Fortune teller Jie Jie _ Fortune teller Jie Jie

At what moment did you die in marriage?

First, understand each other's needs from the correct "quarrel"

To tell the truth, it's a dream to live together every day for 365 years without quarreling! Teeth and tongue will fight one day, let alone two completely independent people.

So, you have to ask me how can I not fight? I really can't help you with this, not only I can't help, but also the gods can't help! But don't worry, there is one thing I can help you, and that is to teach you how to quarrel correctly and benefit from it!

(1) Reject violent communication.

Many times, what is the reason why quarrels make us feel physically and mentally exhausted? But under the control of emotions, we always have violent communication, such as labeling and personal attacks, which are common.

Maybe I accidentally used the hurtful words "loser" and "loser" when I was excited. No, I'm telling you!

For personal attacks, this is equivalent to hitting someone in the face, which is challenging a person's bottom line! If you don't want to make the other person chilling, you must hold back!

② Reject the zero-sum game.

Never treat quarreling as a zero-sum game in marriage. What is a zero-sum game? But just like the athletes in the stadium, they always win or lose in the end. The most taboo in marriage is winning or losing. You may win a battle, but you may also lose a home.

If you don't treat quarreling as a zero-sum game, then don't turn over old scores. The purpose of turning over old scores is actually to expose each other's wounds, make each other speechless, and then become the winner of the quarrel. You know, if every "win" is based on the other party's "lose", can this relationship last?

③ Express the demand correctly.

If you want the other person to understand you and grasp your key points, you must correctly express your feelings and needs.

How to express it? You should learn to use the correct emotional vocabulary!

I can't believe you forgot our wedding anniversary. I feel that you don't love me! -It's not a feeling!

I'm a little disappointed and uncomfortable that you forgot our wedding anniversary! -that's the feeling!

You can build an emotional vocabulary, in which two words are accumulated, one is "satisfaction, happiness, moving …" and the other is "disappointment, loss, sadness, fear, …"

⑥ Understand each other's needs.

The process of correct quarrel is actually the process of emotional communication between the two sides of intimate relationship, so in quarrel, you should let the other side express their feelings and needs, so that you can find the problems in marriage.

So "shut up", "I don't want to hear" and "stop talking" are used as little as possible, and actions such as covering your ears and slamming the door are done as little as possible. On the contrary, you can use words such as "tell me", "why" and "I want to know" to guide him to express his feelings and needs.

Besides letting him talk, you should learn to listen to him. I know this. At the moment of the quarrel, you probably won't listen, but it doesn't matter. Be sure to go back to the table after the quarrel and calm down. What did you quarrel about? What did the other party complain and accuse? These are all questions you need to reflect on, and they are also the direction for you to improve yourself!