Humorous and funny routines

Humorous routine words, sometimes a teasing word can make the atmosphere lively. Such words are also humorous and can be used to relieve our stress. Here are some humorous phrases for everyone.

Humorous and funny routines 1 1. After dinner, my husband suddenly picked up my mobile phone and played. I said, "Why are you playing with my mobile phone?" "The new mobile phone I bought for you will arrive tomorrow. Can't I get familiar with my new mobile phone first? " I'm too confident to refuse.

2. "I don't have any hope for love now, I just want to get rich!" The person who said this sentence is really young. You will know later that you can still think about love, but don't think about getting rich!

3, the desert is lonely and straight, and the long river falls in yen. I am very touched. It would have been better if the dollar had been dropped.

Young people don't seem to have much time to drive, while old people seem to have the most time to drive in the world.

A man can't find a girlfriend, so he can only tell his fortune. Fortune teller: You are doomed to have no women in the first half of your life. The man's eyes lit up: what about the second half? The fortune teller said: You will get used to it for the rest of your life.

6. Every time I quarrel with my wife, she is frightened by my loud voice. Today, it's like this again. After the quarrel, she came to hold my hand and said to me, "Honey, please don't do this in the future." You cried so loudly that the whole corridor heard you. "

7. Once, my bus card was accidentally cracked, and I could see the chip, so I simply took it out. When I went to work by bus the next day, I stuck the chip on my index finger with double-sided tape. When I got on the bus, I gently touched the card reader with my index finger, ticking ... I still can't forget the astonished eyes of the whole car.

8. At work, my wife sent me two selfies of different clothes and asked me which one was nice. As an experienced person, I understand that it is wrong to say that all pictures look good, so I answer: they look good. Wife: Do you think so? Then I'll buy both. I ...

9. There was a power outage at home last night, but there was electricity in the neighbor's house. I called an electrician to have a look. I waited for a long time and finally didn't come. I met him the next day and asked him, "Why didn't you come last night?" He said, "I went last night, but I thought it was dark and there was no one at home, so I left ..."

10, I have been working hard recently. I have lost a catty. Can you see that I am different from before?

1 1. When I was in college, I thought I would spend my college life in a dull way. One winter was so cold that I didn't want to get up for self-study in the morning, so I asked my roommate to make up an excuse for asking for leave. In the afternoon, the news of my heatstroke spread all over the campus.

12, I was often beaten by my mother when I was a child. Once my classmate taught me this trick. If I make a mistake, I must admit my mistake first and pretend to hit myself a few times, so that my parents will not hit you if you have a good attitude towards admitting my mistake. One day, I lost my skin again. Seeing that my mother was angry and wanted to hit me, I quickly said in tears, "Mom, I was wrong, I won't dare again …" Then I pretended to pat my ass. My mother looked at me contemptuously and said, "You didn't play professionally. Let me play for you! " "Sure enough, my mother played very professionally.

13, my 5-year-old daughter asked me, "Mom, why am I here?" I used the old routine as usual. I said, "I found it in the garbage!" " She looked depressed, sighed and said lightly, "What cruel parents are willing to throw away such a beautiful child?"

14, being tired, otherwise how can you be called a person!

15, people only have one worry, that is, they don't have enough to eat; There are countless troubles when you are full.

Humorous and funny routine 2 1, you were born great, but you were wronged to live.

2. The directors sitting in the office building wearing suits and ties have too deep routines and are all mixed up.

3, don't always pretend to be forced in front of me, don't wait until I can't stand it before I really fuck you.

Since I got mental illness, the whole person has been much more energetic.

The routine of this world is too deep, and there are bad people outside.

6. The battle of FMVP is finally coming to an end. It turns out that the first few games are foreplay, and the routine is too deep!

7. I can't get married The routine is too deep. Suddenly want to fall in love according to the coach's routine.

8. If one day I become a hooligan, I will be the first to rape you.

9. There are no windtight walls and no hanging beams.

10, I said I would accompany you all my life. Don't worry, even if I die, I will accompany you.

1 1, mistook the routine for affection, covered in scars, and the world laughed at me for being naive and smart.

12, we are like two parallel lines that can never intersect, but one day the parallel lines will bend.

13, I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without seasoning packets.

14, this world routine is too deep for me.

15, Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

16, your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ.

17, when will there be a bright moon? See for yourself.

18, the world is still shallow and the routine is too deep. Before you have enough qualifications, everything can only be said by strength!

19, the ending was unexpected, and the routine was too deep to accept.

20. Enough is enough, and the strength is just right.

2 1, the road is bumpy, shout and go on.

Humorous and funny routines 3 1. Don't be lazy with me, I'll be lazy with you.

Second, the soil is used to dig, and the pit is used to bury you.

God gave us worldly desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.

The only advantage of fat people is that they can take the co-pilot when there are many people.

Fifth, the perfect boyfriend: no smoking, no drinking, no cheating. Does not exist!

6. If the leader doesn't give me a raise next month, I'll resign. Before I resign, I'll give him two Chinese coins and kill him.

Chat with me, I am not responsible for talking about feelings.

Eight, sisters walk together all their lives, and whoever betrays first is a dog!

I am not the Mona Lisa, so there is no need to smile at anyone.

Ten, compulsory courses skip classes, elective courses will also skip classes.

If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

Twelve, don't dawdle, be careful that the days will mix you up.

Thirteen. "What is the widest in the world?" "The scope of the exam."

Fourteen, every time I get a new book, I feel like I'm having a private book signing.

Fifteen, your father is in the army, right? I don't understand virus research, so I study you.

I don't know what's good about you, but I just want to see the bath.

Seventeen, many people eat by face, I am not, I rely on mouth.

Eighteen, I am lying on the book. It doesn't matter whether I learn or not. The key is to have a posture.

Nineteen, when I miss you, you are in my heart. When I forget you, you will be forgotten!

Twenty, the alarm clock rang and awakened my heavy shell. The absence of the alarm clock could not awaken my sleeping heart.

21. Reading is the crystallization of diligence and wisdom. You guys, diligence equals zero, wisdom equals zero, and together, it equals zero.

Twenty-two, the nature of the exam is the same as that of the third grade, aiming at destroying family harmony.

How lovely the world would be if my test scores could rise as fast as the house price.

For Xueba, I just want to know: What happened in your junior high school that reduced you to my school?

I know you are all learning to drive, and now I dare not cross the road.

Sometimes I shouldn't challenge my patience, because I am a hothead.

Teacher, there are no beautiful women in our class. How can I have the motivation to come to school?

Humor routine 4 1. Getting rid of poverty is not as easy as losing your hair, but getting rich is far easier than getting rich.

Second, God closed a security door for you, and even conveniently put a titanium alloy lock on you.

Third, "if the person you like just likes you, do you know what this is called?" "That's called imagination."

Fourth, it is said that fashion is a circle. When can I go back to the Tang Dynasty and get fat?

Five, mathematics, three points are doomed, seven points depend on hard work, and the remaining 90 points are really helpless.

6. Is the daughter-in-law important or the game important? A: Of course, it is important to be a daughter-in-law, so I only dare to play games and dare not hit my daughter-in-law.

Seven, to lose weight, fat people never start, and thin people never give up.

Eight, fat is not a crime, but God is jealous that you will lose weight too perfectly.

9. When someone says "Kill me if you don't accept it", you must say "Sorry, I'm not interested in killing pigs."

10. I really envy those dogs who can live continuously for more than 20 years. If you are lucky, you can live for a lifetime!

Eleven, online dating is a waste of electricity, eating chicken without love, is a waste of money, fat water does not flow outside the field, love chooses me, I am super sweet.

12. Husky is just too obedient. If they pee on the bed and bite the sofa and the floor, don't get angry or scold. They are just so lonely that no one plays with them. We should prepare some things very patiently, such as onion, ginger, garlic, salt, yellow wine, soy sauce and pressure cooker.

Thirteen, "How can I make a man rain or shine, and a phone call will arrive?" "Drink, all women!"

Fourteen, my girlfriend said: Before meeting me, I felt that there were no good men in this world; After knowing me, I feel that everyone in this world is a good person except me.

15. I saw an old woman lying on the ground today. I don't know if I should help her. Just when she wanted to help her, the old lady said, "Get out of here, poor child, and don't disturb my business."

Sixteen, every time you exit the system, you will be reminded, and you will not receive the message when you exit. I said with a smile, as if I could receive it online.

Seventeen, in the "beautiful poor" and "ugly rich" these two reincarnation options, most people decisively chose the "ugly poor" option.

Education is your means of transportation, 985 is a supersonic plane, 2 1 1 is a civil airliner, one is a high-speed train, the other is a general speed, and the third is a green leather. The specialty is riding a motorcycle.

Nineteen, enough to make girls happy: beautiful, ok, buy, not fat, my fault.

Be sure to save money well this month. Go to bed early and get up early and have nothing to do. That's right. I must change my bad temper. If not, send it again next month.

2 1. The furthest distance in the world is that I look at you frequently on the bus and you look at me frequently. I fell in love with you at first sight, but you clung to your wallet.

Twenty-two or three hundred Tang poems basically talked about three things: loneliness in the palace, friends coming, friends saying goodbye.

Before getting married, the man said that he dared to go to hell for her. After getting married, he found that he really went to hell.

24. Suddenly I want to herd cattle. There is no pressure of life, no Jianghu routine, no love and hate. I only care if my cow is still there. With my IQ, I only put one, and I can't put more. It eats grass and I sleep.