Jokes about the twelve constellations, various versions.

1. Taurus: "As long as I have money, I will marry anyone."

Sagittarius: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

2. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach."

Virgin doctor: "Never mind, I have another one."

3. Libra: Why do you want to print counterfeit money?

Scorpio said calmly, because I can't print real money. 4. Lion's wife: "Men are all timid."

Aries: "Not necessarily, otherwise why should I marry you?"

One day, the teacher asked the star to write a couplet, and the water bottle wrote this:

Part I: Hahahahaha

Bottom line: hey hey.

Horizontal batch: there is something wrong with the nerve.

6. Taurus thief: "How much did you rob today?"

Capricorn thief: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow." 7. Cancer: "Gemini, do you know how many years a mouse can live?"

Gemini: "It depends on the cat's mind."

8. Cancer MM: "Why do you always chew candy when you talk to me?"

Pisces GG: "How can there be so many sweet words without chewing sugar?"

Jane Doe: "Does your fiance know your age?"

Lion: "Yes, he knows part of it." 10.virgo: "doctor, my husband's illness worries me. His intelligence has become strange. "

Trouble. Sometimes, I talk to him for hours and suddenly find that he doesn't talk at all.

. "

Aquarius doctor: "madam, this is not a problem." Your husband is so lucky. He has the rarest quality of a man. "

One. 1 1. At a literary evening, Aries came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

12. The shooter said: Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! (Don't know grammar, use it indiscriminately)

13, when I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic.

Teacher lion picked up XXX in anger and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ The whole class is cold!

Scorpio: That's our physics teacher. ...

Classmate: What do you teach?

Scorpio: chemistry ...

15. In the Internet cafe, Capricorn suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!"

16, buy oranges

Boss: 1.5 1 kg.

Taurus: It's too expensive. Five yuan and three Jin.

Boss: no, no.

17. A friend asked about the configuration of Gemini computers.

Gemini says the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

18. At school

One day, a classmate called for a water bottle and handed it to me, saying, "Your mother wants you."

As soon as the water bottle answered the phone, it casually said, "A man and a woman."

19. The lion walked into a noodle restaurant and shook his hair. It was cool: "Boss, two onions have no rice noodles!"

After that, I added: "More rice noodles!"

Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

20. Libra hands Gemini a cup of sorbet.

Gemini took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!" " "

2 1. Cancer went to buy shoes and said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

22. The Virgin went home at the weekend when she was at school. After dinner, she became addicted to smoking and planned to find an excuse to go for a walk.

While changing shoes at the door, my father asked the virgin why she was going.

The virgin said casually, "go and have a cigarette!" "

As a result, dad found a pack of 555 from the virgin Mary and gave him a good K.23. When Aquarius was in high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey).

Aquarius went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

24. If the teacher leaves homework, the shooter will copy others' and then go to the office to hand in the homework.

I saw the teacher say, "I finished copying!" " "

25. The lion quarreled with his mm mobile phone.

She turned up the TV too loud, and the lion was angry.

Just say loudly: "Turn off my cell phone!"

26. In college, the lion and Gemini quarreled and were at a disadvantage for a while.

In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

27. Aries is arguing with the shooter.

I quickly opened my mouth and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?"

Shooter always wants to know what he grew up eating. "

28. On the company bus to work, Pisces asked Scorpio: My computer is broken and always crashes.

Scorpio said: Then go back and check the virus and remember to upgrade the antivirus software.

Pisces: Oh.

The next morning, I saw Pisces on the Scorpio car again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out?

Pisces said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest?

Scorpio sweats. . . . . . .

29. The greedy Taurus never works. He spends money on eating and drinking, so he is getting fatter and fatter.

It's not even convenient to walk.

He had to see Dr. Capricorn with great anxiety. "

Capricorn examined him carefully,

Finally, tell him what to do: "You can only spend 6 pence a day, and you can earn these 6 pence yourself."

30. Dr. Pisces rushed to the hanger and shouted, "Pass me the tool kit quickly."

"What's the matter, Dad?" The daughter asked in panic.

"A young man called just now and said that without me, he would be dead."

The daughter breathed a sigh of relief: "Don't be busy, I think this call is for me."

3 1. Libra's husband is ill. She can't use a thermometer, but she still takes her husband's temperature.

And called the doctor: "doctor, please come here, my husband's temperature has reached 63 degrees."

The doctor said, "dear madam, there is nothing I can do." Send him to the fire brigade. "

32. A virgin middle-aged woman went to see a doctor. To show her youth, the doctor asked her age.

At that time, she said, "I'm in my twenties."

So, the doctor wrote on the medical record card: "amnesia."

33. Patient: "Doctor, do you really think I have hepatitis? Sometimes, doctors treat hepatitis,

The patient died of other diseases. "

Doctor Aquarius: "When I was treating hepatitis, the patient died of hepatitis."

34. When watching a football match, Cancer asked Pisces:

"Why does this audience scold the people next to him?"

"He threw soda bottles at the referee."

"Didn't you miss him?"

"This is the reason why he was scolded ..."

35. At the clinic.

Virgin doctor: "It seems that your cough today is much better than yesterday."

Gemini patient: "OK, doctor. You know, I practiced all night. "

36. The gunman has been absent from work for two days. When he came to the company on the third day,

The lion boss complained, "What have you been doing these two days?"

The shooter replied, "I accidentally fell into the street from the third floor window."

The lion asked angrily, "Does it take two days to fall from the third floor?"

37. Aries really wants to taste the taste of staying in a grand hotel. He saved enough money, went into the hotel and went through the formalities.

The waiter pointed out the route and went in cheerfully.

But after a while, he turned back and became angry: "I don't live. What house is that?" Let me pay.

I don't want to live in a room with such a big cupboard and only a folding chair. "

Libra waiter smiled and said, "Sir, you are mistaken. That's the elevator. "

Judge Scorpio said to the Taurus defendant, "How do you prove your innocence?"

Taurus: "Sure, let me think."

Scorpio: "OK, five years is enough for you!" " "

39. After dialing the wrong number:

Gemini "Hello, is this Ramon Bar?"

Capricorn "No, I am a private house."

Gemini "But what I want is Raymond's bar."

Capricorn "Then how did you call me?"

Gemini "Is your phone number the same as Ramon Bar?"

Capricorn "no"

Gemini "Then why did you pick up the receiver?"

Capricorn "…"

40. Libra: "Fishing is not allowed in this lake?"

Cancer: "Really? I said, why don't fish always take the bait? "

4 1. Introduction object

Gemini "I found you a good date, but this girl has only one problem;" Her eyes narrowed slightly. "

Scorpio "It doesn't matter."

Gemini "Besides, she is a little lame."

Scorpio "What is this?"

Gemini "I heard that she is no longer a virgin."

Scorpio "It doesn't matter."

"Gemini, what's the matter with you? It doesn't matter. "

Scorpio "Of course I don't care, I'm not going to marry her."

42. Sagittarius: Teacher, I'm really sorry I'm late again. This is because I dreamed of a football match.

Teacher: What does this have to do with being late? Please explain.

Sagittarius: Teacher, you don't know. The football match in my dream is extremely fierce. They played two games.

Whatever the outcome, it has extended the time.

43. Pisces "You have been watching me for 3 hours. Why don't you try fishing yourself?" Pisces fisherman

Say to the bystanders.

Taurus: "I have no patience."

34. Patient: "Doctor, please tell me what's wrong with me?"

Virgo: "Frankly speaking, your illness is really complicated and it is difficult to draw a conclusion."

Patient: "Please tell me the truth!"

Virgo: "Although it is not diagnosed yet, don't worry, I will find out the cause when I dissect the body!" " "