Couples' funny jokes

Couple jokes (49 selected sentences) 1. Someone asked me how to live alone in this society where materials are constantly flowing, and I answered the word "poor". When you are unhappy, take a deep breath. It was just a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be worse. Whenever a boy says that he has cleaned up his room, the standard usually means that the road from the door to the bed has been opened. The boy took out his ring and proposed to the girl. The girl took the ring and threw it into the lake, saying, "If you can take it out, I will promise you!" " The boy smiled confidently, and then the ring floated to the surface. Walking and chatting with a friend, he suddenly asked, would you bend your knees for 50 yuan? I said angrily, how can I do this? ! At this time, he took a few quick steps, and then bent down to pick up the 50 yuan money on the ground. 6. Some people make masks that look much better than real people. 7. The so-called growth is the process of constantly discovering that the past self is bipolar. 8. Many people often say that you don't have to earn enough money. But now it's not even enough. 9. It's time to announce the cancellation today, because winter has come and summer clothes are gone. 10. Don't envy others for their long legs and thin waist. You are fat and broad-minded. 1 1. Getting rid of poverty is not as easy as losing your hair, but getting rich is far easier than getting rich. The reality is cruel, you have to live with temperature. 12. No matter what you do, stick to it and don't be afraid of failure. They say failure is success, damn it. Of course, if you pursue a fucking baby, you should also smile at his mother. 13. My mother dug a spoonful of watermelon and dropped it. She picked it up and was about to put it in my mouth. Seeing me looking at her in surprise, she suddenly reacted and said with a smile: Sorry, I thought you were a child! Suddenly I feel a little pain in my chest! 14. Exams are like doctors. The first thing that came out was that I tried my best. 15. My wife wants to buy a fur coat for her birthday, so she said to her husband, "Dear, my birthday is coming, won't you go and see my fur?" The husband patted his thigh: "Good idea, let's go together. But hurry up, or the zoo will close. " 16. Wife: Why didn't you praise me for having dinner with friends this time? You always praised me in front of your friends before marriage! Husband: Don't you think it's wrong to always lie? 17. My husband got his salary and took it home to please his wife. He said to his wife, "honey, I got my salary." Give me a kiss and the money will be yours. "The wife has been indifferent. The husband didn't respond when he saw his wife. He shouted again, "If you don't come, I'll find someone to wait on me and give her all the money." The wife replied lightly, "If you dare to go, how can you spend the money and how can I earn it back?"? 18. My beloved wife said, "I am timid by nature and dare not stay at home alone at night. You must come back with me. " The husband said, "I really can't spare time to accompany you." Tell you what, I'll buy a safe and put you in. There is definitely no danger, so don't be afraid. "My beloved wife said," I want you to deploy Patriot missiles at home to intercept those who violate me. "19. A middle-aged couple was getting ready for bed when eureka tower caught fire. They panicked and ran out through the smoky corridor. At this time, the husband unexpectedly found a sweet smile on his wife's face that he had never seen in recent years. Oh, my God, what time is it? You can still laugh! The husband asked in surprise. I'm really happy! The wife smiled and said, this is the first time you have gone out with me in five years! I said to my wife, "I think our relationship can go to the next stage." She giggled: "Fool, we are married." Did we have two lovely babies? What is the next stage? "I:" divorced. "2 1. The husband said to his wife with emotion," For so many years, no one in our family can replace you! "The wife asked angrily," To be honest, how many people have you found to replace me over the years? "22. The husband and wife rushed to the playground, and the football match in the second half had already started. The husband asked an audience: Excuse me, what's the score on the field now? The audience said: 0 to 0. The wife said: Great! We didn't delay at all. Husband: Honey, since you love me so much, why didn't you say yes immediately when I first proposed to you? Wife: Because I want to see your reaction when you refuse. Husband: Oh, but what would you do if I turned and left? Wife: Don't worry, you can't go out because I have locked the door. 24. My husband often doesn't come back, and my wife calls him. He is either moving bricks or studying documents. Later, my wife learned that moving bricks is playing mahjong. After learning the file, she asked her husband knowingly: it's hard to move bricks. You should earn a lot of money, right? My husband said cunningly, of course, but in the study documents, he paid the tuition! 25. My husband didn't boil water when he came home from work, and his wife didn't boil water, so he got angry. The husband said, "Do you still look like a housewife? If you are so lazy again, I will be angry! " The wife said, "What? Angry? Have you tried? " The husband said, "Of course, I dare to be angry and dare not speak. "26. A man said to his friend," I had a fight with someone yesterday and my wife knelt in front of me. " The friend said in surprise, "alas! "You are really something. But what did your wife say to you when she was kneeling? " The man replied, "She said,' You dead thing, come out from under the bed quickly." "27. A farmer came back from hoeing in the field. His wife asked him where he had put his hoe. The farmer said loudly, "In the field. His wife winked at him quickly and said softly, "Keep your voice down. If someone hears you, you won't be stolen. " As he spoke, he urged the farmer to go to the field quickly. The farmer went to the field and saw that the hoe was really gone. He hurried home and whispered in his wife's ear, "It's gone. "28. When Mrs. Hans handed the check to the bank window, she said shyly, I'm sorry, my husband's signature is a little difficult to read. I didn't expect him to be so scared when he saw me holding a pistol ... 29. When I went to work in the afternoon, Lily was worried and told everyone that I might be popular. My sister was puzzled and asked why. Lily: "I just brought a scarf from my husband to work, and when I came up, I found it was a pair of red autumn trousers." "30. My husband ate a peach early in the morning and drove with a peach pit in his mouth. I said: vomit, don't get stuck in your throat. This product wrapped the core in a paper towel and put it in my hand, saying, I'll give you the dragon balls, but you still need six ... 3 1. I seldom drink water, and my husband often tells me to drink more water, which is good for my health. I just poured a glass of water for me to drink. The landlord was moved and said, honey, you are so kind to me! Husband: Drinking more water is good for the kidneys. Kidney replacement is expensive, and our family can't afford it! 32. A buddy's surname is Hu, and his nickname is Hu. I want to go to a friend's place to play during the National Day holiday, but I am embarrassed to say so. Let me contact you. So I sent a short message to my friend: Is it convenient for Xiaosan to visit you? The result happened to be seen by my friend's wife ... My friend and wife are still in the cold war. On the Mid-Autumn Festival, Lily and her husband plan to spend a day before and after, but the weather is not beautiful. Lily: "Don't talk about marriage? I have everything I want. Even the moon in the sky can be picked for me. Now I want to see the moon. To disperse the fog and rain. "Husband:" Honey, ok. "But at least I have to wait for it to wash its face and make a mask." 34. Wife: Men are timid. Husband: Not really. Otherwise, how could I marry you? There are many excellent men and beautiful women in the world, but there is only one feeling that belongs to you. Never change your love because of other people's eyes, never lose yourself because of living in other people's eyes, and never be too greedy, otherwise you will lose something that you will regret for a lifetime. 500 years ago, you were a regular worker in our family. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time! 37. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu, and suddenly looking back, that person still shrugged off me. 38. If your eyes blink, I will die. If your eyes blink again, I will come back to life. Your eyes keep blinking, so I will die! Come on, if you're crazy, go and have a look. 39. True love is profound. It's not impulsive or infatuated, but always hug and protect your lover, like a patron saint, by your beloved's side. Adversity and * * * occur every year, and we will never give up. 40. Love should be a pledge of eternal love. Only faithful love is true love. 4 1. Red beans don't grow in the south, they grow on my face. I really miss them! 42. There are two kinds of men, one is lewd and the other is very lewd. There are two kinds of women, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure. 43. Dealing with women always ends like this: love should be dedicated to her; All women deserve special love. 44. liking you doesn't necessarily mean loving you, loving you doesn't necessarily mean marrying you, and marrying you doesn't necessarily mean having children. If you have children, the father of the child may not be you. 45. Dissatisfaction is a substitute for vacancy, which makes people have a constant desire to climb up in comparison. 46. Don't be coquettish, just touch the world. 47. I woke up in the middle of the night and didn't have a good dream. I heard the cat barking in spring. Although I have a cat's heart, I dare not bark in front of people. It must be admitted that this is a shortcut because I have a natural advantage. 49. People who are offline will never know that they are online. How long have you been waiting for her ... I did my best for my brother, and I also did my best for a woman.