I love all the ugliness in this world

Romain rolland said that there is only one kind of heroism in the world, and that is to love life after seeing the truth of life clearly.

I started reading Yu Hua's books in high school. Up to now, I have read dozens of his works and still like them. Once upon a time, I thought what he wrote was as ugly as human nature and secular darkness, and it was no different from the world I lived in. It can be said that it is written in my heart, so I like it.

Wan ku's debauchery and wealth made me see selfishness and ugliness; After Yang Fei's death, there was no urn and cemetery, which made me see desolation and sadness. The boy's experience at dusk made me see indifference and helplessness; Xu Sanguan's behavior of selling blood made me see ignorance and absurdity. There is also the little boy who threw his cousin to death, the fortune teller who asked others to continue his life ... too many, all revealing blood, violence, cruelty, absurdity and ugliness, as if reading can smell the stench, surrounded by endless haze, which makes people feel terrible.

However, is this really all?

Because of the growing environment and experience, I am extremely sensitive and have been in a bad state of mind. At one time, because of family affairs, I had severe mental weakness symptoms. A friend said that Yu Hua's book was depressing and asked me not to read it. Then recommended me a so-called beautiful world, a book worth reading-"White Boat". What about lying to children? What good and evil, what faith.

Orozkul did not respect his father-in-law, did not love his wife, and even bullied and abused his humanity. But the little boy's grandfather was weak and incompetent. Not only did he fail to educate and protect his daughter, but he also personally destroyed the little boy's faith and pushed him to death. Yes! He is poor, bullied everywhere, his daughter is unhappy, his son-in-law is unfilial and has no respect at all. But isn't he hateful?

My family is rural, my parents have no education, and I am an out-and-out farmer. As long as I can remember, I can't afford rice (cooked with corn) at home. At that time, I thought rice was delicious on earth. Seeing students eating snacks after school, I especially envy those students wearing small red leather shoes. We are all wearing cloth shoes. It has always been frostbite on the feet in winter, and when it is serious, shoes can't be worn. At that time, there were several pigs to be fed at home next year, and there were no snacks at home, so we had to cut pig grass to feed them. 10, the weather is very cold, but they still have to cut pig grass. Every winter, their hands will be frostbitten and their skin will fester in a large area. Up to now, there are still sequelae, sometimes it hurts when it is hot or cold, and it is scary when it is cold in winter, and there are many scars cut by the knife.

When I was in primary school, I worked in the fields every summer and winter vacation. Every day after school, I put down my schoolbag and go out with my basket on my back. I used to work, too, selling physical strength. I have always hated the words "diligent, sensible, thrifty, independent and self-disciplined" used to describe me. Who wouldn't want to be a spoiled and protected little girl if possible?

The inferiority and loneliness left over from those years unconsciously led to my negative, withdrawn and extreme personality. Now that I think about it, I feel terrible. The influence of his family background and his growing experience can really penetrate into the bone marrow, just like an invisible hand, which makes me unable to breathe and can only cry in the darkness without anyone.

It may be incredible to say it, but now it feels so different to recall the books I have read.

Even though Fu Gui Wan Ku did nothing, Jia Zhen still loved him as always and gave birth to a pair of children for him. He worked hard all his life until he died without regret. This is love; Yang Fei couldn't rest in peace without a cemetery, so he went to the dead end, where the trees were heart-shaped, the scenery was beautiful and the air was fresh. A place that sounds creepy is so beautiful. Compared with loess, people who go to a bad end can live forever. In order to treat his seriously ill son, Xu Sanguan sold blood continuously and lost half his life. This is affection, a father's selfless love for his children. Grandpa bought a schoolbag for the little boy to send him to school. It should be full of love!

Yes, the most touching thing in the world is love! Once upon a time, my heart was too dark and extreme, and I felt that everything in the world was unsightly. There is no doubt that love has changed my horizons.

It's my brother's meticulous care and love, my sister's coquetry and lovely expression and tone, my brother's waiting at the intersection early when he goes home from vacation, my grandmother's forcing money into my pocket before going back to school, my mother's nagging all day for fear that I don't have enough to eat and wear, my father's efforts for my living expenses, my little friend I haven't seen for years, my responsive friend, my roommate's eating and laughing together ... It turns out that there are so many people who love me in this world.

As my heart is, so is the world! Learn to understand, let go and accept, only to find that life can still be like this. In the days to come, I will learn to love all the ugliness in this world.