Where will the ashes go?

When I was proved by a doctor's paper that I died of multiple organ failure, strangers around me decided that I was really dead.

For me, this is a gratifying result, without much pain, which is what people call "dying."

I am dead, so naturally I can't hear what the children around me say, whether they are crying or laughing. I don't care, but I'm a little scared. I knew when I was born that people would be cremated the day after death.

Although I don't know how painful the fire is, I am still a little scared and uneasy about changing from an individual to a pile of ashes and from a small individual to smaller dust particles.

If there is a strong wind when my ashes are baked, everything will be blown away. I saw it when my mother died. At this time, a small wind poured into the door and blew away a little. I guess it's a palm.

At present, in the last few months before my mother died, I found a fortune teller and calculated for her. Four words were written on the fortune-telling paper: "All over the world". I asked the fortune teller, is it time to scatter her ashes into the sea? The fortune teller said that it was completely natural, and then it was the most natural to deal with the crematorium. Wherever you go, you will be at home.

Oh ... that's right. I admire what the fortune teller said. What I admire is not their accuracy, but their manners and language, which always sounds systematic and reasonable after listening.

Personally, I don't want to go to a fortune teller. There is a paradox in their profession itself: if it is calculated that he will not make a fortune, why not figure out some powerful people to depend on them and make money by fortune telling? If you figure out that you will make a fortune, why do you want to be a fortune teller?

My persistence in life and unwillingness to die make my consciousness pour like mercury and flow to the bottomless pit of time and space.

A dead man's mind is not great at all. The question to consider is actually how to face the fear of becoming ashes.

The funeral home has been here three times, once when my father died and once when my mother died. This is the third time, it's my turn.

It seems that I have been to the park when I was a child. First, my parents visited it. Finally, it was my turn to do what they did.

I don't know why future generations should do what their predecessors did once, or even the same thing. There is a very limited freedom between shopping, singing and talking, birth, illness and death. The songs you sing are always random, but the songs you sing are exactly the same as others, and your mood may be the same.

But this time, everyone has only one time. I have heard of people who can survive after being shot, but I have never heard of people who can be reborn after cremation. Although I followed my ancestors, everyone knows that this is the ultimate nothingness. Fear struck for no reason.

There are four cremators in the crematorium in my hometown. In my opinion, there are four runways. Whoever gets to the finish line first will enter the Elysium. Or go to hell.

The last time I sent my mother here, this household used an oil-fired cremator, which should not have been changed. This dilapidated sixth-tier city is not suitable for being too advanced. It is a good thing that none of the children who are studying in universities in our country come back to develop. If they study more and grow more outside, they will only be vulgarized by the huge "hometown folks" when they come back, leaving no literati breath.

It's just that they heard that the cost in the city is too high and there is no home. At this time, we will have some sighs about blind date. After all, in our generation, wherever people are, they will settle down. Where the children are, they have no home. Yes, it's still this hometown.

Although people are finally cremated, they still have to pursue something. As men, our parents always encourage us to move forward.

One person went in first, the first one today. He robbed me of the first prize, and I was a little unwilling. It is good that the other person is a man, but if it is a woman, this ranking is not very glorious.

Although I came in as the "second", I can't be the first after my death. I'm not excited at all, but I'm scared. Bang! At the moment when the cremation door was covered, turbid air and darkness were intertwined. Although there is no breathing, I can still feel the darkness and inhumanity.

A raging fire broke out. I didn't expect such a big fire.

I feel that this body is about to disappear, but unfortunately, there is nothing to do in this life, and the life I have been talking about is about to disappear.

What have I calculated for the endless millions of years of mankind?

Like the train track, the track at the bottom of the back took me to the furnace, moving slowly like an unstoppable army. The fire was fierce, even more fierce than the fire I saw at home when I was a child. I had to swallow it.

The coffin worshipped by relatives is gone;

Skin, touched by a lover, is cold and will soon be swallowed up by fire;

Hair, I finally set my head, and it may disappear completely in a second;

My hands and legs, the road I have walked, and the things I have moved are all because of the flame.

How many times my heart beats for many people, violently and slowly, it will turn to ashes;

The world I saw with my eyes and the bells I heard with my ears spanned 2000 years. The songs sung by famous stars in the past are still circulating today. What teachers tell me, promises made by lovers, children's blessings and jokes will all disappear. Although there was no evidence when I was born, it disappeared when I was burned.

Although my mouth has never made a strong speech, I can speak hesitatingly. I can freely sing happily and howl unhappily, and the next moment I am taken away by the fire, even my voice. Speaking of which, I almost forgot what my voice is like. ...

The sound of fire, the heat of fire, the light of fire, vowed to devour everything. ...

Coming out of the stove, I am no longer an individual. I have become a million "I" in Qian Qian. This moment is the end of form.

This is ashes, and that is ashes. A few tugs at the cremator with iron, the wind blew in at random, and hundreds of "I" floated away.

I know that the next moment "I" will be broken down into countless substances and eventually become infinite nothingness.

I think of my life, my children, and I have never been rich in my life.

Since I was a sensible child, my family life has been very poor and natural. What impressed me deeply was that a big fire burned half the things at home. I stand on the slope of the earth from a distance, but I still feel the burning of the flame. At that time, I had an inexplicable fear of fire, thinking that it could devour everything in the world.

Later, I sent samples to my relatives for half a year. Relatives' homes are better. During this period, they enjoyed good treatment. When their home is repaired, they always feel too poor when they come back.

I am sorry for my parents. At that time, I was able to overcome these disgust and disdain for the poor, and my flattery for the rich was revealed with emotion and words. Maybe my ignorance hurt their hearts.

But my sincere parents don't talk much, farm work is still done honestly, and rice is still eaten honestly.

The poor and the rich are born unequal, which I didn't know until I was an adult. After all, when I was a child, I naively thought that everyone in the society was a family, had the same topic to talk about, and everyone would care about any disaster. Later, through my own observation and online articles, I gradually felt the separation of the world, full of fission plots.

The resources of the rich and the poor are not equal, and the economic status and knowledge of the rich are different, so the growth rate is naturally faster than that of our mountain village.

Many years ago, when my children signed up for the college entrance examination, they asked me what advice I had. I searched hard on the internet for a long time, but I couldn't get a definite answer. What is popular in social cities at present? What is popular in the future? How long will this major not be out of date in the future? There is no room for negotiation. I silently threw the option back to him completely. Like a perfect ball.

At that time, I knew that the gap between him and the children of rich families would naturally widen. I hope he will understand this sooner, but I'm afraid he will understand it too soon.

Judging from his words, at least that year was not so clear.

Born in a poor place, I feel that the cost of opportunity choice is too high, I can't do anything in front of love, and I have natural habitual power to poverty.

How can you complain too much? Isn't it the first time for everyone to come to this world? What percentage of people have equal rights? If it is completely equal, just like every household in the village is the same, there is no difference in the fields, even the food on the table tastes the same. The world is so boring.

When I was a teenager, I was in high spirits. Like corn stalks in the field and small trees in the ravine, I am growing fast and fearless. If you ask me if I have any regrets, I will sigh, that is: nothing has stopped my progress.

It is such conceit that I don't know what I have done all day. Going back and forth or walking around in a small county, I also feel that the outside world will be mine one day. Hehe, I don't know where I got my confidence.

Looking back, I did nothing when I was young, and I didn't learn anything useful. Extra courage is useless in middle age.

When you have a family, you have no extra courage to pursue wealth. Driven by natural emotions and physiology, I married my lover and had children. I watched them go forward and began to worry about them. For my own life, no more tossing.

There are always things to worry about in the world.

My wife seems to be dissatisfied with her married life. One day I told her that you didn't know my character and ability when you married me. What's the point of complaining now?

I know that saying this will only make her more angry, because women have great expectations for marriage itself. Hope is a new beginning of life, but for men, it is just a step down.

My wife began to be strict with her daily behavior. The biggest change is that after having a child, I hope my behavior can set an example for the child and change his life. To tell the truth, I have no confidence at all. Life can't be improved after living for so many years. How can I be sure that my new life will be turned upside down in the future?

As an adult, you can have an education. Isn't that how teachers make us grow up? Instead of becoming Lu Xun, they can interpret Lu Xun's articles.

Teaching him to be a man is basically what I can do. Being a man, the most important thing is to be down-to-earth and sincere. My father taught me this way, but I didn't achieve anything, so should I continue to teach him this way?

If not, what better way to replace these?

Of course not. If there is, I will use it on myself.

Yes, human limitations are too great. They have lived for half their lives and have no ability to teach a child of a few years old.

Regarding education, his mother, the woman I loved so much when I was a child, loves her children so much now, and her desire for control is so obvious that I sometimes find it difficult to breathe. Even our father and son are under her supervision, afraid that I will teach him bad things or tell him unnecessary pornographic ideas about women.

Then, time passed. Just like an old movie, we repeated what our parents did, enjoyed the progress of the times, and were ridiculed by the times. Change never seems to have time to prepare for it, and there is no time to review what has happened.

Children grow up on the land, we grow old, and my parents die on the land.

Time is like an ocean of water, rolling and rolling, and we are like a splash that stays on the surface for a second, soaring in an instant and sinking into the bottom of the sea.

In the busy morning of life, I wither here. If it weren't for the deep affection of the world for me, how could I be so attached? I finally turned to dust, and the world still has to tolerate me.

I dream of endless travel, and now the opportunity has come.

I turned to ashes, and my descendants waved in the air on the highest mountain in my hometown I told them. They must have looked up at my drift.

I know that my departure has given them some comfort and no extra burden. I still hope they don't feel sad and don't feel sorry for themselves.

It's like watching kites spread in the air. Quiet mountain breeze is the best accompaniment. I don't know where the wind started, one after another, rushing through the valley and blowing through the forest. The rustling is almost the same as the sound of children turning pages.

The suona, cymbals and horns used by traditional funeral bands are not needed. Anyway, I don't understand that pile of chanting. Do you want to give it to bodhisattva and earth treasure king? Where are they?

This mountain wind is my last sigh, uncertain, without belonging.

At the end of life, countless dreams are empty, emotions with countless people are empty, and countless fixed eyes do not exist.

Whose life am I involved in?

Who is involved in my life? ?

My participation has never existed after the death of the other party; Or my death, let others' participation disappear?

Until the last moment, I was still thinking about a sentence: "Happiness is a stop between too few rivers." Am I happy or not? So what is a stop between life and death?

Life is floating in the wind.

No way back, there are roads everywhere.