Seek the lines of Cao Yunjin Liu Yuntian's cross talk "I want to fall in love". Not with Degang Guo.

Crosstalk "I want to fall in love" is very funny: Cao Yunjin, and Liu Yuntian.

Bai: Leaders, employees on site, friends who are not on site!

H: Good afternoon, everyone!

Bai: I am very excited to stand on the stage of the 20 13 Spring Festival Evening of the coal processing company.

Zhou: Yes.

Bai: Maybe some people in the audience know us and some don't.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: Let's introduce ourselves first.

Zhou: OK.

Bai: My name is XXX, and I often host programs at company events. It can be said that crosstalk is the first time, please forgive me! This is my partner next to me

Zhou: Work together.

Bai: Teacher XXX.

Zhou: Not a teacher.

Bai: Many colleagues know you and like your performance.

Zhou: Well, the popularity is not bad.

Bai: You are really a good friend of mankind.

Zhou: yeah ... hey ~ hi! You sound more like you.

Bai: It is well known.

Zhou: Not so good.

Bai: In the jargon of entertainment circle, stars are called wrists.

Zhou: It is said that.

Bai: You really have a wrist!

Zhou: I'm flattered!

Bai: You really have a wrist! Wrist! Low bark ...

Zhou: er ~ stop, stop, stop ... are you flattering me?

Bai: High reputation!

Zhou: Generally speaking.

Bai: On stage, we are partners, and off stage, we are good friends!

Zhou: Good relationship.

Bai: I can't describe how good it is.

Zhou: Great.

Bai: Seriously, this is my biological friend, (because of our feelings, that's ...)

Zhou: Hey, wait a minute. Does anyone talk like that?

Bai: We have a good relationship.

Zhou: Then say you have feelings.

Bai: So we know each other very well.

Zhou: Of course.

Bai: XXX has a happy life.

Zhou: Generally speaking.

Bai: I am not as good as him.

Zhou: Really?

Bai: He is married. He married a fat wife. She looks beautiful and human! sound of crying or vomiting

Zhou: Hey, what do you mean like a person?

Bai: It's like a spirit.

Zhou: Oh.

Bai: Immortals are similar to immortals.

Zhou: You have to make it clear.

Bai: Very beautiful.

Zhou: Not bad.

Bai: You told me that this is your lifelong dream, and you just want to marry this girl.

Zhou: Why?

Bai: Why do you think? He said I like this kind of girl with oval face and big eyes.

Zhou: It looks good.

Bai: I finally understand. I married a man with a big face!

Zhou: Hello! What is it like? this is

Bai: If you live happily, you will be happy. Show off in front of us every day, show off happiness and bask in sweetness.

Zhou: Hey.

Bai: What is it called?

Zhou: Huh?

Bai: People with gold watches love to clap their legs, while people with gold teeth love to grin!

Zhou: Hello! I tell you, we are not showing off, we really love each other!

Bai: I am very happy anyway.

Zhou: Not bad.

Bai: I can't compare with him. Love life has not been smooth, and I can't get a girlfriend. My love life is like a history of blood and tears.

Zhou: How do you explain this?

Bai: There is blood, tears and history.

Zhou: Hey! All right! You scared me!

Bai: I have never been able to get a girlfriend.

Zhou: What are you afraid of?

Bai: I'm bored.

Zhou: Don't bother. You can fall in love.

Bai: Falling in love is not successful.

Zhou: No, it isn't. What are your requirements and criteria for finding a girlfriend?

Bai: I was not qualified at that time.

Zhou: You should also talk about it.

Bai: I want to find someone who is healthy, has a wide range of hobbies, can chat with me and knows how to hurt people. It is best to be beautiful and look like a drowned rat. More fragrant than flowers and more fragrant than jade. The long one is hooked and lost.

Zhou: What adjectives are these? this is

Bai: You said my qualifications were not high, right?

Zhou: Is it high? You are too picky.

Bai: Do you want me to lower it? I'm looking for a healthy person.

Zhou: Ah, this is very important.

Bai: I really got to know someone who loves sports.

Zhou: Yes, good.

Bai: I like sports, too

Zhou: Really?

Bai: But we can't play this sport together.

Zhou: Yo, what's going on?

Bai: I can't come because of his internal sports.

Zhou: What does she like?

Bai: He likes swimming!

Zhou: Why can't you come swimming?

Bai: I can't swim. I can't swim since I was a child. I am afraid of water. I tremble at the sight of water!

Zhou: Yo, are you rabies?

Bai: You are rabies!

Zhou: No, aren't you afraid of water?

Bai: I can't swim. Besides, I don't even have swimming trunks.

Zhou: Oh, swimming trunks are easy to hold. Can buy!

Bai: Buy one?

Zhou: buy!

Bai: I am throwing caution to the wind! Buy a pair of swimming trunks for love!

Zhou: I spent money.

Bai: I think there are some inferior red swimming trunks on the street! Wow, this thing is really cheap, three yuan a truck.

Zhou: I will go.

Bai: One! This red bathing suit is very lucky ~

Zhou: Well, that's true.

Bai: I'll travel after I buy it ~ where can I see it! (clapping) It's broken.

Zhou: What's wrong?

Bai: Not swimming.

Zhou: Then why?

Bai: Hot springs!

Zhou: It's better to soak in hot springs.

Bai: Hot springs are good! But he is different from swimming!

Zhou: What's the difference?

Bai: Swimming is cold, and hot springs are hot water!

Zhou: Yes!

Bai: My inferior red swimming trunks! This time, he will fade! A pool of red soup!

Zhou: Oh, my God.

Bai: My girlfriend is stupid!

Zhou: Yes.

Bai: I said, do you bleed a lot?

Zhou: Oh ~ (shaking hands) Ouch, hehe.

Bai: People think I am unhealthy ~

Zhou: What is it called?

Bai: Do you think it's okay not to break up?

Zhou: Hey, I scored.

Bai: I'll change it. I'll find another one!

Zhou: Oh, a new girlfriend.

Bai: I want to find someone with a wide range of hobbies and someone to introduce me to!

Zhou: Did the introduction succeed?

Bai: I really found it!

Zhou: I found it!

Bai: I have a wide range of hobbies and I am proficient in piano, chess, painting and calligraphy.

Zhou: Well, that's all right.

Bai: Say it again! The biggest hobby! Love to drink!

Zhou: Oh ~

Bai: The girl proposed it.

Zhou: What do you propose?

Bai: Say my boyfriend can definitely drink with me!

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: I can drink it as soon as I think of it!

Zhou: Are you all right?

Bai: But we have to ask.

Zhou: Ask what?

Bai: Ask people how much they can drink.

Zhou: Oh ~

Bai: I can't drink it in the future!

Zhou: OK, I see.

Bai: Yes! I said girl, how much can you, you, you drink?

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: This girl is very shy.

Zhou: Yes.

Bai: (twisting his waist and gesturing "1") gave me a finger.

Zhou: Oh.

Bai: One-on-one, fighting and drinking at most! Drinking at 8 pm and 2: 30 pm.

Zhou: Wow.

Bai: I vomited 14 times.

Zhou: ouch

Bai: I vomited, washed and swallowed it back.

Zhou: Hehe.

Bai: It hurts me! I really can't accompany you. You drink too much.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: I went to see him. I said, girl, you are drunk, and I really can't accompany you. I want to ask you what this "1" (gesture) means.

Zhou: Huh?

Bai: You can have a drink.

Zhou: This? "1" (gesture)

Bai: No! Can you, uh, have a bottle?

Zhou: Um "1" (gesture)

Bai: No, can you have a case? Don't! So what exactly does this "1" mean?

Zhou: Yes!

Bai: All the time.

Zhou: Wow!

Bai: Can you say it earlier next time? Huh? You're here to kill people?

Zhou: Hey, hehe.

Bai: Later, I saved my life! I'd better separate from her!

Zhou: Wow ~ OK! Listen, you've seen this guy!

Bai: I'll find another one!

Zhou: Oh, it has changed again!

Bai: I want to find someone who can chat with me.

Zhou: Oh, say something.

Bai: Clever as a spring! This is my standard.

Zhou: OK!

Bai: Someone really introduced me to one.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: Girls love to talk.

Zhou: OK, we can talk!

Bai: But it's too much trouble.

Zhou: What's wrong?

Bai: What a talker! This mouth never stops all day! Say, say, scratch, scratch, and keep talking to me here.

Zhou: Really?

Bai: And always scratching the sky. ...

Zhou: Hey ~

Bai: Tell me endlessly here.

Zhou: Hehe.

Bai: I fell asleep at night and talked in my sleep with this! Grab, grab, grab ... number one, number two, load the station ... grab, grab, grab.

Zhou: This business is quite skilled.

Bai: I love my job!

Zhou: Yes.

Bai: Scratch, scratch, scratch. I'm tired of it.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: Oh dear! How can you have a chance to stop for two days! ?

Zhou: Oh, let's have a rest for two days.

Bai: I finally have a chance.

Zhou: What chance?

Bai: Isn't this a tour organized by the company, going to the seaside for a holiday?

Zhou: Really!

Bai: I said, can you hurry! Go and play.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: A week later, I flew back and looked at it. Wow!

Zhou: Huh?

Bai: This mouth is not idle at the seaside!

Zhou: Why?

Bai: My teeth are tanned! Grab, grab, grab.

Zhou: ouch!

Bai: Too talkative? I'm not idle at the seaside either!

Zhou: There is no such thing!

Bai: I have to be quiet!

Zhou: Yes!

Bai: I have to change another type.

Zhou: Well, it's not appropriate either.

Bai: Later, I asked someone to introduce me.

Zhou: Oh, I found another one.

Bai: I was introduced to someone who knows how to hurt others.

Zhou: Well, that's good.

Bai: This is the most important thing for two people to be together.

Zhou: Well, the most basic.

Bai: Women know how to love their men.

Zhou: That's what I like.

Bai: Hey! Especially good for me.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: I know I'm tired from work and I write late every day.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: In order to let me have a good breakfast, you come to my house to make breakfast for me every morning.

Zhou: Hey!

Bai: Boil white rice porridge for me.

Zhou: Yes.

White: All kinds of pickles are cooked.

Zhou: so detailed ~

Bai: How about boiled eggs and boiled rice porridge?

Zhou: OK, OK, OK!

Bai: Good is good, but you have a big temper!

Zhou: What are you afraid of?

Bai: If you don't get up twice! This big pot of hot porridge will splash on you!

Zhou: wow ~! (avoid)

Bai: I will burn you to death! Drink or not! Huh?

Zhou: Wow! This is too violent. This is also

Bai: I endure it at home and I endure it outside! Too grumpy!

Zhou: What's going on outside?

Bai: if you don't deal with two words, you will hit people in turn!

Zhou: Oh, that's a bad idea!

Bai: Where did you shop in Wangfujing that day?

Zhou: Ah!

Bai: Wangfujing! How many people!

Zhou: That's right!

Bai: I'm in a hurry because of a little thing! When the wheel is round, it is a big mouth! Hit me three times and ask! Did you hit me?

Zhou: Oh, that's not light! I'm stupid.

Bai: I am in my eyes! Business gathering area, crowded with people! Come and see that! I'm at least a man!

Zhou: Yes!

Bai: I also have face! I have to turn around and save face! I have a temper too!

Zhou: Exactly.

Bai: I was in a hurry! "Are you crazy? You are sick! ? Ah! ? Try hitting me again? " Without further ado, the wheel is round and has a big mouth.

Zhou: Hey!

Bai: Guess what we said?

Zhou: What did you say?

Bai: Since you are so obedient, I will spare you!

Zhou: Hello!

Bai: We must come back to save face!

Zhou: Come on, you're humiliated!

Bai: Why can't I get a girlfriend? I have good conditions! They all praised me for my four advantages! Good people, sweet mouth, long spirit!

Zhou: Hey, you're still fresh!

Bai: I have four advantages. Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Zhou: (shaking his head)

Bai: I was particularly unhappy at that time! I think I am the most painful person in the world!

Zhou: Really?

Bai: Medicine classifies pain as 12! The most primary pain, bitten by a mosquito (stroke)!

Zhou: Oh.

Bai: 12 pain is what women suffer when they give birth to children!

Zhou: That's it.

Bai: I think I had reached the pain level of 13!

Zhou: What's that?

Bai: I was bitten by a mosquito during childbirth!

Zhou: Hello! That sounds really hurtful!

Bai: Why can't I get a girlfriend? ?

Zhou: Right, right, right.

Bai: Then I thought it over and over again.

Zhou: Ah.

Bai: I think it's because my life is not very good.

Zhou: This has nothing to do with life.

Bai: It must have something to do with it! So I found a master to do the math for me!

Zhou: Fortune telling? That's called feudal superstition. You can't believe it, okay?

Bai: Don't talk nonsense here if you don't understand! The expert found the problem as soon as he calculated it!

Zhou: What's the problem?

Bai: When the master finished the calculation, he said to me, "Young man! Your life is not good! You belong to the five elements, lacking five elements! "

Zhou: Please wait a moment! What do you mean, five elements are lacking!

Bai: The five elements are fire, water and earth! Everyone lacks something different! I lack all five elements!

Zhou: Wow!

Bai: This is why the five elements are missing!

Zhou: Then how short you are! ?

Bai: Then what should I do? Give me a hand! Do I really have no beloved woman to accompany me in my life?

Zhou: Hmm!

Bai: The master said to me, "Don't get excited, young man! Young man, I look at your face! There are no women in the first half of my life. "

Zhou: ouch!

Bai: What about the rest of my life?

Zhou: Exactly! ?

Bai: "Get used to it for the rest of your life!" "

Zhou: Ah! ? What a master! This is!

Bai: I came to ask you for help, not because I came!

Zhou: Hehehe.

Bai: You have to give me an idea and see how to crack it!

Zhou: Right.

Bai: You can't crack it! But I can teach you how to chase girls! There are two main points: one is bold, and the other is cautious! I'm here to send you two words!

Zhou: What did you say?

Bai: A tree will die without its skin, and people are shameless and invincible!

Zhou: Hello! What an unlucky master!

Bai: Master has a point!

Zhou: Come on, don't be crazy with him, you know! Can't be choosy! People like you will never get a girlfriend!

Bai: That's your idea! You think I can't find a girlfriend! Later, I found one and got a girlfriend!

Zhou: Just like you!

Bai: I didn't like me at first. People think I am ugly!

Zhou: Yes!

Bai: But I can explain! I am ugly, but I am not beautiful!

Zhou: Hey! This is not the same meaning!

Bai: No, I am ugly, but I am gentle and humorous! Besides, there is an old saying that men are not bad and women don't love them, right? I just like this ugly man!

Zhou: Oh ~ ~

Bai: Yes, I like this long and bad man, but I don't like bad men!

Zhou: Ha ha ha, that's right.

Bai: It doesn't matter if you don't like me! I can launch a fierce offensive! Tell jokes, go shopping, eat and watch movies!

Zhou: OK, attack!

Bai: Nothing. I will tell her jokes!

Zhou: Are you kidding?

Bai: I just heard one the other day!

Zhou: Tell us about it.

Bai: Suppose you have a second uncle.

Zhou: Yeah.

White: Old people are hard of hearing.

Zhou: That's what happens when people get old.

Bai: He also has a fourth uncle who is hard of hearing.

Zhou: Why didn't I know? are all

Bai: That day, his second uncle went fishing with a small bucket and a fishing rod.

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: His fourth uncle saw it from a distance and asked, "Second brother, are you going fishing?"

Zhou: What did my second uncle say?

Bai: "No! I'm going fishing! "

Zhou: Huh? This is not just a back!

Bai: The most interesting thing is what your fourth uncle said?

Zhou: What did you say?

Bai: "Ah, I thought you were going fishing."

Zhou: Hey! All right!

Bai: Nothing. Take her out to dinner! Eat what is delicious!

Zhou: What do you all eat?

Bai: You haven't eaten yet! Western food! Thin rice! Not at all!

Zhou: Yo! I went here to drink porridge!

Bai: Western food, serious western food, hamburger fries, that's not western food!

Zhou: Oh! That doesn't even count!

Bai: That's called Germany and France! We eat steak everywhere! Steak. Have you ever eaten steak? Have you ever seen steak? Steak! Our cows are crawling on the ground!

Zhou: Hey, hey, hey, the cow didn't stand up!

Bai: You can't even order! Take the menu, all in English! Take the menu and order! "Waiter, come here!"

Zhou: Yeah.

Bai: Waiter, come here and bow and scrape! "What would you like to eat, sir?" -"black pepper steak ~ rice!"

Zhou: Huh? Gaimi?

Bai: Italian crossing the bridge noodles! /kloc-sesame cake in 0/2 village!

Zhou: ouch! How did you serve it?

Bai: Eat a green spoon and a red spoon when you come up!

Zhou: Still fast food!

Bai: OK, I'll treat him to dinner! Have a drink! "What would you like to drink, sir?" -"red wine! It must be red wine! It must be OHYE! "

Zhou: What a mess! This is!

Bai: "What brand do you drink?" -"Raphael! You must fly! " "Do you want a' 72 or an' 82?" -"Cut the crap and give me a bottle of this year!"

Zhou: Huh? You know nothing here!

Bai: Fool me with an expired bottle! Under my fierce offensive! This girl likes me.

Zhou: Not bad.

Bai: We are getting married.

Zhou: I believe in love again

Bai: We are getting married.

Zhou: Congratulations!

Bai: I am also worried about this marriage!

Zhou: What are you worried about?

Bai: It is popular to go abroad for honeymoon in this marriage.

Zhou: OK, good.

Bai: I am alive and well! As everyone knows, I am not willing to spend money!

Zhou: Yes.

Bai: What can I do? Hey, I have an idea!

Zhou: What idea?

Bai: I think all TV stations have marriage columns. As long as the male and female guests hold hands successfully, they will win the tourism award!

Zhou: Right, right, right.

Bai: I'll discuss it with my girlfriend! Break up decisively and sign up separately! Something happened.

Zhou: What's wrong?

Bai: She missed the first issue before me and went on a trip with someone else!

Zhou: See if you can dig this time!

(Bowing his head)