Humorous sentences

Humorous sentences (32 selected sentences) 1. For those who like to pretend to be B, I will smile and say to her: What brand of plastic bag are you? It's so cuddly! 2. The most poisonous sentence I have ever heard: My eyes are bigger than your breasts. Remember, no matter how estranged we are in the end, a red envelope will bring us back to the beginning. 4. For some people and things, we need toilet spirit. Click on it and everything will be clean. 5. There is no phobia of choice, not just because of poverty; No indecision, just cowardice. From nothing at the beginning of the year to nothing at the end of the year, don't forget that your initiative is in vain. 7. Nothing that can be solved with money is a problem, but how to have money is your biggest problem. 8. If you are single all the year round, you should reflect on yourself. Is the gender requirement too strict? 9. If someone asks me, how did I get through those difficult years? I only have one answer: there is a powerful spiritual force supporting me, called "I want to die but dare not." 10. I went out for dinner six years ago. Shopping is basically cash payment; I went out to eat three years ago. Shopping is basically a credit card; Now I go out to eat. Shopping payment is a sweep. What does this mean? This shows that the probability of going out to pick up money is almost zero! 1 1. Make up your mind to change from tomorrow every night, live a good life and work hard. Turn over under the covers at noon the next day: Shit, some other time. 12. Either find someone who makes you worry about food and clothing, or find someone who loves you to the bone all your life, otherwise why do you fall in love? Is the wine bad or the mobile phone not fun? 13. I have a friend with an average family background who always thinks that being rich will make me happier. Later, his mother made a fortune doing infant education. I met him almost ten years later and asked: Now that you have money, are you really happy? He replied: It's awesome! I walked away silently. 14. How much fun it is outside is just a passing sight to me. What beautiful scenery is just a pile of powder skeletons in my eyes! In my opinion, it is the most important thing to keep your original heart in the bustling urban life, or the old saying goes well: I have no money! 15. I went to see a psychiatrist for depression. After listening to my statement, he said, if what you said is true, why don't you kill yourself? You are not depressed; Depression is to look at things pessimistically, which is good, but not good. You are inferior to others. 16. The child asked the rich man: Uncle, how come you are so rich? The rich man said, let me tell you a story. When I was very young, I noticed that the mineral water downstairs sold for one yuan, while on the basketball court three stops away, it sold for one and a half yuan. I carried a big schoolbag, bought water from downstairs and sold it to the stadium for one yuan and twenty cents. I earn ten dollars a month. The child said: I seem to understand. The rich man said, you don't know anything. Then my dad died and left me the money. 17. I have seen stupid, never seen such a stupid, pigs are stupid, how can they still be alive; I've seen ugly ones, never seen such ugly ones. Dinosaurs became extinct. How can you still be alive? 18. You accomplished nothing when you were young; Sometimes you feel sorry for yourself, decadent and degenerate, and sometimes you work hard to manage relationships, but life has not improved until you are 30 years old. "Hearing this, he asked excitedly: What about after thirty? Is there a turning point? The fortune teller raised his head slightly: after thirty years old ... you began to get used to it. 19. When I was a child, I always heard my mother say, "You are too young to understand! "When you grow up, you will always be taught by your elders:" This person is really too young, you will know later! "After graduation, I heard a lot from HR when I went to the interview:" I am still young and have many opportunities. Don't lose heart! "... so sad ~ why do you have to bear so much at an early age? When I grow up, I know that the older I get, the more age discrimination I suffer. 20. On a date with my girlfriend one day, while waiting for my girlfriend, I bought a yellow plate under the bridge, bargained with the middle-aged man, made a deal and put it in my coat pocket. Go to my girlfriend's house for dinner at night. When I first met my future parents-in-law, I never dared to look up. The girlfriend teased, "What's the matter? I have never seen you so shy. " I muttered in a low voice, "I didn't expect your father to sell CDs! ""2 1. Recently, two dog was busy watching live broadcasts and gave tens of millions to a female anchor. The female anchor is very happy. Two dog told me that he planned to spend tens of millions more. I said to two dog, "Are you crazy? Why spend so much money to watch the live broadcast? " Two dog: "You don't understand. If I marry her, won't the money still be mine?" I suddenly lost in thought ... 22. I recently borrowed a sum of money from China Construction Bank and bought a house with three bedrooms and one living room. Now I can't even afford steamed bread. It feels bad to see a mortgage of 4000 yuan a month. Just yesterday, a new construction bank was built downstairs. I can't help feeling that debt collection has come to my door, but I still won't be allowed to live. Are you afraid I'll run away? 23. "I quarreled with the girl who has a crush on me, and I haven't paid attention to me for a long time." "Then apologize!" "Please, it's been ten years." 24. I like to wear rain boots on rainy days, so that the water in my shoes won't leak out. 25. Cooking by herself, my girlfriend always eats cleanly, and always feels good about herself and thinks she is a good cook. One day, I suddenly realized that my girlfriend might be able to eat at all. 26. I still remember that my niece asked me a particularly profound question. She said, uncle, why is your beard long legs ... 27. Others are worried about how to make money, and I am worried about how to spend money. Friends, how can I spend 20 yuan until next month 10? 28. If I 16 years old, I can say that I only want you; If I am 26 years old, I can tell you loudly that I love you very much; It's a pity that I'm 6 years old and I'm going to change my front teeth soon. I can't give you anything. I have to go to primary school. 29. There is an old legend that people who blow dandelions will lose their hair. 30. I judge whether the air quality is good or not by picking my nose. Black indicates that the air quality is not good. 3 1. I want to see what kind of variety show: invite stars to do math papers, do ppt defense at the end of the term, and have curriculum design. There will be an exam and a kick-off competition every semester. It's best to invite all the students in the circle and give them a good name: "I don't understand, brother." 32. Girls are actually very easy to coax. You don't have a star, it's ok to cheat two diamond rings.