The Healing of family of origin Relations

The phenomenon of "leftover men" and "leftover women" in society has attracted more and more attention. It seems that there are more and more people left behind and left behind. From the social definition, I am also a "leftover woman".

After listening to a program about how the "leftover women" are cultivated in Wu Zhihong, I felt quite contradictory to this seemingly arbitrary conclusion at first, but after listening to it, I fully understood-so reasonable!

Everyone who wants to get married is married. The reason why the leftover women and men stay is actually the result of their own choice. Leftover women and men generally come from life experiences, and most of them come from families. They all experienced the profound experience of being "abandoned", longing for intimacy and fearing intimacy. This kind of psychology makes it difficult for leftover men and women to enter intimate relationships.

Being born in a family plays an extremely important role in people's lives, depicting people's backgrounds. This is naturally a good thing for healthy families with the mode of origin. When children grow up, they just need to follow family of origin's model. There is a way to follow, and someone can imitate them. On the contrary, most children continue to repeat family of origin's pattern consciously or unconsciously. Only a few people can get out of the unhealthy family model all their lives.

In my opinion, the healing of family of origin relations can be divided into four stages:

The first stage: the original ecological family mode of origin.

Parents, children and other family members travel in the process of getting along with the family model with family characteristics.

The second stage: realize the limitations of family of origin model, and psychologically "patricide" and "patricide".

Family awareness is the beginning of healing. When the wings of self-awareness are gradually full, they have completed the psychological "killing their father" and "killing their mother" and are determined to choose another relationship model.

The third stage: reconciliation with "parents" in family of origin.

Being born in a family will continue to pull at the subconscious level, and family members will experience a similar spiral growth process. To complete the real cure, you need to reconcile with your "parents" in order to let go of your obsession and move forward lightly.

The fourth stage: reconciliation with yourself

This is the essential and most difficult stage to form a healthy relationship model. Reconciliation with oneself is not only a necessary condition for establishing a healthy relationship, but also a necessary condition for facing the ultimate problem. The ultimate problem of man is death. This is how people come. In the end, this road is still their own world, which has nothing to do with others. We should reconcile with ourselves.

So, I'm in the third stage. This is a long way to go, Xiu Yuan Xi, do it and cherish it.