Ask for a few funny jokes

1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" My uncle said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

3. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes!

4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! After undressing, the old woman said, I still have a reaction! Breasts are still as hot as when they were young! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup!

5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat.

6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards!

8. The child stole the parrot kept in the brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer!

9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven!

10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken's ass and you fainted. The dog said happily, let's see who is tough.

1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your head in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me!

13. When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach!

14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess.

15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat's eyes are full of tears, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Viagra, with strong firepower, jumped on the ceiling and gave him a hand.

16. I sent you this message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you.

17. The ant lay lazily in the soil and stretched out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him.

18. The magpie is coming. Mom said it was a bird or a guest. The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried: Yes, I am * * *!

19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

20. Cucumber was lovelorn and cried. Eggplant comforted her: Love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions?

Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

42. A woman is too ugly to marry and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

43.20 years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

44. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Come on, I can fly."

45. An old farmer is hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Fuck you! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "ah! You shit and wear underpants! " v

Xiao Ming told his mother that my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair when he came home to play today, and I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it?" Xiao Ming said, "I stood by. When the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

47. One day on a crowded bus, a conversation went like this: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to him, "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" (I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously say, "The child is not mine! 』

48. It's just a gust of wind, but it's so eternal. It's just a dream, but it's so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you: Next time you fart, let me know!

49. A pair of lovers were caught by a savage in the mountains and said that you would let you go if you ate each other's shit. The lover did it. On the way home, the woman cried. The man asked her why, and the woman said sadly, you don't love me, otherwise you won't pull so much!

50. One day, a gentleman's wife gave birth to a baby. He hurried to visit the hospital and waited for n hours. There was crying in the delivery room. He shouted happily, I'm dad! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born deformed. A gentleman stayed there and didn't understand why. Suddenly, his wife's crying came from the delivery room: it was all because of the murder that day. Failure to reply is retribution.

Once upon a time, there was a kind of soft candy. After walking in the street for a long time, it suddenly said, my feet are so soft!

One day, two ice creams competed for swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming, and the last two melted.

Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired, I feel weak all over."

Walking on the road, I suddenly got hungry and ate myself. ...

Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick them into the sea.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai Xiao who was abandoned and spoiled overnight ~ ~

There is a man who looks like an onion, crying as he walks.

On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.

The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes.

As a result, he skinned it.

As a result, the banana in the back fell down.

One day mung beans committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became red beans; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

-There's a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat guy ...

Once upon a time, tomato A and tomato B went shopping together.

Then one day suddenly a truck rushed out.

Squeeze the tomato nails through.

Tomato b laughs at tomato a.

[hahaha ketchup ~]

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An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and turned into a flower.

An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; An egg .....

A small match, its head itched, so I grabbed it, and then it caught fire and set itself on fire.

Then I went to the hospital and became a cotton swab because my head was covered with gauze. ...

There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" "

Hearing this, the polar bear tore off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" " "

The story of penguin and camel: one is very cold and the other is very hot. . . .

The little penguin asked his mother, "Mom, Mom, why do we live in the North Pole?"

Mother penguin replied, "because it's cold enough here!" " The little penguin said, "Wow, it's really cold." . . "

The little camel asked his mother, "mom, mom, why do we live in the desert?"

Mother camel replied, "because it's hot enough here!" " "The little camel said," Wow, it's really hot. . . "

One day, the little penguin asked his grandmother, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

It is said that a polar bear has to wear sunglasses to see because the snow is too dazzling.

But he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, looking, crawling, crawling.

Before I found sunglasses, my hands and feet were dirty.

Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.

Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! "

Father earthworm said weakly ... I suddenly want to play football. "