Funny quotations that make people laugh.

1. Don't deteriorate in debauchery, but change in silence.

Don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

If the man doesn't help you put on the wedding dress, you can give him a robe.

I didn't say you are shameless, I said you are shameless.

5. Pretending to be forced is only an instant, and shamelessness is eternal.

6. Let the storm come more violently. Anyway, I sell umbrellas!

7. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is really unbearable!

8.czechoslovakia! My name is Jack, and my wife always complains about me like this.

9. In high school, everyone has a badge. Before a ward round, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to ward round … The whole room was silent …

10. If one day men all over the world have their period, I will sell hygiene classics.

1 1. Sometimes explanations are unnecessary, enemies don't believe your explanations, and friends don't need your explanations.

12. One diploma, two languages (proficient in English), three bedrooms and one living room, four seasons famous brand, regular facial features, generous, with a monthly salary of 7,000 yuan, exquisite, non-smoking and honest.

13. We have a little disagreement: she wants me to turn the stone into gold, and I hope she treats gold like dirt!

14. Teacher, just follow the old lady! ... after a long time ... teacher, please give me a break!

15. Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin!

16. People can't lower their noble heads except when picking up money.

17. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

18. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune.

19. I only trust two people in the world, one is me and the other is not you.

20. The sentence for telephone overdraft of 900,000 yuan is indefinite, the sentence for homicide is 3 years, the sentence for malicious withdrawal from ATM is 1.7 million yuan, and the sentence for embezzlement of tens of millions is 1 year.

2 1. We can avoid everyone, but we can't avoid a fly. What makes us unhappy in life is often trivial things.

22. There is a kind of person who only does two things: you succeed, he is jealous of you, you fail, and he laughs at you.

23. I smoke because it hurts my lungs, and I am not sad.

24. Flowers are red, and people are different from dogs.

25. People who like me are good people. People who don't like me are bad people. Nobody hates me.

Lying is a man's privilege, being cheated is a woman's patent …

27. If you are dissatisfied with your present job and feel that your career has reached the bottleneck, then go to a higher degree. In this way, after graduation, you will understand that your previous failures seem to have nothing to do with your education.

28. The rich man said in an interview that it is hard for you to imagine how much I suffered when I was young. I worked as a scalper, porter and smuggler ... Reporter: We have all seen these experiences make you successful. The rich man said, no, I finally married a rich wife.

29. As long as you persist in self-study, study hard, have a correct attitude and endure loneliness every day, the final victory must belong to those who play well in the examination room.

30. Friends fall in love for two months, and the screen name is changed to "blue". Only recently did I know that the literal translation of blue into Chinese is called "Bulu".

3 1. It's too late for you to fall in love now, so you should study wholeheartedly in college. . . . . . This question. It should have been solved in junior high school and high school.

32. Who will marry me in the future: I don't know who you are dating now. Don't waste your feelings on others. Let's get to know each other sometime.

33. Today, I heard an eight-year-old girl sing, two tigers, two tigers, falling in love, falling in love. All men, all men, so perverted, so perverted.

34. Even if you are frustrated again, you should fall in love and talk about a world full of love!

35. The longest love I have ever talked about is narcissism. I love myself and have no rival in love.

36. I read an article in Weibo saying whether you would like to fall in love with yourself. I struggled for a long time and finally chose not to. For an instant, I stopped blaming the people who abandoned me.

37. Come out, I have something to talk to you about. ""about what? " "love. "

38. A lady came back from the supermarket and complained bitterly, "If the customer is always right, why isn't everything free?"?

39. There are flowers in spring, moons in autumn, cool breeze in summer and snow in winter. If there is no trouble, it is a good time on earth.

40. No one can predict the future, so there are always people who regret it.

4 1. You will not be fired if you are irreplaceable, but you will not be promoted if you have been irreplaceable.

42. Loneliness means that someone is talking, no one is listening, and someone is listening, but you have nothing to say!

43. What is more troublesome than meeting a shrew is ... meeting two shrews at the same time.

I want to condense my life into a joke.

45. If you can't tell your tutor clearly, confuse him!

46. You are not Huang Rong, but a locust. Why do you want jing elder brother? You are shameless.

47. Yesterday is history, today is the beginning, and tomorrow is hard for everyone!

48. Recently, the horse has started to turn into a donkey's leg, and the cloud has turned into rain!

49. I only looked back, but I didn't care how long the road ahead was.

50. You are not afraid of God-like buddies, but you are afraid of dog-like friends.

5 1. The teacher wanted to say clap for his classmates, but he accidentally said slap himself. Say that finish, a classmate "pa" and "pa" gave himself two slaps.

52. No matter how complicated the exam questions are, they are not as complicated as mine.

53. Who says fire and water are ruthless? You were angry when you were drowning in saliva.

You must choose between the sweat on your eyebrows and the tears under your eyebrows.

55. Ideas are like underwear. There should be, but it can't prove that everyone has it.

56. Why are you sitting there, looking like an envelope without an address?

57. A gentleman takes revenge for ten years, but a villain takes revenge all day long.

58. I must appear in your household registration book. I can't be your husband, but I can also be your little father.

59. Handsome and able to drive, that's chess, money and a house, and that's a bank.

60. Without a strong owner, don't think you can bite just because you are a dog!

6 1. Sleeping on the printer can print out dreams all night, right?

Fasten your seat belt, there may be a love waiting for you ahead.

63. Xiaoming: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad: Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?

64. Life is like a journey, what matters is not the destination. But NB along the way, the mood when dealing with NB!

65. Stand on the shore of the years and be a Shui Piao for your past. ...

66. Sometimes it rains because the world needs washing, and sometimes it rains because the heart needs washing!

67. I am poor, please don't rob the tomb!

68. Don't think that just because you are younger than me, you can skip chalk for a few more days. The coffin is filled with dead people, not old people!

69. I want to be as thin as a bolt of lightning, illuminating all the wretched fat people.

70. Every time I cram for the Buddha's feet. Buddha always kicks me.

7 1. There will never be a pie in the sky, only a trap.

72. White plus white is black, because double negation is affirmation.

73. My feelings for you are like Lei Feng's pity for the poor.

74. To say that someone else is mentally ill, the premise of being mentally ill is that he must have a brain.

75. When flipping a coin, surf the Internet head-on, sleep on the back, and stand up to do your homework.

76. I am your kite, the thread is in your hand, and only wind energy accompanies me.

77. Clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to make sure to leave.

78. Life is like toilet paper. Talk as little as possible when you have nothing to do!

79. I have a crush on you because I'm out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.

80. I have an impulse to take a nap as soon as I get up in the morning.

8 1. Tencent's active investment has given many people hope and disappointed many people.

82. Nowadays, people drink a little wine to pack Bi. Keep talking. I just drank a pound and a half of beer. Is your stomach a sewer?

83. You did such a difficult thing to get up, and nothing can beat you the next day!

84. Big gold chain, small watch. Three small barbecues a day. Youth is dedicated to the small wine table. Being drunk is drinking. Social wine is drunk every day. Die at the small table sooner or later.

85. The family has money and drives a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, chug chug. At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke.

86. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as hazy as fog, as romantic as the moon, as warm as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as an ox, as long as a tortoise and as lovely as a rabbit. In a word, you are nothing like human beings!

87. Do you know what is the most painful thing in a man's life? No wife. Do you know what is more painful for men? Had a daughter-in-law, and ran away with others.

88. Listen to your words and hang the Southeast Branch.

I used to believe that I could turn my life into a joke, but now I just hope that I don't turn my life into a case.

90. You can't believe any news until it is officially denied.

9 1. If your wife and your lover fell into the water at the same time, would you like to find a plump one or a petite one? Still looking for people who can't swim.

92. The population is heavy, and it is planned to ban cola and drink syrup instead.

93. I saw a couple making out on the road. So I ran to the boy and said, Brother, today's sister is not as beautiful as yesterday. ...

94. A man walks to the toll booth! It's nice to see a beautiful toll collector! The man looked straight, and the woman looked up and said, sweetheart! The man was overjoyed and said, little baby. The woman said again: little darling. Male quick answer: little baby! Just then, I heard a bang! Toll station parking pole falls! It's been bleeding. The woman said contemptuously: what a suck! I told you to be careful with the pole. Be careful with the pole. You don't listen! Give it back to the damn child. Why don't you break it?

95. What about you?

96. A man and a woman are making out. The man worked hard, but the woman didn't respond. The man asked angrily, can't you respond a little? Can't even call the bed! The woman immediately shouted: Sleep! ! Bed! !

97. Dialogue between a fortune teller and a lady: Your life is not good. Why? Because you have a bad omen. Can I take off my bra? No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there will be two big waves in your life.

98. Your Majesty, male and female servants have one thing to ask, please put them in the cold shoulder. Men and women can't stand these birds. It's too hot.

99. I used to be thin, and I will be thin in the future, so I will gain weight for a while now, or my life will be incomplete.

100.launch How do you say it in English? biu~ ~。