Collecting jokes ~ ~ ~ has a prize! ! !

1: There was an ugly girl who couldn't get married, hoping to be trafficked, and finally had a dream one day.

If she is kidnapped, the kidnapper thinks she is ugly and sends her back to her original place, this woman.

The kidnapper insisted on not getting off the bus, biting his teeth and stomping his feet, saying, Let's go. . No car! ! !

Spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when they express their love. Spider roar: Why? What is all this about? The ant said timidly: My mother said that people who stay online all day are not good people!

3 your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer. (To be continued)

You want to invite me to dinner. If you don't meet my requirements, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it: apply for a certificate.

Last night, I had a dream, and the Lord said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! God sweated and said, "Bring me the globe and let me have a look!"

Do you want to get rich? Do you want to get lucky? Do you want to be an official? Do you want to become famous overnight? Do you want to be young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? ——————————— Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep!

7 rainy days, wet, so wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came over and said to you gently, "Wang Cai, go in. The bone delivery man won't come today."

This may be the last time I send you a text message. I hesitate to tell you. I'm going to America in the near future, and all the formalities have been completed. I can't help it, really Bush said he couldn't deal with Saddam without me.

One day I went to the zoo to see orangutans, and I threw up. Another day, you went to the zoo to see the orangutan, and the orangutan vomited! The same person, why is the gap so big? (To be continued)

10, monkey hunting apocalypse: I lost a furry little monkey. Features: dirty, covered with runny nose, carrying a mobile phone, and reading text messages. I love monkeys and reading short messages. Write back to my master quickly! Master misses you so much!

1 1. When I heard that you were trafficked, I was really scared. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

12, I told my mother: I like you! After spending so much time with you, I feel I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house every day to accompany me! But my mother didn't agree. She said: no dogs at home!

13, I changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I'll know! I changed my name. That's too vulgar. I'll call sister Qiang first.

14. I saw on the internet yesterday that the model of your mobile phone was extremely radioactive. I was shocked. I was just about to inform you that it's useless for people with IQ below 50. I felt a sort of surge of relief. Don't worry, keep using it.

15, Top Secret Document of the 16th National Congress: In order to improve the quality of our population, the state has decided to eliminate a group of retarded and ugly children who look like Guo Sun. Please pack your things and go quietly! Don't thank me! Be safe! (End)

Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

The latest news: The main transmission route of SARS is currency in circulation. For the health of you and your family, please clean up all your cash and seal it in plastic bags. I will collect it at home for a small fee.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, much less. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell down, I ran up and stepped on my foot!

Shall we go on a date on Saturday Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I'll take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

Yesterday, I dreamed of you. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, the sea is so boundless, and you are standing on the blue seaside. I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

Love is empty, love is empty, I wander in the street; People are empty of money, and a single evil cause is troublesome; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; Life is not easy when the mobile phone is empty and there is no money to charge it; Anyway, all four are empty.

When I turned to leave, you cried helplessly behind me, and the heartbreaking pain made me suddenly understand how much I love you. I turned around and hugged you: this pig is not for sale.

I saw you that day, in the supermarket! You quietly put your hand on the barcode scanner, and the screen shows: pig's trotters 8 yuan. Do you think the machine is broken? Looking from the face, the screen shows 5 yuan, pig head!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig! ! ! !

Are you lonely? If so, why do you go downstairs to buy ropes and sticks, tie ropes to sticks, and wave sticks on the roof when it is windy, and people will ask you? Just say: I have a seizure. . .

People are really tired when they are alive! Standing thinking about sleeping, getting on the bus and waiting in line, unrequited love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, working is particularly tired, robbery is not enough, and you have to pay taxes to earn money, alas! Even texting pigs costs money!

Just a gust of wind, so eternal, just a dream, so real, you bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help telling you, please tell me next time you fart!

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I see where the fuck you lost!

Dear users, your phone bill is less than 0. 1 yuan. Please pay the phone bill in the near future: selling children, women, rice, iron and blood, land, houses and wives. Thank you for your cooperation! China Telecom

Valentine's Day promotional gifts: Dear male customers, during Valentine's Day, you will buy a set of home brand moisturizing underwear for your lover and give your wife a set of ordinary home brand colored cotton underwear, and only the colored cotton underwear and the full price will be reflected on the credit card. Jiahui underwear zhuangui

I wrote your name all over the sky and was taken away by the clouds. I wrote your name all over the mountain and was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name all over the street, Gao, and was taken away by the police.

In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the questions. The classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?"? I won't scream either! " Classmate: "cheep"

Dear users, because most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has caused a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to learn stylistic knowledge!

Yesterday, I dreamed of God, who said he could grant me a wish. I took out my globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I want this person to look good. He thought about it and said that I would take another look at the globe.

You go! Find someone worthy of your love … I don't know you and your feelings well enough. I know that some things can't be forced and some distances can't be crossed. Just like yesterday, I really can't believe you left with someone else for a bone.

I think what you think; Wear clothes without styling; I don't get along with anyone; No matter where you go, you are not welcome; I can't keep up with Lenin in thinking; Don't steal if your heart is fine; Pneumonia is atypical!

Monkey finding notice: I lost a hairy monkey. Features: dirty, covered with nose, holding a mobile phone, I can read text messages. I love monkeys. Write back to my master as soon as possible! Master misses you now.

6 When I met 9, I said: Take two steps and practice handstand. 0 meets 8 and says: If you are fat, you will be fat. Why should you wear a belt? 7 meet 2 and say: come on, don't kneel down again, I won't marry you; I haven't seen breast augmentation for several days!

One day, I met a foreign guest. He said, I'm Hong, and the foreign guest said, I'm Fang Qi!

Not every flower can represent love, but roses can; Not every tree can withstand thirst, but poplar can; Not every pig can read text messages, but you did. Congratulations!

You are the sun in my heart, but it is raining; You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has already bloomed; You are Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first. ...

What's going on here? I called your mobile phone just now, and after the bell rang, the phone prompted a voice saying: The other party is streaking, please redial later. I can't believe it! Dial again and say: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is out of service area, please redial later.

In my eyes, you always look carefree, eating with relish and sleeping soundly. . . I really envy you. Sometimes I think it's good to be a pig.

1 Give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. Help yourself if you feel that the amount of feces is not enough!

2 vital capacity self-test tips: bend your head and suck hard after farting, and then observe whether people around you smell strange smell. If so, you must strengthen your exercise according to this method; If not, then prove that you are superman!

A man went shopping and had to pee in the corner. The old lady looked at it and said that she would be fined five yuan for urinating and urinating anywhere. Who said I peed? Can't I show it?

A new overseas travel route, the seven-day tour of Afghanistan, was grandly launched: living in a cave, learning bomb-making and escape skills, and the lucky ones had the opportunity to take photos with bin Laden as a souvenir.

5 love is in arrears, love has stopped, and fate is not in the service area; It's painful to think about it, and it's sad to think about it. When will I pay for it and turn it on again? Horizontal approval: dreams come true

At the water-splashing festival, a man suddenly cursed: Who the fuck spilled me? People advise: it is a blessing to vote for you. Bitch: Come on, which idiot threw boiling water at me?

7 jumping instructions: go to the seventh floor, gasp to the sixth floor, struggle to the fifth floor, be disabled to the fourth floor, be hospitalized to the third floor, frighten to the second floor and watch the excitement to the first floor.

That day, you cut a pig with a knife, and the pig fled into a dead end, only to hear the pig kneel down and beg for mercy from you: "We were born from the same root, so why fry each other!" "

Warning: Your mobile phone has undergone drastic internal changes due to overload and is about to explode. After reading this tip, please leave it in the empty space immediately. ...

10 Please call 1 10 for free to win a 15-day value-added tour and arrange a shuttle bus. The top ten will be sent to the detention center for a group photo, and 10,000 people will be massaged with their fists.

1 1 Four ideals of men: if money falls from the sky, all beautiful men will die. The beauty is out of her mind, crying for me to soak.

12 You already owe me a hug after reading this message; Delete this message and owe me a kiss; Save this message and owe me an appointment; If you reply, you owe me everything; If you don't reply, you are mine.

13 Congratulations on winning the grand prize. Please come to the People's Bank of China with sabre, shotgun and soil cannon at 10 this evening.

14 men are semi-finished products 20, finished products 30, fine products 40, best products 50, top products 60, waste products 70 and souvenirs 80.

15 horses jump when they are coquettish, donkeys bark when they are coquettish, men become warped when they are coquettish, and women seek when they are coquettish. The most coquettish one kept laughing at the phone.

16 A nun went to the hospital for a B-ultrasound, and the careless nurse gave her a pregnant woman's test sheet. After reading it, the nun sighed and said, "These days, even carrots are unreliable."

17 the man is not bad, a little abnormal; Men are not coquettish, they are bastards. Men don't care, they are absolutely nervous; Men are not hooligans, and their development is abnormal.

18 everyone is awake and I am drunk alone. It is most precious to have a heart. I don't regret meeting true feelings and true love, and this life is only for you (the secret is in the fifth word of every sentence)

19 emergency reminder: look at the left first, then look at the right. Please be careful of a psycho who just slipped out. His characteristic is: looking around with a mobile phone.

Miss 20' s four wishes: rich people come to karaoke bars, and there are countless tips. There is no AIDS in the world, and men ejaculate twice.

2 1 The girl bought bananas, put them in her back pocket after getting on the bus, and reached for them from time to time. After a while, a young man patted her on the shoulder: miss, please make way, I'm getting off.

May you be happy every day for 365 days a year, 8760 hours forever, 5256000 wonderful minutes and 3 1536000 seconds.

Whether it is sunny, cloudy or rainy, the day when I can see you is sunny; No matter yesterday, today or tomorrow, a day with you is a beautiful day.

A woman blushes five times in her life: the first time; The first time with her husband; Not a husband for the first time; When collecting money for the first time; I paid for the first time.

If the world has only 10 minutes left, I will recall the ups and downs with you; If there are only three minutes left in the world, I will kiss you affectionately; If there is only 1 minute left in the world, I will say I love you 60 times.

I live like this every day: playing ball with Jordan, boxing with Tai Sen, playing chess with Wei Ping, chatting with Clinton, bombing buildings with bin Laden and sending messages to pigs.

If your mobile phone is not waterproof, be careful not to drool on it when reading short messages, it will break down!

Riddle: It's good for birds to fly over Swan Lake and walk together. These two trees have nothing to do with the heart of the forest. If you don't want to fly first (type four words) ..................................................................................................................................................

Warning: Hello! Because your mobile phone is ugly and outdated, which seriously affects the city appearance, we decided to send a signal to destroy it.

30. 10% persistent+10% missing+10% jealous+10% suspicious+10% sweet+10% distressed+/kloc-

3 1 Urgent notice: Polygamy will be resumed from now on, and those who remain monogamous two weeks later will be sentenced to fixed-term imprisonment of not less than half a year but not more than three years and fined.

A Japanese competition lineup: male players are Masao Kamikawa and Ichiro Kojiro, while female players are Kuko Yokai and Kuko Kaneno. The referee is South Korean socio-economic tycoon Park Sung-sung.

The train was so crowded in Spring Festival travel rush that a gentleman stuck his ass out of the window when he stopped. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

The thief found all the jelly in the safe and ate it all in a rage. The next day, the newspaper published a headline: Yesterday, the sperm bank was stolen and the sperm was looted. ...

Read the following words and you will get a job with a monthly salary of 2 million. These problems are as follows: the purpose is both

There is a tacit understanding called empathy, a feeling called wonder, a happiness called being with you, and a yearning called living like years.

Urgent reminder: there will be a tornado in the southeast of the city at 9: 00 tomorrow morning. It is expected that there will be money and things such as mobile phones, banknotes and gold coins. Please be prepared to get rich.

A thunder woke Bush up in the middle of the night and shouted, "Quick, turn on the light!" " The bodyguard lit the candle tacitly. Looking at the heavy rain outside the window, Bush hissed, "I'm all over Afghanistan."

You should marry Xiao Zhao, be friends with Ling Huchong, be a man with Qiao Feng, and go out with Wei Xiaobao.

40 steamed bread and noodles fight, steamed bread was crying, so I went home and called Hua Juan steamed bread to take revenge. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door, and the steamed bread said, "Your boy burned his head, I know you!" " "

4 1 Someone said you were an ass, so I seriously criticized him: What a shame! You can't just say what people look like.

Hello, yesterday, when I turned on my mobile phone to read short messages, I was stunned all night because I was wearing clothes and my clothes had electrostatic reaction. Take off your clothes before you watch it, so as not to get an electric shock!

43. A father taught his daughter that when someone invaded her, she said no, and when she was invaded, she said stop. One day, her daughter was attacked at the same time, just don't stop!

I wish you a smooth sailing, two dragons take off, three sheep open Thailand, four seasons are safe, five blessings, six or six are in harmony, seven stars shine high, money comes from all directions, 99 is United, perfect, Pepsi is prosperous and everything goes well.

Donor: The underwear you are wearing today is full of bad colors. Please take it off immediately and throw it in the toilet to ensure safety. Kindness is kindness.

Bull: I was scared when I saw the inspectors coming. They all like to eat bullwhip. Niu: I'm afraid, too. I heard that they began to brag about B after eating the bullwhip.

47. A man is enjoying a sand bath under the beach. Three beautiful women came here to change their swimsuits. Suddenly, they heard a beautiful woman scream. Come and see, that thing is wild, too.

The beauty went into the sex shop to buy a massage stick, picked it for a long time and finally said to the boss, I want the red one over there. The boss was silent for a while and said, that's a fire extinguisher.

A young woman engaged in literature wrote an article and asked the professor for advice. Professor: The first half of this article highlights two points and is very substantial. The middle is flat; The second half is short-tempered, and there are seven things to do and eight things to do!

Test you: What should I do if pigs all over the world die overnight? (Headline) ..................................................................................................................... "At least you"!

5 1 You are very creative and your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God lost his temper. You have to live bravely. Without you, who can set off the beauty of this world?

No one is perfect for you and there is no perfect relationship. Whether everyone is suitable or not, whether everyone is perfect or not, both sides need to pay, sacrifice and create for each other.

Looking back 500 times in my last life, I passed by this life. If it is really you, I am willing to meet you 10 thousand times and tell you: "I really want to see you."

Dear users, your mobile phone number won the first prize in the prize-winning network access activity in our city, with a bonus of 6,543,800 yuan. Please take a pistol to any bank to collect it. Password: Don't move.

The Tang Priest assigned work at the foot of the Flame Mountain: "Wukong went to borrow a banana fan, and Wukong went to find Shui Bajie. Why do you still have time to read short messages?" ! "

Tip: Wrap the phone in zongzi leaves and cook it in a pot for 30 minutes. The standby time of the mobile phone battery will be doubled, the signal will be enhanced, and the smell of zongzi can be smelled on the phone.

Wish you: Pepsi! Everything is Fanta! Every day, wow, haha! Happy every month! Go to Gao Legao every year! It feels like Sprite! Always eye-catching

Congratulations, the message you just received will be recorded in the history of world communication, because it is the first message paid by the receiver, and the price is 10000 RMB!

Once there was a sincere love in front of me. I didn't cherish it, and I regretted it when I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this.

I have known you for so long, and you have always cared about me. I really don't know how to repay you. I will pull weeds for you in my next life!

6 1 A woman pees outside the window and pees on a person. Pedestrians shouted "Scarface, you can't run away"! Women are busy putting on pants. Pedestrians are also called "I know you in a mask".

You are so handsome and cool that you can't compare with it. You always think you are Dong Fangbubai, but you are the second generation fool!

63 Shanglian: Hero, single-handedly brave the bottomless pit; The second part: the heroine, double-sided attack to capture the cyclops alive. Horizontal approval: response

When you were a child, you lacked calcium, but when you grew up, you lacked love. Who dares to love such a glorious image, wearing a sack, a lid on his head, shorts, a belt, a bare waist and a tie!

In the university canteen, a boy wants to cut in line and says to a beautiful girl, classmate, shall I cut in front of you? Girl: I just inserted one in the front, just insert it in the back!

If you love me, you can kiss me. If you don't love me, I will kiss you, okay ~ ~ ~

If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to that girl: I love you. If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is … ten thousand years!

Special suggestion: At present, pinhole cameras are increasingly rampant. In order to ensure that your private parts are not peeped, please dress and take a shower, and don't take off your underwear when urinating. Remember, remember!

You are so handsome and cool that you can't compare with it. You always think you are Dong Fangbubai, but you are the second generation fool!

70-DVD: You've been in close contact with a great woman recently, and you've frequently flirted with her by SMS. You send another message, hundreds of millions of China macho men are your enemies!