The most classic and funny copy

I was smoking in the street, and a beggar came to borrow my cigarette. I gave him one, and he looked at the sign and gave it back to me.

As soon as I entered the door, my dad pointed at me and cursed: "I haven't seen you for months." Where have you been? " I said, "Dad, I have been admitted to college, so I finally came back for a few days during the Spring Festival."

3. The crab walked and bumped into the loach, and the loach cursed, "Are you blind?" The crab said, "No, I'm a crab."

Meteors are flying in the sky. My hands are closed.

Ten prayers: "God, drop a bundle of money and kill me!" " "Best friends also put their hands together.

Ten: "God, drop a bundle of money and kill her!" " ! So no one will share it with me! "

I know I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you must reflect on yourself and why others can.

6. Watch the palace with your girlfriend. 0. I asked my girlfriend: Look, with my IQ, how many episodes can I live in the palace? The best friend said: It's just your figure. Do you still want to enter the palace?

7. A customer came to the sales office to look at the house. He felt very good, and then found a feng shui master, but the feng shui master couldn't say, so the customer turned and left, and the feng shui master paid a deposit at that time!

Eight. When I was a child, I always thought that sesame seeds came from strawberries, but how black sesame seeds came from has puzzled me for many years. Now I see pitaya.

9. My wife has a fitness card and plans to lose weight. After a month of fitness, she happily said to me, "Look, look, my belt used to be buckled in the first hole, but today it can be buckled in the first hole."

There are two holes. "I looked at it and said," Well, your hands are getting stronger and stronger. "

10. Going shopping at noon doesn't feel very fresh. Boss: They just arrived this morning. It's all fresh. Me: Does this dish look faded? Boss: from this morning to now, it thought no one wanted it. Is it depressing?

1 1. I sent a text message to the secret love goddess for several days, but she didn't reply. Today she finally replied: TD.

Twelve. The day before the exam, my mother said to me, "relax and do well in the exam later." It doesn't matter if you don't do well in the exam. Your father and I are still young, we have enough strength to beat you, and you can be reborn if you are killed. "

13. Only those lazy people will complain about the pain of not getting up every morning, and those who are really motivated will call for leave immediately.

14. My mother said that I must not fight with my classmates like when I started school. After listening to my mother's advice, I learned from a bitter experience and made a mistake. On the first day of school, I had a fight with my teacher.

15. Standing under a tall building, I feel sad, my face is wet and it tastes a little salty. Is it rain or tears? Look up at the sky: whose child is standing on the balcony to pee, is there any education!

16. I don't want to go to school anymore. The teacher asked me all day how to do this problem and that problem. Did I teach him or did he teach me?

17. My cousin asked me, "Sister, what do you think the perfect boyfriend looks like?" I decisively said: "others"! "

18. "Master, hurry up! Help me catch up with the taxi in front! welcome

200 yuan. "The driver picked up the intercom:" Hello, Lao Zhang, back. "

19. "Why are people closer to the north more direct?" "It's cold. Who has time to travel with you? "

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With Tenuto, I get along well with a female netizen. One day I asked her what she looked like, and she said one meter.

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Fifth, very thin and long hair. I thought for a moment, picked up a mop and turned it upside down, took a photo and sent it to her, and I was hacked!