Lesson 3: Do we really know children?

Talking to an eight-year-old child. At first I talked to him about games, and then we started talking.

I asked him, "Do you like your mother?"

The child said, "I don't feel it."

I asked, "Do you like Dad?"

The child said, "I don't like it."

I asked, "Do you like your sister?"

The child said "I don't know"

I asked, "Why?"

The child said, "They always don't know what I want? They always shove things they like on me, and I don't like them at all. They always say that this is not good for me and that is not right! "

? I am deeply shocked. How an eight-year-old child longs for fairness!

Scene simulation:

? Suppose you are the boss of a big company, and you need to recruit an effective assistant. Next, six students come to your company for an interview. Who would you choose?

1. Male: 18 years old, admitted to the Physics Department of Peking University, and entered the University of Iowa for postgraduate study after graduation. Get a doctorate through defense ...

2. Boys: children of poor farmers, who were admitted to provincial key high schools with excellent results, were rated as "three excellent students in the province" and won the second prize in the National Physics Olympiad, and then admitted to provincial key universities. ...

3. Girl: 7-year-old parents divorced, single-parent family, excellent grades, strong organizational skills, has been the monitor from junior high school to high school graduation, the best debater in the school debate, an outstanding student cadre at the provincial level, and has a harmonious relationship with classmates and teachers. She was admitted to Macau University of Science and Technology. ...

4. Boy: At the age of 4, he was elected as the ambassador for the Olympic bid; He studied piano at the age of 4, calligraphy at the age of 8, joined the national ice hockey team at the age of 10, and studied in the United States at the age of 14.

5. Boys: Junior high school is the first to be admitted to the best high school. 65 years old, 438+08, admitted to Peking University with the highest score in the whole school. He gets a full scholarship every year. He has excellent leadership and is very popular. The head teacher's evaluation is: the only shortcoming is that there is no shortcoming. ...

6. Boys: excellent physical education in junior high school, entered key high schools with long-distance running skills, failed eight courses in high schools, and the school dismissed them. ...

I think you must have a psychological order!

1. The first one is Lu Gang, who is very handsome. He shot and killed six people at the University of Iowa on June 199 1 1, and finally committed suicide. He takes the first place in every exam and won't let him take the second. The fuse of this incident is that he came second in this grade, and the first place was another China student who was shot by Lu Gang.

Reflections on the incident: The Lv Gang incident has happened for more than 20 years. Let's look at Lu Gang's suicide note. We can see part of his psychological process. "Hello, second sister! Please deposit the check in the letter in the bank as soon as possible. By the time you read this letter, I may already be dead. I think the money I masturbate is enough to repay the kindness of my parents and sister. I cried my eyes out after calling you last night. I can't swallow this tone. The doctor has always insisted that it is the scenery of the whole family. Don't be too sad. At least I found some people to be buried with me. I lost interest in physics. I regret not studying some more substantive subjects at the beginning. what can I do? My parents don't know anything and can't guide me in my study. I'm alone. My classmates here, their parents, and most senior intellectuals who have studied in the United States can take their children to pay tuition and living expenses. I am here today.

Ma Jiajue was laughed at by his classmates and began to kill people.

Xue committed suicide after breaking up with her boyfriend abroad.

4. Li Tianyi paid attention to art but lacked moral education, which made this rapist.

Wu was too strict with his mother and killed her to escape her discipline.

6. Han Han? Although there is no plain sailing life, there is good mental health and nutrition.

The success of any career can't replace the failure of family education.

No matter how great a child has achieved, he may not have a happy life.

Some parents are naive. They think that based on my observation of the child, he is kind-hearted and will not do anything that is inconsistent with his personality. Parents, Li Yitian is not a natural rapist. He is so handsome and sunny, like a big boy next door. From the point of view of criminal psychology, all crimes are the difference of one mind. Li Tianyi, he is a typical example of the lack of family education and sex education. From the appearance, no child is born a murderer. They all look sunny and have high emotional intelligence and IQ.

More than 95% of parents are extremely shocked by their children committing crimes or committing suicide.

We made a survey on the parents of juvenile delinquents, and 95% parents were extremely shocked by their children's criminal behavior. They never thought that their children would break the law, because their children behaved very obedient at home. Psychologically, the student who hurts others lacks sincere respect for life. Whether it is for others or for himself, it is because others have hindered its development and caused his pain. Then he has strong resentment and dissatisfaction with others, and his emotions are out of control, which leads to hurting others.

Some students also committed suicide. After the conflict, their sense of self-worth is seriously low. They think that they can't be accepted and recognized by others, can't be loved and loved by others, and there is no need to exist in this world, so they choose to commit suicide.

Education is the education of human soul, rather than simple knowledge accumulation and ability training. Don't force your children to become learning robots, and don't force them to learn any special skills. Otherwise, the more knowledge children have, the greater the harm to human life. First of all, what we want to cultivate is that children have the feelings of facing a chrysanthemum and a goldfish, and their hearts are pounding, and a person's ability is stronger. If you lose respect for life, awe of the universe and love for the world. Then it will become unimaginable for personal interests.

Unfortunately, now our parents have been kidnapped by this materialistic society, and 80% of them are drifting with the tide. They really didn't think deeply about what our children really need, but only saw these superficial phenomena. Other people's children are like this, and so are my children. In the order of values, the first thing is to find a famous school for children; Then, give children various non-training courses; Then, give children various special interest classes, give them enough material compensation and satisfaction, give them a lot of nutrition, eat and drink, and ensure their health; Then, stay with your child, and finally, consider your child's mental health. You can sit down and see if this is the case. The children's mental health is behind.

Error sequence:

Find a famous school for children > give them cram schools > give them special interest classes > give them material compensation and satisfaction > give them nutrition, eat and drink to ensure their health > accompany them > give them mental health.

Therefore, I think the best family education, in terms of importance, should be reversed, in the right order, and put children's mental health in the most important position; Then, accompany the children; Give children nutrition, food and drink, ensure their health, give them corresponding material satisfaction, and let them attend some special interest classes; Then, knowing the permission, you can give your child some interest training classes and find some corresponding famous schools for your child. Therefore, children's mental health is always the first, so what are the aspects of children's mental health and psychological needs, and how should we love children?

Correct order:

Children's mental health > accompanying children > giving children nutrition to eat and drink > ensuring physical health > giving children material satisfaction >; Join the children's special interest class > join the children's remedial class > find a famous school for children.

What are the psychological needs of children?

1, believe in children

? As a parent, I often don't believe what children say and do, so that children will form thick ice!

? How can we open the ice in children's hearts? I tell you, even an axe can't cut hard ice. Ice must be very hot to melt, right? This is the most basic common sense, but our parents forget it, otherwise it will get thicker and thicker, and finally the children will not want to go to school and run away from home. These are the injuries that our parents don't know how to educate their children before they are 13 years old. It is really important to believe in children. Take a pen and write it down. Trust the child. We must believe that any life will bloom itself through its own efforts. This is the nature given to every life by nature.

2. Explore children's unique talents.

So how do you tap your child's talent? You should observe him and see what he does. Very quiet. That's his gift. A fish should not be forced to climb a tree. Its sky is in the ocean.

3. Let the children make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves.

? For example, children are watching a particularly beautiful video and are unwilling to turn it off.

? We can walk up to him and ask him, "Honey, how long do you think it will take you to finish reading" (we give the child the right to decide).

? The child replied "20 minutes"

? I said, "I'll give you five minutes, 25 minutes."

? After the time is up, the child turns off the video by himself. We gave him power, and he felt he was in charge.

? I immediately said to him, "Baby, you keep your word. How soon can you finish what you agreed with me? I find that you are really a good person to manage yourself. Your performance today is very good. "

This is to give children a sense of responsibility to make their own decisions. Today's children, due to the arrangement, supervision and supervision of their parents, are highly lacking in self-discipline and procrastinate in doing their homework from noon 12 to afternoon 12. If it is not consciously guided, children can easily indulge themselves, a vicious circle.

4. Integration with children

Yesterday, we knew that children have different psychological needs at every age. Did we dig him up and satisfy him? With the growth of children's age, there are some hard ice, which we should integrate into.

So how to integrate? Just like a radio, one is on channel 298 and the other is on channel 198, so it will never be on the same channel. Then you can't hear him, and he can't understand you. Therefore, it is understandable for the same people.

We must learn to speak before the children will listen. How do we listen, and the children will tell us? Is this important? What should I do? Just switch from channel 298 to channel 198, which is on the same frequency as him. Can you understand what you said after the same channel?