Feng Gong's lines in the 2009 Beijing Spring Festival Evening sketch.

Feng Gong's Beijing prose "Homecoming".

Song Ning: Hey, people from south to north, tourists and convalescents, investors and factory owners, stock traders and internet surfers all come to stay in hotels.

Feng Gong: Leaders, left and here, haha, leaders, friends, brothers and sisters in the capital, it's the Year of the Ox. I wish you good health, happy spirit, happy family, smooth career and all the best. Oh, this old comrade!

How lucky you are, you are the hardworking ox in my heart, ha, this buddy is good, you are the yak who is not afraid of hardship, alas, son, a snail in a warm family,

Audience: What about me?

Feng Gong: Who,

Audience: Me,

Feng Gong: You, you, look where it is. It's a buffalo standing in the field, a rhinoceros with horns on its nose, and a fat cow in a pot. To the dairy company!

Audience: I am a cow!

Feng Gong: Even! hahaha

Feng Gong: What do you think?

Song Ning: Hey, hey, hey, stop! You don't live in the store?

Feng Gong: No, no, I'm on my way.

Song Ning: I'm in a hurry. There are wild animals on that mountain.

Feng Gong: Oh, oh ~ ~ Are there any wild animals?

Song Ning (hereinafter referred to as "S"): According to the statistics of villagers, Sun Feihu, two wolves and three Song Xiongzhi were once found. These four Song Zu Ying climbed the tree.

Feng Gong (female): I see. There are five golden balls under the tree, which are with Feng Gong.

S: Not so good. Last night, he stole six of our kings.

F: Oh, come on, then I'll stay. What is the name of this place?

Student: Hengpo

F: Zhang Qing is not your husband, is he?

I left early.

F: So what shall we eat tonight?

Steamed buns, I'll find stuffing for you.

F: No! I won't eat.

S: I'm just kidding. Come on in.

F: Well, you are taking care of me.

Oh, let me hold it for you.

F: No, no.

S: oh, it's not heavy

You're welcome. What do you do? What do you do?

Pan Binlong (P): Stop it! Don't bully lesbians A good wife and a good husband have few disasters, and everything goes well at home. Aren't you satisfied with such a beautiful daughter-in-law Look at you, it's so sudden,

Sister-in-law, it's none of your business that I was born ten years early. I will pay a New Year call to my family. I′ll see to it.

what are you reading? (Yes, F) You treat us as lovers.

F: Don't you swear?

I'm married. Can I marry at will?

F: I can get married at will if you like.

S: I will never marry him.

F: Do you think I collect junk?

S: That's right! (Woke up to see Feng Gong)

F: Didn't I take your advice?

As smooth as yours? I know what you are thinking. Toad wants to eat swan meat.

F: Who is Toad?

What's the matter with you?

F: My nickname is toad.

Don't show off in an ostentatious manner. There is only one room left. I can't love it.

P: I am alive.

F: What shall I do if you stay?

Let's live together.

F: I live with him?

S: Ah.

F: Who is responsible for what I lost?

I am a thief.

F: You changed it.

P: Who changed it?

You see, he hasn't changed.

No, no, no, stop arguing. I'm telling you, attention is right. A donkey was just lost in the village yesterday. You don't have a donkey in this pocket, do you?

not have

What about you?

F: Yes, no, the donkey meat is on fire.

S: You handled it quickly enough.

F: No, no, no.

S: Come on, go to bed early and pay attention to your valuables.

No, I have twenty thousand dollars in my pocket.

f； I have more than 100 thousand in this bag

P: Just one year's salary.

F: This is the accumulation of my life.

P: No, I have to find a way to contain him.

F: I have to try to scare him.

P: (takes out the phone) Hey, Jackie Chan, don't come, brother. This boy is no match for me at all. He looks like bean sprouts. If I put some vinegar, I will take care of him.

Do you really know Jackie Chan? A truly capable person will not talk about others! (takes out the phone) Hello, Tai Sen? Ah, I'm a master. Don't stand outside. It's cold. Find a firewood pile to keep warm inside, will you? Ok~ (to P) Master, if you want to hurt your apprentice,

P: What a broken apprentice! I don't know what this place is, do I? This is my home, boss-in-law, and that is my cousin.

F: You are very close to me. The boss's wife is my ex-wife.

P: Not as close as me. Which man dares to touch me? Do you think she will arrest him?

F: Who else? Any woman who touches me will scratch me.

P: She used to hug me when I was a child.

F: I used to hug her when you were a child.

Who do you think is the ex-wife?

F: I said you were very modest.

You hugged me, you hugged me, you hugged me! Take out your ID card! Hug me ... oops, be careful with your bag. Please hug me.

P: Why not?

F: I'm afraid to hit it in my hand.

P: You mean my daughter-in-law. She brought four onions and returned a whole bag. People think I am rich.

F: So is my mother. There are only two baked cakes and a wallet. She thinks I am the richest man.

P: Well, don't choke naked.

F: I don't choke. Very slippery.

P: don't pretend. Who knows if you will suffocate? I can't believe you don't choke. I'll give you a try.

F: Wait a minute! If you are hungry, just let me know and give me a taste, unless you change onions.

P: We call it exchange of needed goods.

f； Internationally, this is called a win-win situation.

Oh, it's spicy, isn't it? Let's drink some wine to restrain it.

F: Hmm! I won't

P: No, then drink less. What are you doing here?

F:56 All cows.

P: Didn't you say you couldn't?

F: I said I wouldn't change it. Drink less and let's go! Go! Fuck! Do something and drink less.

No, no, no.

F: Fuck

No, no, no. We've had enough. Let's punch.

F: I can't row.

Row p Come on, guys. Hello, don't be nervous I practiced in Wudang since I was a child.

F: Hello, brothers. Be careful. My father grew up in Shaolin.

Hello, nice to meet you. My grandfather's name is Huang Feihong.

F: Hello, brothers. I dare not mention it. My grandma is my thirteenth aunt! You lost

Come again, brothers. I'll give you five minutes. I drink like pokeweed.

F: Hello, brothers. A gust of wind. I was called Song Wu when I was a child.

Hello, brothers. I am better than you. My name is Wu Dalang.

F: Hello, brothers, don't die. My nickname is Ximen Qing. You lost again. Drink it.

P: Alas, how did you grow two heads?

F: You can still tell me this amount of alcohol ~ you don't have to stare at me. To be honest, where are you from?

P: I won't tell you that I'm from Niujiagou.

F: I come from Niujiagou, too. I am an educated youth in Beijing. I cut in line there 30 years ago.

P: After all these years, I still want to come back and have a look. You are much better than my dad's buddies.

F: Who is your father?

P: My father is a private teacher in Niujiagou. Niu Laoliu raised six scalpers for the team. One day, an educated youth named Liu looked like a big monkey.

The horse monkey accidentally killed a 366-catty cow for feeding my father, which angered the head of the commune. It is necessary to find out who fed the cow to death. My father said that he had fed cattle to save the monkey.

F: I know that Niu Laoliu was criticized for running around the street with a sign. He offended his father-in-law, Liu Datou, who refused to let his daughter marry Liu Laoliu. Finally, the cow died and saved the horse monkey. This is a tongue twister. I can't speak it well. Come on, Beijing audience!

How did you know?

F: I am the one who fed the cow to death.

You are a monkey. Now you remember to come back.

F: What I am concerned about now is that the city feeds back the countryside. I study agriculture. I want to jump the queue again and do something practical for Niujiagou.

p； What else can you do at your age? The nursing home in my village is full.

f； So I'm really useless?

p； Take a straw hat to the fields when there are many birds in autumn harvest, just like this.

All right, give this to your father.

What is this?

F: This is my little accumulation. I remember when we went to school, the classroom was very cold and there was no stove. When children write, they dare not even stretch out their hands. They are as cold as steamed bread. Ask your father to install heating in every classroom to prevent the children from freezing their hands when writing.

What are you going to do?

F: I, I, I, I, I, I'll go back first.

P: don't go.

F: I'm not waiting for the autumn harvest when there are many birds.

P: Uncle, uncle, I just said something angry. Don't worry about it. I came back this time with the same idea as you and wanted to do something practical in the village.

The development of Niujiagou cannot rely on empty nesters and left-behind children. It depends on young people like us and people with education, expertise and conscience like you to help us. Please stay. Uncle monkey is not uncle ma.

I'd better go back first.

P: If you go back, I will kneel for you.

F: What are you doing?

P: I kneel for you on behalf of the villagers.

F: You can't kneel either.

I must kneel down.

F: you can't kneel.

I'm on my knees right now.

F: Then I'll kneel for a blind date, too. You didn't kneel, did you?

P: It's not that we are not interested in this ancient ceremony now.

F: You already told me. (A burst of crying) You think you brought the wolf in?

S: It is because of you that you have been together for so many years. You were stabbed to death.

F: I called you. I don't know you. I

I'm Liu's distant cousin, Black Niuniu. If you don't feed the cow to death, can he thunder for you? If his father hadn't mentioned you, I would have become his mother.

Patient: Not my mother. My mother has never done this.

S: I am the only one who has been injured in these years.

Come on, in front of the children What do you think we are?

Well, you are all alone. It's not appropriate to be alone.

Student: What is appropriate? You speak so casually.

Yes, we are casual people.

S: I've never been old casually. I'm old. Whatever?

F: I will never be casual in my life.

Never casual.

F: Never.

Are you really alone? Am I a little old?

F: Nothing. Senior female.

P: I didn't hear anything. You guys take your time. I went down the mountain.

F: No, no, no, wait a minute. You must take me down the mountain.

S: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

F: Our cousin? I agreed. Just my cousin's cousin. Let's leave now.