Very incisive cold jokes on the internet.

1. My mother gave it to me 1 Poetry: I have lost weight and gained weight since I left home, and my local accent has not changed. When a child meets a stranger, he asks the fat man who are you? It was also specially titled "Dress tight and return to hometown". I'm leaving, heartless!

My father taught me to use chopsticks when I was a child, but he didn't learn it for long, so he hit me. Now that I have grown up, I instruct my father to use his mobile phone. He didn't study long, but he beat me up. Love is so unreasonable!

3. I became a Buddha before this Double Eleven, and all four were empty. The wallet is empty, the balance of various payment software is empty, the bank card is empty, and even the stomach is empty. So, you laity, if you ask me to take part in more than five activities, don't bother me!

Don't be afraid to like someone. Once you decide, kiss her. If she likes you, she won't push you away. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like you. After all, you kissed and didn't suffer. ...

5. A friend went to KFC to buy hamburgers, told the waiter that he didn't want salad, and gave him two pieces of garlic to put in. The waiter said no, and then he said yes, and then he took out a few pieces from his pocket, all petrified!

6. My best friend asked me: If someone gave you 1 million to buy your husband, would you like it? I said, don't say I am willing to pay1000000 yuan,100000 yuan. Then, then I received a red envelope of 100 from my best friend.

7. My husband is fat, weighing 200 Jin. During a physical examination, the doctor looked at his figure and said, "Don't weigh it, write it yourself." My husband told me that he hesitated for a long time with a pen and thought it was not good to write 100kg, so he wrote 0. 1 ton horizontally!

8. Today, my classmates asked me: Why is it so cold in winter that women should wear cotton-padded jackets and stockings? At this time, the people next to him said: Fresh milk should be kept warm, and ham should be refrigerated. ...

9. Once I had dinner with a friend, he showed off my height. He said: My mother is 155, and my father is 160. I can grow to 18. Ha ha! However, I don't envy him, because I think he is a man with a story.

10. One day, a roommate lamented: "I feel that I am a good family now and I can't go out every day." At this time, another teasing roommate said: "You are not a good family, you are a domestic pig."

1 1. Yesterday, I went to tell my fortune. I said, master, do you think I can be a director or something in the future? Holding his finger, the master said slowly, it's hard for you to be a parent!

12. "I have a student whose grades are the lowest every year. He often fights with others. According to the requirements of the leader, the teacher wants to give the students a good final comment. How to write? " God replied, "The student has stable grades and strong hands-on ability."

13. I went swimming in the reservoir yesterday and my leg cramped and I almost drowned. Fortunately, my girlfriend saved me. If I hadn't cheered her up this morning, we would have really become desperate mandarin ducks. ...

14. Don't say that the current thermos is a cow! That's disgusting! Pour boiling water in the morning, and the whole morning will pass. I burned my mouth seven or eight times and didn't drink a mouthful of water. ...

15. It's windy, cold, cold, cold, cold, dumbfounded, want to take off the bill, silly, wear long pants.

16. My girlfriend said she would take me to her friend's party. I said to her, "When you introduced me, you were a little innovative, imposing and domineering!" Then when I got to the place, my girlfriend waved her hand and said, "Hey! Children! This is my booty call! "

17. Asked a married male colleague what marriage is, he said, "I went home the night before marriage, and I felt weak in my legs and warm in my heart the night after marriage."

18. I just bought a steamed stuffed bun, ate a few mouthfuls and found that there was no stuffing in it. I asked my boss, "Why?" The boss said, "I haven't mastered the core technology yet."

19. Double Eleven is here, and I'm going to choose some clothes for my wife in a treasure. When reading the comments, I saw a comment that I think is the most embarrassing for sellers in history: bad reviews, why is my wife so ugly in your clothes?

20. Please recommend a domestic TV drama that will kill you if you jump off a cliff, or a Korean drama that won't lose your memory when you are hit by a car, or a Hong Kong and Taiwan drama that won't kiss when men and women wrestle. Thank you very much