Rebuild one's thinking

Today, I read systematic counseling and family therapy, pages 33 -38.

My thoughts:

? Through the king's dream of losing his teeth, I understand that different expressions of the same thing give people completely different feelings.

? When a lady sees a doctor, everyone has different ideas, which shows us that everyone has different ideas about the same thing. When we can think from the perspective of others, we can understand more and criticize less.

? Narrating the same thing from different angles will have different effects. System consultants take advantage of this effect and call it reconstruction or interpretation! Let go of your stubbornness, reconstruct your thinking, and understand other people's ideas from multiple angles and perspectives.

? Try to interpret the information behind the behavior or problem, instead of looking at the problem as rigidly as the parties.

Life scene:

1. A mother compromises her children too much and won't say no.

New interpretation: You love your children very much, so you will let them do whatever they want! (positive interpretation)

2. Children who make trouble in class

A new interpretation: You are a comedian who can bring joy to your friends!

? If we can see the benefits hidden in the disadvantages from another angle, we will take the first step towards a good solution!

? The other side of the coin: the road to reconstruction! Everything has many sides, depending on how you interpret it.

Exercise:

1. Record the behavior that gives me a headache:

When my husband criticized me in critical language ...

2. Under what circumstances is it appropriate and positive?

What I did was really inappropriate. I will take the initiative to accept it and understand that his accusation is to remind me to correct it.

3. What capabilities do these behaviors show?

When he communicated with me, he said that what he wanted at that time was not to blame me, but to remind me that I hoped I could do better in front of others. I feel that he cares about my performance in front of others and his face. From my point of view, I think he is very critical of me, and even thinks that he can't see my goodness, so he knows to find fault, not to mention that his idea is not completely correct, but he thinks it is correct.

4. Positive purpose and original intention: to show the perfect self to outsiders.

5. What have you learned? Understand his original intention and interpret his behavior correctly, instead of feeling that he is critical and blameless from his own standpoint, even doesn't love me, and has his own subjective judgment, which will make him more angry. But he thought he was just a kind reminder, and I haven't accepted it yet. I once again feel the importance of reconstructing thinking.

Feeling:

1, everyone's troubles come from your interpretation of this matter, not the incident itself. Think about ABC theory.

2, the same thing, everyone's thoughts and feelings are different, because everyone has different identities and different ways of thinking, and they all interpret events with their own limitations. Therefore, we all need to open our minds, look at problems from multiple angles, reconstruct our own ideas and understand the behavior of others.