stimulated in time.

However, you can't see children too often. Don't let children lose their instinct and motivation to check and correct mistakes.

Don't let your children get bored and indifferent to your praise.

Just right, what you have seen so far is a kind of growing sunshine and rain.

Anxiety is a syndrome of the times. The Olympics, training courses, school districts, competitions and school choices before the double reduction policy made parents nervous and at a loss.

In fact, everyone's interests and talents are different. Many masters were not masters when they were young.

And there are few da Vinci-style all-rounders in this world. Most geniuses have their own shortcomings in other ways. For example, Qian Zhongshu took the Tsinghua exam at that time, and his Chinese and English levels were unmatched, but he got single digits in mathematics. Mathematician Chen Jingrun can conquer the world's problems, but his lectures are not excellent.

I tutor a girl in college. She is in junior high school, but she doesn't even understand the concept of primary school mathematics, but she is very talented in language. I think her handwriting is very good and she is still writing her own novel. Besides, she took the piano grade ten. Judging from these performances, she is definitely not a stupid child, and even has a smart brain.

Such children may be inferior to others because they are not interested in one aspect. If parents are anxious, persecute and accuse their children, they will make them feel inferior in this respect, their interest will plummet, and even form psychological obstacles and conflicts. It's like closing a door and refusing to learn if they have the ability.

For children's shortcomings, the only way is to wait patiently and provide the help that children need appropriately. First, let children eliminate inferiority and fear of difficulties. Don't pursue those so-called "immediate" special effects methods, but it will destroy the child's internal drive, which is not worth the candle.

These are some educational methods at the core of this book. We must first remember that the essence of education is to let a person grow up and live independently. Living ability includes all aspects of integration. Learning is only part of it. We should believe that every life has its mission and hope, and children are the masters of their own lives. What kind of life he wants is his theme. As a parent, he should return the precious possibility of life to his master. When a child has mastered the autonomy of life, he will certainly bloom for his inner hope.