I'm not a fortune teller on the overpass.

Master classic joke

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Most of them reveal absurd phenomena in life, which are ironic and entertaining. There are different tastes. The following are the classic jokes of the master that I compiled for you, for reference only. Welcome to reading.

Master's classic joke 1 1, a large group of girls go to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milks. After the demonstration, I'll teach you to try it yourself. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow.

2. The carrot saw the ham and said, Wow! Too rich. I'm wearing a fur coat. Sausage: What's this? Look at sausages. They are wearing real leather, and we are still wearing this kind of artificial leather.

There is an old farmer hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

5, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

6. A widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "When did I become a piggy bank?"

7. Kangaroo and frog walked. Kangaroo walked three times and two times, and listened to the frog next door for a night! One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! " The frog said, "Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!" "

8. The couple watched people dancing in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion, "This world is really strange. That ugly and stupid man has a beautiful wife. " The wife smiled and said, "honey, you are really flattering."

9. In the girls' dormitory, A was changing clothes, and B was surprised and asked A, "How did your breasts become so small?" A replied: "I'm tired of studying recently!" "As soon as the voice fell ... I heard the voice of C in the distance:" So, are you studying hard? "

10, dreaming at night, dreaming of a female ghost, scared me to turn and run, but running and running, I suddenly thought I was still single! Then crustily skin of head and ran back, living the nightmare into a dream of spring.

1 1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

12. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." Piggy learns to look like a parrot and says to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and the pig out of the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

13, some people pester others for what they want in business, and they can promise anything, but they always try their best to escape and avoid it afterwards. On one occasion, he failed to fulfill his previous promise. He said to his friend, "believe me, I am by no means the kind of person who turns his back on others." The friend looked at him and said coldly, "Slip?"

Master classic joke 2 1, it is better to live beautifully than to grow beautifully!

When you hug each other, you are watching the fun.

Once you learn how to break the jar, you will find that the world will be suddenly enlightened.

4. Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!

5. How to lose weight if you are not full?

6, a temporary impulse, the crisis of future generations!

7, commitment, like fart, earth-shattering, and then pale and powerless.

8. The current housing prices are like Lin Chi-ling's breasts. It looks solid, but it is actually full of bubbles.

9, rival in love fell into the water, we can only pee.

10, I'm not a fortune teller on the overpass, so I can't say so many things you like to hear.

1 1. A man gives a woman a bra to show that he wants to establish a lover relationship; A woman gives a man underwear, which means there is a lover relationship.

12, youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

13, I sympathize with your uncle.

14, I want to let the world know that I am very low-key!

15, you are so fond of taking advantage. If you took someone else's real hand short, you would have been paraplegic!

16, thank you, thank you uncle, thank you family, thank you ancestors for 18 generations!

17, I didn't want to marry a wife but married me.

18, there are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

19, the painting that was wrong at the first stroke had to be scribbled all the way.

20. Dinosaurs died out because makeup created a beautiful world.

2 1. Dangerous things like spacewalking are safe, but safe things like drinking milk are dangerous!

22. Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

23. Are you dissatisfied with the world by dressing like this?

24, one mountain can not tolerate two tigers, unless a male and a female.

25. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.

26. There are many on QQ. What penguin hasn't seen?

27, go out, please remember: be sure to return the cow to the cow!

28. If you want to achieve extraordinary things, you must use extraordinary means!

29. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix in kindergarten.

30, teacher, you wait, the old woman is going to let the Buddha give her marriage!

3 1, blind all day, no food for three meals, weak limbs, regardless of grain, denial of six relatives, ignorance, prestige, sedentary, very useless.

32. The man that women hate most is Chen Shimei; Man's favorite woman is Pan Jinlian.

33. Some things don't need to be wrangling, seemingly obeying and secretly resisting.

34. All's well that ends well for lovers.

Actually, I'm not stupid, but I'm too lazy to be smart.

36. I have an impulse to take a nap as soon as I get up in the morning.

37. This is often the case, and it is too late to turn back. Even if you are willing to become a rotten horse, there may not be a grass waiting for you.

38. I left quietly, just as I came gently. I waved my sleeve and took only a bundle of cabbage.

39. From heaven to hell, I pass by!

40. Every woman can only be a Lori for two years, while every man can, uncle, for a long time.

4 1, the girl who looks at the sky is very lonely, and the boy who looks at the sky is looking for UFOs!

42. When the forest is big, there are all kinds of birds. Society is very complicated, and everyone has it. What kind of person am I? I was thinking.

43. In the pigsty, there is no need to pay attention to human etiquette.

44. I don't want to know that you are ill. Don't be so obvious.

45. Don't come to me for nothing and don't come to me for everything!

46. Sister Lin didn't die of illness, but actually fell from the sky and died.

47. Men who go home early tell stories to their wives; Men who come home late make up stories for their wives.

48, Pingyang who has no tiger falls, wait for me to make a comeback.

49. It's not that I don't want to lose weight, but I'm afraid of rebounding.

50. A wife is tasteless, a lover is too tired, and a young lady is too expensive. There is nothing wrong with having a class reunion, and breaking up is also a couple.

5 1, I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am in front of you!

52. I saw a car on the road, and there were six words on the back: I was in a hurry to fly over.

53. Take a bath once a month. I am almost a fish!

When you don't have a girlfriend, you are a hunting dog. When you find a goal, you are a bar dog. When you get it, you are a German shepherd. When you lose it, you are a dead dog.

55. Don't think that just because a girl is beautiful can seduce me, at least she is stupid enough!

56. I am drunk and won't accept anyone, just hold the wall!

57. Beauty, beauty, I love you. I write a love song for you. The theme is I miss you very much. The message is all about you. Ask me what I want you to do, and swear I will catch up with you.

58. The most romantic thing I can think of is watching you grow old alone.

59. Skipping classes is a person's happiness, and attending classes is a group of people's loneliness.

60. Low-key is the best show off.

6 1, I don't know Wu Bai very well, but his brother 250 knows me very well.

62. The difference between me and a madman is that I am not crazy!

63, must be confused, don't pursue the truth ... The truth is!

64. In life, uniform speed is love, but uneven speed has become a kind of injury.

65. Women like two kinds of flowers best in their life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

66. An employee of Huawei was arrested by the police in Matishan, which became the company's annual scandal. Reason for dismissal: going to such a cheap place will make the company lose face!

67. I'm going to get a haircut. I twisted my neck with bangs.

68. From the moment I left you, someone asked me: Do you always sterilize your eyeballs in tears?

Master classic joke 3 1. As soon as the bell rang, a boy ran into the classroom panting and explained to the teacher: I ran back with the school bus to save money. The teacher replied: next time you should run with a taxi, so you can save more money and not be late.

2. One day at school, the teacher said, "The topic of today's composition is for the teacher." As soon as the voice fell, a student stood up and said, "Teacher, please go to the hospital. We can't cure you. "

3. Even if 99% people in the world think you are ugly, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are ugly. Do you feel suddenly swollen!

4, girls are, small and fresh in front of relatives, quiet in front of outsiders, neurotic in front of acquaintances, and female hooligans in front of girlfriends.

Monkey, did you propose to Xia Zi with this ring? You are so funny! You don't have a half carat diamond, so no one cares about you! When Chang 'e was so ashamed of me, she said, Don't tell me if you love me or not. Look at the size of the diamond ring first! Alas, how realistic the little fairy is now. Alas, I tell you, with this ticket fairy, you will shoot her to death with a diamond brick, and she didn't even call for help!

6. There is really no coat like a school uniform: a mobile phone is hidden in the sleeve, a book can be put in the pocket, a pillow is rolled up and spread out as a blanket, and you dare to rub it anywhere. The key is that after wearing it, everyone can be evenly ugly. Sixteen, life is like some people singing, the first sentence is out of tune, and then everything goes wrong.

7. My wife baked cookies for the first time and they were burnt. I encouraged her to say, "My wife is great. She made Oreos." She was a little embarrassed: "No …" I said: "My wife must make the best!" When she was happy, she became excited: "Then you can eat them all."

8. The snail flew into a rage when checking out after dinner: "You are a little too dark. I just ate a small bowl of noodles here and charged my room rate. Please make it clear that the private room is my own, not yours. "

9. The teacher asked: Why didn't dragonfly come to school today? The fly stood up and answered: yesterday, the street was being swept away and taken away. The teacher asked again, why didn't you get caught? The fly replied with a bitter face: the city manager said I was ugly and noisy, which seriously affected the city appearance. Get off the road.

10, the woman is ugly and can't get married, hoping to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

1 1, a, I saw someone as soon as I closed my eyes. This is C, my mother, so it's you, stretching your neck, looking at hand G with EF smug expression, grinning, HH smiling.

12. Before I got married, I thought boys were the most handsome when playing basketball. After marriage, I suddenly found that it is the most exciting thing for men to cook, wash dishes and clean up the house!

13. After spending more than a year with my girlfriend, I finally understood two sentences. I can calm my girlfriend down by picking a word at random. The first sentence: You are right. The second sentence: buy.

14, never quarrel with your parents, because you will only be scolded if you win, and you will only be beaten if you win.

15, I went to work today and want to go tomorrow. This is a career; I went to work today, and I have to work tomorrow. This is a profession! I drank together today, and I want to drink again tomorrow. This is a friend. We drank together today, and we will drink tomorrow. This is the customer! I ate today, and I want to eat tomorrow. This is delicious food. I ate it today, and I will eat it tomorrow. This is a meal!

16, I went to my best friend's house, and she was actually reading a book. I asked her why she was so diligent. She said: color matters to people, and color declines gracefully. I asked what it meant, and she explained: I send selfies every day, and my friends are tired of watching them. So I'm going to make jokes and be an educated slut.

17, a dog grinned and the lion dodged. The little lion asked, "How shameful it is that you dare to fight with a tiger but avoid a dog." The lion said, "Fight with the dog and let the tiger know. Why don't you laugh at me? "

18, Jiaozi wants a divorce, and his wife asks why. Jiaozi: I fell in love with wonton. Madam: Didn't you say that you like my simplicity? Jiaozi: Now I realize that I prefer perspective clothes.

19, asking people to pay back money is like a secret love. I always feel embarrassed to say it! When you get up the courage to say it, you may not even have friends!

20. Xiaoming came to the forest and saw a bird playing mahjong. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird playing mahjong answers: I am a sparrow. Xiao Ming walked on and saw a bird taking a bath. He asked, What kind of bird are you? The bird in the shower replied, I am a magpie. Xiaoming walked on and saw a bird making a hole in the tree. He stepped forward and said, you must be a peacock! The bird gave him a white look: roll, I'm a woodpecker!

2 1, the female manager took a nap and stole her WeChat group: "I am pregnant." Who expected the boss to reply: "Are you sure? This is not a joke. " When we saw the news, we were all shocked. As a result, the boss replied: "The project will be established next, and you are not responsible." I think there's a problem.

22. Woman: Brother, I have a tight part on my body. Do you know where it is? M: (secretly pleased) I don't know. Where is it? Woman: It's at hand. Man: Sister, I have a hard part on my body. Do you know where it is? Where is the girl (shy)? M: Yes.

23, a sister. One day after dinner, my father looked at me for a long time. Suddenly sighed and said, hey, I wanted to solve one bachelor for my country twenty years ago, but I didn't expect to be able to do two more. My own dad, stop it. I want to be quiet. ...

24. What is a famous brand? If you add a zero to the cost price, it's called a famous brand. Cost plus two zeros is called luxury. How many zeros can be added after the cost price? This is called a cultural relic!

25. Frog, dog and goldfish participated in the swimming competition. The dog won the first place and the frog won the second place. Why did the champion go to the frog? There is no dog paddle in the international swimming competition, but there is breaststroke.

26. You are very handsome. You have a nest of cabbage on your head and a sack of kelp in your waist. You think you are Dong Fangbubai, but in fact you are the second generation of a failed God!

27. The world is so strange. Poverty limits my imagination, but not my weight.

28. Look at someone in Weibo who said that when he was in a bad mood, he went to chat with his aunt in the community, and in ten minutes, he would know who was worse off than you. I tried to find my aunt in the community and told her about my miserable life. My kind aunt patted me on the shoulder and said, what is this? Xiao Wang in Building 7 is much worse than you. I cried after listening to it, because I am Xiao Wang in Building 7.

;