Fortune-telling stories _ Fortune-telling stories

"Connotation jokes" emphasize connotation, that is, a more artistic writing content, or the prototype of cross talk sketches. Look at the jokes with new connotations every day, and soon the whole person will be very meaningful. Next, I have carefully prepared for you. Welcome to watch!

* * * Hot articles * * *

1." *** ! This bug weighs at least five pounds! "On the weighing scale in front of the drugstore, a man picked up a bug and said to his girlfriend. The acting skills are extremely in place, and my girlfriend is so happy.

2. A friend said that Eleventh Day was coming, and many people invited him to the wedding, but he refused. I asked him how he did it. He said, I usually reply like this: "I'm sorry to hear about your marriage." Maybe you don't know, I used to like you, and it would be embarrassing to attend your wedding. " I said, what if a man invites you? He said, it's effective, so to speak. I've saved a lot of money. ...

It is said that a colleague has diarrhea on time every August 15, and it takes several days to have diarrhea, and there are more than that kind of diarrhea. Everyone thinks that the supernatural constitution has happened. Later, another colleague personally held a meeting with him on August 15, only to find that he likes to cut the moon cakes when eating them, and then tear off the deoxidizer or desiccant attached to them and sprinkle them on them. ...

4. Go to the bus with the goddess today. I was a little excited to sit next to him, but soon a pregnant woman got on the bus. I stood up a little disappointed and gave up my seat. Then the male god grabbed me and sat on his lap.

I was reading a novel on my desk, and my deskmate suddenly asked me, "Do you like me?" I looked at him seriously: "Dude, can you stop joking like this?" I am a man. " My deskmate also looked at me: "then can you take your hand off my leg?" I am almost touched by you. "

6. This classmate said that her sister and her brother-in-law knew each other: in Dicos, her sister and classmates said that the loser would give the first person who entered the door an abandoned drama. As a result, her sister got lost and pushed the door and came in, a man and a woman. Her sister looked shocked and heartbroken in tears. "I loved you for so long, but you betrayed me and stayed with her!" As a result, the man whispered, "Stop it, honey, this is our mother" … and then the fake play was really done.

7. Today, I got together with my colleagues in the office to talk about peace. They all commented on the new products there. I snapped my fingers there and said, "One is money, for Niulanshan Erguotou, for Qingdao, for Dixianxian, for mutton skewers, for crayfish ..." Before I finished, I was driven out of the office.

8. My wife asked me: If a female colleague seduces you, will you listen? I smiled and shook my head, ha ha, who do you take me for? Am I the kind of person who will tell you what you really think?

9. In high school, the school was closed. Usually I can only go out to play, but only one student goes out directly from the gate. He is not tall and a little fat. He likes to wear a suit and not shave. Every time he goes out, the security guard will ask him, "How was your talk with the teacher?" I saw him patting his thigh, and his face was as sad as a curse: "I am so worried about this baby, I always know how to fight!" " ……"

10. Looking back on the military training in those days, we usually remember these kinds of people: sisters who walked close to the instructors, smart guys who often took time off, otaku who fainted from heatstroke, ignorant girls who played well, and * * * who pretended to faint.

* * * Classic * * *

1. Doraemon "Local tyrants, we are friends" Local tyrants, we are friends, we eat and drink. As long as we have local tyrants, we can extend the lens indefinitely, send a few SLR handmade dolls, take a lot of money at will, and take pictures of many girls' faces to share.

When I was a child, adults asked me what my last name was, and I said my last name was Li. Then the adults made fun of me and said, so your surname is Zhang. I quickly explained, but I couldn't explain clearly. I cried every time. . I met a child today, and I asked him his last name. He said my surname was Li, and then I teased him and said, so your surname is Zhang. The child gave me a look and said calmly: * * *. .

3. Some news conjectures about the launch of iPhone. Middle school students show off fingerprint identification and unlock, because they are repeatedly stabbed by their classmates with their middle fingers; Xiaoli suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her mobile phone, and the young man guiltily cut off his finger and threw it out of the window; Figure A fresh person enters his fingerprint with * * * and wants to cry after circumcision. Taobao shopkeepers sold "QQ iPhone" online, but were complained to send coffins because Virgo buyers were dissatisfied with S-assets.

4. Don't black millet any more. A friend of mine once repaired Nokia, and his life has been very poor. Xiaomi was repaired last year, and I just brought a BMW Z yesterday.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who disguised herself as a man and entered a boys' school for the boy she liked. As soon as she entered the school, her classmates let her run barefoot on the playground as a freshman gift. ""I know, that man actually knows that she is a girl, so the hero saves the beauty, doesn't he? " "No, later she ran around the playground three times with bare arms, and no one found out that she was a girl. " .

6. When the house was awarded to my ex-wife during the divorce, I put three mice in the house and wrote the numbers on their backs:

7. A plastic surgery company held a meeting, and the host announced that Miss Zhang, who had the highest performance this year, would share her experience. Miss Zhang proudly said, "We are in the beauty industry and need more service concepts and marketing methods to attract customers. Whenever a new customer comes, I will show them my face and tell them that if I am ugly, my son will be too scared to go home and my husband will run away with others. "

8. My girlfriend's knee is suddenly bruised, which is too much! You went to practice Muay Thai without telling me!

9. Cook accidentally dropped his advanced gray iphone into the river. At this time, the river god appeared, took out a silver iphone and asked Cook if it was this. He shook his head. He Shen took out another golden iphone and asked if it was yours. Cook continued to shake his head. Xiao Shenyang said that you are an honest CEO, so you can return your lost iphone. -hcymoby * * @ Encyclopedia of English tasteless jokes * * *

10. I remember that teachers in primary school, junior high school and senior high school always told me: In fact, you are very smart, but you refuse to study hard! Every time I hear this, I always think: useless JB words!

* * * Selected Articles * * *

1. I went to a restaurant with my friends and saw a fly in the fish with Chinese sauerkraut. My buddy wanted to call the waiter, so I said wait, then I took out a coin and hid it on the plate, and then I called the waiter. The waiter apologized and said to change it. Soon the waiter brought another pot, and then we began to turn it over in front of the waiter. When we turned out a coin, the waiter was stupid! Then the lobby manager came to apologize and said that the meal was on me. ...

When my mother said that she was pregnant with me, a fortune teller said that her baby was a boy. My heart said that the fortune teller might not have really made up his mind, and a picture flashed through his mind. An energetic old man touched his beard, glanced at my mother's stomach and said with a smile, "Hehe, it's a man."

When my skinny buddy came home, he found his wife stealing a man! My buddy was trembling with anger, but he didn't dare to attack. I had to step back gently, lock the door conveniently, and then dial a phone: "Mom, no! Your daughter locked herself in her room and said she would commit suicide! " In less than ten minutes, the mother-in-law family has all arrived, including three people. ......

4. Don't trust luck and good character. After all, it is a minority. I tell you, the world is cruel. Only through our unremitting efforts, working overtime and studying against time can we finally verify the sentence: "Good face can really be eaten."

5. "Xiao Li, I'll buy a pack of cigarettes and keep an eye on the prisoner for me, lest he run away." "Ok, no problem" Ten minutes later, "Where are you? ! ! ? ""Let's go ... "

6. Today is the birthday of a female colleague in the company. Her husband entrusted the florist to send a clown creative flower to send his blessing. What a romantic and warm scene! My colleague suddenly burst into tears: "Hey, strange, where did my husband get the money?"

7. Today, I took a bus. First, an old man offered his seat to my friend. The old man said he didn't take a few stops, and then a young man with five big and three thick came up at another stop. When he came up, he said to give him his seat quickly, but he said not to sit down. This brother came over and said, why don't you sit down and cut you! The old man sat down silently, and the whole car was in a mess ... He added that this is a traditional virtue, virtue. ...

8. Today, we learned static electricity in physics class. In order to make us apply what we have learned, the teacher told us a little coup in life. Girls can protect themselves by wearing thick fur coats in winter, because hooligans will encounter static electricity when they forcibly take off your clothes, so you can take the opportunity to escape. Of course, if you are ugly, you can wear it casually.

9. "Your teacher Zhang didn't come today, so I'll take the place of this math class. Next, students turn to the first page and look at the first question. Party A and Party B take apples together, and Party A takes more than Party B', please answer this student. What are the subject and object of this sentence? Chinese teacher, that's enough

10. Go for a haircut with your girlfriend and talk to the barber about what face is suitable for what hairstyle. So I said: What hairstyle is suitable for my pancake face * * * wide face * * *, and the barber said: Sister, don't be ridiculous, you are not pancake face, who can make pancake so big! * * *, do you still want me to cut it?