"How much does ta love me?"

I often have friends who want me to make sure how important I am to my lover. What does love need for these friends? A prefix: very, very special ... It seems that only by clarifying this importance can love be love and love be meaningful.

Indeed, "I am the most important" is the psychological nutrition in early life. Children aged 0 ~ 3 months need to make sure: "In your life, I am the most important, I am 65438 +0. No matter how busy you are, even if you are unwell, if you find me hungry and sick, you will immediately put everything down and satisfy me first. "

However, if, for some reason, the mother's mood changes, or the parents' energy is spent in quarrels and they can't take care of their children, then the children will find another person (grandparents, teachers) to replace the role of "important others" originally played by their parents in the process of growing up. From this person, the child hopes to be unconditionally accepted and become the most important person in this life.

If the child does not find such an ideal "significant other half" as a child, then ta will keep looking for it all his life until he finds it. Ta will very much hope to make up for the feeling of "I am the most important" that I can't get from my parents, and hope that someone can regard themselves as the most important person in life. If you can't find it, you will always grow up with this expectation and enter an intimate relationship with this expectation.

When you are in love, you may often ask, "Where am I in your life?" I asked again and again, "Am I the most important person in your life?" If I am willful, bad and terrible, will you still love me like that? "Ta will keep looking for this answer, which leads to many questions, such as a satisfactory reply when more attention or exploration is needed.

If you can't get a clear answer, t a can't do a meaningful thing with all his strength, because the meaning produced by these things has never been more meaningful than "important".

So why is importance so "important"? In fact, I have been subconsciously worried that I am "not important enough" and "not worth it". But in fact, your value is your consciousness, your perception and experience ability. The value of human life lies in the fact that it exists. You are a complicated miracle created by the creator. You are a person who struggles for survival, which is enough to make you as valuable as other people who also struggle for survival, regardless of achievements.

Everything you do and make any contribution should not be aimed at proving your self-worth, but should be the embodiment of continuous vitality. You should try to enrich your life instead of trying to prove yourself.

In short, your existence is your value, not because of other external things. So, you are very important. For everyone, ta itself is the most important thing. The significance of importance lies more in admitting one's importance than in proving one's importance.