What did the fortune teller mean when he said I crossed the mountain view? _ What do you mean by crossing the mountain?

I have crossed mountains and water, but I don't know how to get myself out of the dust.

Memories are like making a plan for yourself, starting from the outer fur and cutting layer by layer, just to find deep-rooted love.

Finally, I have the courage to talk about my decades of experience here, but I only focus on this. Ten years of living with 20,000 words has wasted 800 paper towels.

It's that I'm too serious, keeping everything in my heart and waiting for the afterlife.

I don't know if this is to face up to and bravely accept my past. Although my eyes are full of tears and my sensibility dominates, I think this may be a beginning or an end.

I suddenly want to write a biography for myself, in a few words, to kill the soul of the past and wait for the rebirth of the next life.

I have spent decades crossing my love and hate, but I can't cross my suffering and fate.

When I was in primary school, I thought it would be nice to stay away from my mother when I was in junior high school. When I was in junior high school, I thought it would be good to go to high school. When I was in high school, I thought it was good to go to college. ...

Who knows, this is an infinite loop.

I must have exhausted my fate in my last life, so I have no affection and affection in this life.

As for those memories, it is really the root of life in one step.

Mental torture is far greater than physical torture, and I have not formed any systematic and logical world outlook, outlook on life and values.

Most of my energy is spent on how to escape, just like a defected soldier who was hunted down, always imagining where he should escape to save his life.

I thought abandonment was the biggest unforgivable thing. In fact, mental torture is the greatest pain in life.

I don't know, will parents feel that there is something wrong with their education methods, and will they reflect on themselves in the middle of the night? But for many months, I lay in Xiao Mu's bed and wet my pillow towel with tears again and again.

I am not as lively and lovely as children my age. Like an adult encouraged by Vivi, I feel strangely calm.

It's hard to forget the long night in winter. A child stood by the snowdrift and looked at the mountain peak.

My mother didn't approve of my going to college. Fortunately, I went to school to get the notice. Otherwise, I dare not imagine what my next life will be like.

Although it is not satisfactory now, at least, wandering is better than wandering in situ.

My departure is so lonely, so lonely, so firm.

A person's departure, with a farewell mentality, is gone forever.

I don't have a strong heart and strong willpower. I'm just an ordinary mortal. As long as I am not in this sad mountain village and where they are, I think I can wander far away.

But the truth is that I was wrong. Nobody can escape, including me. So far, I have not been able to escape from the cage in my heart.

Carrying my poor luggage, I didn't look back. I wanted to give my father a parting hug at the station, but he left me halfway, so the hug hasn't come out yet.

I was born with such a strange disease. I don't know when I will die in another country, but as long as it's not my hometown, everything will be fine.

Many times, I don't look like a person, but more like a fairy who came to Du Jie. It seems that we have to go through many disasters to get on the right path.

The outside world is very big and impetuous. Just me, quiet inside. No socializing, no friends, and the welded prison door never wants to be opened again.

College life is not as colorful as expected, and I hardly participate in activities and have little communication with my classmates. It's just a little bit of a life, but I have more spare time, so I have a chance to make money.

The first semester, without any contact with my mother, was the most fulfilling time I had in these years. Even if I still can't laugh, at least, I think I'm nirvana.

Also try not to miss those bitter past, think more, time will stay at that point, no longer change, so I can live here for several years.

Arguably, I should have a rock-solid heart, but I just fell into this soft-hearted problem.

I think I inherited my father's indecision. Ah, it's really a long story to pass on this thing. No one has the final say.

Here, no one knows my past, my parents are no longer familiar with the teacher, and there are no other familiar people. I live here alone like an unidentified person.

After class, everyone parted ways. I am hardly in the dormitory except sleeping. Naturally, my relationship with my roommate is as light as water.

I don't know when, but I am weak.

If I were not a man, I really wanted to be a bird soaring in the sky. I can fly in the sky and swim in the mountains and rivers.

Just when I thought I was on the train of life, misfortune always overwhelmed me, which was bloodier than a novel, so it suddenly struck me.

I drank two bottles of Beijing Erguotou and didn't get drunk. I listened to some sad songs and fell asleep at 2 am.

When I woke up the next day, my hoarse voice sounded a few times and I couldn't make any sound. I dare not write such a novel. I thought the wine was too strong last night, so I just need to drink more water and have a rest.

However, it backfired. Don't think too much about uncertain things. Often things will go wrong.

So after two days, I tried to make a sound with my throat, but it didn't work. My throat hurt a little.

I realized that I should go to the hospital.

After a series of examinations, the doctor only found that the throat was red and swollen and the vocal cords were not damaged. The doctor was also surprised. Perhaps this is the first time I have encountered such a situation. At that time, I wished I was an actor and gave the doctor a reversal.

I'm not flustered at all, so what if I can't speak? There will be much less arguments in the future.

So, the doctor gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs, and I went back to the dormitory. Just when my dad called, I hung up and he kept calling, over and over again.

I texted him back and said that my throat was inflamed and it was not convenient to talk.

But my father still called, and I couldn't speak when I answered. He angrily accused me of wasting money by going to the hospital, saying that I didn't cherish the fruits of his labor at all.

I don't know if he forgot whether those people who didn't give me living expenses for two months starved to death or fainted in the corner.

It is still difficult to starve an adult now. What's more, I've been working part-time and it's no problem to support myself. I don't ask him for living expenses. Everything is casual, and he is willing to give it to me and will not refuse.

I sneer at my heart. My mother's appeal is really getting stronger and stronger. Even my father speaks in the same tone as his mother now.

First of all, it is a sweeping abuse, followed by accusations, and then it is to vent their grievances.

What he meant was that he was scolded and complained by his mother at home because he let me go to college. All this was caused by me.

I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do.

Many years ago, when I was in primary school, the only solution was rejected by him. And then I never mentioned it again.

After all, in their eyes, I am not even as good as an outsider. At least, they will smile at outsiders, but for me, they never do. This is the difference between a stranger and his family.

People always present their good side to others, but vent their bad side and even grievances to people around them. Why pretend to be a good person when you are not satisfied?

I don't know if it is the blessing of several generations of practice. I actually persisted in my college life in such an environment.

I can't say a word when my father has vented his anger. Swearing and hung up the phone.

I know, he's not breathing. He will come back in a few days. I just need to listen quietly.

Depression, like blood in the body, always flows in every corner of your body, leaving a unique trace wherever you go.

I stood on the bridge over the river, looking at the half moon on the horizon and looking down at the rushing river at my feet. I don't know if this Wanghe River can take me away from the hustle and bustle of this downtown and the sorrow of this life.

In this life, I don't want to be reborn, and I don't want to cross myself out of suffering. I just want to end this life and be unhappy in the next life.

There is also a girl in white standing on the bridge, squinting, with wet tears in her eyes. I guess she is either bitter or loving.

Lonely city, no one worth waiting for, after decades of nights and mornings, only the moonlight tonight.

For a long time, she sighed and jumped up, as if drawing an exclamation point for her life.

I didn't try to help her or stop her. I died once, and I am as thin as a feather about life and death.

A person's leaving, whether after careful consideration or on impulse, is his own choice, and I am qualified to interfere in other people's lives.

Some people may say that I am cold and impersonal.

But what can human feelings do? I don't need it. I wonder if human kindness can save a dying soul?

People around called the police, and the police, fire brigade and ambulance came. I witnessed all this on the bridge, like a ferryman who came to take my soul away, without a trace of waves in my heart.

The girl was saved without a trace of joy. On one side of her face lying on a stretcher, the words "life without love" were written. I know it's not her first time, and it won't be her last.

I swallowed and left slowly. After all, I still didn't have the courage to leave at that moment. I seem a little worried, but I'm not.

Although this is not the first time I have witnessed such a situation.

On the first winter vacation when I didn't go home, a junior high school sister fell freely from upstairs and landed in front of me who just passed by. I just stood there quietly for a minute, without panic and fear, just thinking about how determined and desperate she was when she came down.

I also looked into the distance in the corridor on the 10 floor and looked at the stars all over the sky. Finally, I chose to stay.

I still can't talk. At the same time, my father called to vent his inner grievances. I am like a trash can, bearing his grievances and resentment at home.

Without love, without greetings, even words are cold.

And I, already used to it, can't even stir up ripples in my cold pool water.

In the dark of that month, the storm was my favorite weather. Only in this weather can people not calm down and remember.

Perhaps, when the test cycle comes, I can suddenly speak again, just like God wants to take back some function given to you and give it back to you after the test. The process was a bit like a roller coaster. In the end, I didn't lose anything except my deep memory.

I never take the initiative to contact my father because I know that my initiative will bring more dumping. I don't take the initiative, but I'm also avoiding some unnecessary emotional hardships for myself.

Just when I thought I finally got rid of my manic mother, my mother began to bomb me on the phone again. Although I haven't seen you for more than a year, I have a good temper and even worse speech. She scolded her father and me on the phone.

Many times I will reply to her after listening to her scold me for a long time: Are you finished? Hang up after scolding.

Obviously, she is always more angry by my words, and then she will scold me twice. Many times, I deliberately angered her like this.

This is my revenge on her. Even though she can call me for several days in a row, I didn't say this sentence until she scolded me for a long time. Every time I hear her call, I feel a little happy.

Four years in college, I went back twice in total. I didn't say where I fled, but I didn't know what I was thinking, so I went back halfway.

The surrounding environment has not changed much, but parents have changed a lot. Father stopped driving the bus, and the bus crowded out the last survival route of their bus.

My mother is not as young as before, and her temples are beginning to have a little gray hair. I don't know what I have experienced in recent years, maybe it is the baptism of years.

But the personality has become bigger and more annoying.

Watching her hair change color in the years, I lamented in my heart that she would get old one day, and she had no pity except disdain.

Paradoxically, on the first day of my two visits, she was surprisingly kind to me, as if this were her true colors. She asked me what I wanted to eat and what I liked to eat, and I replied coldly: whatever, I don't like to eat.

Why are you putting on airs in front of me and playing the role of loving mother?

I'm not the girl who didn't scold me back. In her words, my wings hardened and I didn't take her seriously. In fact, my heart is hard.

Often she can only pretend for one day at most, and the next day she will be exposed. She began to scold me early in the morning, as if she could find no other fun except scolding me, and I had to ignore her and do my own thing alone.

The more so, the angrier she gets. Sometimes she even pours all my food into a boiling bucket. If she doesn't eat, no one should eat. I won't do it again, only my father will do it again silently.

I think that's how he came when I was away. But I think he deserves it. What can he do except bear the consequences of his connivance?

To put it simply, in order to have more quiet days, when I leave, I will choose to have a big fight with her and leave. I know she won't bother me for long, and I can get a short peace.

Sometimes bored, I will put her phone number on the blacklist. After a long time, she will find someone else's phone to call me, and so on, and I will remove her from the blacklist.

I don't know how she talked to her brother on the phone. All I know is that the soft voice she spoke to her brother when I was around was far from mine.

It seems that there are two souls living in the body, and different souls face different people.

Later, by chance, I met a classmate from the School of Psychology. He recommended his teacher to me. That was the first time I went to see a psychologist, and it was also the first time I tore my own wound open for others to see.

I am also very grateful to the teacher for his free psychological counseling, which enabled me to grasp a little desire for life in those days and nights when I couldn't live.

Mom is always so strong that she wants to control everything in her own hands. As long as she didn't get what she wanted, she was greeted with curses and insults. I don't know why my gentle grandmother and good-natured grandfather taught such a proud daughter.

They don't know how their granddaughter grew up.

In countless thoughts of leaving this world, four years have passed, and my mind is not mature, but more sad and sentimental. Deep in their own mire, unable to extricate themselves.

Since you have chosen to wander, let's wander the world. I gave up the opportunity of graduate school and chose a restless society. My mother once again ordered me to go back to my hometown to take the civil service exam, because in her cognition, except for civil servants, doctors, teachers and other occupations, others are not legitimate occupations.

But I insisted on fighting her, fighting her. What she cares about, I just want to violate it.

Therefore, I resolutely refused her request. Seeing that she couldn't control me as before, she mobilized her seven aunts to take turns to dissuade me. How can we compromise easily?

When I was in trouble, I didn't see anyone lend a helping hand. After I graduated, a group of people began to stage this precious drama of family affection in front of me?

I won't buy that now.

It's hard to jump out of the swamp, but why jump in?

Seeing that I can't control it, the real thoughts hidden in their hearts are like olive branches, stretching out in front of my eyes. As long as I don't do what they ask, let me pay back the money I spent on me these years. Yes, I am not mistaken, that is, alimony.

I was a little shocked to hear this from my father. Why? What is the reason?

I was angry at that time, so I promised him to pay them back on a monthly basis. Of course, I didn't say the exact amount. I haven't been angry with them for a long time, but this time I was really angry and agreed directly, without even asking for the specific amount.

I work hard every day and I want to break this relationship as soon as possible. From then on, it is better to be alone than to be tortured every day.

At this point, they seldom call to scold me, and more often, they call to urge me because I am late in paying the money.

After a year, I stopped playing, thinking, why, why do you want me to do whatever I want, and you want me to pay my alimony? Big deal. See you in court.

As a result, my parents called me in turn to scold me, saying that I was going to be a young lady, that I was going to sell it, that I could not get married, and that I was hooking up with old men everywhere. ...

These are my biological parents. I don't know how they can say these words.

But their curse is very powerful. I'm not married yet, because I'm afraid of being a villain like my mother and looking for an indecisive person like my father.

I'm also afraid that if I can't find someone to get married, I'll be asked for huge alimony like my classmates when my account moves away.

The only leverage they have now is my account.

It rained all night, as if good luck had never befallen me. I have experienced so much suffering, but I want to raise the level of suffering.

I suddenly became deaf, like a bolt from the blue. I had to quit my job and go to the hospital for treatment. It is really unpleasant to go to the hospital alone. Every night, when the nurse came to make rounds and asked me to accompany her, I said I was alone, but I woke up with boiling water beside my bed every day, and I didn't know who was calling, but I was still grateful. Of course, there are also reminders.

The doctor didn't find out what the reason was, and after all the tests, he still couldn't find the reason, just like that sudden loss of voice, but deafness was different. Deafness made me unable to hear anything, so I chose to be hospitalized.

In the meantime, my father called, but I didn't answer. I can only text that I am deaf in the hospital. As a result, he texted me and scolded me, saying that I had money for the hospital but no money for them.

I ... I really wanted to slap myself. Why should I kill myself? Why tell someone who never cares about you that you are ill?

Once again, my cold heart can't freeze any more.

Look at the families of other patients in the ward, care and accompany them. Tears filled my eyes with disappointment and my teeth were bitten. It is true that different people have different fates!

Tears are always helpful, always pulling your mind to the scene you don't want to go to, just for itself.

Later, my deafness was finally cured by 70% and I spent all my savings. After a year's rest, I hid in the rental house all day, afraid to go out and meet people, and afraid of the sun. I'm afraid my heart will be exposed to the sun.

I stayed up all day and went out at night until it was completely dark. I moved to the vegetable market to buy some side dishes, sighed in the night and asked why my heart was still alive.

As for my previous life, I didn't get a penny of love, leaving only a lot of resentment. Is it because I am too serious? Love and hate are always true?

I just found out that the depression that I haven't committed for a long time has quietly taken root in me. I cry in the house every day, sleep when I am tired, and sometimes run to the roof. The surrounding lights can't hold my little humble soul. What should I do to spend my life?

I don't know how other people spent those difficult times. I really live like a year, and every minute is fighting for time with death.

The more time, the easier it is for people to think. I want to break the present mess, so I found another job, even if I am unhappy. So what? It's just a soul living in the world, so why take it so seriously.

Without the passion just out of school, life has no fighting spirit, and I go back and forth to work and rent a house like a walking corpse, but I have no idea of leaving this world.

Because I am too timid, I always have unrealistic expectations in my heart.

But in the past two years, even taking medicine for depression has no effect. I have suicidal thoughts every day. Although I have little contact with my parents, the memory of this life has long been deeply imprinted in my heart. How can I talk about the past?

I resigned again. I feel that I can't finish my work well in my present state and I don't want to bring unnecessary trouble to the company. Although the leader has been keeping me, I have made up my mind, just as I wanted to escape.

Close the door every day and start a closed life. The effect of zoloft is not very good after eating it. I still linger on the brink of death every day, but I still can't make up my mind. In order to keep myself alive, I am looking for a reason to live every day.

Like a pyramid scheme master, he brainwashes himself during the day and returns to the brink of death at night, so he goes on and on, living day after day. People are not people, ghosts are not ghosts.

I went back to my hometown once and fell out with my mother completely. From then on, I blacked out her phone, and she never called anyone else again. I think my fate with her should be understandable.

If I were still here, I would still pay my due alimony when she needed my support. According to my legal obligation, I will support her, but I don't want to see her again.

These two years have been very clean and painful. What's clean is that my mother never contacted me. The pain is to look for hope in life all day. Just when I wanted to return to the workplace, I found myself abandoned by society. I've been out of society for so long that I can't fit in.

I don't know how long this will last. I don't know if the morning glow will be red all over the sky the next morning. I don't know if the sunset glow will reflect half the sky at dusk.

I'm waiting, waiting every day, waiting for everyone alive to turn around.

I have crossed mountains and water, but I don't know how to get myself out of the dust.