I want to leave every day, but I don't know how to reinvent myself.

I saw a video the other day, which roughly said that the human ego is a point. Although it seems to be defined as an inherent form, it will open up many new possibilities, becoming a concentric circle, an eccentric circle and a less concrete point.

This is probably the reason why I never look at the astrolabe or tell fortune: the best way to stop being trapped by fate is to avoid the voices that will affect you.

A year and a half ago, a few years after graduation, I was in a very uneasy career bottleneck period, and it was difficult to advance both scripts in my hand. The work is full of compromise on the principle of injury, and I feel more and more that the work I love has changed, but I can't allow myself to give up halfway.

? Three years ago, not long after graduation, I was faced with the choice of going to work or joining a group. All my predecessors told me that the crew was in a mess and the work was too hard, which meant little. Another voice told me that sitting in class is the most demoralizing common road, and it is likely that you will accidentally take up the most creative time.

? Four years ago, our class organized a graduation trip to the seaside, which coincided with the handover day of graduation short films. Several students who did their homework decided to play, and everyone was urging me to participate. "Please, this is a once-in-a-lifetime graduation trip!"

Six years ago, I was studying in a closed boarding high school. Because I want to leave the city by myself, I have taken on the responsibility of making decisions for my future. Choose a university from ignorance, find a major, prepare for the exam, and come to Beijing to take an art test.

? Five years ago, I was admitted to an ideal school and spent four particularly fulfilling years.

? Four years ago, I spent a graduation trip editing a graduation short film, which helped me get a bonus and my first deposit before graduation. This money is a reassurance when faced with unsatisfactory work and unstable income after graduation.

? Three years ago, I tried to join a group and try to go to work. I suffered a lot, got a lot of scolding, and got a good opportunity to help the director revise the script on the spot. After that, the director took me to finish my first movie script.

? More than a year ago, I put down my obsession with movies, changed my mind and started working in new media. It is also slowly discovered that only by building enough trust in yourself and what you are doing can you be less easily defined by others.

? Compared with the choices and results along the way, I firmly believe that when you become the only one who can control yourself, you can have real freedom.

There is a lyric in "Change 1995": Genius is afraid of not being talented enough, and evil is afraid of not being bad enough. I want to leave every day, but I don't know where I can be reborn.

People always say that time can change many things and fate can decide many things, but in fact, many changes in life are made by ourselves.

. When a person really wants to change his destiny, power is extremely powerful. He will be very clear about the chips and efforts he needs to bear. Being too easily influenced by other people's voices often stems from not having enough motivation to take risks and change fate.

. I remember the heroine in "Little Forest" said a favorite sentence:

When life falls somewhere, every time I turn around, I find myself falling in the same place, as if I have been drawing circles in the same place, and I feel that wandering to the end is just returning to the original point. But in fact, every accumulated experience, good or bad, is not the origin, but a "spiral", which seems to be spinning in the same place, but it is extending every time.

The circle is getting bigger and bigger, and so is the spiral. Every time I think about it, I feel that I should work harder.

"Then try harder" is almost the first voice that comes to my mind every time I question what I am doing and feel powerless over the years.

We are always wandering in various ways, fast or slow, and we are always moving forward. But always work hard, otherwise how can you know that it is really fate and not yourself?

When I was with Lao Yang, he was a poor student who was about to graduate. We have nothing but a room full of books and CDs and savings of less than 2000 yuan.

On the day he moved out of the dormitory, he said, do you really want to be with me like this? There will be a lot of pain. I said: even if I suffer, it is not because of you, but because I am willing to choose.

I saw this article when I was looking through the previous Douban log at home last night. Lao Yang had just entered the study when I saw him crying for no reason.

I am particularly moved that I have never complained or regretted any choice in these years.

Living with him was a part of my past ideal, and I also suffered a lot of rapid growth pressure for the life I chose at that time. Living with him now is still a part of my realistic ideal, and we are all trying to contribute to the freedom we want.

I have always understood that learning to "exchange" is a very important lesson in life. As Zweig wrote in his biography of Queen Mary:

Life is a lot of hardships mixed with some good luck, many hugs mixed with some bad news. We can only control what we can control, and we are not influenced by the outside world on what we can decide.

And fate is inherently fluid, and every choice is also affecting some moments in the future.

Just like drawing with ink flow, you can control the strength when writing, but you can't control the direction of ink. The choice of life has nothing to do with right or wrong. Every choice has made us who we are today. As long as you are willing, you should be fearless.

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