To take the tour guide certificate, the talent show needs to tell a joke, which requires humor, healthy content and positive attitude.

An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant got into the soil, showing only one leg.

Little Nutbrown hare saw it and asked, "Why are your legs exposed?" The ant said, "Shh! Don't make any noise, I'll trip his son! "

The next day, the rabbit saw the whole nest of ants waiting in line in a hurry and asked why.

The ant replied, "Yesterday, an elephant was tripped by one of our brothers and was seriously injured. We donated blood to that. "

Not long after, the rabbit saw a large number of ants coming back and asked what was going on. An ant said, "Oh, only one has the same blood type as an elephant, so it's enough to leave him there to draw blood."

On the third day, the rabbit came to ask the ant: Is that ya still alive? The ant said helplessly: I carried it back, damn it, my waist was bent and I fell too hard!

When an elephant is sick, it should sue ants. The court ruled that ants tripped over elephants for malicious injury and imprisoned them for 6 months.

The ant refuses to accept, "the crime of personal injury is imprisoned for up to 2 months. Why did you sentence me to half a year? "

Judge: "The crime of personal injury is sentenced to February, and tripping an elephant is a crime of racial discrimination, plus 4 months ~ ~ ~"

So the ant appealed to the High Court: We are equal to elephants, how can we "discriminate"? Please ask the high court to make a clear judgment, return our innocence and sue the judge for framing.

One day, the rabbit suddenly saw an elephant hiding behind a tree and sticking out a leg. He asked, "What are you doing?"

The elephant said, "Shh! Be quiet. I'll wait for the son of the ant turtle to come, so I can clean him up and avenge my brother. "

As soon as the rabbit left the elephant, he heard the elephant scream and ran back to see it. On the way, he met an ant panting on the roadside. The rabbit listened to what the ant said before asking the ant: tmd wants to mess with Lao Zi, but fortunately I found out early. Its foot is broken! !

The elephant was sent back to the hospital because the femoral artery was broken. This time, the blood loss is even more, even 80l is not enough. The blood bank is in an emergency, and the only ant that matches the blood type of the elephant has collapsed after the last blood transfusion.

A few days later, the elephant suddenly died. Everyone ran to see it. They found a mother ant nearby and asked her how the elephant died. The mother ant cried and said, I told it that I was pregnant with its child, and it just ~ ~ ~

The mother ant laid a pile of eggs, hatched and hatched, and finally hatched a group of ostriches, damn it! It's fucking unfair that the elephant is dead.

& lt steamed bread and steamed bread >

One day, steamed bread and noodles fought, and steamed bread was beaten by noodles.

The next day, Shantou was not convinced and brought many brothers to retaliate. When he met instant noodles, the steamed bread angrily walked up to the instant noodles and said, don't think that you won't recognize you when you are hot, and then hit you.

On the third day, instant noodles were not convinced and took friends to find steamed bread. When they saw the steamed buns, they said, "Don't pretend to be cute and you won't be recognized. Fight! ! "

On the fourth day, steamed buns will take revenge. He met Aunt Lily in the street and said, "Stop, don't think that you don't know you if you wear a hat!" " Aunt Lily was killed.

Then, Aunt Kim will take revenge. She found mushrooms, shiitake mushrooms and kohlrabi! I met meatballs on the way and beat that guy up without saying anything. Meatballs refused to accept and asked why they hit people. I just heard Aunt Kim say, "Don't think I won't recognize you if you run naked!" " "

& lt the gap between farmers and big money >

The gap between us

We just ate meat, and you ate vegetables;

I just married my daughter-in-law and you are single again;

We just ate sugar, and you peed again;

We just wiped our ass with white paper, and you wiped your mouth with it.

We just saved some money and you bought insurance.

Our baby went home during the Spring Festival, and you started traveling again.

We just had a rest and didn't wipe your sweat. You went to the gym and sauna again.

As soon as we learned to make phone calls, you asked for broadband internet access.

We just made an appointment at the cinema, and you changed to online dating again;

We just ate and warmed up, and you lost weight again.

We just renamed the toilet as a toilet, and you renamed the toilet as a bathroom.

We just changed the white note into RMB, and you changed RMB into US dollars.

We have just eliminated pests on vegetables, and you like to eat vegetables eaten by insects.

No sooner had we finished drinking river water and tap water than you changed to Nongfu Spring.

We just threw away our broken underwear, and you started cutting holes in your pants again.

We just took the bus and you started taking a taxi again.

We just learned to play mahjong, and you started gambling again.

We just had a cigarette and a drink, and you started taking ecstasy again.

We just raised a lot of illegitimate children. Do you like eating hairy crabs?

No sooner had we learned how to blow the fan than you used the air conditioner again.

As soon as we have money, you sell stocks.

The stock we just bought, you said there was water in it.

We just cut our stock position, and you said that the recovery has begun.

Our township enterprises are struggling, and you are playing backdoor listing.

We migrant workers have gone to town, and you are laid off again.

We just removed the green grass to grow crops, and you said you were going to play golf.

We just lived in a villa, and you said you would live in a villa with a hospital.

We are going to the city to broaden our horizons, and you are going to the country again.

We don't eat wild vegetables. You said eating wild vegetables again.

We don't eat sweet potatoes. The sweet potato sold in your city is more expensive than rice.

We don't want a carriage. You said you wanted to buy a private car again.

We just traveled by train, and you said you were going abroad for an inspection.

We just bought a camera, and you said you wanted to play with numbers.

We just bought a mobile phone, and you said it has radiation.

We wash our feet to sleep, and you wash your feet to relax.

We take a shower and sleep, you take a shower and touch.

We massage and cure diseases, and you touch and pick up girls.

We are monogamous, and you will have a mistress.

Why: We stand with the wind, but you have to lie down.

We lie with the wind, but you must walk.

We follow the wind, but you must stand.

You'd rather be hungry when we eat.

& lt the Monkey King's work report >

I am Monkey King, also known as Monkey King, male, unmarried, born in a poor family in Aolaizhou, Donghai.

Before joining the work, he lived in Guo Hua and was recommended by Taibai Venus. He was named "Bi" and "Flat Peach Round and Long", and was in charge of the work of the upper bound horse and flat peach circle. However, due to his serious personal heroism and blind self-worship, he never straightened his position, calling himself "the Great Sage of the Monkey", destroying the worse heaven, disrupting the Flat Peach Club, overturning the blast furnace and making rude remarks. It poses a threat to the property of Tianguan and people's lives. In Tian Bing, the generals were ordered to conquer, help and educate me, without considering repentance. Actually sent troops against me, going further and further on the wrong road, and failed to live up to the care and love of the organization.

Later, with the help of Guanyin in Nanhai, Tathagata made me understand the truth that "there are days behind the scenes, and there are people outside" and sentenced me to 500 years in prison. During these 500 years, I thought about it, regretted my wrong behavior, and decided to wash my past with practical actions.

Master Xuanzang in the Tang Dynasty didn't discriminate against me because I had a "criminal record". He took me in as a lost youth and gave me a second life. He also appointed me as his chief disciple to learn from the western regions so that I could go to many countries and visit with him. On the long journey to learn from the scriptures, I strictly demand myself as a "big disciple", respect my master, unite my younger brother, and be especially good at helping the backward, such as lust and greed. Selfless is meaningless. After eighty-one difficulties, he finally helped master win and successfully retrieved the scriptures, which was unanimously affirmed and highly praised, and was appointed as "Fighting Buddha" by the organization.