Help me check the lines of the soldier's sketch "Who made you excellent"

Qi: Hello, everyone. Ladies and gentlemen in front of the TV.

Soldier: Crosstalk actor soldier. Zhao Weiguo: Zhao Weiguo. Qi: Happy New Year to you.

Private: Yes, thank you for your encouragement. Without your encouragement, there would be no soldiers today. Every friend in front of the TV is a soldier's second father.

Mom.

Zhao Weiguo: Wow, that's a good point. Do you know why soldiers today are so polite? Because the only outstanding actor selected by our Cultural Bureau this year,

At the first evaluation, the soldier won the first place! Should we congratulate you?

Soldier: Whether you can be a soldier in the end still needs the approval of the leader.

Zhao Weiguo: That's close.

Private: In fact, everyone knows me very well. I have both fame and fortune.

Zhao Weiguo: That's right.

Private: I have expressed my position to the leaders many times.

Zhao Weiguo: What do you say?

Soldier: The golden cup and the silver cup are not as good as the people's reputation, the first prize and the second prize are not as good as the people's praise, the pig hands and chicken hands are not as good as the people's clapping, and the bear's paw and goose's paw are not as good as them.

Everybody clap, thank you!

Zhao Weiguo: Swearing is not swearing. That makes sense.

Off-site voice: the award order for outstanding actors is coming! Here comes the award order for outstanding actors!

Zhao Weiguo: Here it comes. I will read it to you.

Private: I'm unconscious.

Zhao Weiguo: Best Actor Award!

Soldier: Let everyone laugh.

Zhao Weiguo: This actor plays an exemplary role everywhere.

Private: That's what I should do.

Zhao Weiguo: Good at uniting comrades and helping others.

Private: I am used to it.

Zhao Weiguo: I always work hard and complain. I don't care about my job.

Private: all under the leadership.

Zhao Weiguo: This year, I decided to award Comrade Zhao Weiguo the honorary title of outstanding actor. Hey, hey, soldier, soldier, wake up! I didn't do anything.

Ah! Hey, ambulance, come to an ambulance! Hey, help!

Soldier: Why did you call an ambulance?

Zhao Weiguo: Help!

Soldier: Save who?

Zhao Weiguo: Hey, didn't you pass out?

Soldier: You want me to die.

Zhao Weiguo: No, no.

Private: Zhao Weiguo.

Zhao Weiguo: Hey.

Soldier: I'm not sure!

Zhao Weiguo: Oh, soldier, you may have misunderstood.

Soldier: I have no misunderstanding. Congratulations.

Zhao Weiguo: Hmm.

Soldier: Congratulations.

Zhao Weiguo: Thank you.

Soldier: Bricks will kill you. Dear friends present, my performance today is over. Goodbye.

Zhao Weiguo: Hey, hey, hey, soldier.

Soldier: Don't touch me. Why did you touch me? Look at the excellent actors beating people on the stage!

Zhao Weiguo: When did I hit you?

Soldier: Then why did you touch me?

Zhao Weiguo: Let's end the chorus!

Soldier: Sorry, you are an excellent actor. Please tell us.

Zhao Weiguo: What about you?

Soldier: I am a backward actor now.

Zhao Weiguo: Huh?

Soldier: I'm not the only one going down, host. Let's get off work together!

Zhao Weiguo: What do you mean after work?

Private: Let Zhao play all night from now on, ok? Thank you for your understanding.

Zhao: Stop.

Big: untenable.

Zhao: Don't you dare. Isn't it just that there is no outstanding actor? I have been saying just now that the audience is your second-generation parents. Oh, you don't approve of your parents until you judge the excellent actors.

You are so unfilial. Come here! Make a gift for your parents. Come on.

Sorry, parents,

Zhao: That's right.

Rita: I was abnormal just now.

Zhao: Huh?

I lost my temper.

Discovery: Scared me.

Well, for parents' sake, I'll accompany you to finish this cross talk.

Look: That's right.

After that, we went our separate ways.

Looking for: OK, OK, no problem.

L: Well,

Looking for: Yes.

Big: Go ahead.

Looking for: Yes. What do you mean, I'll tell you, let's talk about this phonograph first,

Yes, I said it first. Since you are an excellent actor, please speak first.

Q: Is this comparable to a good actor?

Of course, it's clearly written on your certificate. Do actors set an example everywhere? You don't say first, I'll say first! say

I'll go first. Let me talk about it first. Good evening, dear audience. Today we will tell you a cross talk. Hey, hey, oh, this cross talk is a joke. It took two people to tell this joke, but he didn't.

Can an old man say, you smoke the trumpet!

Big: What's the matter?

Find again: What?

Da: I won't let you set an example!

Look: I brought my headband. It's your turn to speak.

Big: Oh, you've put your hair on. Then I'm sorry. You can also say what I say.

Discovery: Why should I say what you said?

Da: It is clearly written in your commendation order that the actors have been working hard and hard, and no matter who wrote the words, you said it yourself. Come on, friends, let's applaud him and encourage him to give it to him alone.

Let's say a voice! Ok, thank you. Thank you.

I don't know.

Big: The applause from friends here is not warm enough. The friends there gave him a coax! hahahaha

Looking for: stop, okay. Get down, ah, get down if you can,

Big: huh? What do you mean?

Look: it's better to have you here than not to have you. Who are you? this is

David Attenborough: Are you asking me to go down?

Looking for: You leave early.

Don't regret.

I will not regret it.

Rita: I'll be down in a minute.

Looking for: this also evaluates excellent actors.

Big: What's the big deal? Just go down.

Looking for: huh?

Rita: I'll be down in a minute. I'll sit here.

Looking for: Well, not bad! Then I will tell you this cross talk in a down-to-earth way, saying that there is an old man there.

Private: (sitting on the steps making trouble) Sister Liu, Sister Liu, Sister Liu, you are here. hahaha. . Is that your husband beside you? Ah, it's your boyfriend. Haha, no wonder you bring it every time.

People are different. Ha ha ha,,,, say it? Come on, let's applaud and encourage him to go on.

I'm looking for: thank you, thank you. Then I'll keep pulling. Said we had one there. . .

Big shot: Zhao Jie, Zhao Jie, Zhao Jie, you go find your Zhao Jie, I admit it.

Looking for: Are you wicked? You and I will continue to talk about us.

Mrs. Wang, Mrs. Wang, haha,

Looking for: You have so many acquaintances!

Big: What's the big deal! I say hello, you say your cross talk, rule out rivers,

No, you always say hello. I can't say it.

Big: It's none of my business. You're amazing. I don't want to lie to you! Mrs. Wang Lao

I beg you, can you come up?

Big: I'll go down if you let me.

Looking for: Ah

Big: You let me come up and I'll come up again.

Looking for: Yes.

I'm the elevator!

What's with the elevator?

Da: I just found out today that sitting here is much more comfortable than standing on it. Everyone here wants me to continue sitting here. Please give me a round of applause. Thank you. See if my parents let me sit here?

I am very filial.

Looking for: good, good, good. But one thing, you can't say hello to acquaintances. All right.

Rita: ok, ok, I won't call.

I'm looking for: OK, let me make it official. We have an old man there who likes to bet with others that he has that special function. Why? He said he could bite his left eye.

You said it was interesting.

Big: it's boring. The old man has an artificial eye in his left eye. He took it out, took a bite and put it back. This is also called cross talk.

Looking for: He is better. He can also bite his right eye. Both eyes can't pretend. This is interesting, isn't it?

Rita: That's even funnier. The old man has a pair of false teeth. He took it off, took a bite, and pressed it on. How can such a person be rated as an excellent actor? I want to know.

Search: Well, well, I'll guess a riddle for you, saying it's a dog from a distance and a dog from a close look. If you hit it, it won't move, scold it, and pull it away.

Big: dead dog, who doesn't know,

Looking for: an electric fan from a distance, an electric fan from a close look, an electric fan is an electric fan, but it doesn't turn.

Big: There is no electricity.

Looking for: it is said that it is a car from a distance and a car from a close look.

Big: No gasoline.

Looking for: it is said to be a car in the distance.

Big: No driver.

Looking for: it is said to be a car in the distance.

Big: The driver went to the toilet.

I can't say that.

Da: you can't say, who made you excellent, you deserve it,

Search: I'll tell you soldier, I'll tell you another one, and you can still guess.

Big: How about it!

I'll give you an excellent actor.

Big: What did you say?

Look: If you can still guess, I'll give you that excellent actor.

David Attenborough: Did you say that?

I said so.

Big: Everybody testify for me.

Search: Shall we testify together?

Big: You ask a question.

Look: Listen carefully.

Big shot: Yes.

Looking for: say that soldiers should add a dog soldier.

Da: So I'm not a dog?

Search: the dog soldiers are a little short of soldiers.

Big shot: You help me take it off.

Search: Soldier, you must make a choice.

Big shot: Yes.

Q: Do you call yourself "immoral" or "indispensable"?

Soldier: I am evil.

Discovery: If you are missing, you are a soldier.

Big: huh? Wait, I'm indispensable.

Search: You are a dog soldier if you are indispensable. Think about it, are you wicked? say

Big: You are wicked.