What is a good joke? Stick nutrition on it.

1, high school math teacher Ju Niu B, brought a deck of cards into the classroom for the first time in class and sent one to everyone, asking them to remember their cards. From then on, he took the deck of cards in class every day, shuffled the cards on the podium and attended classes! From time to time, I gently threw two cards and said, "Box 4, clubs, J, come up to do the problem ..."

2. On the way to learn the scriptures, Tang Yan said, Wukong, I'll give you a test. There are four of us. If one of us dies, how many people are left? Wukong replied: zero. Tang Priest was furious: 4- 1 = 0? Tell the teacher how you worked it out! When Wukong heard that the Tang Priest was killed by a stick, he looked at Pig and Friar Sand and said, Who is there now?

3. Go to buy watermelons with your daughter-in-law. Selling watermelons is not cheap. Me: It's still the watermelon. Why do you sell one and a half when everyone else sells one? He: He is also a daughter-in-law. How come everyone's 100 Jin is yours 150? Me: Let me calm down for a while. ...

The secret question of her space visit is "What's my male god's name?" I typed out the names of the male stars and the most handsome boys in the school that she always mentioned, and they all showed mistakes. Suddenly, my heart was blessed, my hands trembled, I entered my name, and then I pressed enter ... Sure enough, it wasn't. ...

Today, I went downstairs to buy things in a small supermarket. I saw the boss lecturing his son and asked him out of curiosity. The boss was excited and said that the son of a bitch had replaced my God of Wealth with his Altman. ...

6. I dropped two coins in my hand just now on the bus. I'm going to pick them up. My uncle sitting next to me picked them up. I thought he would give them back to me, but he put them directly in my pocket! I think my uncle may not have the money to take the bus, so forget it ... When the conductor came over and I took out two coins for the conductor, my uncle took out four coins from his pocket and said, I'll pay the girl's fare together! Uncle, what do you want? ...

7. Q: Why do you buy inflatable dolls depending on the date of production? A: Is it appropriate to find a girlfriend without looking at the horoscope?

8. There is a couple. The husband woke up first in the morning and said to his wife, "If I don't leave, it will be too late. By the way, this is your 800 yuan. " The wife accepted it without hesitation. At this time, they seem to understand something. ...

9. Wife: Do you know why men are called penises below? Husband: I don't know! Wife: As a man, you don't even know this! Husband: Do you know why? Wife: Because a man has three eggs, and then he hatched one! Husband: ...

10, a gentleman caught a cold and went to the hospital for intravenous drip. The nurse quickly inserted the needle into Mr. Wang's body and hung physiological saline. 1 more hours passed, and the water in the salt bottle was finished. When the nurse came, she immediately changed a bottle. The gentleman was puzzled and asked the nurse, "Miss, isn't there only one bottle on the prescription list?" The nurse pointed to the empty bottle cap behind the salt water and said, Sir, you are so lucky. This bottle won the lottery-another bottle ~!

1 1. An old man has never used an ATM before. When he used the ATM for the first time, a voice prompt came from the ATM: "Please enter the password!" The old man looked around and saw no one, so he bent down, folded his hands and whispered to the ATM, "Six zeros!" "

12, a young woman coaxed her child to sleep with your grandfather at night, but the child refused to leave. The young woman said, I can go without you.

Grandpa said in a positive tone: educate children to be honest. You can't fool children and old people at the same time.

13. The landlord is looking at the house with the new tenant.

Tenant: "It seems that this house often leaks water."

Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains."

George is drinking beer alone in the bar. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too."

15. Touch screens are popular in mobile phones and computers now. A friend expressed special emotion: "With the rapid development of science and technology, it is hard to say which day TV will touch the screen." Another friend said, "You are so stupid! If you have a remote control, do you want to poke it with your finger? "

16, a young girl married an old rich man. At the wedding, someone pointed to the back of the bride and said, "It's really wronged the girl. Look at that old groom, he is almost catching up with her grandfather. "

The old rich man retorted, "I am more wronged than her." Her grandfather is only two years older than me, and I have to call him grandpa! " "

17, Grandpa posted a photo of a naked woman on the Internet. Hullova's seven brothers all left comments. Dawa: Awesome! Erwa: I am blind! Sanwa: Hard! Shiva: It will be hot! Wuwa: It's wet! Liuwa: Shit, it's a shame to hide! Qiwa: Good picture, good picture, accept it decisively!

18, a man and his wife are often ambiguous, but they don't see it. A colleague sent a pair of couplets. Part I: As long as life goes by, part II: Even if the head is a little green, part II: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

19 Once I suddenly remembered to go swimming, I bought a pair of cheap swimming trunks in the supermarket, because there were no other colors, only red. As a result, I didn't expect the swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, a wisp of red came out from my lower body and rippled in the water ... An uncle swam past me, looked at the red "blood" under me and looked at my bare upper body. For an instant, his expression was contradictory …

20, eat and drive! So at the foot of my bed, I want to drink noodle soup. People are thinner than yellow flowers, and they still remember pot-wrapped meat. Xiao-he just showed his sharp corner when he saw the bean braised ribs. Frosty night, pine nuts and corn. Jiang Nanan spring breeze is green, when will the bright moon bake cold noodles? When I asked about the return date, I came to stew the stupid chicken with hazelnuts. I advised god to cheer up, pancake fruit with chicken fillet. How we wish to fly in heaven, where two birds are one and sit on the street for a barbecue!

2 1, a went whoring and met Shi. Stone said: it is predestined friends to meet thousands of miles away, and 200 yuan is not expensive! A: Qian Shan always loves thousands of waters. How about fifty dollars? Shi said: If you want to pass Yumen Pass, the minimum is 130! There are many fish in the sea. Can we do it for eighty dollars? A added: The world has its own true feelings. Today I only brought 90 yuan! Stone growled: I bet my youth on tomorrow, one hundred less is rape!

I went to see a doctor yesterday. Oh? What did the doctor say? -The doctor said, have you seen enough? !

23. My wife went shopping and saw a lovely child. Then I looked at my husband and sighed. Say to your husband: if you give birth to a baby that looks like you in the future, it's over! The husband paused and glared at his wife: "If you don't look like me, you are finished!"! ! ! "

24. At 1 1 in the evening, I started chatting with qq, a girl I secretly loved, and told stories about my childhood. When I became more and more speculative, I made my confession in 12 Shuai Shuai. Success. Chatting until 2 o'clock ... by 4 o'clock, I was still too excited to sleep. The cell phone rang. "I'm sorry, I am his brother. After chatting all night, I found that you are a good person. " ……

25. One day, I quarreled with the idiot in front. He called me a mad dog and I suddenly had a plan. I strike the table and say who is mad dog scolding? This idiot is also striking the table. Let's mad dog scold you! Mad dog, mad dog is ... scolding ... you. ...

26. One day, a young man went to a small restaurant for dinner and saw a beautiful girl sitting there, which made him very excited. The young man summoned up his courage and accosted the girl: "Hello, what's your name?" The girl said without looking up, "Beef noodles, hurry up!"

27. I was forced to go on a blind date. Another person is a burden to learn English. As soon as he arrived, he said that he was CET-8, Japanese-1 and German-2. Ask me what level? I told him QQ30, yellow diamond 7, red diamond 4, colored diamond 4 and green diamond 3. Blind date is also a pleasure in life. ...

28. I have the phone number of the goddess, and I can know whether she is awake or not every day. Calling her, no one answered, but she hasn't woken up yet; Call her, hang up, just wake up and don't envy me too much. ...

29. I work in a bank, and I was actually cried by my colleagues at work today.

Just as a customer was withdrawing money, I choked and said, "What business?"

The customer replied, "Take 50,000." I'm still angry and my tears can't stop flowing.

The customer quickly said, "no, no, I don't want it." Money is saved! " "

30. When I first used QQ, I didn't quite understand it. In a chat, a netizen asked me: How to upgrade QQ software? I don't know how to pretend to understand. Answer: Please uninstall this old one first, and then I'll tell you how to do it! So, half a minute later, the netizen's head turned gray. Since then, this person has disappeared. ...

3 1, once, I contacted a classmate because of something, but his number was not stored in my mobile phone. I sent a short message to another classmate who was very familiar, "Do you have XXX's phone number?" Then I waited patiently for a reply. After 5 minutes, I finally received a reply. I couldn't wait to open the short message and wrote a "yes". In desperation, I can only send a short message to this big brother again, "So, please tell me?" I waited another five minutes and received a reply. I can't wait to open it again, and the other two words are impressively written: "Good."

32. A friend is short, runs in the family, and neither father nor grandfather is tall.

When he was in junior high school, his father encouraged him to say, son, talk about a person first, before others grow up.

I met a friend later this morning.

So the teacher asked you what the reason was this time? Traffic jam again? This guy shook his head and said no.

It was foggy when I went out in the morning. I didn't find it when I passed by the school. I passed by. ...

34. Go to your girlfriend's house for dinner. Show everyone a magic trick at the dinner table. Shouting: "It's time to witness the miracle!" "

My father-in-law's chair fell down and the whole family came to kill people. Old man, let me explain. I really didn't make a chair. ...

35. Kong Ming: Master, I think you should pay close attention to Xiao Qiao. Liu Bei: To win the world, why should we attach importance to a woman? Kong Ming: Because as far as I know, among the people you care about, Cao Cao, Sun Quan, Zhou Yu and others also care about her.

36. Change my girlfriend's phone number to mine when my classmate takes a shower. Send him a text message in bed at night "Husband, I'm pregnant". I saw that guy suddenly turn over and get out of bed. Badabada smoked a box of cigarettes and asked the dormitory people to borrow money …

37. My son came home trembling: "Dad, I only got 60 points in the exam today". Dad is very angry: "Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam!" " "The next day, my son came back:" I'm sorry, brother! " "

38. When I was in the third year of high school, I went downstairs one day after studying by myself, thinking that the person who walked in front was my roommate. I sneaked up to him and kicked his ass, shouting: You actually came to study for yourself? ! The man rubbed his ass and looked back at me piteously, trembling and saying, hmm. After staring at each other for a few seconds, I hesitated how to apologize. The man replied, big brother, I'm a freshman, and I won't dare to do it again …

39. My girlfriend said that I agreed without much pursuit. This is too much for her. Let me break up and I'll catch up. I agreed. Then, it's gone. Deceiving each other is not fun.

40. Go shopping in the school supermarket today.

Don't you have to brush the bar code when you check out ~ There will be a beep ~ I can't brush any marinated eggs I bought … I didn't know what was going on in my head at that time … so a long sentence came out: "beep! ~ ~ ~ "Full-court petrochemical ~ ~ ~

The question is not enough, and it is accepted with satisfaction ~