Before testing love, please ask yourself these four questions!

Author Tao Ke online magazine Xiao Lan's handwriting

A while ago, my friend shared a foreign program and told him to love you. Is it enough? The purpose of the plan is to open couples to participate, and then pass various tests to see if your partner will leave with your lover in a crisis. Although this reality show will not let couples know in advance that they have been photographed, in such an unconscious test, we can really see whether couples will help each other.

When listening to a friend sharing a program, I really feel that the couple's reaction in the crisis sometimes makes you feel funny and incredible, but when the couple knows that this is not a real crisis, some couples will be very unhappy and blame the other half who abandoned him. It seems that in this way, they finally know whether this person really loves you or will abandon you when disaster comes. It seems fun and dares to really test love, but if this situation is caused by you, it depends on whether the other person loves you or not.

Some time ago, I was in a love growth class, and a classmate put forward such an idea. She hopes to see if her husband can notice her importance at home by hurting herself or running away from home. Hearing this, the teacher asked the students why they hurt themselves or left to see if they really loved you. If she doesn't love you, leaving her life is the best way to be happy.

Recommended reading: Psychologists recommend six ways to make you "irreplaceable" in his mind.

The teacher also mentioned in class that students should not test their love, even if you are happy or unhappy, because the result after the test is really what you want? Think of it this way. Many couples love to test whether the other half really loves you or is sincere to you. For example, today is your birthday, and they will deliberately ask the other half what is the important day to see if they care about you. Maybe a little adjustment is ok, but if you do too much, it will make others feel unreasonable or over-enlarge the love investigation.

Why does excessive examination make people feel unhappy or angry? Because your trust is tested, some people think that you can't even pass the big test, let alone the big test. But why don't you examine yourself? Why do you take such a test? Does it also mean that you have no confidence in yourself, or that you don't trust the love you are looking for, that is, you don't cherish the love you run, because love will collapse at any time, so the act of testing love can reflect your worries and doubts about love.

I have seen a foreign couple working hand in hand for many years before. Someone asked them how you went through a long journey of love. Their reaction is to face it hand in hand, believing that the other party will accompany them through this journey. The article is very long, but it reflects that the teacher's loyalty to love is not doubt and temptation, but trust in each other's relationship.

If you really like testing love, please ask yourself these four questions before testing love!

1. Do you think you deserve to be loved?

This question must be often thought by many people. Does he really love me, especially when his appearance has changed, so some people will try love in some ways. When we lack confidence in our own value, we can't help projecting this doubt on each other. We will think: even if I look down on myself, what can the other person see from me? So we quietly changed our inner troubles from' Do I think I am worth it' to' Do you think I am worth it' through whether the other party can pass the test.

2. After testing each other, is your relationship still what you want?

In love, our test of each other, even if it is not as one-way and extreme as the setting in the program, will still have a profound definition of the relationship between the two. Because our test for each other is to tell each other that you have to go through five hurdles and cut off six generals for me, and I don't have to make any effort. You have to trust me honestly, and I can hide something from you. You have to accept me unconditionally and love me, and at the same time prove to me that you deserve my attention. It is difficult for feelings based on such imbalance to be warm and stable.

The key is, when the other person knows that you are testing him, does it prove that you don't trust him enough and don't think he is safe? Instead, let the other party blame you for the failure of love, because the end of our love is your test, and it is more logical for you to be the reason for your failure of love.

3. Can testing the other person really soothe your anxiety?

Can you really feel at ease after the exam, or let your anxiety emerge more? Anyway, because if the love test is not designed but actually happens, if you can walk together, it means that you trust each other in this relationship, but if you design it, you have no trust in love in your heart. Even if he passes it once, your anxiety will reappear, which may make you do more tests on love and make your anxiety about love appear like a flood. Instead of making you feel that your love has passed the test, you will have more love.

Recommended reading: Avoid dialogue for fear of conflict? Psychologist: Three Skills of Family Communication

4. If the test produces the worst result, how do you face it?

When love turns into a bad ending, can you accept this bad ending, can you leave this relationship, and can you believe in love again? These are all things you have to think about. What should you do if you don't do well in the exam? Although it is not recommended to turn a blind eye to everything in feelings. But if we can't face or accept the possible results of testing each other, then what we really test in the end is often not each other, but our bottom line and trust in love.

When testing love, shouldn't we look at our hearts first? Please think carefully about whether we really need to test our love and inner anxiety from the above four points.