Confusion of not leaving home after divorce

My husband and I are college classmates. I am 34 years old and my husband is 33 years old. We have been in love since our sophomore year. We got married in 2005 and had children in 2007. Our daughter is 4 years old. I have known each other for ten years and experienced too much bitterness. My husband is the chief financial officer of a company. I work as an accountant in a company, and my work is stable and easy. I just changed a house of 120 square meters, and my life is ok. However, due to work reasons, my husband has been working in other places, only coming back on weekends, and sometimes he can't come back when he is busy with work. This situation has been going on for a year and a half. Just a few days after moving to a new house, my husband suddenly told me that he was cheating on me (he sent me a text message the night of cheating, telling me that the other party was a 26-year-old unmarried girl in his department, who had only known each other for two months and lied to him that he was unmarried). He said it was just an impulse. He doesn't love that man. He hoped that I would forgive him and give him a way home.

He said he was wrong and sorry for me, but this is not what I want. I don't understand why he said he was sorry. Is cheating just a crime? Thinking of our joint efforts, I understand and forgive his infidelity and hope to start over. His current job suits him very well, and the salary is good, so I didn't let him resign, and for the sake of face at work, he told the girl that he was divorced, and I acquiesced. He convinced me that he would take care of it and never associate with that girl again. But now that girl doesn't give up on him, and she is a very stubborn person and seems to like him very much. We are worried that she will be relieved when she knows the truth. I think that girl is innocent and it is my husband's fault. I shouldn't have put that girl through such pain, so I wanted to quit my job to help them, but my husband didn't agree.

My husband's family, including my husband himself, are superstitious. He asked several different people to test him. He also found a famous fortune teller himself, saying that there will be peach blossoms in the next two years, and it will be fine after 37. Under his influence, I also have some letters. I believe this is doomed to be separated, but I can't bear to give up the marriage and family we have worked hard for. I can also see that my husband really regrets it. This situation is caused by his own fault.

He asked me to wait for him for four years in order to get back together after 37. During this period, we divorced and didn't leave home. He gave all his possessions and savings to me and my children. After that, he regularly pays me half of my salary every month, provided that I can return to this home four years later. If that woman insists on getting married, she will get married and try to leave. We will remarry in four years.

I am a highly educated person. I know this is wrong, and I also know that anything can happen in four years. Besides, my husband's family has always wanted to have a grandson. If he remarries and has children, we have no chance to get back together. Even if we get back together, the burden will be great. I became a justified "third party". I'm afraid and I don't want to destroy other people's families. After that, I have a new view on men and my family, and I'm tired of it. I don't think I will marry anyone even if I get divorced. What's more, I have an innocent child, and I can't bear to find him a father without blood relatives. This is my husband's most reassuring.

I think if I get divorced, I can still take care of the children alone, although I am not as well off financially as I am now. Besides, I also have this ability, so I want to fulfill my husband and his girlfriend and give up this marriage. However, my feelings with my husband are still very deep, and I am afraid to leave. When my baby grew up, I pushed my father out of the house. Now it's really contradictory, hesitating between reason and emotion. Feelings are a double-edged sword, and supporting others will hurt. After this happened, my husband and I talked calmly and even joked that we would help him find a way. Now we are half joking and half serious about divorce. Is there something wrong with my mind, or can I be so "tolerant" after my husband cheated? Is there something wrong with the husband's psychology? How can he have the idea of divorce if he doesn't leave home? I haven't talked to anyone about it except my husband. It's very relaxing to say it suddenly today. I hope I can get your advice. thank you

Psychoanalysis:

In this age full of temptations, the separation of the two places and the love across time and space will make you experience the baptism and test that other couples have never experienced. Although you used to be close classmates, of course, you will have sex soon after marriage. Especially for men, long-term separation can not satisfy sexual life, sexual life is not harmonious, and sexual beauty disappears, which will eventually lead to the transfer of love. Indulgence is the root of your marriage.

Recently, some scholars have analyzed the divorce caused by extramarital affairs and the involvement of a third party in Shanghai. The results show that more than 60% of the plaintiffs are women, and 5 1% of the divorced people have premarital sex.

The office romance made him lose his mind and rise to seek extramarital sex. Occasionally cheating can be forgiven. But if a man is crazy enough to want to reorganize his family and divorce you after cheating. It means they have feelings.

Men love because of sex, office romance, and it is too difficult to get out of love. Or you don't even want to leave.

For the family, for the children, for keeping the man you once loved. You have lowered your tolerance line again and again. Your forgiveness didn't really make your husband reflect on his betrayal with practical actions, but instead indulged him to deviate from morality more and more. Forgiveness is undoubtedly a connivance for him. He won't thank you for this, but your weakness and compromise will only make him worse and make him addicted to a point of no return. So his demands are getting higher and higher, which is ridiculous to divorce at home. He said he wanted you to wait for him for four years before marrying. Out of selfishness and worry, he was afraid that his marriage would be unstable after remarriage, so he had to leave himself a way out. It is also possible that he wants to have that woman and want to have you for a long time without leaving home after divorce. This undoubtedly violates China's marriage law and the loyalty obligation of husband and wife. You should bravely refuse, and don't let him take advantage of your kindness.

"Wait 10,000 years, as long as there is love to respond, wait a minute too long, if love is after that."

Your waiting is only a faint hope, and it is meaningless to wait for his sentence after four years.

How can he ask for divorce and remarriage when he has love? If there is no love, what qualifications do you have to ask you to wait for him for 4 years? Can that poor salary buy you four years of youth? He didn't keep his wedding vows, and four years later, he can't keep his current "vows". Infidelity in marriage is not only the difference between love and non-love, but also a personality problem. When your husband becomes your ex-husband and comes back with trauma, can you accept a man who betrayed himself physically and mentally and trust him again?

If you love him, don't give up your marriage easily now. "Flowers can be folded straight and must be folded. Don't wait until there are no flowers and no empty branches. " Let your husband choose between you two women at once. If he resolutely chooses to divorce, it means that the relationship between this man and you is natural. Don't wait for regret. If he wants to stay, he must tell the other party what he really wants and break up at once. You should think carefully and rationally before deciding where you should go. Good luck!