What is the funniest joke book?

1. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

Confused, the man replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

Second:

The bus was too crowded, and a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed from the back of the car to get off and said to the woman, "Sorry, get off."

The woman didn't move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was too powerful and kept scolding: "You are crazy! You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to watch.

GG hasn't spoken. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! ............................... "B" said, "You repeat the machine, and you .............................................."

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM also got off the bus, squeezed past and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!" " "

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side: "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

2. Confucius; Hit with bricks, don't play around! Press the head! Whether you die or not!

Buddha said; Bullshit! I am kind! Stop playing! A brick is dead! ! !

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide large denomination counterfeit banknotes. Please consciously hand it over to the relevant departments. "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue Straits Got Talent. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company."

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate the tools of crime! "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was very hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it It happened that the conductor was asking, "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "Fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have bought the ticket!" "

A sculpture was completed in the new building of a university: a girl held a book in her left hand and a dove symbolizing peace in her right hand. Publicly soliciting names from off-campus students, many people's slogans coincide-reading is a bird's best!

6. The school bike is badly lost. The new car disappears in the blink of an eye, but sometimes with luck, the lost bike will appear again every few days. One day, my roommate Xiao Jing bought a new transmission car. She showed off to everyone and said, "I locked this car with the latest lock!" " The next day, Xiao Jing came back from self-study at night and looked depressed. He still holds a piece of paper in his hand, which reads: Don't be the owner here, I borrowed the car, and I'll pay you back in a few days!

A few days later, the thief really returned the car. Xiao Jing is very happy, but she is worried that the car will be "borrowed" again. I bought ten big locks, locked the car tightly, and put a note on the thief: See how you "borrow"! When Xiao Jing went downstairs the next morning, she found five more locks on the car, and there was a note on the lock: See how you ride!

7. Just using the song title of Vae can make the teacher angry …

Teacher: Is this how you treat school rules and regulations? Student: Why not? Teacher: Your grades are bound to drop sharply. Student: I don't care. Teacher: What do you think in class? Student: In my imagination. Teacher: How do you treat teachers with this attitude? Go to the school library, read books and learn more about being a man. I really don't know which book you learned this way. Student: In the constellation book. Teacher: What? Return the horoscope book? Look at your Chinese homework. Why not make these simple explanations in classical Chinese? Student: redundant explanation. Teacher: I am so angry. What do you do in your spare time besides talking back? Student: Shake your head and play. Teacher: You are a crazy student. Tell me, which girl have you fallen in love with recently? Student: Angie. Teacher: Where does her family live? I'll find her. Student: Smart. Teacher: Smart? What is that place? Student: Tears know. Teacher: What are you talking about? What kind of child do you say you are? Student: Bad boy. Teacher: It's a pity that you know this. With this knowledge, what career will you pursue in the future? Student: Insider. Teacher: What? Do you think this is a war? What are you talking about? See for yourself, what kind of world is this? Student: earthly beauty. Teacher: Still beautiful? Your academic record is a mess, and you're going to become Chen Shimei! Tell me what you want to do now. Student: I want to hold your hand. Teacher: What? You kid, your head is broken, isn't it? I am so angry! Today is Teacher's Day, and other classes are celebrating. I have to spend time educating you. Tell me! There is not much time left. What else can we hold? Student: Ross's funeral. Teacher: Ah … after screaming … the teacher died on the spot!

8. A Chinese teacher read a poem entitled "Sleeping in Spring" by Lu You to the students and asked them to dictate. The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows, and a student dictated as follows.

Wo Chun (I am stupid)

Wumei smells flowers (I have no education), lying on branches hurts the bottom (I have a low IQ), lying in water (ask me who I am), Yida Chunlv (big donkey), Anqing (I am a donkey), Anqing (I am a donkey) and Anqing (I am a stupid donkey)!

9. A: "Old classmate, long time no see. How is your girlfriend Xiao Fang? "

B: "Haha, she is not my girlfriend anymore!" "

A: "It should have been like this. When I was in college, I heard that she was ambiguous with many boys in our class! " "

Otsuichi's face was livid, and it took a long time before she whispered a few words: "She is my wife now!"

10. The son said to his father, "I like the beautiful woman across the hall very much!"

Dad secretly told him, "that's your half-sister." Can only be friends. "

The son added, "I like the girl next door, too!" " "

Dad added, "That's your other half-sister. Don't tell your mother. "

The son told his mother these experiences in tears.

The mother comforted her son: "You can marry whoever you like. You are not your father's son at all! " "

1 1. Girlfriend sends a message to her boyfriend: "Husband, what are you doing? Are you dreaming? Pass me the dream! Are you laughing? Give me a smile! Are you crying? Texting your tears makes me sad together! " After a while, my boyfriend texted back: "I'm defecating."

12. on new year's day, our family visited the "ice toilet" in the history museum ... teacher's comment: is there such a thing? I'm going too! Terracotta warriors and horses

After getting up in the morning, we gathered at school and took a ride to Kenting for the graduation ceremony. Teacher's comment: I don't know which funeral home is your home? The teacher never knew ...

13. Last night, the left eyelid kept jumping. At that time, I thought it was a bra. Sure enough, my wallet was taken away today. Teacher's comment: Son, are you so old? A bad omen.

14, the newspaper said that oysters polluted by heavy metals can "cure" cancer ... Teacher's comment: the difference between words makes people turn over! Should I raise oysters quickly? Last night, my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant to eat, and ordered two hamburgers and "chicken excrement" ... Teacher's comment: Is it delicious? Chicken manure? A piece of chicken.

15, I accidentally got caught in my anus when I went shopping on Sunday. What bad luck. Teacher's comment: The teacher is curious-whose anus is so big ...? (steel door)

16. After visiting the flower market, I bought a "bargain" and prepared to take it home for the New Year. Teacher's comment: If the pronunciation is correct, gladiolus will cry.

17, my history teacher has long hair shawl, short stature, bad temper and a little "chest" ... Teacher's comment: the history teacher asked me to tell you "give me tight skin in the future history class." (fierce)

18, I think I am a good student with "worry" in my studies ... Teacher's comment: You should worry-fail. (excellent)

19. On the "bumpy road" of life, we should stick to our own direction ... Teacher's comment: This road can become the ninth miracle after eight wonders of the world relayed the Terracotta Warriors.