How should parents talk about love with their children?

When I was in college, the school offered a general course called "Marriage and Family". As a result, the number of people who applied for this course was full, and they had to draw lots to take it. Recalling the social news I saw a few days ago, such as junior high school couples committing suicide together, and junior high school girls are determined to leave children for their lovers, I can't help but think: it's too late for universities to start such a "love class", right, from primary school?

Think about what I didn't teach at school. Living up to now, I deeply feel that love is the first to bear the brunt. Love is a topic that we have to face all our lives, but parents and teachers in Asia are ashamed to talk about it. To tell the truth, this topic may be difficult to understand all my life, but sharing some healthy love views with children from an early age can minimize the frustration caused by "low love quotient" in the future.

Son, I want to tell you.

You should be happy that others like you.

Around the second or third grade of primary school, little boys and girls will begin to have a crush on each other. There is a note in the classroom that says "Who loves whom". At that moment, the "love" between the two children without guessing has begun to sprout quietly. One day, I found a small picture on my son's desk. Cute and childish brushwork drew a boy and a girl, and then wrote a question with phonetic symbols: "Who do you like, the girl below?" Please circle. "Then I wrote the names of three girls. I thought it was very interesting and asked my son,' Who painted this? The son shrugged and said, "xxx gave it to me, but she wouldn't say who painted it." Then, I added, "But I guess it might be xxx, because they are good friends." I'm glad to hear that. Isn't this the girl that my son often mentions? I realized that this is a good opportunity to talk with my child about what "love" is, so I asked him, "Are you happy if you know that she likes you?" The son said shyly, "Nothing." "You should be very happy to know that others like you!" The son nodded. "Then can you tell me why you like her?" "She looks lovely, um ... she speaks in a low voice. Some girls in our class speak loudly and fiercely, but she can't. " "oh! She is very gentle. " I smiled and then asked, "Do you want the girl you like to like you? What can I do to make people like you? " Silly son nodded, "help her! Be nice to her! Invite her to eat candy. " Ha, that's a good idea.

Like a person, has nothing to do with others

But love is not wishful thinking. Sometimes, hard work is not necessarily a gain. I can't help asking him, "What if one day, you find that she likes someone else?" The son thought for a moment and said, "Never mind, there are others who like me." Great mentality. If you are lovelorn in the future, I hope you still remember this sentence ... After a while, the son added, "Mom, seven people like xxx!" " "I was surprised," wow! You have so many rivals! " "What is a rival in love?" "Just like you like this girl's boy. Because everyone likes the same person and wants to compete like enemies, it is called rival in love. "This time, my son is confused again." But I am good friends with Wang xx and Li xx! We are not enemies! "How wonderful this sentence is, I followed," Yes, you should remember this sentence. Like a person has nothing to do with others, so it is useless to be enemies of each other. "

The hardest thing about love is to refuse and let go.

Of course, a large part of this free and easy also stems from the fact that he is still in the innocent stage and has not tasted the bitter fruit of jealousy and loss. Although children are simple, it is this simplicity that can easily become their weapon to hurt others. Once our family went camping, two little boys were waiting for a girl to play together after dinner. Not long after, I saw a little boy gloomily hiding in the corner and coming forward to care about the reason. The boy said to me with a bitter face, "Tong Tong (a girl) won't play with me ... even after dinner, she won't play with me. She wants to play with others. " Looking at the child's sad appearance, I turned to ask the girl, just made an appointment, why refuse him now? The girl boss didn't want to, so she said loudly in front of the boy, "But I don't want to play with him all the time. I want to play with others!" " "The little boy was seriously injured, and I was speechless at the moment. I felt it necessary to remind the girl, so I said to her, "There is one thing I want to remind you. When you refuse others, you must not hurt others. " Her mouth suddenly stuck up. I went on to say, "Do you remember the last time your good friend suddenly stopped playing with you? When there is a group of science classes, is XX unwilling to be in the same group with you? "She suddenly became quiet." Do you remember when you cried? "Ignoring her expression, I continued," It doesn't matter who you don't want to play with, but you shouldn't talk so coldly. "You can tell him that I want to play with others now and play with you later. Or you can ask him if he wants to play with everyone. You don't want others to break your heart, and you shouldn't break others' hearts yourself. " The girl nodded, a little embarrassed: "All right! I won't say that next time. " In this way, the picnic became a moral lesson. Some people say that the biggest and most difficult cognition of love is to refuse and let go. As her daughter grows up day by day, she needs to deal with more and more emotional problems. She may be rejected by others, or she may refuse some people. But I want her to know from an early age that being rejected by others does not mean that you are not good enough, but because others may have different opinions or different choices. Therefore, when you are rejected, you should respect others and don't underestimate yourself. Similarly, when you refuse others, it is not necessarily that they are not good enough. Please try not to hurt them.

Children, parents will not be "ostriches" on your love enlightenment road.

I don't know how others discuss the topic of "who likes who". Anyway, I never laugh at my children with it. It is natural that conversations like the above often happen, so my son will naturally take the initiative to discuss such topics with me. I only know that when children have emotional problems, most children will not choose to tell their parents. Why? Because these parents are unwilling to face up to the fact that their children are growing up, eager for love and have physical and psychological needs, they just think, like "ostriches", that if they don't think, listen and talk, it won't happen or exist.

For children's love, they only know how to shake their heads: "You are still young, immature, and too young to fall in love now." "The object you are seeing now will not be the object of marriage in the future." "Look more, communicate more, and don't be too stubborn." "Be careful, don't do anything you shouldn't do." But I forgot that youth is the beginning of love. What makes people remember is not that young infatuation? After being a parent, it's easy to forget the passion and devotion in love and look at the object of marriage and the future, but we can't deprive our children of the right to create beautiful memories.

I know that on the road of love, falling is inevitable. But we are not banning or shielding. It is to give children a pair of listening ears, protect their own laws, how to love their own Tao and skills, and never have too much company. There is also a point-"Remember, my child, I will always respect and love you."

Children will grow up eventually. They may not tell me anything about love in the future, but I believe that countless discussions about love topics during their growth have gradually taught them to love themselves and others.