How to treat children's unfilial?

Some middle-aged and elderly people feel very distressed when their children are unfilial. Some old laymen have met the same fate, which will seriously hinder their own practice. For this problem, I suggest that you can use the two concepts of causality and impermanence in Buddhism to solve it:

First of all, we should look at the relationship between family members from the perspective of causality.

Both practitioners and ordinary people should form a good habit-"reflect on yourself and ignore each other's shortcomings." "Only in this way can the contradiction be truly solved. From the causal point of view, whether the relationship between you and your children is harmonious or contradictory does not depend entirely on your children, but on your past karma, that is, "self-inflicted". "

Specifically, judging from the cause and effect of this life, when children are not filial, don't rush to criticize, first calm down and reflect on yourself: Did you filial to your parents when you were a child? If you find that you are unfilial, stop complaining about your children. It is likely that you set a bad example for your children, and the root cause is yourself. At this time, you should sincerely repent in front of Buddha and Bodhisattva.

Judging from the cause and effect of three generations, the relationship between parents and children does not only depend on what they have done in this life, but comes from many generations of karma. Even if you were filial as a child, you can't know whether your relationship with your parents was good or bad, whether you owed it to your parents or your parents owed it to you.

There is such a case-solving in "Viewing the Endless Life Sutra": In the era of Sakyamuni Buddha, there was a Mogarto country in India, and the king was called Pinboniro. Because he was old and childless, Pingpogro was worried that there was no heir to the throne, so he invited a fortune teller to tell his fortune. The fortuneteller said, "There was a Taoist priest in the mountain who died three years later and was reincarnated as a prince." The king was overjoyed, but he couldn't wait three years because he longed for a child. He even sent someone to kill the Taoist priest. Soon, the queen, Mrs. Wittig, became pregnant and gave birth to a prince named Akos, who was the reincarnation of a Taoist priest. When he grew up, he was provoked by treacherous court officials, dispatched troops to launch a coup, usurped the throne, imprisoned his father and starved him to death. Mrs. Wittig asked to visit the old king. With her son's consent, she secretly mixed honey and fried noodles to satisfy her hunger. After a while, Archie was surprised to see that his father was still alive. When he learned that his mother had secretly brought food, he imprisoned his mother and even tried to kill her. Mrs. Wittig was very sad and prayed to the Buddha, so the Buddha appeared in front of her, telling her about her past life with the prince and revealing the Pure Land Law.

From this case, we can know that if we have a bad relationship with our children in the past, we will meet unfilial children in this life. On the other hand, if we have a good relationship with our children in the past and can maintain kindness with our children in this life, then we can not only get filial children in this life, but also ascend to heaven in the afterlife.

There is a case in Nirvana Sutra: Once upon a time, a mother and daughter crossed the Ganges and were unfortunately drowned by the river. At this moment, my mother thought, "If my daughter doesn't drown, I will die. The daughter also thought, "If my mother doesn't drown, I can die. "Mother and daughter launched a firm and pure kindness at the same time, so they were born in Brahma after their death, although they did not practice meditation.

Therefore, when you meet unfilial children, you don't have to blame others, let alone deepen your bad karma. Instead, we should reflect on ourselves, correct ourselves, be kind to our children and turn bad karma into good karma. As long as you are full of goodwill, even if you have no children, only a nanny will accompany you, and she will honor you as filial as a child. Even a pet will be just as good to you-it will accompany you when you are lonely; When you are sick, it wags its tail to comfort you. Some pets can even save people's lives in disasters to repay their owners' kindness. There are many such stories. These secular results, not only from the karma of past lives, but also from the power of kindness in this life.

Secondly, we can also solve the contradiction between family members from the perspective of impermanence.

If you calculate carefully, how much time can you spend with your family in your life? Everyone should do his own thing when going to school and going to work. There are not many opportunities to get together, and there are too many impermanences that will invade at any time. In such a short gathering, family members should cherish each other, don't cling to small contradictions, but try to tolerate each other and forge a good relationship.

From a macro point of view, children are not filial to their parents, parents are unfair to their children, husbands don't care about their wives, and wives don't tolerate their husbands, all of which are normal phenomena in reincarnation, so there is no need to be too persistent. Regarding the impermanence between family members, the venerable Milarepa sang in "Awakening the Voice of the World":

Father is here, son is not here, son is here, father is dead.

There is no truth in the combination of the two, and I am willing to practice the law.

Go to Maya Bai Yan to meditate. The mother is here, but the son is not.

When the wanderer returns, his mother is dead, and it is no longer realistic for them to meet vertically.

I went to Maya White Rock to practice meditation.

When my sister was here, my brother was not. When my brother came home, my sister fell down.

The combination of the two is not true, and the big brother practices the righteous Buddha.

Go to Maya Bai Yan to meditate.

Therefore, when you meet unfilial children, don't look at them with secular eyes, let alone be too persistent. On the contrary, you should change yourself from the perspective of Buddhism, follow Milarepa's teachings, and put your energy into truly meaningful Buddhist practice.