Suicide and depression in Jiang Xulin.

I saw the tragedy in the university again. The student who committed suicide this time was not a jumper, but a famous scholar of China Normal University, Mr. Jiang Xulin. When people pray again, they can't help but sigh-what is it that, after killing students who are not yet full-fledged, extends its claws to university teachers who should be in the upper class of society?

University, a beautiful vocabulary, a distant place that all children have been striving for since they went to school, an ivory tower that seems pure and rippling with the sound of reading, but hides the conspiracy and crisis of "killing people and stealing goods"-indifference, which is the chief culprit to kill a person: first kill a living person bit by bit, and then completely destroy a person's will. Politics is a compulsory course in universities, but few students can really participate; Teachers in universities are well-known, but it is difficult to achieve real communication with students except one-way indoctrination. This is not only the consumption of students, but also the harm to teachers who preach and teach. When the university life, which should be full of laughter and enthusiasm, is only boring and running back and forth day after day between two points and one line of the cold "classroom-dormitory", the university is no longer a small society that teaches people to grow up and promotes people to be lively, but more like a cage that sentences people to death for several years.

Therefore, whenever the school season comes, many college students secretly feel sorry for their "fear of starting school". For teachers who have been teaching for many years and can easily face the start of school, is there no danger on campus? It is sad to see a sentence in a former teacher's circle of friends-"The average university teacher is still at the bottom of the university, lower than the status of students". Yes, students don't want to attend classes, at least they can muddle through by skipping classes. As a teacher, except for a few special circumstances, being a little late is a serious teaching mistake, not to mention not giving students classes at all. People are mutual. When the teacher-student relationship is on the verge of indifference, which side can have lasting enthusiasm to make unilateral efforts? Looking back at the relationship between Confucius and his disciples in the Spring and Autumn Period, the relationship between teachers and students is not what it used to be. In addition, the system restricts the creativity of university teachers, and teachers' job burnout has become the norm.

Among the favored college students, there is a famous saying that "students who have not skipped classes are not good students", which is not a good guide for ignorant freshmen who have just entered the university. However, in the personal practice of small fresh meat gradually becoming old bacon, it is difficult for students to disagree with this "truth". However, there are two kinds of students who play truant. If they are "subjectively skipping classes" out of self-knowledge, the purpose is to do something more meaningful than going to a boring class. In fact, as teachers, they can turn a blind eye. If they just "passively skip class" out of greed and laziness, it is the students' own indulgence.

We often wonder why those children who work hard and are competitive in high school will collapse when they get to college, spending their parents' money cruelly and letting themselves fiddle with things, which makes them frustrated. In fact, this is not because high school life is too tense, and it will definitely degenerate when you go to college, but only those children who are unfortunately "eliminated" by the university. A college student, who plays truant all the year round and stays in the dormitory, only likes playing games, gossiping about this person and that person, drinking in bars and echoing other people's opinions. All day long, others seem unhappy, but in their own view, is he really happy? No one will like this! The reason for this tragedy is not that college students want to be decadent from the beginning. I believe that all children are good children from the beginning, a child with few antibodies in his body, and want to be as good as ever. How many temptations and blows he has to bear and what kind of luck he needs!

Nowadays, unlike the poor conditions in the past, the university is no longer a room for many people, but an apartment-style dormitory for four people. Even a single dormitory already includes a balcony, a toilet, a water heater and a TV ... The living conditions are good, but the relationship between people is indifferent. College students living in the same dormitory building can no longer have frequent communication opportunities such as "socializing in the toilet", "socializing in laundry" and "drying clothes" like college students in the past. In a small dormitory, there should be four young people who love each other and feel the same home, but few dormitories can always be warm. Go in and out together from the beginning, then gradually separate, or sleep together, and finally be isolated, or try to be the most prominent one in the future, or force a smile, be wronged and please, and lose yourself, or.

A good society should be a society where people live and work in peace and contentment, so that every member of society can perform his or her duties and get his or her place, so that every citizen has the opportunity to evolve into a better person, not a worse one. As a small society, universities should provide such functions for our college students, but the actual results are often counterproductive. It makes an aspiring student decadent, a kind-hearted child malicious, a conscientious teacher frustrated, and a fresh life ruined ... This is not only the fault of personal weakness, but also the harm of university ills to them. They just never thought they would be chosen at first. Therefore, instead of this, it is better to escape from the university as soon as possible and make a living in the real society. Even if it is inevitable to hit the south wall of reality, it is better than soaking in stagnant water without a ripple. At least, only when people collide with each other can they produce vitality to show life.

Teacher Jiang Xulin is another victim of the destruction of this university. Even when he was desperate and decided to give up his life, he still held the last trace of attachment to life. He posted his black-and-white photos and suicide note on Weibo. This black-and-white photo has a wrinkled forehead and an innocent look. It was an aging face, and its soul seemed to be evacuated. Born in 1976, the real age is only 40 years old. However, the young teacher's "begging for help" at the last moment of his life still did not stop him from leaving this world. He said in his suicide note: "There is no attachment, (is it strange? ) but stagnation, fear; Lord, forgive me. I thought there would always be some curiosity, but curiosity was obviously suppressed. Lord, don't punish me for breaking a toy; However, even if you punish me, please give me the courage to face the unknown scene. Ah, I finally want to know the truth. I am not good, I am mediocre, and I lack virtue. Locke's epitaph reads, "Let my sins be buried with the dust." (Let his bad habits be buried together) What can I do except pray for forgiveness? Please don't look at my sins and mistakes. I can't write elegant music, so I can't have expectations. I don't know what a loving hug is (I can't observe it), and I don't know how to kiss and wish you goodbye! Lord, may you open the door of hope. I feel horrible. I want to drink some white wine. "

Reading is too uncomfortable. Until her death, Mr. Jiang Xulin tore himself in severe self-torture and self-condemnation. She had no love and prayed for forgiveness. In fact, for people who commit suicide, only they know that death is a relief, and living like ordinary people is a distant fantasy for them, but how can ordinary people realize the extreme gloom and panic that lasted before suicide? Therefore, it is easy for us to put aside a vigilant motto: "Death is the most selfish act. You are afraid of death, but are you still afraid of living? " This is a major misunderstanding of suicide, but they have been unable to refute it and have no chance to refute it again. No one is not afraid of death, only the question of whether they can live. Death also requires great courage. It is the last choice to commit suicide under the balance of life and death. Jiang Xulin is also afraid of the moment of death, so he needs to drink some white wine. ...

As we all know, death and love are the two most important propositions in one's life. If a person wants to fall into a desperate situation without love or hate before he dies, it is like a person who longs for sweet springs and gets lost in the vast desert under the scorching sun. That's why we should love hard, do what we like hard, and be with the person we like, even if there is no result, even if there is no blessing. Because of love, we are afraid of death. Because you are afraid of death, you must love. What a complicated and fragile life we are after all.

All indestructible appearances are just a cover-up. Without anyone to comfort their hearts, they will forget their true colors and how their original fresh, pink and fleshy hearts used to dance freely like dew in the morning ... So Jiang Xulin's confession-"I thought there would always be some curiosity, but curiosity was obviously suppressed"-is the sorrow of all unknown human beings. Liao Yimei said, "Everyone is lonely. In our life, it is not uncommon to meet love and sex. What is rare is to meet understanding. " May each of us, since God sent us into this world, be treated more tenderly by the world and people around us. It is not easy for everyone to live.

Mr. Jiang Xulin reminds me of Mr. Fan Meizhong, who has been regarded as a clown by the public for more than seven years. They are all serious, innocent and lonely people, but Fan Meizhong was lucky enough to meet his own love, while Jiang Xulin was on the road of seeking love, and only shed tears when passing by other people's earthly beauty. He is a rigorous scholar who thinks about life and study. He believes in love, but he has no love. Philosophy is beautiful, and the most important thing is philosophy, religion and politics. It is the great beauty of life. "May the soul be innocent and free", just like what we are pursuing is forgetfulness and mastery. His unattainable happiness made him indulge in the whirlpool of philosophy and once again expanded his purest hope for mankind. This hope is too great and this disappointment is too great.

Just as in the lyrics of Dang, "Only a bright heart will be more fragile", longing for purity and beauty is essentially an optimist. Optimism determines how happy a person will be if he is happy, while pessimism is equivalent to the short board of a barrel. Its significance lies in that people can see through the tragic fate of the world in advance and repair themselves in the darkest years, although it is difficult. Jiang Xulin, who graduated from the Department of Religion and Philosophy of Hong Kong Baptist University, once wrote: "I like Hong Kong so much that I once chose a farewell place in my heart: at the southern tip of cheung chau island, behind Xavier Building, a solitary rock that needs to cross a dangerous cliff to reach ..." It can be seen that Jiang Xulin who loves Hong Kong is not without love for the world. His suicide reminds me that Leslie Cheung witnessed his favorite scene on April 1 2003.

Finally, in a published screenshot of a chat with Xie Qingyi, Jiang Xulin said that he "has no idea now", which I think may not be a kind of modesty. The time in the picture is August 27th. If you notice his whispering on Douban and Weibo, you will find that he has been in pain for a long time, and his final suicide is just the last self-ending that he can't bear the pain alone for too long. In fact, we can easily guess that everyone who committed suicide died of depression to some extent-long-term torture made their physical and mental functions unable to meet the basic survival needs of normal people. The vast majority of suicides are by no means simple temporary obsessions and irresponsible deaths. It's just that philosophers are more likely to fall into a person's illusory meditation for a long time, and once a philosopher is depressed, psychologists can't cure him, because what he needs is no longer professional psychological knowledge. On the level of "reasoning", a philosopher knows more than a professional psychologist. What he needs is love and understanding. It is the happiness he imagined, the girl, the spiritual communication and companionship with each other, which is far from simple care in a few words, rigid mechanized discipline and cold medical equipment. Sometimes, just because you don't understand, it makes the result worse.

Jiang Xulin once said: "Desperate and numb to yourself, knowing that you have lost your soul and only your body exists." "It is neither noble nor great, but mediocre." Although he once had a rich soul, because of this lonely and fragile soul, he never found a body to live in, and the soul would be disillusioned a little bit in a person's besieged city ... The so-called lonely pursuit of defeat, lonely at the top, and Jiang Xulin's wisdom, I am afraid, has long realized that his thoughts have fallen into chaos, emptiness and no solution because there is nowhere to fight and release. Despite his words, a philosopher left.

I'm afraid that's why he is no longer attached to the world. It is unfortunate enough for a person not to love, not to mention losing his most precious and carefully maintained private weapon-thought, or more accurately, losing his judgment, logic and language to express his thoughts.

20 16.2.20