What does it feel like for a female student to study in the Chinese Department?

I am a sophomore in the Chinese Department of an ordinary university. I want to talk about what it's like to go to college in a crowded environment with girls.

? I have to admit that I don't like girls. Someone may ask me, aren't you a girl yourself? Why not like girls?

? This goes back to an incident that happened when I was a child. Because of poor grades in primary school, I am often bullied by girls with good grades. They don't play with me, so I play with sand by myself. They will laugh at me: "why are your grades so poor?" They will threaten me to give them snacks at home, or they will never play with me again. They will also ask other children not to play with me. " I became a person who used to please her. I often don't tell my true feelings.

? When I was young, I studied in a poor primary school in the countryside. The environment in that primary school is very poor, and there is a lot of grass growing in the toilet. In short, it's horrible. The only thing that makes me happy is the primary school canteen. There are many red and green spicy strips, 20 cents each, and a pack of soft drinks, 50 cents each. Every time my mother gives me money, I secretly go to the grocery store to buy a pack of soda. In retrospect, soda is sweet.

? Because of poor grades in primary schools, they are often satirized by math teachers. What impressed me the most was that one day the math teacher asked us this Olympic math problem. Who can do that? When I was particularly uneasy, I finally got up the courage to go to the podium and show my answer to the teacher. As a result, she ignored me directly, and then I heard her contemptuously say, "What about you?"

? And this math teacher is a woman. I have to admit that she has brought a great shadow to my childhood. After coming home that day, I cried on our balcony for a long time. My mother asked me to come down for dinner, and I didn't eat either. It was not until later that I was relieved and talked to my mother about it. My mother said that the female teacher had retired. Sometimes growth happens overnight. After crying on the balcony for a long time, I decided to study hard. Let the people who laugh at me pay.

? Later, I went to a key middle school in our county to study. At that time, I ranked in the top ten every time in the whole school. One day I went back to the countryside and met the girl who laughed at my good grades. She greeted me.

? She: "I heard that your grades are very good now, ranking in the top ten of the whole school."

? Me: "How do you know?"

? She: "Listen to your brother."

? She said disdainfully, "I don't believe your grades have improved so much in one year." Do you think you copied someone else's? "When I was a child, my grades were terrible."

? Me: "..."

? I never spoke to her again. I didn't think it was necessary to explain anything to her at all, and then she went to a junior college to study.

? I always knew, even though I got good grades. But I'm lonely. I always go home alone after school. Seeing everyone playing in groups, I am actually very eager. I have never had many female friends. On the contrary, there are many boys who play well. But this is only in junior high school and high school. Because I chose liberal arts in college, that is, Chinese department.

When I first started studying in the Chinese Department, I was very uncomfortable.

? First of all, because of the serious imbalance between men and women in the class, the ratio of men and women in our class is 1: 13. Later, I learned that the proportion of the whole humanities college is like this. One consequence of the serious imbalance between men and women is that boys will become popular among girls. Even boys who are not so handsome and tall will be liked by many girls. Some have several girlfriends. For example, the class committees in our class are all boys. When I interviewed the student union in my freshman year, it was also a duel between the harem for human feelings. On the contrary, seniors and sisters will prefer the so-called students in the humanities college.

? Secondly, because the knowledge system is completely different. College students generally don't study liberal arts seriously, but they can get scholarships by memorizing a lot of knowledge in the final exam. Like my two roommates, one of my roommates even stayed up for several nights.

? Finally, because I can't overcome the psychological barrier. Every time I see many girls in my class, I feel like I'm in a huge dark cloud. I can't breathe, and then I will remember what I experienced as a child, and my heart will be very depressed. I have never been able to adapt to such an environment.

? I majored in science in high school, but my physics scores were basically around 30-40. Math scores are high and low, with more than 70 in the lower grades and more than 40 in the upper grades/kloc-0. The highest score in physics is 82, and all the multiple-choice questions are correct. I think I was right. So you can imagine that I hardly answered all the big physics questions.

? I didn't expect to get more than 60 in physics in the college entrance examination, and I failed in mathematics as a result. The math teacher in our class is from the same village as me, and my father has a good relationship with him. Fortunately, I haven't seen the math teacher again. I guess he will scold me to death when he sees me.

? My college life is also very lonely, and the dormitory relationship is not good. We sleep alone, but we have four QQ groups. There is a direct contradiction in our dormitory, which originated from the air conditioning incident in freshman year. Two of my roommates are from Jiangxi, and the other roommate is from other provinces. Because the economic conditions of our four families are different, my roommate from other provinces lives on more than 3000 yuan a month. The other two roommates refused to install air conditioning because they were worried that it would cost a lot of money. Because of this incident, roommates from other provinces communicated with us many times, but all ended in vain. She just stopped talking about it. Only occasionally will air conditioning be mentioned when the weather is particularly hot. This incident directly led to the breakdown of the relationship ...

? But we three Jiangxi natives have a good relationship. We will have dinner together, watch Korean dramas together, and spit out university teachers together. Let's talk about how difficult high school physics is. My roommate said that she had failed in physics and often imitated the way the English teacher in senior high school gave lectures. Let's laugh every time. Actually, I know that of the three of us, they have a good relationship. I have always been an outsider because they are very similar. Similar body shape, similar concept of love, and the same is true of favorite stars. I am different from them. ...

? Maybe we were all cheated by the high school teacher. The high school teacher said, "You should study hard in high school now and get into a good university, and the university will be easy in the future." But in fact, college is not easy, and going to college is very tiring. There are all kinds of screenshots to hand in and endless meetings. Busy in the club, I don't know what I have gained. Sometimes I think, is this the college life I dreamed of?

? I really want to stay away from QQ now, although QQ now has more functions and is more convenient to chat. I liked QQ very much in junior high school, and there were my good friends in it. Even if there are only dozens of friends in the previous list, you can chat with anyone for a long time. At that time, I enjoyed visiting Moore Manor. I will also make some sensational remarks, and then silently wait for the praise and comments from my good friends. I will be happy for a long time.

? Now I have hundreds of QQ friends, only a few of whom can chat. Occasionally in a bad mood, looking at a lot of contacts, I don't know who to talk to. QQ in the university is used to receive all kinds of documents and then receive all kinds of replies. My happy Moore Manor disappeared, and so did my feelings for QQ. Sometimes, I really want to disappear. Stay away from the mobile phone, go to a place where the smoke is curling and stay quietly for a day. What I want to do in college is beyond my control. I can't say "no"

? I'm sorry for my parents. Because after I went to college, I completely let go of myself. I was addicted to online romance novels almost every day last semester. This has something to do with my dislike of my major, which was chosen by my father. I didn't mean to blame my father. He wants me to be a teacher. Of course I don't want to be a teacher! I was hurt by such a math teacher when I was a child, and I didn't like the teacher.

? Just as Han Han doesn't like teachers. In college class, I am either playing with my mobile phone or reading a novel. My two roommates and I go to the library once a week and then borrow a bunch of novels. I guess people will think that the three of us are serious.

? Universities will be very afraid of the final exam and worry that they will fail. Last semester, I was really afraid that I would fail in my freshman year, because I didn't have a bottom. My parents spent so much money to let me read novels at school. Every time near the final exam, I can turn to a lot of YCY forwarded by everyone in my circle of friends.

? One of my college classmates directly changed the avatar to YCY. He didn't change his avatar until the final exam results came out and he confirmed that he didn't fail. He often said, "As long as I don't fail this semester, I will be a good person next semester." The teacher spat at him. Do you want to be a good person this semester? Although I didn't fail my freshman year, I was in the bottom ten. When I came home for the Chinese New Year, I told my dad that I was admitted to the countdown. My dad didn't say anything ... He must be very disappointed in me.

? I read a book the other day, Adler's The Courage of Not Being Liked. I like this book very much. It is different from other books. Adler advocates teleology, not causality. According to the understanding in the book, I am aiming at depravity, and I don't care about studying at all. I'm confused not because I don't like my major. In fact, I can read other professional books and learn other knowledge.

? The book also mentions accepting the ordinary self. The author gave an example of climbing a mountain. Although most people didn't climb to the top of the mountain, we all witnessed the beautiful scenery along the way. Just compare with yourself and learn to accept your imperfections.

? Although I studied hard last semester in Grade Two, I thought I could get a scholarship. But because of the lack of comprehensive quality, I missed the scholarship. I thought my grades were good, but I only ranked about 20 in my class.

? Finally, I understand that 20 19, Jiangxi liberal arts college entrance examination 500 points, I can only like to mention junior college. I have to admit that the girls in our class study hard and get good grades. Maybe I have always refused to make friends with girls. In fact, they are different from the girls who bullied me when I was a child.

? Learn to accept yourself, others trust and others contribute. If life has been stagnant, then only myself will be punished.

? Finally, attach my own mind map: