Daughter-in-law finally understands her mother-in-law's "son preference" when she gives birth to a child. Do you agree with this concept?

I think at the sight of the words "son preference", many of my readers will start frying pan, especially some female compatriots who feel that they have suffered a lot since childhood. Before reading the article, I may start to guess various possibilities, such as a bad mother-in-law scolding her daughter-in-law because she can't have a boy.

See, this is the so-called stereotype. When you think so, you become one of them. The word "son preference" has always been a weightlifting stigma in the concept of marriage or childbirth, so I can understand the sensitivity of these people to this word.

But in this era, most people's ideas have been corrected. Although there are still a few mothers-in-law who still hold this view, even if they don't say it on the surface, there are still traceable shadows behind them or in their hearts. But what exactly is "son preference"? Is it really a continuation of male chauvinism in feudal society? Or is it our stereotype of the traditional concept of fertility?

In my personal opinion, most of the current mother-in-law are born after 50 s and 60 s, and when they grow up, it coincides with reform and opening up. These people have long been influenced by the new era and new female culture, and most of them have received modern education. When they were young, most of them took care of their children at work, which is a real example for women in the new era.

And at that time, the parents in the city were basically only children, only raising one child. According to biology, the ratio of male to female is semi-mixed, so there is no such thing as "son preference". I'm afraid some of them are just labels that society puts on everyone. You have a boy. What should you do? You have a girl, what should you do? Feifei told me about her mental journey some time ago. She said that she is also one of the people who are extremely sensitive to the words "son preference".

Born in a small county, she witnessed her parents pay a huge fine for giving birth to her younger brother. Moreover, since she was a child, she always felt that her parents were partial to her younger brother intentionally or unintentionally, so she always hated the matter of "preference for sons over daughters" and vowed to be a fair and just parent when she grew up and gave birth to a child, and never deliberately favored anyone.

Later, Feifei got married. At first, my mother-in-law was not "born" like others, but occasionally when chatting, she would say "It doesn't matter if she has children in the future."

Because of her childhood experience, Feifei is particularly sensitive to such things. In her mind, she would think, "If it really doesn't matter, why do you say such a thing? If you are interested in favoritism, just say it doesn't matter. " However, under the pressure of just getting married, Feifei is not easy to attack.

Later, my husband's sister got pregnant and gave birth to a boy. My mother-in-law said to Feifei at home, "Do you know why they gave birth to a boy? Because I taught them the secret recipe, if I want to have a boy, I will choose XX month, so the probability will be greater ... "

Feifei heard her mother-in-law tell herself such a topic. For a while, she didn't know whether to be shy first or angry with her husband. She was angry with herself that she was "shameless, you can do it" and that "son preference" was put on her mother-in-law. If she is not such a person, why does her mother-in-law study this feudal superstition? The fuse to deepen Feifei's concept is that after five years of marriage, Feifei is not pregnant. For this matter, my mother-in-law told Feifei that the number of births began to become frequent.

On the contrary, Feifei feels very happy inside, and sometimes even thinks: all this is karma. The more I want to have grandchildren, the more I can't have them. At this thought, I was relieved and happy, and the pressure of childbirth was relieved, but Feifei was pregnant instead.

The whole family is very happy to know about it. The mother-in-law who heard this began to mutter at home, "Great, I finally have a grandson!" "When Feifei heard this sentence, she immediately fried the pot." Why are you so sure it's a grandson or a granddaughter? "Mother-in-law heard this sentence, don't know how to answer. Feifei is still secretly glad that she won and gave her mother-in-law a duel.

Sometimes my mother-in-law's friends come to visit Feifei at home. When a middle-aged woman sees a pregnant woman, it is inevitable that she will guess the sex of the child according to her own experience. I don't know if it's to make my mother-in-law happy or something. As soon as I entered the door, I said to Feifei, "Oh, your daughter-in-law is ugly. She must be a boy."

When someone said that the baby in her belly was a boy, her mother-in-law was happy from ear to ear. "Really, really?" I kept asking my friends, and then I saw Feifei's face changed greatly, and then I added, "Grandchildren, boys and girls don't care."

When she was pregnant for more than 4 months, Feifei knew that her mother-in-law had relatives in the hospital, so she tested her husband intentionally or unintentionally, asked him if he wanted to know the baby's sex and asked this relative for help. In fact, Feifei just wanted to see her mother-in-law's reaction. If she really didn't care about the sex, she wouldn't let Feifei check the baby's sex at all.

But when her husband came back, he told her, "My mother said, you can do whatever you want, regardless of men or women." Feifei secretly sneers. This sentence again. The more she says she doesn't care, the more she cares. Feifei just did the opposite, found a friend and found out the baby's gender: girl. At the moment when she knew her gender, Feifei had a Japanese feeling that she had won her mother-in-law this time.

But after her mother-in-law knew it, she calmly told Feifei that girls should take more care of them, and the troublesome things were behind. However, Feifei still looks nervous. "What, if boys don't get into trouble, girls will get into trouble?"

After hearing this, the mother-in-law avoided confrontation with Feifei, and the family no longer discussed the baby's gender. The whole family just looked forward to the arrival of this little thing with great joy. But the knot in Feifei's heart has not been untied, and she still feels that her mother-in-law has something to say every day.

Soon, when it was time to have a baby, things like "seeing red", "labor pains" and "breaking water" followed. Feifei complains that her husband can't understand her sadness every day, but at this time, she is worried about her unborn daughter as well as herself, because what she is facing now may be experienced by her daughter in the future. At this time, she hopes to have a boy by herself, so that she can have a baby later.

Feifei also understands that her mother-in-law knows what it means to be a girl. Generally speaking, because I love my granddaughter, I don't want her to suffer the same in the future.

Feifei walked out of the delivery room and saw her equally worried mother and mother-in-law. She also felt that all her previous misunderstandings about them came from inner contradictions. Fei told me that she can now calmly discuss with her mother-in-law the issue of having a second child, giving birth to a man and a woman, because gender is no longer a knot in her heart.

In this era, because of the dispute between men and women, as long as there is a topic on the Internet, it will be very noisy. For those who have given birth to girls, they are particularly afraid of being said, "Give birth to a boy and make a good word". Actually, it's totally unnecessary. Let go of your mind, not only between your mother-in-law and strangers, but also open your heart and don't maliciously speculate on other people's intentions.

After becoming a mother, I can understand better. It is normal to have a boy and want to have a girl, and a girl and want to have a boy. I don't think Feifei's childhood experience is entirely due to her parents' preference for sons, but also a kind of love for her young children. After all, respecting the old and loving the young is a traditional Chinese virtue. You can't directly define "son preference" or "son preference" just because you care about youth. I believe that parents' love is equal and will not change casually because of gender.

Feifei's situation is very common in real life. If the mother-in-law says it, it will have ulterior motives. There is something in the words, which will eventually be demonized by the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In ancient times, there may really be a phenomenon of "son preference". I guess it may be because in the farming society at that time, men meant strong labor, while women could take on relatively light jobs, so everyone wanted a boy to take on these farm jobs.

Now that I have given birth to a boy, I believe it is more of a woman's pity. Out of a kind of empathy, I don't want my daughter to bear the social pressure and the pain of childbirth. After the liberation of women's status, the dispute between men and women has been debated endlessly. Most pregnant girls have to go through such a struggle before giving birth, which is both an expectation and a worry for newborns.

If a son is born, parents should worry that his son will shoulder the mission of supporting the family in the future. If a daughter is born, they are afraid of all kinds of difficulties and obstacles that her daughter has experienced on the road of growth. Actually, it has nothing to do with gender. There are many social labels on us, such as mother-in-law, daughter and son. Every noun seems to be endowed with a responsibility and obligation. This is your status, and you should do such a thing. What we can do is not to make such a decisive conclusion until we have a thorough understanding or empathy.

When it is time to communicate, there is no grudge between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If Feifei could have a good talk with her mother-in-law at the beginning of pregnancy, there might not be so many things that she secretly regretted later. Breaking the secular label and vision, Feifei and her mother-in-law are not equal relatives, but relatives. Her mother-in-law is not only her mother-in-law, but also her husband's mother and daughter's grandmother.