What do you mean, running water is the first, and there is no end to fighting?

Running water does not strive for the first place, but it is endless. Running water is not indisputable, just for an instant, and I don't care about the surging noise of one or two waves. When the Chuanjiang River enters the sea and runs to the end, which one is not the calm and endless deep flow of the vast soup. "Little Miscellaneous Feeling" can be regarded as one of my rivers. It gurgled out 360 days ago, and every day's words are just an ordinary spray. When it flows for a year, it carries the daily life and energy; When it accumulated to 360 pictures, nearly100000 words, it also had a little gushing meaning. On the 360th day, it can't be said that "little miscellaneous feelings" were donated to the sea. I just want to talk about "little miscellaneous feelings" from its "endless".

It all started from 2065438+0965438+1October 28th with a phoenix tree in Zimaling. More precisely, it is a "heart-shaped" scar on the tree. When I saw it, I somehow connected it with the world life. I thought of all kinds of pimples on my body, which formed scars in the years, and then hardened and fell off, leaving some insignificant scars. At this moment, I was connected with this tree, which inadvertently affected me, and my body and mind were very smooth at this moment. At that time, I just took a photo, put it in my mobile phone and left. In order to welcome the 360th day, I went to Zimaling Park several times, and finally chose a tree as the ending material in the middle of the road near the west gate. There is a tree in the middle of the cement road, and pedestrians on both sides come and go like running water. The tree is quiet and indisputable, like a lonely shore in the water. I think this is its calmness and eloquence. Two trees, beginning and end, will last for many years. I'm glad to take this opportunity to see them change themselves. If you just turned around and left a year ago, it would be dull, just like a drop of water falling into a pond, and then it would be silent and out of sight. Fortunately, at that time, I was absorbed in fighting against trivial and ordinary life. It was too hard at that time, and all kinds of pressures were on me, which made people breathless, but they were desperately stubborn. I left the motorcycle that followed me for six or seven years and took a step of "10 thousand steps a day"; In order to kill the boredom of taking the bus, I will pick up the poems I have lost for many years and write them. "Small miscellaneous feeling" has also become a tool for me to tidy up myself. I want to see when I can't help but surrender. The tree on Ximen Road in Zimaling witnessed my intransigence.

I forced myself to do the "work" I asked. In order to feel something every day, I have to stare at life with my eyes wide open, grab the details of life up and down, and get through the connection between these details of life and my own life. I gradually realized that it is difficult for people to confirm themselves and must be supported by physical attributes. Whether you look at me by things or by me, the passage between things and me may be life itself. When I see a bird in the sky, the mark left by a plane, or just a faint clear moon; When I caught a glimpse of the morning light on a wild flower, the sunset glow dyed the sky red and suddenly darkened, or it was all kinds of storms and dark clouds; When I squatted down or stood on tiptoe, I saw a snail crawling, a dead autumn worm, and a turtle lazily basking in its shell ... These messy life details broadened my horizons and inspired my life sentiment. Seeing these real clips, I found that I was not so high above and certainly not so sympathetic. I am just a small detail in my life, not much different from a leaf, a flower, a tree, a stone, a gust of wind and a rain. Sometimes they are more permanent, sometimes I am more permanent. In fact, we are both very fragile and there is nothing to be sad about. Jiang Yang said, "I don't argue with anyone and I don't care who I argue with." If what I see is my obscurity or broadness, or my obscurity and broadness in obscurity, "struggle" cannot achieve a little self-confirmation. Perhaps this is "running water is the first"!

This is just the warm side of "little miscellaneous feeling", and its other side is cold and hard, just like life itself. It is not difficult to take a photo and write one or two hundred words, or even seven or eight hundred words, to express your mood at the moment; It is not difficult to write 200 or 300 words a day to sort out the state of mind at that time. It is difficult to take a little out of life every day and keep coming up with propositions. Like Lu Xun, it is a "disaster" to be "often uprooted, implicated constantly, and broken the mud wall". "A clever woman can't cook without rice" is the biggest dilemma of "little miscellaneous feeling". People always live in self-righteousness, even if they bend over or even kneel down, there are not so many touching details in life that are linked with their own lives. Heraclitus, an ancient Greek philosopher, said, "One can't step into the same river twice", and "little miscellaneous feeling" gave me a conical feeling about this sentence. More and more I feel the terrible fact that "life is a cage"-people are always trapped somewhere and can't be separated. The world is very big and there are many "materials". And I can only live in a place called "Cuiheng" or "Imperial Garden", or walk on the road between them. How many "little distractions" have you taken from here? A lot, so as to survive, a little "exhausted and fishing" feeling. When a goal can't be achieved, a sense of anxiety arises instantly. How many nights, it's already ten o'clock or eleven o'clock, but the material of "Little Miscellaneous Feeling" has no eyebrows, and even the eyes I'm looking for are full of anxiety; Even with the materials, my heart can't move, endless procrastination, watching a video and turning over an article, and dealing with it when there is no way out. Of course, if you are lucky and inspired, you can take two or three photos within three steps and five steps, prepare writing materials for four or five days at hand, or write fluently, and deceive yourself into being philosophical and calm, and your heart will be full of joy. However, after writing every day, the material is consumed bit by bit, the joy fades away, and the anxiety comes back. In the process of writing "Little Miscellaneous Feeling", the roller coaster-like ups and downs are like the ups and downs of life. As for the ups and downs, it's hard to say. Fortunately, such a deep "gaze" made me really know the place where I live, and it was a feeling, even if it was pretending, it made people shine.

Life is always fragmented, with housework, entertainment, business and all kinds of encirclement and suppression, eager to carve up that tragic time. If there is material, the "little miscellaneous feeling" will usually be conceived for a day, and then it will be typed out word by word with a mobile phone in bed at night. Even if the idea is mature, it will take more than ten minutes to write two or three hundred words. If there is entertainment, write ahead of time. After all, what you write when you are confused is always terrible. Until tomorrow, the burden is heavier, and tomorrow's articles are still struggling to find and ponder. Sometimes compromise, like running water spinning in the river-twelve o'clock, eyes stuck in a fight. If you delete the "little miscellaneous feeling" and write it, you still can't write it, so you have to sleep first. I would like to be gentle with myself at this time, and the "little miscellaneous feeling" can end later the next morning. However, there are not two articles in a row or three articles piled up in one night, and the principle cannot be destroyed without a bottom line. Getting materials and writing words all depend on the mobile phone, there are 100 poems to be completed, and the official account of WeChat is released by mobile phone operation ... rotten "Xiaomi 6" and new "Huawei P30Pro" are all my fast horses. According to rough statistics, a small mobile phone actually contains thousands of photos of me, nearly 200 thousand words. However, because of this, there is another "mobile phone addict", which has been comforted by many people on the road. My addiction should be better after the "little miscellaneous feeling" Thank you.

"Little Miscellaneous Feeling" began to be updated in the circle of friends every day, but due to the annoying "harassment" of relatives and friends, it later evolved into issue 15, and "Qiu Jizhi" was published on the official account of WeChat. This advantage, in addition to not disturbing the people, is also more convenient for me to do comprehensive statistics of words. The first issue of 15, 24 issues a year. I backed up 24 folders in Baidu Cloud Disk, and each photo can be selected, marked and classified, and the text is also put into the Word document. With the increase of distribution, more and more pictures and words are accumulated, and numbers have a strong and almost morbid attraction to people. Lu Yao expressed a similar morbidness in his "Morning Begins at Noon": "There is an uncontrollable morbid fascination with numbers. From time to time, I calculate the page number, the number of words, the working day and the numbers between them on the next piece of paper, although these numbers are simple and clear in a day ... When I calculate these arithmetic carefully, I am like a superstitious fortune teller and a businessman obsessed with money. This is also a small self-entertainment activity in the process of intense writing. " "Little Miscellaneous Feeling" was originally expected to write 60,000 words. With the proficiency of writing and the deepening of the process, the number of words is adjusted to 80,000 words, then to 90,000 words, and finally to 98 106 words. In such an upgrade of the number of words, I have the same fascination with numbers as Lu Yao. If it weren't for this "sickness", I might have died long ago. But when I think of something with a hundred thousand words, I feel even more forbearing when I am about to escape. 100000 words is not a whole, it should be divided into 360 parts, each part has 200 words, and the first few articles actually have only100 words. Every article in every day, like running water, is a spray in the stream of "little miscellaneous feelings". Just after reading one of the plates, or feeling a little or bland, I won't discuss it. When it has accumulated to 360 days100,000 words, it will be a bit eloquent. Running water is not the first, but it is endless. That's what Little Miscellaneous Feelings taught me.

Arguing endlessly, 360 days should not be the end. I will continue to write, look at my life and feel my life, but I will be calmer and more tired. After all, "little miscellaneous feelings" have their endless stream.

Looking back from the entrance of the sea, a "gushing" life should have its flow direction like a tributary. where i was from? ! From this point of view, "small distractions" should also be temporarily ended, and then I can find another way.