Engagement custom taboo

There are many traditional taboos in the marriage process. Although the times are changing, the taboos in marriage customs still need us to follow. Engagement is a ceremony that cannot be underestimated before marriage, so the taboo of engagement custom also needs our special attention.

Naji taboo

In the stage of talking about marriage, after the marriage documents such as winning the lottery and asking the name were successfully passed, it was Najib. Naji is a ceremony to inform the woman of divination and marriage after asking her name. After the man's family got a good omen, the ceremony returned to the woman's family and decided to get engaged. This is the main ceremony in the engagement stage. Commonly known as "appointed", "over-appointed" and "appointed". When engaged, in ancient times, geese were used to indicate that marriage was settled. Later, with the prosperous development of buying and selling marriage, it gradually evolved into a deposit and a gift with a fixed employment nature, usually rings, jewelry, coins, colored silk, gift cakes, gift candles and so on. During the Ming and Qing Dynasties, tea ceremony was also popular among the Han nationality and some ethnic minorities in southwest China. There is no tea ceremony in the bride price of Lahu nationality in Yunnan. Lahu people often say, "You can't get married without drinking tea." The deposit for reservation must be even and wrapped in red paper, commonly known as "red envelope", "lucky money" or "centering money". Gifts should also be in pairs, and singular is forbidden. Gift lists and invitations should be written in red paper (avoid white paper), and the words on them should be even, not singular. Even some exquisite families have to make up the names of gifts in pairs. For example, "a pig" should be written as "the whole pig becomes a head"; "A dish" should be written as "like a dish" and so on. These are the meanings of "two couples, rich for thousands of years" to symbolize the happiness of newly married couples. If there is a singular number, doesn't it symbolize loneliness? On the big day, people have the association of "widowhood", and of course they are very depressed. What's more, people are more afraid that the sign will really be tested! So avoid the singular when you are engaged.

When dating, it is also taboo to say the words "heavy" and "again" For example, the man gives a dowry, and the woman presents cakes and candles on the shrine to worship the ancestors of the gods. When burning incense at this time, no matter whether the incense inserted into the incense burner is crooked or not, it is forbidden to pull it out and insert it again; For example, when the man comes to get engaged, the woman walks out of the door and says "come and sit down again" when greeting. Because "putting incense again" violates the taboo of "heavy" and "sitting again" violates the taboo of "again" I think this will lead to "bigamy" and "remarriage", so it must be taboo.

The above taboo customs of avoiding single happiness and double happiness, avoiding "weight" and "weight" are all manifestations of concern about the destruction of a beautiful marriage. There are also some taboos in dating, which are due to etiquette considerations. For example, there is a folk custom in Taiwan Province Province called Naji, and it is forbidden to accept all bride price. When the man sends pork, the woman will return the part with bones to the man. As the local proverb says, "Eat your flesh, not your bones". If the woman ignores this taboo, the man will be very angry.

In Xiangtan, Hunan Province, after the engagement, both men and women will change their names and call each other relatives and friends. Every three festivals (Duanyang, Mid-Autumn Festival and Spring Festival) and two birthdays (in-laws' birthdays), the man always brings gifts to his wife's house, which is commonly known as "raising elder sister" locally. When it comes to festivals, mention carp, but avoid grass carp. If grass carp is mentioned, it is tantamount to scolding parents-in-law for eating grass, and the woman will be very angry. I'm afraid there are many taboos like this everywhere. This kind of etiquette agreement can test which party "knows the book and reaches the ceremony" and which party "doesn't know the etiquette". Serious will also affect the success or failure of marriage, so these taboos must also be understood and paid attention to. However, some taboos seem to belong to the etiquette category, but in fact they do have deep roots in folk beliefs.

For example, there is a folk custom of prohibiting the daughter-in-law who has not gone through the door from eating gift cakes. It seems that the future new wife will be considered "lazy" or "indecent" when grabbing the wedding cake. In fact, the significance of that lies in the fear that the future new wife will eat her own "happiness", which will lead to good luck becoming evil and unpredictable disaster. Only this floor is the reason why men and women are more afraid. However, this kind of deep anxiety and worry is not easy to tell the newly married wife who has not gone through the door, because it is taboo to say it. So I had to use "there will be a monthly letter (menstruation) on the wedding day" to scare her and not let her eat the wedding cake. Obviously, a taboo custom often involves many levels of consciousness. Even the odd and even numbers and the taboos of "emphasis" and "re-emphasis" mentioned earlier are not just a taboo problem of superficial politeness. Therefore, folklore has an important task, which is to uncover the root secrets of various folk beliefs hidden under the superficial customs and etiquette, so that people can recognize the true colors of deep folk culture.

Conscription taboo

Requisition is one of the "Six Rites", also known as "taking money", "hiring" and "giving gifts". After Najib, both men and women got married, and the man's family officially sent the bride price-commonly known as "gift"-to the woman's family, which is the gift of uxorilocal. In the old society, this kind of ceremony was very grand. The man often took this opportunity to honor the family wealth and grand wedding, and usually prepared a gift list. Gifts are packed in boxes, picked or carried, walked around the streets, set off firecrackers and played drums, and sent to the woman's home under the escort of matchmakers and pawnbrokers. All items in the dowry should have auspicious names, and the numbers should be taboo.

Folk taboo to give the woman shoes as a dowry, for fear that the woman will slip away with them. In Shandong province, the use of meat stuffing is prohibited in signed gift boxes. It is said that with meat stuffing, the new wife will eat meat when she goes through the door (that is, slowly, not quickly). After the bride price is sent to the bride's family, it is forbidden for the bride's family to accept all the bride price. Generally speaking, some food should be returned to the man's house. In the customs around the Central Plains, when a woman receives a dowry, she is given a hen without leaving a rooster. Hens should be alive and avoid white ones. After returning, the dowry was also sent. In the old days, it was forbidden to make quilts for dowry in September in the Central Plains, and it was preferred to make them in October. As the saying goes, "Wait for October and avoid September." Because "10, a set will be released in ten phases (I hope to have ten children in a row), and nine actresses will be given in September (I am afraid to have nine women in a row)". And avoid using white thread when covering the quilt, and prefer to use red thread. Sewing people should avoid widows or people with incomplete children, and must invite "all living people" to sew with their two children for good luck. Scissors, mirrors and teapots are also taboo in the dowry of the bride's family, otherwise it will "hinder my uncle", that is, the bride's brother or younger brother will die. There can be no bucket for children in the dowry of Hangzhou, Zhejiang, otherwise it will affect the continuation of children. The children's bucket is a toilet. There are two kinds of toilets in Zhejiang and Hangzhou. One is for defecation; One is for production. There are red eggs and happy fruits in the new toilet, which means wishing future generations prosperity.

After Taiwan Province got engaged, the woman invited her to the engagement party. After eating, the man's relatives should wipe their mouths and leave quietly, while the woman Renye Fang should do the same thing without knowing it. Don't say "send", "go" and "goodbye". Otherwise it's unlucky. Because "farewell" and "departure" in Taiwan Province Province often mean death and funeral, and "goodbye" will remind people of "goodbye" and may lead to "remarriage".

Taboo of divination marriage

In some areas and ethnic groups, marriage is not discussed according to the procedure of "Six Rites". They practice the custom of divining marriage, linking the success or failure of marriage with a certain image, and forming many unique taboos of engagement custom.

However, the "devil" approved the marriage of men and women on the basis of a divination game. Just put a bowl of water on the ground and then put two eggs in it. If the eggs can make do together, then a young couple are allowed to get married; If the eggs can't get together, then the engagement is not established. In Dehong area, the success or failure of Lisu marriage depends on finding the robbed girl. In the past, young men and women never told their parents their inner secrets after committing to life. When the secret wedding day came, the young man led the girl to hide quietly in the deep mountains and forests. The girl's parents didn't know what kind of family the girl had found, so they called relatives and friends to look for the girl's whereabouts together. According to the custom, if a girl is found within three days, the man is considered a stupid and incompetent guy, and the marriage is ruined. The man has to compensate the woman for a sum of money. If you can't find a girl within three days, then the marriage of the young couple will be settled and will be recognized by the society. So whether young men and women can get engaged depends on whether they can find it. On the wedding day, the Miao people in northwest Guizhou will hold the final divination ceremony, that is, catching the cow's tail. On that day, the woman asked several young people to take cows to the wedding. When the groom arrived, the bride suddenly cut off the cow's tail with a sharp knife. The groom immediately jumped on the bride to catch the cow's tail. The bride side will help the bride guard and keep the groom away from the bride. If the groom catches the cow's tail before the woman's parents and relatives arrive, the wedding will be held immediately, otherwise the groom will be considered incompetent and the marriage will be ruined. Although this divination taboo of marriage customs is barbaric in form, it actually has certain positive significance in choosing high-quality men to pass on their offspring.