Xiaohao fortune-telling

1. A mother took a taxi to pick up her daughter from junior high school.

When the mother and daughter passed a certain section, they saw a group of coquettish girls standing on the side of the road "doing business".

The adolescent daughter asked curiously, mom, what are those women doing standing by the road?

In order not to affect her daughter's innocent mind, the mother replied, those women are waiting for their husbands.

The talkative taxi driver replied: It's so funny. Everyone knows that those women are prostitutes.

Mother was angry and took a look at the driver.

The daughter then asked: mom, will that J girl have a baby?

Mom said coldly, of course, otherwise who will drive a taxi!

2. One day, a lady went to buy meatballs.

Miss: Boss, I want two small ones to go!

Because business was good, after a while, the boss was afraid of making mistakes in his busy schedule, so he asked before cooking:

Miss, are those two small?

The young lady blushed and replied bitterly, Boss, your two pills are small!

There is a young lady with a pink face. sorry Even if she is ugly, she can't talk. ..

Once, I was arranged on a blind date. ..

But the hero didn't appear .. The woman was impatient. ..

I started swearing .. Wow, Li Le .. How dare you keep your mother waiting for so long ..&; % $ & amp^$%#@! $! % .. criticized a bunch of miles. ..

At this moment, the hero appeared. He is a fat man. ..

This woman was even more angry after seeing it ... so she scolded a bunch of people ... pointing at the hero and cursing ... the fat man ...% $ @ #&; ..

The hero finally got angry. ..

Strike the table. Say it loudly. ..

Call me fat ... Heng ... At least I've lost weight ... You, you, you, you ... Have you ever been beautiful? ...

One day, President Li accidentally fell into a ditch. Three children happened to pass by.

President Li said to them, if you save me, I will give each of you a wish.

The first child said that he wanted a bike.

The second child said that he wanted a baseball glove.

The third child thought for a long time and said that he wanted a wheelchair.

President Li felt very strange in his heart. His hands and feet were fine, so why did he take a wheelchair?

He asked the third child, "Why do you want a wheelchair?"

The third child said, "My father will break my leg if he knows that I saved you."

Three people went to the breakfast shop to buy breakfast.

The first man said to the boss, "Boss, I want an fried egg, but no yolk." 」

The boss fried an egg according to this.

The second man also said to the boss, "Boss, I want an fried egg, but no egg whites." 」

The boss did the same, but he began to get impatient.

When it was the third person's turn, the boss asked him rudely, "What about you? What do you want for your eggs? "

The third man said timidly, "I ... I don't want eggshells ..."

Buy underwear

One day, a gentleman went to buy underwear for his wife. Because he has never bought underwear for his wife, he doesn't know which size to buy!

After chatting with the clerk for a long time, the clerk had to describe the fruit!

Shop assistant: papaya? ! Sir: No! Don't!

Shop assistant: apples? ! Sir: No, no, no.

Shop assistant: Lotus mist? ! Sir, be smaller!

Shop assistant: eggs? ! Mr. Wang said happily: Yes! Yes! Yes!

When the clerk understood and turned to get the underwear, the man suddenly shouted, Miss, wait a minute! It's fried

7. What a scolding

Xiao Du and Xiao Hao quarreled this day …

Komori said dismissively, "Hum! Your mother should have strangled you when she gave birth to you! 」

Not to be outdone, Xiao Hao said with extremely contemptuous eyes, "Really? I think your dad should just shoot at the wall! 」

Xiao Du: ""

8. A 70-year-old mother was driving a car with three elderly people who were also mothers. Mop.com stopped him and said, "Mom, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

Mom, the driver, said, "Didn't that sign say 20?"

Traffic mop.com said, "That's Highway 20! 」

The mother who was driving said, "Oh! Oh! What kind of highway is that? It's not a speed limit! 」

Traffic mop.com said, "Yes, I wonder why the other three mothers behind you are so ugly!" " 」

The mother who was driving replied, "We just drove here from Highway 245! 」

9. wet dream!

In the bookstore, Ah Zhu suddenly brightened up. She saw a book called Dreams on the Grassland.

Oh, my God! "wet dream" actually landed, which is amazing!

Hurriedly call jen, jen also excitedly opened it and took a closer look. They suddenly found that the directory read:

"Dream, stay on the grassland. 」

Arjun was disappointed and said unhappily, I will publish a book called "The Moon often hangs in the sky" in the future.

10. caterpillar

Two caterpillars are crawling on the grass. The male caterpillar said to the female caterpillar, let's go home, shall we?

Mother caterpillar said, ok!

When the pair of caterpillars returned to the mother's house, the male caterpillar found that the mother caterpillar was wearing a wedding ring.

The male caterpillar said, I don't do this with the married female caterpillar.

Mother caterpillar said, don't worry! My husband is not coming back,

The male caterpillar said, how can you be so sure?

Mother caterpillar said that he got up early today and went fishing.

1 1. When a man passed a house, a used condom suddenly flew down from the second floor window and landed on his head.

The man felt sick and angry, so he went to the door of the house and knocked hard at the door.

An old man opened the door and asked him why he knocked so hard.

Someone asked, "Who lives on the second floor?"

The old man replied, "What does this have to do with you? My daughter and her fiance live on it. "

The man handed the condom to the old man and said, "Well, I just want to tell you that your grandson fell from the window."

12. One day, a husband's wife gave birth to a baby. He rushed to the hospital to visit and waited for n hours. There was crying in the delivery room. He shouted happily, I'm dad! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born deformed. A gentleman stayed there and didn't understand why. Suddenly, his wife's crying came from the delivery room: it was all because of the murder that day. If you don't reply, you deserve it!

13. One day, a young lady went to ask the fortune teller how her life was.

The fortune teller said: You have a bad omen today.

The young lady said in alarm, what should I do if I take off my bra?

The fortune teller said: There are still two big waves to cross.

14. Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:

There are many ants in the toilet.

The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say?

Xiao a face of vacant ... Said:

Ant, he said nothing.

Brother: "Look! The doll looks like her mother-in-law. 」

Brother: "What will it be like? 」

Brother: "because they all have no teeth!" 」

15. The matchstick suddenly felt itchy, so I reached out to scratch it and burned myself to death.

Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

A: Eraser.

Because of the eraser

Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

Question: How to make the sparrow quiet?

Answer: Click.

Reason: Silence (silence).

16. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.